I’ve heard the process of childbirth compared to running a marathon, but I’m not quite sure that fits what childbirth symbolizes to me. Running a marathon is a rather homogeneous experience for everyone involved. They all start at the sound of the gun, run toward the finish line, progress by putting one foot in front of the other. Childbirth is anything but homogeneous, and I don’t think it should be described as such. But a metaphor seems necessary, no? All momentous life events are best described with a metaphor attached, and so I developed my own.
Childbirth is getting yourself from base camp (pregnancy) to the top of the mountain (motherhood).
There are several different ways to climb the mountain, four very distinct means in my opinion. Not all mothers fit neatly into one specific category. These are generalizations for a reason (and that reason is that listing every type of mother would exhaust my brain cells and never satisfy anyone anyway), and should be read as such. I acknowledge that many of you probably climbed the mountain a different way, but from the birth stories I’ve read and heard, these seem to be the four prototypes of pregnant/laboring women.
1. The pro-natural, researched-every-little-thing-to-death, drug-free vaginal birth mothers. These women know what they want and how they want it. They’ve taken specialized classes (not just the free or discounted class offered by the hospital). They have a birth plan. They often give birth outside of a hospital setting. These women have usually read every book they can get their hands on, and it’s usually literature with a very heavy bias away from drugs and doctors and toward midwives and birthing centers (or houses). In my experience, the majority of women in this group want to stay in this group for future births.
In terms of the metaphor, these are the die-hard climbers who train for months and months. They work to condition and prepare their bodies using unique training methods. They make the entire journey, from base camp to tip of the mountain on foot and crow with triumph when they reach the top. Their minds are clear and they feel an immense pride in accomplishing their goal. They usually spend the rest of their life preaching about what a tremendous experience their birth was whenever the topic of conversation tuns to labor and delivery.
2. The what-moves-me vaginal birth mothers. They are keeping their options open, thinking they may go natural but that they might end up going for the drugs if all of the horror stories they’ve heard are really true. They don’t want to make broad statements that might leave them feeling trapped in a certain mindset. Some of the mountain climbers in this category desire the drugs, but they don’t end up getting them because their labor progresses so quickly. After the birth is over they usually jump to a new group, as they’ve may have experienced both natural and medicated labor in the same sitting, and decided one way or another which they preferred.
When it comes to climbing the mountain, these women also make the journey on foot, although they often aren’t as prepared. They may not have conditioned their bodies in the same manner as group 1, figuring they would take the epidural ATV up to the top toward the end. They walk away from the experience either wishing they had caught the ATV express or waxing poetic about what a moving experience natural birth was. They likely won’t climb the mountain the same way the next time around.
3. The give-me-the-drugs-or-I’ll-punch-you-in-the-face mothers. These women knew from day one that they didn’t want to experience the pains of labor. They want the epidural and plan accordingly, and they usually don’t explore other options before inserting the IV. These women are in good company in the US as the majority of women in this country ask for an epidural at some point in their labor.
These women don’t climb the mountain on foot. They hire an ATV to take them up to the top, although this method doesn’t come without it’s own complications. The ride is often very bumpy, they’re still climbing a tall mountain in the open air and pressure changes and difficulty breathing are to be expected.
4. The cut-me-open-and-get-the-baby-out mothers. A very diverse group, including women who intended to be in groups 1, 2, or 3, but things did not go according to plan and now for the sake of their baby, or for their own sake, they must undergo a cesarean section. Many of these women experience both the pains of labor, and the complications of healing after major abdominal surgery, and are therefore not to be envied for their avoidance of the dreaded pushing stage. A small portion of this group belong to the elusive “elective c-section by demand of the patient” crowd, choosing surgery over vaginal birth for no documented medical reason.
Whether from base camp or halfway up, these women are airlifted to the tip of the mountain using a fancy black chopper. C-sections can last as little as 30 minutes from surgery prep to crying baby and the transition from expecting to motherhood is a very quick one. Depending on the surgery recovery experience, this option is either praised or torn apart. Almost all seem to agree that avoiding the pushing stage was ideal.
Childbirth is not something to be merely suffered through, feared or dreaded. Ladies, we should be celebrating our magnificent accomplishment! If someone went through the trials and suffering of climbing a mountain and then spent the rest of their life downplaying their achievement you would step in and tell them the reasons why their experience was worth celebrating.
The other thing we can do as women, as mountain climbers, is to stop using the scare tactics on each other. If someone who had never climbed a mountain before came to you with fears and apprehension about the upcoming experience, would you tear them down, telling them how awful it was, how terrifying it is to not know if you will ever make it to the top? NO! You would offer helpful advice about what snacks to pack, to take oxgyen to help with the climb, what dangerous areas to avoid because of cliffs and avalanche, and most importantly, to take a climbing partner who can encourage when one is floundering in discouragement. Most of all, we would focus on the end result. On the beauty or reaching the top and holding that baby in our arms.
As I said in my last post, I don’t claim to know what option is best for everyone. And most women and their birthing experiences cannot be drawn up into a categorical box such as the ones described above. Get educated, choose the kind of mountain climbing experience you want to have, and make it happen.
Because no matter how you get there, you will love the baby you find waiting at the top of that mountain.
P.S.-Some of you may already know, but for those who don’t, what group do you think I fall into?
Jenna,
To put it simply, this post is incredibly rude.
I highly disagree that having a C-section means riding in a fancy black chopper. My mother had to have an emergency C-section in FIVE minutes or else my brother would have DIED. I don’t think you can even imagine how stressful that was for her.
And I agree with others who are saying that you should put your baby’s health BEFORE your own. I am not pregnant and don’t have any children but even I understand that common sense fact.
You really disappointed a lot of people with this post. Very unnecessarily judgmental. It would have been fine for you to explain what YOU want to do and why YOU want to do it, but it is so disrespectful for you to put (silently) put others down for their choices, because you think yours is the best. Very immature, actually.
I wish you all the best with your pregnancy.
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“As I said in my last post, I don’t claim to know what option is best for everyone.”
If you truly think that is true, please reread your post and pray about it.
Thank you.
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I don’t think many people have commented on this, but I like what you say, Jenna, about how we should be champions of birth all around. There’s no reason to use scare tactics or to try to puff up about how you gave birth versus someone else. Giving birth is a marvelous God-given blessing and that in itself is a miracle.
We women often try to build one another up by tearing others down, and I like that you acknowledge that this is unhealthy and counterproductive.
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I’ve been thinking about this post, and following the comments, and I have a few more things I’d like to add (I noticed that I am not the only one who is commenting for the first time. Brought some of us out of the woodwork with this one
)
First, I feel like I “get” what you’re trying to say, that women should be as educated and prepared as possible, but what I feel this post is implying (or at least what people are inferring) is that education = “natural” (or intervention free). I wonder if one of the reasons people are feeling offended by this is that the only category you included the “researched every little thing” phrase in, was the all natural, drug free group. Implying that unless you also plan on being drug free, you have not researched and read up on the subject… Also, although I know you feel strongly about your opinions, wouldn’t you agree that to be fully educated, you are aware of all sides of a decisions? Pros and cons? Perhaps if you presented pros and cons of several of the different options, instead of just the pros for one, and the cons for another, it could be helpful in encouraging future mothers to research ALL their options. If you have read every little thing, you must have credible sources that are in favor of some of the options that you disagree with. I’m not saying you have to agree with them, only that I’m hoping you’ve at least read them in the spirit of education on the subject.
Also, I wonder about the dates on some of the sources you are citing. From what I understand, episiotomies being standard procedure is a dated medical practice, and I would argue that most doctors don’t immediately assume they will have to do one. That was one of the first questions I asked my OB, and he informed me that they absolutely do not consider them standard practice, none of the other OBs in the office did, and none of the doctors I have spoken to since do. I would be interested to know where you got your 90% statistic from, as well as the date it was written. Also, be prepared for about 5 weeks recovery time regardless of whether you delivery vaginally or by c-section. I had a c-section and at 5 weeks was told by my doctor I could begin to exercise, lift weights, do yoga (all within reason of course). I believe that is about the same for vaginal deliveries, but of course each person’s recovery time is different. I might agree that the first few days after surgery were more difficult (although I’ve only had one baby, so I can’t say from experience) I’m sure it depends on the individual.
The last part of this long comment is a question. I am asking it because I am sincerely curious. I had a low risk pregnancy, but ended up requiring a c-section. Through that experience I learned that there can be many unexpected complications that can quickly go from bad to worse. I also learned that when necessary, doctors can deliver babies FAST, delivering a baby by c-section in minutes to help ensure that both mom and baby are safe. So, my question is this… in your research of at home deliveries (or any type of delivery away from a hospital), what is the backup plan for serious and unexpected complications that require immediate attention? I have wondered this for awhile, and am hoping this is an appropriate setting to ask.
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kay Reply:
September 28th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Many midwives have relationships with local hospitals, and women receive concurrent care so they may deliver at a hospital if necessary. If complications are noticed (remember – almost all midwives monitor the heartbeat, etc) then they usually call the hospital, tell them what’s going on & tell them they’re bringing someone in, and then they drive you there. If it’s urgent, they may call an ambulance.
Unfortunately (and I’m not saying this happened in YOUR scenario at all – because I don’t know) most “serious and unexpected complications” only happen in hospitals – as a result of birthing position, pain relief, pitocin, not being able to eat/drink (becoming exhausted), being forced to push instead of pushing when it feels natural, the doctor being unaware of natural laboring positions you can do to fix things (like the cord being around the baby’s neck), etc.
Maybe that helps!
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MrsW Reply:
September 28th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’m really curious about what information you found to back up the claim that “most “serious and unexpected complications” only happen in hospitals”. I agree with you that the things you mention can and do lead to serious and unexpected complications, but I find it difficult to believe that most birth complications are purely iatrogenic. Shoulder dystocia or true CPD are both fairly common complications that can quickly become serious and cannot be eliminated just by good (ie natural) positioning or labor management. Then there are some conditions in the newborn which could have been undetectable in utero but immediately present at birth — I have a friend who was a completely normal healthy baby, except that his heart pumped the wrong way. He was airlifted minutes after birth to a hospital in the next state for open heart surgery. I’m not saying that out-of-hospital births are inherently more dangerous, but there is always a risk that you have to assess whether you’re comfortable with of not having the provisions of a hospital immediately at hand; and of course, sometimes being in the hospital makes no difference in terms of too much time being taken to correct a serious complication.
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Just read an interesting article on expectant mothers educating themselves and how that relates to their subsequent birth experiences… just wanted to share it with the other commenters:
http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2009/9/27/best-of-week-birth-activists-jennifer-zimmerman.html
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We are spending a lot of time talking about labor – the final 1-72 hours of the pregnancy (I’m aiming for 1 hour!). It can be argued that the decisions made for the previous 9 months may be more important. For instance, we are only supposed to eat an additional 300 calories per day when pregnant – not the 1000 I was looking forward to after years of depriving myself of donuts and Lunchables. Sigh. Ignorance would have been bliss!
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I am going through the same research as you are Jenna, being due in April as well. I just wanted to mention that as a military wife, and part of a “socialized health system”, we are herded through pre-natal care like cattle. We are called for appointments, don’t make them ourselves, and are practically prescribed our birthing process and experience. I was told at my first consultation not to expect ANYTHING and just to follow (by a staff member not an OBGYN, nurse, etc., must be bad at the top when they’re warning at the bottom) because our post is going through a baby boom and they are so busy that appointments may be put off a couple weeks. It makes me wonder how my delivery will go, when there are 13 deliveries per 8 hour shift. Will my birthing wishes be at the doctor’s mercy, or matter at all, if this is how I’m being handled now? This has saddened me greatly, and until I read your posts on pre-natal care, I wouldn’t have known any better.
Guess what I’m doing today? Calling our military insurance to see what my options are and to explain my experience so far.
Thank you for breaching this obviously overly sensitive subject. It’s changed my experience, hopefully for the better.
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Jenna, thanks for this post. Thank you for helping women across the world educate themselves. Thank you for standing up for what is right vs. what is politically correct. My husband and I would love to have children in a couple of years, and I feel so blessed to have come across your post. I was not aware of the benefit of the skin-to-skin contact, nor the high episiotomy rates.
Regarding education, a degree does not make one edcuated. Nor does a degree promise a great job/career. I won’t start mentioning all the great leaders I know and have read about that did not have a degree.
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There is a reason parenting/birth websites and blogs have a reputation for heated debate!
For me, I always enjoy hearing what goes into how any human being makes the major decisions in life. I do think the birth decision is much more complicated than simple categories though. I am a big fan of everyone doing what’s right for them.
My mother gave birth nine (count ‘em – NINE) times. All except the last were completely natural childbirth. She does say that the last birth (the one that involved an epidural) was the best experience, not just because of the lack of pain, but because she was coherent enough to pay attention to what was going on and actually enjoy it. On the flip side, I have many “all-natural” mommy friends, and their stories universally revolve around the pain rather than the impending awesomeness of their new child. I have one friend who won’t even discuss her birth because the experience was so awful. I think there are equal numbers of pros and cons to all sides – it’s a just a matter of what’s a good fit for each individual woman!
I have zero judgement of mommies doing what’s best for them. Every woman is different, and what’s right for one isn’t necessarily right for the other. I think if there’s a takeaway that anyone can agree with, it’s that well-informed choices are crucial! And that’s why discussions like these can be quite handy!
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Being a mother of five, i’ve experienced a few (most) kinds of birth- but i’d just like to say- they are all difficult (and wonderful)- you experience something totally unique however you deliver and if you think you can somehow escape or intensify the birthing experience by choosing one way or another- you may be a little shocked when it actually happens. How ever you do it – It’s great that you are going into it open to the Experience (and open to doing what’s best for both you AND your bebe) because again however it happens- it will be amazing.
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While I (personally) agree with your opinion that natural childbirth is an “ideal” option, I also agree with the many who say that this post was hurtfully generalizing.
I would love to have a natural childbirth myself. In fact, my (ideal) plan is to have a home birth attended by midwives and my husband, who is an NP. This makes him nervous, because he HAS been in a labor & delivery ward and has seen many “worst case scenarios.” But as long as we’re close to a hospital, he has agreed to let me follow this plan, IF I CAN.
My mother’s longest labor was four hours. She never had any pain medications. She’s not a big-hipped woman, and so I’m AMAZED by this. I can only hope for the same! She did have to be induced for one of my three sisters because she was in distress (WPW Syndrome and ovarian hernia) but the rest of us were quick and non-assisted, even my youngest sister born when my mother was 40.
Honestly, though, I’m not kidding myself. I know there’s a lot that can go wrong. I don’t believe that many people really ELECT for c-sections (like Britney Spears, who seemed to make it more of a cosmetic procedure than anything). But I do know that many people end up having them when things don’t go right– and that a vaginal birth on subsequent pregnancies (VBAC) IS possible, but can be dangerous.
Now, here’s where natural birth gets tricky. Some people stick to their guns on it so firmly that it gets them into trouble, endangering themselves AND the baby. For example, my friend Lindsay became pregnant and had an ideal pregnancy very much like you are describing your own ideal. She didn’t see doctors, she visited a midwife and a natural clinic. Her pregnancy was great.
So she comes to term but doesn’t start laboring. The baby cooks an extra week; then two. By then she’s at the point where they start to worry, so her midwife begins natural induction. It works and she starts to labor. So far, so good!
She labors for 24 hours at home. Then 48. Then 72. By this time she is in active labor but her water has not broken. She labors for four days before her water breaks, but still has declined to go to the hospital, although it was recommended. Why would she? Nothing’s wrong.
Finally, her water breaks, and she continues to labor for several more hours. The baby passes meconium. At this time, both the mother and the baby are at serious risk for infection. Finally, after five days of labor, she is taken to the hospital, running a fever and ill.
The worst party of the story is that after all that, she HAD to deliver by c-section, not because of the risk she was in (though that was part of it) but because her 42-week old baby was too large to fit out of her cervix!
Now, I might have given up earlier, but I commend her for trying so hard. Hers definitely WAS a worst case scenario. After delivery, her baby had to be taken from her to have IV antibiotics administered, as did she. They are, thankfully, both fine and thriving now.
I wasn’t there for the labor, but I do often wonder if perhaps she could have made a better decision for both her and the baby’s health by not sticking to her guns so firmly and placing them both in a dangerous situation.
Just like climbing a mountain and running a marathon, everyone’s experience IS different because we’re all different people. For some it’s easy, for some it’s nearly impossible. The experience matters, yes, but ultimately finishing safely is the goal.
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[...] Birth: I’m Gonna Climb That Mountain [...]
I may not have been as well informed as I would have like to have been, but I did know that when it came to the epidural I wanted it because I wanted to be able to care for my newborn baby following his birth. I wanted to be able to nurse him and not be completely and utterly exhausted after he was born. Other than being able to rest and take a very short nap, I am glad I took the epidural because there isn’t much that I don’t remember, because I was awake and fully aware.
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Evelyn Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
You said, “I wanted it because I wanted to be able to care for my newborn baby following his birth.” I guess it kinda sounds like you think those who don’t take pain meds are too tired to do that, so I guess I just wanted you to know–that generally the reason why women go without pain meds is for that very same reason, and although a nap may occur in the first few hours after a baby is born, most women who gave birth naturally are able to take care of their babies in the same way you described.
Coming from a woman with that experience, I think I dozed for about 20 minutes but one of my favorite memories is of my husband taking our little baby and walking around the room whispering sweet things to her as I fell asleep and woke up.
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Tasha Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
No, no, no. Please don’t take it in that context. I guess what I was trying to say is I have a very hard time relaxing, and it takes a lot. So, to have something to relax me and help limit my exhaustion from contractions was all I was trying to convey. I don’t think less of anyone for taking or not taking some sort of medication/drug for their birthing experience.
I remember my husband doing something similar with our child when he was first born. I was most touched when there were tears shed the first time my husband held him.
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Evelyn Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Thanks for the clarification, it honestly sounded like you were trying to imply that… =D
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Two of my other favorite bees – Kasia Fink and Kimberly Michelle – gave similar suggestions and I hope you’ll take those to heart, Jenna. Your readers want to hear about your journey, and about what you read and learned that made you feel the way you do. I think the first two “Birth” posts did a nice job of that. Then we got this one. It’s bothered me for days, and I just came back and read all the comments and was relieved that I wasn’t the only one who felt that I was being judged (and I am pretty far on the organic-crunchy granola chem-free birthing pool side of the fence here). I’m not even TTC yet and I feel judged. Just for being a woman, I think. I think that’s why it’s bothered me so much. You’ve veiled a certain contempt for “some women” in language of education and choice, and that is offensive.
Please just keep telling us about That Life. Don’t tell me how to live mine.
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Hannah Reply:
October 1st, 2009 at 5:20 am
I completely agree with this sentiment. You have articulated it way better than I have been able to at any point.
I love your blog Jenna, but I felt judged as a woman when I am not even engaged let alone TTC.
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Why are you trying so hard to control everything? Did you get pregnant while your husband was out of town and now you are trying to skew the dates? Do you think if you get no prenatal care and don’t deliver in a hospital that your husband won’t figure it out when the baby isn’t his?
Or are you even pregnant? Maybe you are trying cover up a recent weight gain by pretending to be pregnant so your husband won’t divorce you when you go over your allowed weight.
But whatever it is… it all spells C R A Z Y …
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