My great-grandma, Marion Cecile Epstein Spence,  passed away yesterday.

For the past few weeks our family has been in a strange place. Most of us are members of the LDS Church, and our faith includes the belief that there is something far better waiting for us after we pass through the test that is this life. My grandma has been sick for a long time, in a nursing home for months now, and after a very rapid decline last week I found myself praying for God to release her from her mortal body and just let her die. It felt strange, and I danced around the issue a little bit with varying cliche phrases, but the underlying message was “Please, release her from her pain and just let her die, she can do more good for you on the other side.”

Yesterday, I received the text message I had been hoping for, letting me know that she was gone. I felt no sadness, only peace. There is no part of me that doubts where she is, who she is with, and what she can now look forward to. That peace is priceless to me.

I am so lucky to have had so much time with her growing up. I remember how glamorous her life seemed, as a child it felt like she was always off on cruises, exploring a new part of the world. Each Christmas we would ask my mom excitedly “Is Grandma Spence coming this Christmas?” I know she knows how much her great-grandchildren loved her. One year she began giving out jewelry to her granddaughters, and I still have a pair of purple gemstone earrings she gave me that I love to wear. The most lasting gift she gave me though, was encouragement for my love of reading. I loved looking through her books and curling up with a Mary Higgins Clark novel in the back room of my grandma’s house, under a big pile of blankets. Whenever we were able to get together in person I liked to ask her what she was reading lately. I hope to inspire a love of reading in my daughters/granddaughters/great-granddaughters as well.

I am so glad that as I taught myself how to better use my camera, that she was often a subject in front of my lens when I was home. I’m sad that my son won’t remember her, but I hope he will value the pictures of the two of them together as I strive to make sure her memory and spirit live on through the generations.

Grandma,

I’ll miss you, but I’m so happy for you. You made my world a better place.

Love,

Jenna

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