We’re not finding out the baby’s gender because I’m looking forward to a surprise on birth day. Imagine TH during the pushing stage, “Come on honey, just a few more pushes and you can see if it’s a boy or girl!” That’s the kind of motivation I’ll want to be hearing.
An unintended positive consequence of keeping the baby’s gender a secret has been the reticence it has caused in relation to baby related purchases. I don’t intend on dressing a girl in all pink, or a boy in all blue, but I do have opinions on what kind of wardrobe I would like to build for each gender.
I have been keeping an eye out for things that are gender neutral or are on my “must have” list and doing my best to buy things that are deeply discounted. Out of the maternity clothes and baby things I’ve purchased only a few have been full price!
I think my favorite item so far is this blanket, not only because it’s one of the softest things I’ve ever run my fingers through, but because it’s going to be an awesome prop for newborn photos! Found at TJMaxx for $9.99.
I’m planning on nursing exclusively for at least 6 months and so I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for a good deal. I was thrilled when someone blogged about a sale at Udder Covers I bought one immediately. This cover cost me less than $8.50 WITH shipping.
Like most nursing covers I’ve seen it has this metal band inserted in the top hem so I can maintain eye contact with baby while breastfeeding.
I have no idea how much I’ll actually use it, but for $8.50 I couldn’t pass it up!
The only full priced baby items I’ve bought so far are three bibs from Etsy seller My Wooby and Me. I actually didn’t intend to keep them, I meant to use them as a way to reveal the pregnancy to our parents (I was going to mail them a package with these inside letting them know they should “keep one on hand” for when we come visit 
, but since the seller took over a month to ship them to me I bagged that idea and came up with something else instead. I can’t say I was too bummed as I’ll be happy to have these on hand to use for myself!
I asked my teddy bear to stand in place of That Baby as a model. Cute, eh?
I’ll keep you updated on what we buy as the pregnancy moves along. Putting down $3000 to pay for the birth means we are buying used and discounted as much as possible and cutting back on all of the fun “extras” that moms usually indulge in.
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:02 am
I love the fabric on those bibs!
Good find at TJMaxx…I love that store!
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:28 am
We ARE finding out the sex of our baby, but I’m still not spending all that much. Partly because I went crazy last time, and was then neck deep in stuff after two really blessed showers. This time, I’m pretty much not even LOOKING at baby things until after the first of the year, and that will mostly be to register.
(That said, I do already have all the nursery stuff picked out for either gender, so once we DO find out, it’ll be hard not to purchase things that fit our themes!!)
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:30 am
Love love love those bibs!! Love that blanket too! I’m going to have to see if our TJMaxx has any!
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:38 am
Adorable! Jenna you will be such a good mom. Are you planning on having a shower?
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I’ve only had two offers, one from someone who moved away, and another from my mom and her friends. I admit I’m a bit apprehensive about doing a shower in my hometown as
A. people want to give me THINGS so they can watch them be opened and it’s a pain to pack them all back to Texas (and sometimes we have to ship them and that ends up costing us money)
B. My home birth is rather scandalous in my hometown and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of the criticism from lots of people who “know better”.
So I told them I would do one only if I get to dictate the terms of how it happens (i.e. no gifts that have to be shipped back and NO birth horror stories or criticizing my decision). My mom suggested I just “smile and nod my way through things” but I told her I wasn’t interested in doing that and I wasn’t going to be afraid to speak my mind if I felt attacked or to tell people I don’t want to hear how awful birth is. She agreed that it might be best not to have one.
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Barb Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
In the end it’s your choice, but it might be exciting to have a little welcome party for your first baby. Maybe like you said, you could suggest a small one with your family and some friends of your mom’s with the caveat that if anyone wants to get you gifts that have to be shipped they do it directly to your house? The ones I have been to seem more on the positive side so hopefully people will steer their comments that way. After all, it IS such an optimistic time – you are bringing in new life!
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Katherine (a.k.a. Sparkles) Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
What-WHAT?! Having a home birth is considered Scandalous in your hometown meaning current city of residence or back home where you grow up?
Please expand. (if not now, then @some point.)
On another note. I just had this conversation with my friend who is due slightly before you. We were talking about the expenses of baby ’stuff’- an we basically broke down things you could buy now vs later to help save. It was an interesting conversation…
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
My hometown, where my parents live.
My graduating high school class was 70 kids, and that was a bit of a big year, with a high school that pulled kids from something like a 25-30 mile radius, which should help you understand how small my town is.
From what I understand their is one midwife in like a 100 mile radius (maybe even more), and so as you can imagine there is little to no understanding or exposure about birth outside of a hospital and using anything but a doctor for your pregnancy.
My blog tends to create gossip anyway (as no one in the entire town comes close to having this sort of blog, or in the neighboring towns really) and this whole home birth thing is almost more than they can take.
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Linda Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Wow, all the time I’ve read your blog I’ve never realized that it would actually create gossip for people from your hometown. I just think it’s so sad that people spend so much energy with gossip, doesn’t it make you want to say, “Just get a life already?” I think it’s great that you are making your own path for your birth, it’s such a personal experience so people shouldn’t judge you for how you want to give birth.
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Also, something that readers don’t know: I don’t actually have any close girlfriends. I just don’t take the time to work at it and I’m rather content with how things are right now. There is the possibility that some women from my church might get together and try to make something happen but I’m not keeping my fingers crossed.
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phruphru Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
It seems like you and your sister and cousins are very close, so don’t beat yourself up for not having tons of super close girlfriends.
I think you should definitely register, though! Especially to get the completition discounts at the end. My best friend added lots of diapers toward the end of her pregnancy and was able to use her completion discount to really stock up when the baby arrived. Also, one of my friends who was pregnant and lived 3,000 miles away from most of her friends and family, registered at the standard Babies R Us and a local baby shop. The local baby shop had an option for gifts to be picked up by mom and dad so well wishers didn’t have to pay for shipping. I’m sure your family and friends would still like to send you things.
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Anna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Jenna,
I feel the same way about a baby shower… can seem to bring some unwelcome “wisdom” with the fun. Also in the same boat as you when it comes to close gfs. We move around often because my husband is military, so the handful of girlfriends I do have do not live nearby. I think phruphru’s idea to register is brilliant because it does sound like you have tons of family that loves you and want to celebrate, that way it’s shipped to you too
Thanks for the suggestion phruphru, I think I will be doing that.
Anna
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
You just made me realize that maybe it is our plans to move so often that have me (subsonciously) avoiding any bff friendships with that fabulous ladies I have met here. It will be easier to leave a year from now if I’m not leaving a bunch of close friends behind. Plus, as weird/corny/crazy as it sounds, I LOVE my blog friends so much and they are filling that space in my life right now.
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Anna Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
If you do happen to meet someone great in TX, don’t pass it up, you can use the blog to keep in touch if/when you leave. I know it’s hard to leave friends, but also such a blessing to have them in person
If I were in TX I would be your buddy 
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Linda Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 12:18 am
You know, I feel you, I don’t have any close girlfriends either, but it’s not because we move a lot or anything. I guess from my experience, there’s always so much drama and cattiness with them that I’m almost tired of trying to maintain friendships with females. Either way, I hope that you’ll get some sort of shower that is full of fun and you are surrounded by lots of love and support!
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:42 am
That blanket is awesome! I can’t wait to see what else you find that’s gender nuetral because I would love to do that but I’m afraid it would cause extra stress on me. I don’t have a whole lot of places to shop in my small town other than WalMart and I swear almost everything they sell is either pink or blue. Either way, I don’t want my child drowning in one single color.
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November 5th, 2009 on 10:43 am
That Wife you are the best! I totally just bought one of those Udder Covers for $8.65! I not expecting a baby anytime soon but I will need one of these someday hopefully! Great deal! Keep up the fabulous info!
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November 5th, 2009 on 11:03 am
I was browsing the Target baby section last night and thinking that when I get pregnant even if I know my baby’s gender I won’t be telling anyone so I don’t get lost in the sea of pink or blue gifts. And there are plenty of gender neutral options out there. Those bibs are ridiculously adorable.
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November 5th, 2009 on 11:06 am
We didn’t find out the gender with Addie and don’t plan to with future pregnancies either. A lot of people were annoyed with us (I had one woman practically threaten me and say, “All the baby stuff will be white, yellow and green!”). It’s nice because you’ll be able to use all the stuff for future children regardless of their gender–which makes it the most cost effective in the long run. And there are more neutral colors out there, like orange, some reds and blues, browns, etc. It mostly depends on what’s done with the color. A lot of the things we received at showers were utilitarian things, which is really nice. If you have offers for multiple showers (from different groups of friends) you might want to ask to have one after the baby is born (so you can have some gender-specific gifts too).
We were given a blanket just like yours only it’s brown & white/cream! =D It’s definitely one of my favorites! Oh, and udder covers… so nice! I used mine TONS.
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 11:29 am
My mom is annoyed (half-jokingly) as well! This is her first grandchild and I know she wants to shop for lots of cute clothes and accessories but she feels a little stuck on what colors to get! I do like getting gifts (and our budget does as well) so it’s a bit of a bummer to think we might actually “miss out” on getting some stuff by not finding out.
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Kristin Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 11:45 am
I think the nice thing about not finding out the gender IS the fact that people wait to buy/give you stuff. I have friends who have gotten a lot of cute newborn stuff, and very little for 6+ months. You may have to wait for those gifts that are gender specific but after the baby is born people can get you things that the baby will get more use out of.
I intend to not find out the gender when my husband and I are pregnant. He wants to know. But the man can’t keep a secret. We’ve got to discuss this still.
P
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Kelli Nicole Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
As you know, that didn’t stop me
. It’s my policy to not buy anyone having a baby pink or blue unless it’s to-die-for cute (and that’s very very rare for me). Besides, people will probably get you tons of stuff after the baby’s born. It’s so exciting to discover the gender AND have a live baby that people’s wallets just burst open 
.
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November 5th, 2009 on 11:21 am
My sister calls hers a hooter hider and she uses it public all the time. We were out and about and she was nursing and walking with the hooter hider!
I think it’s so exciting that you guys are waiting, are you going to pick the two names or wait until you see him/her?
Don’t worry about the extras thats what in-laws, baby showers, and friends are for!!
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 11:26 am
There is actually a brand that makes nursing covers with the name hooter hiders: http://shop.bebeaulait.com/Hooter-Hiders-New;jsessionid=0a0101421f43090f7b4af3b6488fa86baad6daa0f4ef.e3eSc3iSaN0Le34Pa38Ta38QbNf0
I only went with udder covers because it was so cheap (p.s. why do all things maternity have such cheesy names?)
We are going to pick two names from each gender I think, and then wait and decide on the final name after he/she is born. I’m not going to be sharing our final choices with everyone because I’m worried they will tear it apart and make me so sad. But our favorites do run on a bit of a theme, so I’ll share the ones that didn’t make it and maybe see if someone can guess what we chose?
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Barb Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I don’t blame you about the names. I would like to do the same thing or divulge towards the end once we choose one. (But not pregnant yet or for a while lol)
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Emmie Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
I think it’s a good idea to wait on the names, we were just talking casually with some friends about what we wanted to name our kids (whenever that happens) and we said the name if it was a boy and people made a funny face and said the name was too Jewish and nerdy. I seriously didn’t know what to say!
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Yep, we won’t be telling anyone (as I suggested a favorite to my fam and they said it made them think of “old man in suspenders”) because once you actually have the kid, people only say nice things about your name choice!
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Kelli Nicole Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 9:47 am
MOST people. Hyrum told someone at work what they named Claire and the guy was SO rude about it. At that point though you can only push them down the stairs…in your mind.
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Linda Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 12:20 am
I’m looking forward to hearing the names you considered for inspiration for my sister. I’m trying to help my sister name her second baby (he’s due in February) and choosing names is sooo hard! I can’t imagine what it’s like to be doing it for your own child!
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:02 pm
When my mom was pregnant with my little sister (you know, back in the day), she was given the choice of knowing or not knowing the gender of the baby and her response was, “NO!” Her logic was that if she had to carry the child for nine months AND give birth, then she wanted really great surprise at the end! Haha!
It’s so funny how people are so obsessive about knowing these days, because it really has only recently become common practice. Further, just because there are colors associated with particular genders, doesn’t mean you have to dress them or surround them by them. More than anything they act as social cues for adults on how to treat your baby. There was an interesting psychological study where babies regardless of gender were dressed in either blue or pink and given to parents. Children dressed in blue were thought of as boys and given adjectives such as strong by their parents regardless of gender. Children dressed in pink were dainty, pretty, etc by their parents. I don’t know, I kinda like the idea of a child dressed and surrounded by gender non specific items so they can grow up to be whomever they want to be and not feel so tied into their particular genders social rules.
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:03 pm
I want that blanket!! it looks sooo soft – almost as soft as the beautiful baby you will soon be cradling in it!
Also can’t wait to play That Name Game – your taste is impeccable so I’m sure your choices will be great. And letting us guess from the names that aren’t chosen will be so fun!
Congratulations again – I can’t wait to join you in the land of all things baby!
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:03 pm
I absolutely love that baby blanket. And I love the idea of using the baby’s gender as a way to motivate you. I think it would kill me waiting to find out if it was a boy or a girl! How exciting!
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:13 pm
One idea is if someone offers to throw you a shower maybe ask if it could be after the baby is born. Then everyone knows the gender and they get to see and play with the cute baby.
And less cheesy shower games.
Have you started much of a hunt for Breast Pumps? I get to hear my bf complain endlessly about her so I have a few recommendations.
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:29 pm
One good thing about not knowing the gender…you get better gifts! Or atleast this is what my hubby told me. He said that he has seen people who know they are having a girl…and they get tons of pink outfits. Cute….but not always the stuff you really need.
He found that when his sister didn’t know what the gender was…people ended up getting really USEFUL things for them..instead of goingthe “cute route”. Meaning things like carseats, or swings or highchairs, bouncy seats, etc…
I know that when my time comes I will want to know the gender….but because of what he has told me…I may consider keeping it a secret.
Pink it cute, don’t get me wrong…but I always hear new mom’s say that they have more clothes than they will ever need. I love the idea of getting really useful things.
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:37 pm
Hi Jenna, I’ve been following your blogging since WeddingBee and I have to say I find it so refreshing in regards to your comment about not having many close female relationships right now and your honesty about it. I can really relate to that. I’m 31 and feel like I’ve been going through the friendship transition since my mid-twenties. I do hang out with a few girlfriends, none of them know each other, but being on the same wavelength just doesn’t seem to be there. I really believe that I may not find that type of mature connection until I have children someday and connect with other mothers at the same stage in life as me.
p.s. love the blanket! my cats wouldn’t certainly love it as well!
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November 5th, 2009 on 12:48 pm
I didn’t know with my first two, and it was really fun! I had a shower for baby #1 and it was held after he arrived, but I had plenty of onesies and nightgowns (good for both) and sleepers on hand at first, got the rest later. I always thought my girls looked really sweet in light blue anyway. FWIW, the first was a boy and the second was a girl. After that I found out, since I had to get new stuff anyway.
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November 5th, 2009 on 2:06 pm
I’ve always assumed that I would find out the sex of my future fetuses, but if not doing so can limit an onslaught of fluffy pink things, I may have to reconsider.
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November 5th, 2009 on 2:20 pm
I like the idea of having a “sip and see” or a shower after the baby is born. Then there’s less discussion about how s/he is coming into the world and more focus on the new little one. Would your mother’s friends consider all pitching in for a “big” gift,” like a carseat or making a quilt? Then you could share your child with people who love you and have less of a worry about carrying things back on the plane.
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Jenna Reply:
November 5th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I’ve had this suggested to me a few times, but I need to bring it up to my mom and see what she thinks. You know I’ll be excited to talk about the birth *after* it’s over, so I would actually really enjoy that. And we’re talking about trying to find a way to fly back up to Washington a few weeks after the baby is born so he/she can be blessed with all of my family present, that would be the perfect time to have one. I’ll have to bring it up with my mom the next time I talk to her!
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Cécy Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 7:36 am
It’s funny how traditions change depending on where you go.
I had never heard of a baby shower until I came to this US. It’s not something common in France.
Does TH knows about something similar in Poland?
My MIL lives in Hawaii and there the tradition is no baby shower but a big Baby Luau when the child reaches its 1st year. I think it’s because babies mortality used to be high so they would wait just to be safe…. not an issue anymore but the tradition stayed.
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November 5th, 2009 on 8:50 pm
Ahhh, those bibs are so cute, and that blanket – so gorgeous!!!! I can’t wait to see your bundle of joy photographed in it!
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November 5th, 2009 on 8:59 pm
I have a friend who’s son is 4 months old and she had operated thus far on gifts and hand me downs.
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November 5th, 2009 on 9:02 pm
Jenna, I’m impressed with your self control! I’m not even thinking about getting pregnant yet and I’ve already bought a crib bedding set, some maternity clothes, a couple outfits, etc. (all on AMAZING sales). I definitely would have ordered that Udder Cover had I seen the sale. So actually, I guess the fact that I’m buying baby things means I’m thinking about it a little bit, after all
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November 5th, 2009 on 9:46 pm
I’m always impressed by couples who decide not to find the sex of the baby! I’m a “Type A” personality and major planner…I’m not sure I could ever do the same. By the way, I’m not sure if you would be interested or if this is available in Dallas; but in Houston there’s a few re-sale shops that only carry baby and children’s clothing in extremely good condition and some even with price tags still on…they sell for really good prices!
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Kelli Nicole Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Ooh, where in Houston?? I love to baby shop
.
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Elsa Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
There’s a shop off of Fountainview & San Felipe in a strip center next to a Rice Epicurean…I can’t remember the name, but it’s a great little store! There’s also a few shops in the Heights and off of Dunlavy there’s the Guild Shop which carries great kid/baby clothes and everything else you can imagine…I love that place. If I can remember names/locations for the places in the Heights I’ll pass it along!
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Katherine (a.k.a. Sparkles) Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
I have heard of Children’s Orchard. Is that the shop you are thinking of?
http://www.childorch.com/
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Elsa Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I have never heard of Children’s Orchard. In Houston there’s a few local re-sale shops dedicated only to baby/kid clothing and toys. Sometimes you can even trade items. It’s a great way to get clothing and toys! One of my good friends has gotten about 90% of her little boy’s clothes at these shops and usually goes back and trades. It’s a great way to stay in budget.
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November 7th, 2009 on 2:16 pm
I bought only a few items, clothing wise, prior to our birth and when we packed them up because he outgrew them in 6 weeks, I cried a little…everything else has been hand-me-down and/or from a gently used children’s clothing store.
The #1 thing I suggest getting is a TON of pre-folded cloth diapers to use as bib cloths…nothing else catches spit up quite as well. #2 is a bunch of very. absorbent. bibs.
Can you tell we are in a spit-up/drool phase?!
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Coasting anon Reply:
November 8th, 2009 at 9:26 am
And by ‘bunch’ I mean at LEAST 40. He goes through about 5-6 a day!
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November 9th, 2009 on 7:53 am
You’ve made some super cute baby purchases!! My fave are the bibs! SO CUTE!
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November 9th, 2009 on 8:01 am
I think the best part of finding out you are pregnant is being able to pick some little thing to tell your parents, spouse, etc. The bibs are super cute, too bad they didn’t work out in time.
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November 9th, 2009 on 9:16 am
I have to agree about the bibs- such great prints and shapes! I’ve been on the hunt to find great fabric to make them (it’s my usual baby shower gift- giant bibs!)
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November 9th, 2009 on 7:02 pm
I love the bibs…if only I had kids. Ha!
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November 10th, 2009 on 2:01 am
There are a number of baby/child consignment shops in the area. You might look into ‘em! I’m a big fan of consignment, since that’s how I got my wedding dress. :]
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November 11th, 2009 on 12:24 am
I know you said you don’t have many girlfriends, but what my sister does is she has a clothing swap with a whole bunch of girls from her church every couple of months. She’s gotten soooo many cute clothes from friends that didn’t cost her anything because they just pass things along to each other. Maybe this is something you could organize with girls from your church?
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February 11th, 2010 on 8:35 am
[...] baby in the first year!) that we’re working to limit our purchases in other areas. I’ve written once before about items we’ve picked up for baby, and though we have a long way to go before I will feel [...]