Your church refuses to marry people who aren’t of your faith. Heck, you won’t even let non-Mormons in to see their own children get married.

Your church is CLOSED to the general public already, so don’t try to pretend the NPR story you referenced has any bearing on the Mormon Church.

Trying to pretend that PropH8 was about protecting your property rights is just pathetic. I really thought you were more honest than that.

And, if you admit it’s NOT a “choice,” how in the hell do you justify the blatant discrimination practiced by your church and others?????

Are you saying it’s okay to discriminate against people for something they are BORN with?

Your church has a DISGRACEFUL record of discrimination both racial and sexual and no weaselly quoting of NPR stories will change that FACT.

My original comment was to illustrate that its not up to Jenna to consider how hundreds of readers with different cultures, assumptions, and personal histories are going to interpret her writing. She can and does consider the general populous, but its impossible to know how everyone will interpret one’s actions. Some people take offense to comments and posts that I consider benign, and I may be offended by something Jenna thought was very neutral or absolute fact. As readers, we should consider Jenna’s purpose and intention, not just lash out with our own influenced response.

I’m sorry that you were offended because you identified with the woman in my metaphor, but perhaps you are not “as big city feminist as they come” given that you disagree with the woman you said you identify with?

My brother from Texas recently visited us in Manhattan. He stands up every time a woman gets up from the table. He insists on paying for everything – even for me, his married older sister. I noticed that my female friends in the city mocked him and seemed to think that he was naive or weak because he was so polite at all times. The woman in my metaphor was an exaggeration of people that I know, who did not take my brother’s well-intentioned gestures of respect as they were intended.

And ironically, I felt judged by this comment because it assumes something about me/people like me that isn’t true. Which leads me to say that I think that the negative connotations surrounding judgment come from when somebody makes an assumption about a person or group of people, and then makes a negative comment about that assumption. I don’t even think it’s a matter of insecurity on the reader’s part. It’s a matter of not considering that other people might have a reason for doing what they do. The only time I’ve really felt judged here was when Jenna talked about why they got pregnant young, and how they could have been selfish and waited to have kids. I’m waiting to have kids because I want to be a lawyer and make the world a better place for my kids to grow up in, and I want to be economically and professionally comfortable enough to give them a good life, and I’m just not there yet, and I felt like it was harsh to automatically rule anyone who made different choices as selfish. I don’t think that my perception was that wrong. I also don’t think that this is a matter of adapting to your audience. It’s a matter of constantly reminding yourself that everybody else is different than you and just because your choices aren’t their choices doesn’t mean that their choices are wrong. I think Jenna manages this most of the time, and I also think it’s a very hard balance to strike. I appreciate that she is always open to comments about why she might be wrong/harsh/judgmental; and I feel comfortable telling her when she has hurt my feelings or made an incorrect assumption because she is very open to hearing that.

And for those who argue that we will never have to worry about people sueing to marry in the Church (I think largely what we are trying to protect) I refer you to this story on NPR. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91486340

You belong to a religious group that made a CHOICE to attack the rights of another group of citizens (Prop H8)merely because your religion of CHOICE chooses to believe offensive and inaccurate things about gay people.

You also frequently argue that LDS members are discriminated against because of what they believe, but you see know hypocrisy in discriminating against people because of who they ARE.

If Mormons don’t want to marry gays in their church, that’s fine. But when the Mormon church spent time, money and effort to prevent homosexuals from being able to marry at all, you crossed a line.

The LDS faith (or any other faith for that matter) has no right to sit in judgement of others.

You get very upset when people “judge” the Mormon faith for it’s many unusual beliefs, but yet you see no hypocrisy in judging homosexual people for being BORN the way they are.

When I was pregnant with my first my options for care were really limited due to our location, so when the doctor dismissed my concerns and feelings, I called my friend who was preparing to enter the same field. She not only told me my concerns or requests were valid and reasonable, she gave me the studies that currently practicing doctors use to guide their decisions for care which also backed up my requests. I love having that, but this time I don’t really need it since I’m with a practice of midwives.

Thanks for taking the time to reply – it means a lot!

You don’t see a lot of queer folks who come out of a religious background and still consider themselves religious. Sadly, most of us have such rough times growing up that it pushes us away from religious communities for a long time, that and depending on where you live it can be very difficult to find churches/temples/etc where you came be comfortable and open about yourself. I think the fact that I’m still involved in the church is a huge blessing and a testament to the fact God has a plan for me.

The issue of inspired leadership is hard, and one that I don’t understand, as I’ve not grown up believing that at any point in my life. We’ve always seen both biblical figures and particularly modern day faith leaders, be they local pastors or national figures, as just regular women and men whom God has called for spiritual leadership. I can see how if you believe your leaders are more than that, you would want to follow their directives. I know that some LDS people have figured out how to navigate that in their minds (ie. http://www.affirmation.org), but it’s not a mindset I’m familiar with. It’s sad, I know a number of gay former LDS and they are so deeply spiritually wounded from their experiences regarding their sexuality with the church. I know a lot of LGBT religious folks are really praying for change in the LDS church because ya’ll obviously have some kick butt organizing and resources around things when you want to (Prop 8), but we’d sure like to see that devoted in what I believe to be more positive and loving directions!

Ashley, believe me, I know what you’re saying, but it is a tough issue when one idea is all you’ve known or believed or been taught. Believe me, I was there at one point in my life. Who knows when I would have questioned it if I hadn’t started liking the ladies!!

It is a wonderful book, I also highly recommend it.

One of the most personal subjects for people is religion. You write very passionate posts about religion and I admire it. I actually think that you write in a pretty non-judgmental way about religion. And (I will probably get in “trouble” for this), but there are certain religions that people LOVE to pick on. I’m Catholic and I often feel like my friends attack my viewpoints with things they say under their breath about my church, even when they know I am Catholic and know that I can hear what they are saying. And this is when we are not even discussing religion! I think that the Catholic church often gets “picked on”. In that respect I think that the LDS church is the same. Both churches are worldwide, have a sort of hierarchy, and are easy targets for “weird” practices they adhere to. So many people have the viewpoint that “I am right and you are wrong,” from their church, especially when it comes to other religions. Therefore, I think that sometimes people (since they are uncomfortable with your religion anyway) may take your religious statements as being judgmental. Does this make sense?

The other posts I could see as possibly being judgmental are the posts about home birth. Again, this is a very personal subject for most people and no matter what your viewpoint is on this subject you will have people attacking you. If you write about birth in a hospital you will seem “judgmental” to home births. If you write about your home birth you will seem “judgmental” about hospital births simply because you aren’t choosing the same path as the hospital mothers.

So, I guess I am saying that I think that you come off as judgmental to others simply because you write about hard subjects and choose a certain viewpoint. I think it is great and I agree with some of the comments above that if people don’t like the way you write or your viewpoints, they can just leave your blog. I think it is so weird that people have a Yahoo group about you and hope you find a solution to stop the madness. People, how hard is it to simply hit “unsubscribe”?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I think I just tend to sway more towards being an optimist rather than a pessimist. I only mention that I don’t care about being so overly neg about hospitals/docs because I see how proactive patients who want to make a difference are when they join the committees (like patient-family-parent committees) to make processes better for all participants. I have seen in Ca hospitals where midwives/doulas/waterbirths/hypnobirthing/and great doctors nurses provide good individualized care. and I don’t like focusing on the negatives out there- I find giving props to those who make a move in the right direction deserve far more credit than focusing on what doesn’t work. It’s two different styles of approach.

I think I keep coming back to read your blog to see the strong stand you take- and while it may rub me the wrong way at times, it doesn’t matter. It’s another viewpoint to add to my constant reflection about daily life. I don’t feel judged or condemned by you. But I sometimes feel disheartened by the approach. But that is what life is about. Learning what works for you and what doesn’t.