Pulled from the baby’s private blog.

Baby,

Yesterday morning I woke up sobbing. I was having a dream which involved my front tooth breaking off (the fake one), and my grandma telling me “Well don’t you think that is what you deserve?” It was awful.

I reached for my iPhone, the first thing I do every morning, and I sent out my first tweet of the day. It said “Woke up sobbing due to a dream about my front tooth falling out again. Relieved when my tongue discovered it was still there.” A reply to that message said “I’ve heard dreams about teeth signify something significant shifting in your life. Had dreams like that when I was first preggo.” Which left me unable to think about anything other than taking a pregnancy test.

The first pregnancy tests I bought were in the mid-price range. Think $3 each. But I used them up too quickly because I would trick myself into thinking I was pregnant every week. Gaining weight? Must be pregnant. Tired? Must be pregnant. Breast feels sore? Must be pregnant. That was an expensive mind game I was playing and so I invested in new tests in a lower price bracket. These tests can’t be peed on, they must be dipped. I peed, caught, and dipped.

I watched the color start to streak its way up the stick, and I got anxious. I remembered your father suggesting that I might be ovulating (something I knew couldn’t be true) but I decided to take an ovulation test anyway. Only .75 cents, right? I distracted myself for about 3 minutes waiting for the strips to soak through. I peered down and saw two positive results.

Yes, this was confusing. So I decided to take another pregnancy test. This time I would splurge on the $3 kind. I had just gone, but I magically went again. I filled the cup, set it on the counter, and in my excitement knocked it over. Urine splashed over the counter, down the drawer, and puddled onto the floor.

Drip, drip, drip.

I grabbed the cup and caught the last few drops before they were lost forever in the toilet bowl. Barely enough to dip the stick in. I dipped and waited. I grabbed some wipes to clean up the pee dripping down the cupboards. I thought “If I am really pregnant, I’m going to be cleaning up pee all the time in a few months.”

I looked up.

I saw the plus.

Plus means positive. A plus for positively pregnant. I called my best friend. She’s the first person I told. She wants a baby too and hopes to get pregnant a few months from now. She didn’t answer the first time so I kept calling. “I’m shaking so hard. I can’t believe it’s real,” I told her. I paced from room to room while we talked. I folded laundry. I had to keep my hands moving in order to stop the shaking.

I hid the pregnancy test under the mattress.

I didn’t know what to do next. I called the birthing center where I hope you are born.

“Hello”

“Hi, I’m not a current client, but I just, I mean, I think I want to be… You see I just found out I’m pregnant. And I don’t know what to do. Is the test right? Do false positives happen?”

Yes, your mother is a crazy person who called up a random stranger and babbled on about a stick she just peed on.

I went to the store and bought a onesie and some iron-on letters. And the most expensive pregnancy test I could find, for $7.50. More money must equal more accurate, right? This test was all digital. Fancy. The clock blinked telling me to wait, and then the blinking stopped. “Yes,” is said, “You are pregnant”. Really it just said the word yes, but I felt like it spoke the entire sentence to me.

I hid the second pregnancy test under the mattress with the first one.

I took out the onesie and ironed on the words “That One”. I wanted it to say “That 1″, but I would have had to buy two packs of iron-ons and we are a frugal family. Frugality is going to be the word you hear most growing up I think. :)

I took the onesie and tucked it into a box with the pregnancy tests I retrieved from under the mattress. I hid the box next to my bed. I would have put it all under the mattress again but that would have been obvious.

Your father came home and I acted nonchalant. He asked me why I didn’t go to the party I had been planning on attending. It was a Gap party, and I would have walked away with a free pair of $60 jeans. I suspect this won’t be the first time I give up something for you. I don’t regret it in the least.

We ate dinner. I ate salad, he had chicken nuggets. We eat separate meals because I am trying to lose weight, and he is trying to gain. Well I was trying to lose, but now I can’t do that with you in my belly.

I waited for about 3 minutes after dinner. I retrieved the box from beside the bed. I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered if I should put some makeup on. This was a big moment. Didn’t I want to look nice? Then I remembered your father was sitting around in his underwear. Why should I glam up for someone sitting on the couch in their underwear?

“I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

The look on his face was delight and shock and a bit of disbelief. Probably something close to the way I looked when I first saw the stick. We made out for a few minutes to celebrate. Parents can make out you know. We broke apart and smiled so big.

Baby, you’ve been with me for 5 weeks. It’s so nice to meet you.

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