One Last Letter to That 1 In Embryo

Written on Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010

I spent several hours this evening, Easter Sunday, reading birth stories, particularly those of LDS women. For weeks I’ve known that I wanted to take some time to sit down and write about my feelings surrounding your impending arrival, but I never felt like I was in the right place. Now, after hearing stories of strong women, of women who trust their bodies and had beautiful births in hospitals and at birth centers and at home, I know what I want to say.

I have spent many hours pondering my feelings surrounding childbirth. I do not fear your upcoming birth. Why am I not afraid? Should I be afraid? I’ve realized that I trust completely in the Lord’s design for my body. I was made to be a mother, your mother, and that I can accomplish more through trust, hope, faith, and a belief in my powerful abilities as a woman than I ever could if I spend my time worrying about the unknown. The unknown will always be there, this I cannot change. What I can do is rely on the logic, rationale, and intelligence that God has granted me, and above all I can seek the Holy Ghost, to feel His comforting presence and know that I am not alone. I am never alone, and neither will you be. We are both spirit children of a Father in Heaven who loved us enough to send us down to experience both the pleasures and the pains of life. If I fear anything, it is that I won’t live up to the great expectations that are heaped upon me as I undergo this great responsibility.

Whether you are a girl or a boy, I hope you will leave our home with the knowledge that I believe that God blessed women with strong and capable bodies, able to handle the rigors of childbirth. I want you to know that I believe the labor of childbirth has a purpose, that when God said unto Eve “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and they conception” that he did not intend for her to suffer as a punishment for her choice to partake of the fruit. Eve, and all women after her, would need to be willing to sacrifice, to put away the natural man and experience the pains of mortality, but in that sacrifice, in the midst of all that pain, they would experience the joy that comes from partnering with God in the creation of life and the fulfillment of the plan of salvation. I want to be completely present for the entire experience for I believe the bitterness of the pain will only make the reward of your presence in my life that much sweeter. No matter how bad things get, we, with God will make it through this together. You are truly a gift from God in my life.
Sometime within the next few weeks, I will join with billions of women before me in reaching down into the very depths of my soul and making the transition from woman to mother. From that time forward I will never be the same again. I will have you.

by Carol Lynn Pearson

How enviously
I watched
The rose bush
Bear her bud –
Such an easy
Lovely birth.
At that moment
I wished
The sweet myth
Were true -
That I could
Pluck you
My child
From some
green vine.

But now
As you breathe
Through flesh
That was mine,
Gently in the small circle
Of my arms,
I see
The wisdom
Of investment

The easy gift
Is easy to forget.
But what is bought
With coin of pain
Is dearly kept.

19 thoughts on “One Last Letter to That 1 In Embryo

  1. I perfectly adored that interpretation of the aftermath of Eve eating the fruit. So well put.

  2. Will you please send a tweet when it starts? There are so many of us who are eager and waiting. :-) No one is expecting you to “live blog” during birth haha but if you would let us know that the time is here….we can think good thoughts for you and baby on that day
    Good luck!

  3. That poem is beautiful!

    And you’re so close to your time! I’m really looking forward to reading your birth story. I truly hope everything goes smoothly, whenever That 1 finally decides to make his/her appearance.

  4. Very sweet Jenna!

    Last night (you know you’re blogging/reading too much when …) I had a dream I logged into Google Reader and found out you’d had a baby girl and named her Della! Haha. Best wishes! Can’t wait to ‘meet’ your new little one!

  5. What a wonderful poem and such a sweet letter to your baby. I definitely had tears in my eyes, especially since we just found out we’re pregnant, too.

    I just love how you talk about the story of Eve.

    I agree with Laura; please tweet to let us know when it’s happening!

    Praying for a safe delivery and a happy labor.

  6. Wow, Jenna – this is gorgeous. I know that “Feminist Theologians” would applaud this interpretation of Eve’s role. You’ve turned the usual, often male provided interpretation of “The Fall” (where the woman is pinned with the blame of the explusion from the Garden) on its head and made it beautiful. Thank you for that :) And you brought a little tear to my eye. I know that you are ready and will be an amazing, strong, loving mother. What a lucky baby That One is!

    Jenna Reply:

    I can’t take credit for that interpretation of the garden story, it’s the LDS viewpoint originally, not my own! A post about the Fall is planned. Hopefully someday I can get to it!

  7. This letter was absolutely perfect. Baby will look back on this one day and cherish these words. So happy for you Jenna!

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