As promised, a post addressing some of the common themes I saw running through the My Arena (redux) post. Written on a relaxed evening when the house is quiet, the kids are sleeping, and I feel confident that I can respond without reacting defensively. I’m hoping this will be a positive addition to my blogging routine that will ease my anxiety levels when there are lots of comments to respond to.
Stephanie Phillips Reply:
January 13th, 2014 at 9:33 am
I’m going to have to argue with you- you have deleted MY comment and I certainly wasn’t trolling you. I’ve engaged with you in past comment threads and I’ve been reading you since I clicked your link on the sidebar of OMGMom.
I’d commented on a post where you made a comment about T1 that made me uncomfortable as a parent and I (very nicely!) said that you should consider your words. You let it go live, let somebody reply to it, and then you deleted it because I wasn’t playing by your rules.
Moderating comments has become a lot more difficult over time. I think that’s a combination of a change in my readership and my particular skill-set in this area. I asked That Husband to help me moderate the comments for My Arena (redux) and I felt a bit vindicated when he left a few comments in moderation and had a quick discussion with me about which comments should be approved. At the risk of being melodramatic, I’ll admit that I approach comment moderation with an eye for grenades. The grenades in my comment section are word or phrases that can set off an unintended effect that may further negative stereotypes or assumptions about me. On the internet, you can’t take things back (brand new information, I know!*), but a writer can minimize further damage by taking control of their own space. Sometimes I delete an entire comment if I am worried about possible negative effects down the line.
Stephanie your comment found above, and those similar to it, helped me think about the other side of the coin and how it would feel to devote time and energy to a conversation where the moderator rebuffs you through no fault of your own. Do readers have any suggestions for me?
January 13, 2014 at 8:20 pm
[excerpt] Young House Love does this (responding to up to 500 comments/day). I only comment once in a while, but I will admit I have been a little disappointed when I have left what I thought was a very thoughtful comment and it received no response, but later saw you spent several comment threads interacting with detractors. I feel like I’m a supporter but I’ve received far less interaction in the past than those “jeering” . It does encourage disengagement.
I hadn’t heard of their approach until now, and I’m very impressed! I think it dilutes the meaning of each individual comment, but overall it demonstrates a significant commitment to readers. No wonder they have the following that they do. I think That Wife would have to be a lot more profitable for me to feel I can devote that much time to comments. Right now it’s more like a hobby that pays for my haircuts :).
January 13, 2014 at 7:43 am
Erf. Some people are the worst. Can you hire someone just to weed through the comments so that you don’t have to even see it? Sometimes it’s about removing the negativity completely, rather than hearing it and trying to cope.
Hiring someone to help me moderate comments would certainly solve a lot of my problems. I know I will sometimes read an unpleasant comment and then feel defensive, and that defensiveness lingers as I read the following comment. Hiring someone isn’t option (financially) right now, but maybe I will see some growth and that will work? I’d like to hire someone with a strong personality who will push back on my first instinct and force me to see where I have hackles up and where I have room to grow.
January 13th, 2014 at 12:52 pm
I think the highest level point, about needing affirmation, and focus from others, is probably one well worth thinking about. For all bloggers it’s something we have to face up to and understand what it means or doesn’t mean to us.
This is a topic I feel I could dive into for days on end. Allow me to link, yet again, to a fabulous quote by Liene Stevens about needing approval from others. Over the past five years I have begun to see more clearly how my desire for validation and approval can hold me back if I don’t keep them in check. I’m working on that.
What do you guys think? Should I continue with this approach when I can’t keep up with the comment section, or just get to what I can on the actual post?