Thank you so much to Heather’s sister for taking these pictures of me with my little one. I gave her a quick photo lesson and she created some shots I really treasure! Good luck in Alaska!

I spent Thursday-Saturday in Boise visiting my best friend from college and it was SO good to reconnect. Good enough that I’m hoping to make the drive over there an annual thing if I keep visiting Royal in the summer for such long periods of time. My friend, Heather, had a bit of a rough experience with photography previously and I was really happy to be able to provide her with some (free :) ) pictures of her sweet baby girl to make her smile. It’s fascinating to see so much of my best friend’s personality bottled up in a little person. I wonder if people see facets of my personality emerging in T1 already?

Lately, the internet hasn’t been too kind. Please internet, remember I am a real person. When you say hurtful things salty tears fall down my cheeks. Please stop telling me I’m a hypocrite, ugly, obese, look no different than I did in January, and how much weight I’ve gained since I was home (because I’m looking so incredibly heavy in recent photos). These things are someone you wouldn’t want someone to say to your mother, sister, or best friend, so why would you say them to me? Remember I am human. I have ideals and goals and dreams, but sometimes I fall short of them, and that’s okay. I’m trying really hard.

Most of you are very nice though. Incredibly nice. You are the reason I keep writing and interacting and producing. I love and appreciate all of the encouraging things you say and in many ways you have made me a better person. Many hugs and kisses (no kisses for you meanies though, you need to play nice before you get any of those).

I had a bit of a breakthrough this weekend, that I’m still processing and working to incorporate into my life, but I wanted to share with you.

I don’t know if you’ve read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, but it’s a great book that details one family’s experience trying to eat in a local and seasonal way for one year. Her writing very much inspired my own food journey! There is a section about the beginning of Spring, and how much she valued the start of summer berries and the appearance of tomatoes, and after a winter of largely eating squash, bread, rice, potatoes, and frozen vegetables I’m finally starting to understand what she means. When I saw the first heirloom tomatoes appear at the Green City Market in Chicago I knew that I would have paid any price to have one. Same goes for strawberries, a bit more than a handful around $5, but I didn’t care, I wanted that sweet summer taste more than anything.

That is what trying to eat localganically-in-season has done for me, I appreciate my food, particularly the fruits and vegetables of spring/summer/fall so much more. It was on the drive home from Boise while talking to my roadtrip companion that I realized I could enjoy the same cycle of abstinence—>extreme pleasure with desserts and other occasional indulgences. We had stopped at the wonderful place that I loved visiting as a child called the Country Mercantile, and I kind of wanted some ice cream. But the night before I had eaten pancakes with strawberries and cream, and the night before that I had eaten fro-yo. I certainly didn’t need ice cream, and when I thought about it I really didn’t want it that much. Not like I wanted that first expensive box of strawberries at the farmer’s market.

It’s going to take me some time to work this into my everyday psyche, but I hope this will be a key element in helping me do a better job at resisting temptation on a daily basis, particularly in light of my current living situation. My mom has a giant bowl of peanut m&ms sitting on the counter, and I grabbed a handful and snacked on them and then forced myself to think about whether or not I actually enjoyed them. I realized that this was an excellent example of mindless eating, that there were things out there I enjoyed much more, and that I wanted to save up again for the next time I was presented with an indulgent food choice that really makes the pleasure center of my brain sing. Kind of like deluxe date night. When we go out, it’s always an amazing experience because we save up for it and it’s a treat instead of a regular habit.

It’s going to take me some time to really integrate this into my daily thoughts, but I think this could be another breakthrough that’s really effective in helping me make progress toward my goals.

P.S.-Thank you so much to those who gave suggestions for husband’s hair. We are going to wait until August to go see someone, but he’s going to grow his hair out through the month of July and then go see someone in August, so I have high hopes that the stylist we visit can create something that really suits him.

 

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