21 Jun

A Lil’ Break

Posted by Jenna, Under Uncategorized

I thought that I had thick skin, but I was wrong. I’m still struggling with the criticism and “advice” and the blatantly rude and spammy comments that have started popping up. The latest treasure in the atrociously rude comment department would be this little jewel: whoaaaaa.. someone BLEW UP!! after having a baby!

Icky. Seriously, who says stuff like that? I’m doing my best to rectify my presently fat state, random rude commenter!

And no matter how many times I tell myself that this jerkwad doesn’t matter, that they are just looking for attention, that they are pathetic, etc etc, I still feel hurt and frustrated and sad, and I realize that my skin needs to be a little bit thicker if I’m going to keep writing so candidly. The comments along the lines of I’m not trying to be rude but… or I’m not trying to tell you how to parents but… are surprisingly annoying as well. TH has suggested that I change my comment policy to say that I’ll be deleting any and all comments that start with those phrases from now on. Ha! Thank you to commenters like Sarah and HamiHarri who have gone out of their way to say the things that I sometimes wish I could say myself to the commenters who get me down. I’m sure there are others that I’m not naming personally and I apologize for leaving you out. If I were Oprah I’d send you a cashmere sweater for sure.

It’s either take a break or burn out completely and give up, as many other candid bloggers with fairly large audiences have done before me. Since I want to be the grandma writing lavish posts about her grandkids I’m going to go with the break. Maybe someone like Dooce could hold a workshop on how to deal with the incredible amount of hate and judgement that come your way when you write honestly and as your blog grows. Printing them out and running over them with my car just doesn’t seem like it would be satisfying enough for me.

So I’ll be back, maybe next week but maybe the week after. I do have a really lovely guest post from a convert who volunteered to write about what it was like to become a member of the LDS Church, but other than that I’m going to work on some other projects, answer some Formspring questions as there are some really great ones sitting in my inbox (hopefully with no sarcasm or coarseness, I’m working so hard to learn to temper my temper), and attempt to build up my skin for when I jump back into this blogging thing again. Because I have SO much to tell you, as usual.

Thanks again to all of those who are constant, candid, and constructive contributors to this blog and the community that has begun to form around it. I keep writing because of all of you. In a day or two I’ll be mournfully checking my inbox throughout the day wishing for the familiar names popping up in my inbox, but a little too much of the bad is being mixed in with the good for my liking at present. I’m heading up to Washington from the 25th through the 30th, and I think some time out in the fresh air, on the boat, eating my dad’s organic pea straight from the field will be just what I need to feel revitalized and refreshed.

To end this post on a happier note, I rocked Father’s Day with this attempt at an authentic Polish lunch. Sausage, bread, butter, tomatoes, cheese, and apparently the only other thing he would have asked for was dill. There was definitely room for improvement, but the heirloom tomatoes bought at the farmer’s market were key. TH is newly obsessed with heirloom tomatoes (much as I was when I discovered them a few years ago), and now we want a farm. Or at least a vegetable garden. The combination of those tomatoes and a quick flip through Food Rules and I think he is almost as committed to the whole foods/slow food/real food movement as I am. Almost. Then at the end of the day I cried because I felt like I hadn’t done enough to show That Husband how much I appreciate him, mostly because I selfishly took a nap instead of taking over T1 for the day. I could write a cheesy post filled with random capitalization and exclamation points every day of the week and it still wouldn’t convey how much I adore my husband. He’s the cat’s meow.

Don’t be surprised if I pop in for a quick post with a few pictures of my little one though. T1 is just growing too fast for you to go too long without a glimpse of him!

145 Comments


  1. Jenna, I am really sorry to see that it has come to this. I know we have often disagreed on things but I hope that I haven’t contributed to your decision. I am a daily reader from here in the Down Under and I really, really hope to see you back.

    Hxx

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  2. I’ll miss your posts everyday! But take your time, you need a break :)

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  3. P.S. I think you look really great and can see that you are working to lose the weight you gained. Your candidness and willingness to admit your disappointment in that department is really inspiring and I hope you know that.

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  4. Love you Jenna – I am proud of your stand for self-preservation! You are beautiful!!

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  5. This is interesting timing. I love frugal blogs, and I found a new one and was reading the archives. She mentioned *another* frugal blog, so I hopped over to check it out. Well, I went to it, and lo and behold the last post was March. The woman had quit her blog- that was about living on UNDER $1K a month w/ THREE KIDS- because of a concerted internet shame campaign. All of these popular mothering blogs/forums- from the nest to mothering to one or two others- had caught wind of her and seriously descended upon this woman like a torrent of vicious cliquey cheerleaders in 9th grade in a small town over summer vacation. I’ve never seen such petty, small minded, hateful actions. And all of these women were MOTHERS, people who were supposed to be role models.

    This woman, who was running a successful, BlogHer blog, making $1500 a month and more than doubling her husband’s income and seriously helping their financial lives, was still burdened enough by it to stop her blog. I cannot imagine the sad lives of people who have nothing better to do than to say hateful, insulting things. We can be honest with one another, we can disagree, we can even disagree strongly and passionately, but the random, drive by, useless hate I just will never understand.

    We’ll all be here when you come back :) Take a break, and you know what? Join up with BlogHer, and let those haters pay you with every damn click and every comment they waste their time leaving :)

    Enjoy your time with your family!

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  6. I think you look beautiful! You look like a real woman! You aren’t hiding by just showing face shots. You should be proud! I hope you have a good break though and hope to see you back soon!

    “Delete the negative; accentuate the positive!” Donna Karan

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  7. Sorry it’s come to this. Wow, I cannot believe someone criticized your weight-I’m so sorry! Enjoy focusing on your family and your own goals-the blog will be here when you want to return.

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  8. Enjoy your break :) You will be missed!

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  9. I would be so frustrated as well. Personally, I’m glad you are so candid and open. I like knowing that you are real and aren’t holding back. It frustrates me that people are aiming at you and telling you harmful things. You are a great person and I’m sad that their own insecurities were brought out on you. Enjoy your time away. We should hang out when you come back to Washington. Also, that picture of P is wicked cute! Love it!

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  10. That is the most beautiful picture of T1 yet! It is just stunning. I’m glad we’re real life friends so I won’t have to miss you too much and we’re both going out of town anyway, though I will miss your posts! Can’t WAIT for July 13th :).

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  11. If the comments are bothering you but you still like writing why don’t you just start a private blog for yourself during this time? Don’t let anyone else see it.

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  12. I will miss you so much Jenna! On my Mac, your page is my top site and I LOOOVE seeing that little thing showing that it has been updated. I am sorry I don’t comment a lot – I just feel like I am learning so much, both from your professional and personal experiences that it is hard for me to offer anything in return. From now on I will remember to comment even if it is nothing new to you and expresses my appreciation, because you need it in the midst of all the negativity. And you know, the energy-suckers, they are doomed… No energy on your part – nothing to come back for for them, right? Have a wonderful trip to WA and I can’t wait for your next post! xoxo (T1 looks just like you too!)

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  13. Wow, people can be SO seriously rude. Also, becoming a mother makes you so much more emotional, I cry at everything now. I felt guilty about father’s day too…my husband let me sleep in today until like 10 while he took care of the kids. Your husband is a great guy, he really knows how to serve others. And yes, your baby is a doll!

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  14. I’m so sorry the haters got to you. I was telling Mr B in the car yesterday how I didn’t know how you could be so brave when you get rude comments. I admire your ability to put up with it this long.

    I think you look gorgeous. Even more so considering you just had a baby!

    Maybe TH could go through and delete all the bad comments so you didn’t have to see them?

    I really don’t understand how people can be so rude and mean.

    Hugs. Love your blog. Will be awaiting your return. x

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  15. Oh Jenna, that person has obviously never had a baby. When Claire was 2 months old I was convinced I was going to look 6 months pregnant forever! I also stalled in losing weight for a while and that was very frustrating. You really don’t look bad at all. I’m so sorry people are so mean. I don’t think I could handle all the crap from strangers either (I know I couldn’t, it’s why I sometimes lie about stuff. I admire you for being so honest!). T1 looks like a sweet angel in that picture! It must be fun to have such a gorgeous little model for his photog mama. Come back when you’re good and ready!

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  16. That is a completely AWFUL thing for someone to say, and I’m sorry they said it. As someone who recently worked her BUTT off to lose a significant amount of weight, I know how discouraging those comments can be. I know you’ve spoken of your weight loss journey before, and I have no doubt that you’ll be able to do it again, in your own time. And in the meantime? That commenter can just go away, because you gained some weight, sure, but you did it so that your body could nurture your son, who turned out far to darn cute to be believed. So you, and your body, did exactly what it was meant to do.

    I’m gonna miss reading you every evening after work for awhile. :P

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  17. We’ll miss you Jenna!! I know I always look forward to your posts, and you have a lot of people that feel the same way. I hope you spend this time working on other things that you need to get done anyways, and spending time with TH and T1. And I hope you come back refreshed. Sending love your way!!!!!

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  18. I will miss your posts but I think it is good to take care of yourself. It’s more important to get centered and focus on everything “real” in life. All these people online are not “real”, they don’t know you and they really don’t matter.
    I hope that after some time off, some family love and Washington fresh air…that you will feel better and ready to start back up again.

    Take care. “Don’t sweat the small stuff……..and it’s ALL small stuff!” :-)

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  19. Jenna, I’m another aussie reader who has never commented before. I just wanted to offer you some words of encouragement to counter the hateful words you have been recieving. I am not a mother and cannot fathom being one yet, however I read your blog every day and admire the courage you have to share your thoughts and family with the world. Some days you educate me and other days you uplift me. Thankyou for taking the time, it is appreciated by many of us.

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  20. For sure I will miss your posts for the coming time.
    I love your blog so much and your personality. We are in the same age, but you are way more stronger than I.
    For the comments where people talked about your weight, well, all I can say that they obviously don;t know what it is to have a baby, to breastfeed or to deliver. I don’t understand how people can be so rude!

    Hope you will be back soon, stronger than ever!!

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  21. We will miss you, but I hope that you can ENJOY your blogging break. Sometimes Moms need a vacation too! I’m sorry the impetus for the break was negative commenters. That’s just plain sad. You’re doing a great job balancing everything, and I look forward to reading along whenever you decide to return to blog!

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  22. Jenna, I am sorry you will be taking a break. I rarely comment since I subscribe via mail though I have followed you since weddingbee. I hope you enjoy your break. Please don’t let people get to you. I have always enjoyed your post because even though we have differing opinions on religions I respect your beliefs and look forward to your Sunday posts. Take care and please do post pictures of T1 and let us know from time to time how you are doing.

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  23. I don`t know how you do it! I wouldn`t be able to put up with half the crap you do without having a complete breakdown, and I`ve always admired how you handle nasty commenters and allow different opinions to be voiced in your comments, even if some might sting a little.

    On top of that add lack of sleep, hormone craziness and all the uncertainties of being a new Mom-you are friggin super woman!

    Take a break, regroup and come back ready to grab the bull by the horns!

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  24. What is WITH people? Don’t they realise how hard it is to write openly and honestly and share EVERYTHING like you do? If they don’t like you, why are they reading? I’ve got to say, I could never share three quarters of the stuff you do, but it’s so fascinating to know from a reader’s perspective, so I don’t know why the haters can’t just appreciate your honesty and move on.

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  25. I hate to see this happen :(
    But I know how awful, hateful and down right mean people can be. Sometimes I just can’t comprehend it, but you don’t deserve it at all. You are absolutely beautiful. Hope you feel better soon.

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  26. I love that first picture of T1. It is so adorable.

    Have a good break. Enjoy it!

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  27. Hello Jenna long time visitor first time commenting.
    I just wanna say that me and you are probably polar opposites in our walk through life but that doesn’t mean I have ever thought of you or your parenting in a negative light.

    Sometimes what you say makes me all “O_O” but never once have I taken to insulting or bad mouthing you via commenting. That’s life, sometimes you come across people who’s opinions/religion/manners are almost alien and unacceptable to your moral standpoint but you recognise that everyone is entitled to be themselves. This is how I feel about you.

    I have heard before the mothering world is a harsh one and you have proven it correct with all the hate you have been going through and receiving. I have read the comments and my heart went out to you as you tried and tried again to stand up for yourself. Ok so this is starting to get long! So…

    I wish you, TH and T1 (who is a credit to you) the best and look forward to your updates again. All the best.

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  28. Taking a break from my blog last year was the best thing I could have done. It renewed by spirit for blogging and when I came back I felt refreshed and ready to take on the meanies if need be.

    I am SO glad you’ll be guest posting for me in the next few weeks and that you are takin the time you need.

    LOVE!

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  29. I just found your blog! But this isn’t about me nowis it. I love your honesty and frankly I was quite relieved that someone wasn’t afraid to write about the messy party of being a newborns mother. my son Gideon is 11 weeks. It is hard. i hope you find the rest you need and come back refreshed. Best of luck.

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  30. Jenna,

    NO ! Don;t leave me! I enjoy your morning posts with my Starbucks coffee everyday.

    Sorry to hear about the rude comments you may have received from people who don’t seem to understand how ignorant they really are.. I think there are alot of people on the internet that think they can make unsolicited comments and that it will be ok.

    Keep kind, sweet and loving the Lord .. In the end , nothing else matters! Besides, you are beautiful inside and out…

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  31. There is nothing wrong with having “thin” skin – these types of comments do hurt and it would be a shock, and almost scary, if they didn’t.

    I will miss your posts but understand your need for a break. Looking forward to seeing you back in the blogosphere soon!

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  32. Oh Jenna! I can’t believe that people are this terrible. I think you look beautiful (and absolutely glowing) since you’ve had T1!

    I have thin skin too, though. I don’t know how mainstream bloggers have thick skin through it all. I mean, bloggers are just human and I wish rude commenters would understand that. It’s a real shame that people have to hide their snark behind a computer screen thinking it’s no big deal. Absolute cowards.

    I hope you have a great time with your family. Relax and have a blast!

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  33. My mouth is open in shock. What kind of person was raised in such a way to think that it is OK to talk like that to another person? I’ve been a nanny for the past six years and in my opinion, ALL mommies are superheros! I love your blog and eagerly anticipate your updates, but enjoy your much-needed break!

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  34. jenna you are seriously gorgeous both inside and out. Honestly can i say that i am jealous that i wouldl LOVE to look like you! your stunning! dont listen to those negative comments to people who obviously are negative and mean spiritied who obviously dont have a life… please remember that for every negative comment you have 10 times MORE positive comments, people love you and your blog :) ohh and t1 too, cant forget him!

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  35. Friend, that is just too bad. I completely understand your need to step away, though I will miss you! I always look forward to your posts (and of course the ridiculously cute T1 pictures). Even though we’ve never met and live far from each other, I feel like we have a bunch in common and could be IRL friends. :)

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  36. I will definitely miss your posts, but I understand why you need to take a break. I so wish there were spam filters sophisticated enough to weed out the trolls!

    Sounds like you made a lovely meal for TH, and I bet that he knows just how deeply you love and appreciate him.

    Have a restorative and relaxing break. I for one will be here when you get back!

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  37. I’m so sorry you’ve been getting such hurtful comments. I admit that I tend to stew over hurtful comments too (honestly, why don’t they leave their real emails/websites if they’re gonna be mean? It’s not like I’m gonna come after them with a pitchfork) and my husband gets upset that I’m upset and asks why I bother writing in the first place. I’m glad you’re taking some time off to recollect, reflect, and refresh. I know you’ll come back stronger than ever!

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  38. I’m really sorry that it has come to this, but I’m glad that you are strong enough to realize that you need to take time for yourself because I would really miss your blog!

    I still don’t understand how some people can be so mean or how they can justify their horrible comments and go on with their merry lives. Even though I don’t know you personally, I can tell that you are a beautiful person inside and out!

    And please continue to post pictures of T1! I agree with the many others that the picture with this post is my favorite so far! :)

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  39. Clearly the person who said that about you blowing up has never had a baby. Um, I’m sorry I had the weight of a bowling bowl in my uterus, my bad.

    I had a baby a year ago, what’s my excuse for my tummy? Gonna say I’m fat too? Rude, much?

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  40. I’ll definitely miss my Jenna fix every day! But I completely understand. Blogging is exhausting even without the nasty comments. I hope you’ll be back with a renewed spirit when the time is right for you.

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  41. relatively new reader, first time comment…

    I hate when this happens to bloggers! There is so much public judgment on the internet. The people that leave such rude and thoughtless comments are just projecting their jealousy on you. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the person who commented on your pregnancy weight gain has been struggling with their weight all their life and is jealous of the fact that you are publicly discussing your weight loss journey (and I am on one too, without a baby going on, so I’m in your corner!). It’s obviously easier for me to say, but don’t let the haters get you down. For every one of them, there are tons of readers like me who may not comment all the time but are reading for a different perspective (I adore all the stories about T1s birth and your candidness about the post-birth recovery). I have no idea how I’ll want to do things when I have kids and it may not be the same as you but I feel blessed to have experienced through your words something completely new. Those of us that don’t judge you will be waiting when you get back. And to those who leave the snarky comments, I hope those rocks aren’t breaking your glass houses.

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  42. I’m sorry, just sorry because it sucks and there isn’t a better way to say it than that. I love reading your blog because you offer a different view point and perspective on things, which is refreshing. Over the past year I’ve stopped reading comments on blogs, news stories, you name it because I’ve realized that it usually takes a matter of moments for “anonymous” commenters to take down and rudely undress a viable article (i.e. nothing constructive is said).

    I hope you take the time to refresh, rejuvenate and come back! T1 is adorable and you look fantastic! Hope to see you back soon!

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  43. Jenna I’m so sad to see you having to take a break. I check your blog first thing every day and it always sets things off on a good start. I dont know how people can leave such mean comments. It’s just so hurtful to hear about, let alone read them directed at yourself! I hope your little vacation helps clear your mind, and get you in a better place. I dont think anyone can ever have thick enough skin to deal with the really mean people out there, and I hope that you can just click delete on all those comments and remember all of the readers out there who love your blog and want only the best for you and your family. See you when you’re back! xoxo

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  44. Good girl. Do what’s right for you.

    And when you’re ready to post again, consider leaving your comments off for a while (say, three months). Perhaps you’ll find that you blog differently when you’re not trying to avoid negative ones and expect supportive ones.

    Smoochies!

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    Ellie Reply:

    I actually think this is an interesting idea – I think that some of us who regularly comment here would be sad to not comment, but would totally understand. It’s only really crummy people who would get mad at you for turning off comments – and then by the time you turned them back on, they might get bored and have left.

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  45. Hope some space grants you a bit of peace. I’ll miss your regular posts!

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  46. This sounds so silly but I will seriously miss getting on every morning and reading your updates! Have a wonderful vacation away. But please, please come back soon :)

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  47. I’m sad to see you on a break (especially since during your break, I’ll be at summer camp with 60 middle schoolers and only my blogs to keep me company — eek!!) but it seems like you really need the time to step back and recharge your batteries. Your blog is usually the first one that I click over to in my Google Reader each morning and I hope you know that for every manner-less smart-alec out there, there are 50 of us who read faithfully and are grateful that you are as honest and as candid as you are.

    Somewhere along the line, we all forgot that if you feel the need to start a sentence with “No offense …” or “I don’t mean to be rude, but … ” we really should just keep the thought to ourselves.

    Take care, and we’ll be waiting for you when you come back (eh … I mean that in a non-creepy way.) :)

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  48. Jessica says:

    Good for you hun! Everyone needs and deserves a break. Have so much fun in WA and stop by to see my parents if you have a spare moment, they would love to meet T1! Love the pics of the pool party and can’t wait for you to get back! I’ll miss the posts and pics!

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  49. I hope you are okay and that this break helps. Enjoy it and enjoy your time in Washington! I don’t think I’ll be able to go back home again until September if I’m lucky. Or it wont be until Christmas. But I want it before it get’s winter time.

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  50. Enjoy your break! Although I’m sure we wouldn’t mind some T1 pics every now and then :)

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