(I was really committed to the idea of alliteration with that title.)
The initial Arena post and the redux Arena post have led to lots of great conversations about what went wrong and how to fix it, and whether the vision I have for That Wife can ever come to fruition. If you look at the comment section of the redux post though, you’ll see that I haven’t spent very much time there. Initially I needed a break. And then the usual thing happened — the idea of responding to all of the comments became overwhelming, and so I read them all and then archived the notifications telling myself I would get to them another time.
I think you know where this is headed? “Another time” never comes. I’ve got a folder in my Gmail account labeled Respond, which has emails from April 2012 waiting for my attention. It makes me sad to think about the number of people wondering why I have never responded. That inability to keep up with people who mean something to me is an aspect of my actions and personality that I really dislike.
When it comes to interacting with readers of That Wife in the comment section, I’m going to make two changes.
T2 is skeptical that I can change. Have faith you guys! I think this is going to work.
1. Act, don’t react. Engage with readers who are furthering the conversation.
It has been pointed out to me several times over that when I wade into the comment section of a meaty post it’s often to defend myself to the people who are criticizing me (whether those comments are constructive or waste). I use up my time and energy on those commenters, and neglect everyone else. Engaging with readers who are putting forth productive criticism is an excellent opportunity for growth, but not if I’m reacting in a defensive way. When commenting from here on our I plan to think to myself “Am I acting or reacting? How is this comment helping me or the discussion?” Those who have invested in me and my writing deserve more from me.
2. Comment summary follow-up posts for posts with robust comment sections.
That Husband reads a site that takes comments on popular posts and highlights them in a separate post entirely. It’s a way for the authors to highlight the reader contributions that add to the conversation as a whole, and it’s a practice I would like to adopt as well. I’ll continue to dash off short comments on my iPhone on the posts that aren’t as hefty, but for those with an intense comment sections filled with a variety of thoughts I’m going to give myself some time to process and then write a summary post highlighting the comments and themes that stand out to me. I’m working on a post like that for the My Arena (redux) post now.
With changes like this readers will feel like their contributions are valued and appreciated (which is really important to me because they are, deeply so) and I will no longer have to feel anxiety or guilt about discussions that I prompted and then failed to engage with properly. I hope that these changes help all of us enjoy the experience here a lot more.