Editors Note: While composing this post I thought that I was writing about this topic in a way that would clarify what I believe the doctrine of the LDS Church to be regarding mothers working outside the home. I tried to make it clear that I do not think that these statements about the importance of being home with children apply to women who aren’t married. Even more importantly, I attempted in my first paragraph to explain that just as I believe the LDS Church has standards such as the Word of Wisdom, only the members themselves who have a personal witness of the Word of Wisdom are held accountable for choosing to live by that standard. I do not believe that the statements below by Church leaders are meant to be a condemnation on all mothers who choose to work outside the home. What I do believe is that they are statements by men called of God to be witnesses of His will during these modern times and are meant to be the guidelines for which we as believers strive to live by when plotting out the course of our lives. In simple terms, if you aren’t LDS and you don’t have a testimony of these principles I don’t believe God will hold you accountable for them, just as He wouldn’t hold you accountable for not living the standards of the Word of Wisdom or other standards of the LDS faith.

By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed. The Family: A Proclamation To The World

Source

Several months ago I mentioned in one of my Formspring replies that I believed God intended for mothers to stay home and rear their children, that working outside the home should be the exception not the rule. What a stir this caused! I think it’s hard to hear someone say this if your own mother chose to work out of the home for reasons of personal gain or fulfillment, or if you are doing so yourself, or if you plan on doing so when you have children in the future. I cannot stress enough that a belief I have in one area does not cause me to judge you as a “bad” person for your own choices. If this were true, I would be condemning a whole lot of people who drink alcohol, use recreational drugs, or have sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage, for just as I believe God’s apostles and prophets have spoken out against mothers working outside the home for personal reasons instead of necessity, so too have they warned that the Lord does not want us using alcohol or having premarital sex. I try to seek out the teachings that I believe came from God and apply them in my own life, then work to spread the knowledge of those teachings to others, but beyond that I believe that God gave us free agency for a reason. We are all free to make the choices that guide our lives and it is up to God to mete out the consequences.

To give you an idea why I believe this about the role of mothers, a few quotes from our Church leaders, some phrases bolded by me for emphasis:

. . . I beg of you, you who could and should be bearing and rearing a family: Wives, come home from the typewriter, the laundry, the nursing, come home from the factory, the café. No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother—cooking meals, washing dishes, making beds for one’s precious husband and children. Come home, wives, to your husbands. Make home a heaven for them. Come home wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and unembarrassed help in a major role to create the bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously wait. When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility and goodness, then you have achieved your accomplishments supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy through time and eternity. Spencer W. Kimball

We have often said, This divine service of motherhood can be rendered only by mothers. It may not be passed to others. Nurses cannot do it; public nurseries cannot do it. Hired help cannot do it; kind relatives cannot do it. Only by mother, aided as much as may be by a loving father, brothers and sisters, and other relatives, can the full needed measure of watchful care be given. Spencer W. Kimball

In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting may have to be tighter. . . . Sometimes the mother works outside of the home at the encouragement, or even insistence, of her husband. It is he who wants the items or conveniences that the extra income can buy. Not only will the family suffer in such instances, brethren, but your own spiritual growth and progression will be hampered. I say to all of you, the Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in the home. . . . One apparent impact of the women’s movement has been the feelings of discontent it has created among young women who have chosen the role of wife and mother. They are often made to feel that there are more exciting and self-fulfilling roles for women than housework, diaper changing, and children calling for mother. This view loses sight of the eternal perspective that God elected women to the noble role of mother and that exaltation is eternal fatherhood and eternal motherhood. Ezra Taft Benson

It is time that the hearts of us fathers be turned to our children and the hearts of the children be turned to us fathers, or we shall both be cursed. The seeds of divorce are often sown and the blessings of children delayed by wives working outside the home. Working mothers should remember that their children usually need more of mother than of money. Ezra Taft Benson

In a personal way, I recall the experiences my dear wife and I went through after deciding the course I should take for my life’s work. I had taken some courses in pharmacy with the plan in mind of converting to a career in medicine. As many of us do, I changed my mind and engaged in another business, banking. We were blessed with steady employment, but I felt attracted toward the profession of law. This was a serious decision because I was married and had a family to support but after fasting and prayer and obtaining the facts as to the best way to proceed, I completed my undergraduate work and entered law school. I took classes at night because it was necessary to be employed during the daytime. These were not easy years for us, but desires are usually accomplished if we are willing to make a determined effort. Needless to say, I had the help and support of my wife. She remained a homemaker and cared for our children. What she gave in love, encouragement, frugality, and companionship was far in excess of any material contribution she might have made by taking employment. Our wives deserve great credit for the heavy work load they carry day in and day out within our homes. No one expends more energy than a devoted mother and wife. In the usual arrangement of things, however, it is the man to whom the Lord has assigned the breadwinner’s role. There are impelling reasons for our sisters to plan toward employment also. We want them to obtain all the education and vocational training possible before marriage. If they become widowed or divorced and need to work, we want them to have dignified and rewarding employment. If a sister does not marry, she has every right to engage in a profession that allows her to magnify her talents and gifts. Brothers and Sisters, we need to do everything necessary to adequately prepare ourselves for employment or careers. We owe it to ourselves to do our best, and we owe our best in providing for our families. Howard W. Hunter

President Benson has taught that a mother with children should be in the home. He also said, ‘We realize . . . that some of our choice sisters are widowed and divorced and that others find themselves in unusual circumstances where, out of necessity, they are required to work for a period of time. But these instances are the exception, not the rule’ (Ezra Taft Benson, To the Mothers in Zion [pamphlet, 1987], pp. 5–6). You in these unusual circumstances qualify for additional inspiration and strength from the Lord. Those who leave the home for lesser reasons will not. Richard G. Scott

Some years ago President Benson delivered a message to the women of the Church. He encouraged them to leave their employment and give their individual time to their children. I sustain the position which he took. Nevertheless, I recognize, as he recognized, that there are some women (it has become very many, in fact) who have to work to provide for the needs of their families. To you I say, do the very best you can. I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries. The greatest job that any mother will ever do will be in nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth. None other can adequately take her place. It is well-nigh impossible to be a full-time homemaker and a full-time employee. I know how some of you struggle with decisions concerning this matter. I repeat, do the very best you can. You know your circumstances, and I know that you are deeply concerned for the welfare of your children. Each of you has a bishop who will counsel with you and assist you. If you feel you need to speak with an understanding woman, do not hesitate to get in touch with your Relief Society president. To the mothers of this Church, every mother who is here today, I want to say that as the years pass, you will become increasingly grateful for that which you did in molding the lives of your children in the direction of righteousness and goodness, integrity and faith. That is most likely to happen if you can spend adequate time with them. Gordon B. Hinckley

All of these quotes (plus some!) can be found here.

Now what of Jenna Cole? Isn’t it hypocritical of me to speak of all this while I’m in the midst of self-employment? First, I am flattered if anyone thinks I’m busy enough to qualify as someone you would consider to be working full-time. I’m not even sure I’m receiving enough inquiries to be considered part-time! The beauty of being self-employed is that I am able to dictate how much I work, when, and for how long. I can refer work to other photographers, quote clients longer wait times for product delivery before they book, and if at any time I felt as though I wasn’t devoting enough time to my motherly duties I can take extended breaks, or even quit altogether if I like. I don’t believe in that declaring that a mother shouldn’t work outside the home that Church leaders intend to convey the message that a mother shouldn’t work, or seek personal fulfillment through capitalizing on her talents. When speaking to my children about Jenna Cole I’ll be able to teach them lessons of self-discipline, pursuing one’s interests, improving one’s talents, prioritizing how gains are spent/invested, and working to succeed financially after an investment is made. If at any time my child needs me, I am able to stand up from the computer and meet his/her needs. I plan to shoot on the weekends as much as possible, leaving our children in the care of their father, providing them with valuable one-on-one time with dad. If he isn’t available, we’ll book a babysitter, just as we would if we were going out for date night. Counsel to stay home with children is not meant to be a sentence of house arrest.

I believe good women have been finding ways to stay home with their children and also pursue monetary gain on the side for centuries. It may have begun with acts as simple as gathering from the garden and trading with neighbors to meet their needs, churning butter and gathering up the children to sell it at the market on a Saturday afternoon, or weaving rugs and making clothes and running a small shop out of the home. Now we have Etsy and blogs and dSLRs. No matter what small business plans I might have, I’ll always be working to make sure that the needs of my children are met first.

As I believe these men to be messenger from God, I find the above quotes to be very powerful. They tell me that the most important thing I, or any other married woman, can do in this life is to seek the responsibilities of motherhood and work to fulfill that role. Though a career and the accolades of men that would accompany it would certainly be personally fulfilling, I’m more interested in pursuing the activities that I believe will garner the accolades of God.

Editors Note: Just thought I should clarify that when I typed “recreational drugs” I was personally thinking of cigarettes, but really, any drug not used for medicinal purposes would apply. And “sexual relations outside the bonds of marriage” should be read as sex with anyone except your husband, either before you are married or after, it does not refer specifically to someone who is married and has an affair.


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