I’m struggling! And based on the #twlc tweets I know I am not alone. We can all do this, right? RIGHT?!?!?

I’ve been organizing old photos lately, and it’s been helpful to look at photos of myself when I was at the heavier end of the spectrum during my adult life, and some photos from right before my wedding when I was at my thinnest.

A collage of photos of me during the first half of 2006. The photo where I’m at dinner with a group of 6 other girls? I can hardly recognize myself. My face is so round I worry it might explode. I am so grateful that I discovered Fitday and started making some healthy changes (even if I didn’t stick with all of them since then).

In the months leading up to our wedding I lost weight pretty steadily, not only because I was on the Look Good Naked diet, but because I was stressed and busy with all of the wedding details I was pouring myself into.

After we got married I gained 15 pounds right after the wedding, and then fluxuated up and down from there. I wasn’t exercising at all during my pregnancy, and started eating very poorly during the first trimester nausea stage, and kept at it from there. Most days I believe I was consuming around 2200-2400 calories! Next pregnancy I aim to keep that number under 2000.

Now, over a year after having my baby, I’m just a few pounds shy of my pre-conception weight. Barring my flabby belly I actually think I look a little bit better than I did back then because I’m more active now. I’m hovering just above 155 lbs, and my goal weight is 135, which will have me toeing the line between normal and overweight on the governments BMI charts. You can see in the picture on the right that I’m a little bit lumpy just below my waist on the back, front, and sides, as that’s the area where I carried the most fat while carrying T1. I’d like to tone that up before I do the kid thing all over again, otherwise I’m going to be pushing out baby #2 and realizing I have stuff from T1 and T2 yet to lose!

Since my birthday on April 15th though, I haven’t been working very hard. My food blog has been neglected for weeks, and two weeks ago I stopped logging my food using MyFitnessPal. Last night I decided to stop wearing my BodyBugg (in warmer weather people see it more and it looks obnoxious and I’d like that part of my arm to get a little sun :) ). I’m so over how much time this is taking, and I want to focus that time on other areas of my life that have been neglected a bit the past few months. I’m also feeling rather complacent, as I’m not only getting many, many wonderful compliments from you guys (seriously, thank you!) but because I’m pretty close to where I was two years ago and it’s hard not to say “Meh, good enough.”

But it’s NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I want more, and I need to stay focused if I’m going to get there.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you know that I’m dealing with some knee problems from running. I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow, and he suspects a stress fracture. Running is probably off the table for awhile, and I’m depressed that the convenient exercise (no need to get husband to watch the baby, I can just take him with me!) I’ve grown to love is now out of reach. Yes, I have access to a pool, but no, I don’t like swimming. At least not yet. As it’s my best option I’m just going to have to learn to love it.

Remember the Cheese Reporting? I’ve altered that a little bit, and for the next few weeks I’m going to try relying on that for weight loss. Instead of talking about just cheese every night, I’m going to have TH ask me one simple question, “Do you have any regrets regarding anything you ate today?” He is my best friend, the person I most want to make proud, and I think using him as a food journal each night will help me overcome momentary cravings that I might normally give in to.

Why doe I need this question? I wait too long to eat lunch, so I snack on cheese or handfuls of trail mix or melt cheese on the corn tortillas we had in the fridge for awhile. While I’m cooking dinner I snack and pick and somehow convince myself that the little things I’m grabbing don’t matter as much as they do. Every single calorie counts. Every choice I make brings me further or closer to my goals. I love to buy myself a croissant at the farmer’s market, and I can do that, after I lose more weight. Once I’ve reached my goals I can eat dessert every once in awhile, I can have those small indulgences, but if I want to be Skinny by Europe, there has to be some restrictions now.

Radiolab recently taught me that this struggle I have is about choosing between my future self, and my present self. Present self wants cheese and butter and sugar and refined flour. In essence, present self wants what feels good in the moment. Future self wants to meet her goals, to conquer momentary weaknesses, and to be a better version of myself that I am right now. Future self can win, I just know it!

I hope that those of you who are participating in That Weight Loss Challenge can find a way to stay motivated. Try altering your approach, big or small, to prevent burn out that will make you want to give up. Weigh in on the DailyBurn site if you haven’t done so lately. Keep weighing in on a regular basis because it can really help you stay motivated! We can all look different and feel better by the time September arrives but we’re going to have to work hard every day to make it happen.

If any of you have progress pictures, I’d love to see them! Please email them to me or link to them below.

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