My child can’t say my name. Well, he makes the sound “mama” but it doesn’t seem to mean anything to him. I sometimes wonder if that’s because he thinks my name is “Maid”, and it confuses him when I point to myself over and over making the sound mama, mama, mama, mama.
Your name is mama? I thought you were the maid.
What is this shoe doing under the dining room table?
This is where the work of parenting becomes drudgery for me. The diapers and bottle and whining are bad enough, but the repetitive nature of picking up the same tiny items over and over throughout the day numbs my brain and makes deep breathing necessary. My options are to try and pick up after him throughout the day, doing it over and over to keep up with the new messes made, or, to leave it be throughout the day, stepping carefully over his messes, cleaning it up at the end of the night in order to wake up to a clean apartment so he can mess it up all over again.
And your bath toys in the entryway? Or your pants in the kitchen?
The mess is usually much worse than this, but I had these sitting in my queue for another post I was going to write detailing why we call our child The Transporter. He does not play with anything, he just moves it from one location to the other. This is one reason why I recently threw out all but 5 of his toys, because I’m so sick of him pulling them out and doing nothing but dragging them around the house each day.
I’ll be celebrating the day I can say “If you don’t clean up your toys before you go to bed, I’m throwing these out while you are sleeping,” and know he understands what I mean. Unfortunately if I make that threat right now, he doesn’t even notice when things are gone! One of his other nicknames? 50 First Dates, because each morning he wakes up means a new day where he has absolutely no idea where he is, who I am, or what he did the day before.
June 13th, 2011 on 8:50 am
You know I’ve been reading the blog of a montessori teacher. Their idea is to do a rotation of toys and books. So the parents keep most things stored somewhere and then change the toys and books from time to time, keeping the accessible ones to a small amount.
I think it’s a good idea.
You might enjoy sew liberated http://www.sewliberated.typepad.com/ She has a very interesting approach to raising her kids, something that I feel gives them both responsabilities and independance.
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:00 am
I like the idea of rotating toys and only having access to a few. For a while we had all of our toys accessible in 6 different bins, and literally all that happened was the bins were dumped out all day. I think kids PLAY with their toys better when there are fewer options. But, you are definitely at that stage that carrying around toys is “playing” with them. I always take 5 minutes right when I put Eli down for a nap and bed to pick up toys. It’s annoying and tedious, but only 10 minutes of my day to feel like I’m at least attempting to keep things together
. Good luck!
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:29 am
I can’t help but think that his dragging the toys from room to room is his version of playing with them. Just because he isn’t using them as they were meant to be used doesn’t mean he isn’t playing. Allow his imagination to be free! I’m sure it is a pain to have to pick up after his but he is 1. He honestly doesn’t know what he is doing but if he is having fun dragging the toys around, let him.
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Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 9:58 am
I don’t stop him (unless it’s an item that I don’t want to lose!), I just gave him less options
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LPC Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 10:05 am
Exactly. Moving toys around IS playing. The best solution for this is to have a small stack of toys in each room, or a basket. Throw all toys into the baskets each day. Then rotate so different toys are in different rooms every day. Really, don’t think of this as mess. It’s evidence of his growing mind and creative talents. I am not kidding at all.
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:31 am
Bwahaha to the 50 First Dates comment–I love that! Though, I’m sure he knows who you are!
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:37 am
First, I must preface that this comment is NOT meant as criticism, or the insinuation that there’s anything “wrong” with P. It is TOTALLY likely that he’s just fine, because babies do things at their own pace.
BUT… since he and Dot are just a few weeks apart in age, and second children usually talk later, it surprises me to hear that he’s not referring to people “by name” yet. I mean, most of what she says is still babble, but she says Mama, Daddy, Bubba, Nana,and calls her puppy “Grrrrrr”.
A friend of mine a few years ago was concerned that her baby was talking late, and even though people said, “Oh, he’s fine”, she decided to get his hearing checked just to be sure. That was a great idea, because it turns out that he was very nearly deaf, and they wouldn’t have known until the “standard” age for hearing tests.
AGAIN… don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m sure T1 is probably fine. But if something worries you, or even just makes you wonder, don’t hesitate to ask to have him checked out! It’s better know that he’s fine than to wonder.
Love to you both… and I TOTALLY hear you on the mess making front. As soon as she started walking, Dot ruined any semblance of order left in my already messy house. You’re better than I am… I just gave up.
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Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 10:00 am
He had a hearing test already actually! The ped recommended it and he was fine.
I think i would have been annoyed if your comment was something like “My kid has been speaking for ages, now, what is his problem?” but I appreciate that you took a minute to clue me in on something I might not have known.
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Chelsea Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 11:43 am
Oh yeah, every kid is different, and I was pretty positive you’d say you already thought of that. No hate here! I just wanted to pass along another experience. He’ll be talking your ears off soon enough.
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Sarah Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
My husband didn’t talk at all until he was 3 and suddenly began spouting full sentences. I will refrain from obnoxiously bragging about him but rest assured he turned out just fine.
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Elizabeth Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 11:47 am
I have two nieces, one is 6 and one is almost 2. The 6 year old didn’t start really talking until she was 2.5. The almost 2 year old doesn’t say manner words. She communicates in her own way. They are just late talkers. A friend is putting her 22 month old in speech therapy and her friends have her all riled up because he isn’t talking. Kids DO learn and develop at their own pace.
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Kristine Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
As a future audiologist (I’m a fourth year student in grad school) this comment rings close to me. Though I am sure T1 is just fine, it is SO essential to get babies hearing tested. Even if hearing loss doesn’t run in the family, there are still recessive genes that can be transmitted. This is just a general statement, not directed toward T1 at all.
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Kristine Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Another point to add is that if the doctors did suspect that T1 had a speech or language delay, he would automatically have a hearing test! It’s routine!
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:40 am
I think he put the shoe there cause it matches the rug.
Seriously, this is the part of motherhood I’m not looking forward to. But then again, my dogs always did the same thing so we limited their toys and rotated them out. Much easier to pick up two toys than twenty!
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:40 am
Yep – we do the toy rotating thing too. We keep a container upstairs and every few weeks bring it down to rotate the toys. I definately don’t want our house looking like a toy store threw up all over it – not only because it doesn’t look good and makes your house look so messy, but because kids simply don’t need that many toys.
I’m also finding that small toys can be quite annoying – the toys they have access too are usually of the larger, one piece variety and I keep a smaller container of the small toys up high on a bookshelf. Once in awhile I’ll get the small toys down for them (same thing for puzzles) as long as the other toys are picked up first. Then they help me clean those up and I put them up once again. It’s those small toys that really drive you crazy!
And I know what you mean about ‘do I clean up all day?’ or ‘do I just clean at the end of the day?’ dilemna. I do like the house to look nice when Landon gets home, so usually it’s the little cleaning all day.
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:57 am
I get that the repetitive chores are the worst. At least with cooking, you have some variation. But the dishes? And laundry? And moving a half-full glass of lemonade from it’s spot on the coffee table to the dishwasher every single day gets so infuriating! I can imagine exactly how grating it must be to pick up the same toys every single day. ARGH.
Good for you for limiting his toys to just 5. While I have nothing against parents who have whole roomsful of toys for their kids, I can see the wisdom in paring them down to a key few.
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June 13th, 2011 on 9:58 am
Cleaning your house with a child in it, is, like shoveling snow in a snowstorm
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Katy Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 12:43 pm
Pretty much!
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June 13th, 2011 on 10:30 am
I don’t have kids yet, so I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, but I appreciate reading everyone’s comments. I’m making some mental notes for down the road!
Knowing my personality, I’d probably be one to clean throughout the day. I’m a special education teacher, so I have students coming in and out of my classroom all day and I’m always cleaning up after one group before the next one comes. I know they’ll leave pencils, papers, and other materials out just like the group before them did, but I do it anyway!
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June 13th, 2011 on 10:32 am
I used to work with 12-18 mo olds at a daycare. We would have them pick up their toys before they were allowed to go outside or move on to a new activity. I notice that most stay-at-home children don’t start picking up after themselves until much later. It does take a lot of work to teach. It’s not like you can say, “hey T1, go clean up before snack.” You’ll have to guide him around and show him everything that needs picked up and where to put it. But the plus side is you won’t be teaching him how to pick up around the time he is learning the word “No!” It’s not just a good way to learn responsibility, I believe it helps with motor control – learning how to put something specifically in one place rather than just dumping it on the floor.
Good luck!
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June 13th, 2011 on 11:37 am
Our daughter says “dada” and “mommy” but it’s rare and I don’t think she has made a connection yet. So every time she says “mommy” I answer her so that hopefully one day she will get it. But I don’t think anything is “wrong” with her or your son, it just takes time. But he knows who you are! He knows that you’re this woman who loves him and takes care of him and makes him laugh (and cry, lol).
Bean would rather play with shoes, utensils, boxes, plugs, or anything not meant to play with than her toys. I’m not buying her anything knew (she has about 6 books and 5 toys) and that’s all she will have until someone else buys her something. I’m not buying our new baby (here in July!! AHH!) anything either. I think children’s toys are stupid most of the time and my daughter enjoys wrapping the vacuum cord (correctly) than a stupid ball that jingles.
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June 13th, 2011 on 12:08 pm
I would bet that he really does know where he is and knows who you are. and probably does remember what he did the day before. He understands more then you think or are aware of. just you wait one of these days he will start picking up words and absorbing everything around him like a sponge and you will be able to see it. it will blow your mind most days. Also i agree with Jackie he is definitly old enough to start helping to pick up his toys and yes it will be a little work on your part but it will be so much easier and better in the long run. good luck!
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June 13th, 2011 on 12:39 pm
Oh Jenna! You are so funny and always make me laugh! I love the “50 First Dates” comment!
I always said “Our house is never gonna be a mess!” and it totally is! Not in a bad way, everything is really clean, but there are toys all over our living room all the time.
If I pick toys up at nap time, Babe will have them all drug out again. I do try to pick up things like wooden puzzles though b/c I need those as teaching aids throughout the day. I can’t exactly count w/o all the numbers in the puzzle!
We do the rotating toys thing too, but sometimes Babe pulls them out of his closet! I have periodically begun to put away the babyish toys that he is really too old for, so it’s less to pick up as well.
I wouldn’t worry about T1′s speech. As you know, kids do things in their own time, but it is good to keep an eye on it lest there were a problem. I try not to compare B to other kids, but sometimes other people do and it’s so aggravating b/c he is fine. It’s so annoying when someone says, “Oh well you know so-and-so’s kid is walking a lot better than him.” Ugh.
I don’t know why people think it’s okay to make negative comments about other people’s kids. For example, Babe sometimes has a rash on his cheeks that is baby eczema – a supposed precursor to allergies and asthma. You would not believe how many adult people will say, “What’s wrong with his face?” “Oh, did he get burned?” “Does he have poison ivy?” First of all, it does not look that bad and second – that is so rude!
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June 13th, 2011 on 12:40 pm
I love your explanation for the “50 first dates” nickname. I feel the same way!
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June 13th, 2011 on 12:43 pm
When I would baby sit my neighbors son. 13mo. I would only pull out a couple of toys for him to play with, from a 3 stack plastic drawer. He would just play with those couple of things. When he stopped playing with them I would put a couple away so then he just had a couple left. i dont see buying little kids tons of toys because they usually dont play with them. The less toys the less you have to clean up.
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June 13th, 2011 on 3:16 pm
Just wanted to say that this post made me laugh, and kept me chuckling for a few hours afterward. ‘The Transporter’ and ’50 First Dates’ – love it! Thanks for brightening up my Monday!
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June 13th, 2011 on 4:53 pm
50 First Dates. Love it! Claire is exactly like that too.
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June 13th, 2011 on 5:19 pm
At least it’s your CHILD who leaves random items around the house! I swear I find odds and ends all over our condo from Brian. He is a wonderfully clean and neat husband, and yet I’ll find a drinking glass in the strangest place or a screwdriver left behind from a project.
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Grace Reply:
June 13th, 2011 at 10:52 pm
Yeah, my child is too little to make a mess, but my husband leaves a trail of objects whenever he goes. If I didn’t pick up after him, the floor and all flat surfaces would soon be covered in a layer of clothes, shoes, plates, coffee cups and lots and lots of paper (he is an academic).
T1 actually seems quite tidy from the pictures (only one shoe)!
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June 14th, 2011 on 2:11 am
I just feel the same! My son too is throwing toys and other stuff all over the house.5 min after having the house cleaned, i have to do it again! That makes me crazy! So now, i just let the mess and pick toys up at night!!
He has a lot of lego (duplo) and like to throw them everywhere instead of playing with them, and love to tear my magazines, dvd covers apart.in short, he loves anything that is not meant for him. So rotating toys is not an option for me
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June 14th, 2011 on 9:42 am
My son is a few weeks younger than yours. I was determined not to have a house that looks like toys r us blew up in it:) What we’ve done is make sure there is something in every room for him to play with, that he can get to by himself. Either a basket, section on a shelf, or a drawer… all at his level. He has a lot of nice wooden toys and books (first grandchild and all), but I only put a few out at a time, then rotate them once a week or so if he seems like he’s loosing interest. I put other random objects out for him to play with. The hall outside of the bathroom has a small basket of a few empty toilet paper rolls (great for rolling and “talking” into). In our room there is a basket with a few balls of socks (he likes to roll and throw them), and plastic bangle bracelets (fun to rattle and roll). In the laundry room there is a basket of wooden clothes pins. In the living room there is a basket that has a round rubber coaster, metal bell, sea shell, ball of yarn, and a rock. Its small and if you werent looking for it you’d probably think its a decoration. The kitchen has a drawer of tupperware that he can play with. Because everything is in baskets, its super easy to clean up… and I have him help me. I’m doing 98% of the work, but I talk about picking up and hold out the basket and he thinks its fun to put things in it. He knows where all of “his” things are and it gives him something to do as he follows me from room to room while I’m doing chores. If he dumped out literally everything that he could reach, it wouldn’t take me more than 5 minutes to pick it up… and we have a 2400 sq ft house!
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June 14th, 2011 on 10:37 am
This post really made me laugh!!! I love it! So in my little group of cousins, I was oldest and a super talker (I haven’t stopped), so I talked early and often. One of the later cousins just never spoke, so they did hearing tests and speech therapy, etc. Come to find out she was perfectly capable of speaking (and well) she just chose not to! Now she’s 24 and this story is so funny to remember…she was such a grumpy child! Anyway, I think it’s funny that some parents would say, for example, that I was a “quick learner, precocious and intelligent child” and use it to make the parent of the non-speaker feel like her child was slow, when in reality, I think this cousin is much smarter than I am, and talking early meant nothing. Ahhh parents.
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June 14th, 2011 on 7:28 pm
I might suggest getting him some larger toys…that will stay in the same area for play every day. He’s at the age where he needs a LOT of mental stimulation to help with development. I know it’s not always convenient for mamas to pick stuff up, but play is the child’s work so good toys are very important. Perhaps having a basket in your main living areas would help. And he’s actually at a good age to help you “pick up” a couple of times a day. Having lots of toys scattered about is all part of having kids…
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June 15th, 2011 on 2:11 am
Does T1 play with those same toys any differently when you are playing with him?
I am a nanny of a 4 year old, 2 year old and 2 month old and i’ve been telling them forever if they don’t put their own toys away they won’t be here the next time I also say these are not my toys, they are yours and your responsibility to respect them and take care of them. Don’t know if that what did it but they’ve been putting there toys away! Probably tired of hearing me repeat myself.
Also, I work non-stopped on getting them to throw their trash away and take their shoes off and then put them in the right place. It would sometimes be easier for me to do these tasks myself but I feel like we are working toward something bigger.
Although, the oldest girl told me today, that I say, “no, no, no.” But that is usually followed by, “you’re gonna crash through the window” or “your going to poke your sister’s eye out.”
Love those kids!
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October 31st, 2011 on 6:09 pm
I realise that this post was a bit ago, but that may make this little song that was sung to me by my grandmum and mum all the more perfect for his age now. It goes as follows:
‘Tis clean up time in our playroom,
Time for a little boy,
To finish what he’s doing,
And go put away his toys!
It’s such a cute song, but oh did we know it meant business when it was sung!
Of course, ‘time for a little boy’ can be changed to ‘a boy and girl’ or ‘two little boys’ as the fam increases!
God bless you as you pursue your degree–educated mums make educated children and help to make happy families. By fulfilling your degree, you’re encouraging T1 to follow in your footsteps and pursue his education so that he may fulfill his dreams as well!
Patricia
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