The 5th year saw dramatic changes. We’re settling in a new place, literally and figuratively. I’m discovering new sides of him, he’s becoming acquainted with new sides of me (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse). If I’m being completely honest, I will admit that I struggled to find a wedding picture to share. I’m having a hard time separating our wedding day from our Mormonism, and there are a lot of feelings to sort through in that area. One thing I do know – I would never wish away a path that led me to him. Whatever forever means, I’m so glad we are sharing it with each other.
Archives for ‘Married Life’
Marrying him was, without a doubt, the best decision I’ve ever made. This year we’re keeping our celebration low-key. A movie on our new couch in our new home with our new baby kicking away in my belly.
We are entirely different people than we were 4 years ago, but we’re still choosing each other every day. I love our life together.
You’ll always be my favorite.
I forwarded myself this link with the title “best article ever on marriage from a Mormon perspective“.
And I seriously think it is. I read it out loud to That Husband as we were going to bed last night and we had a great discussion revolving around several of the topics. A few of my favorite points:
- Mormon divorce statistics aren’t really that different from the rest of the country [we have a lot of room to improve]
- We are not only marrying incredibly young, we are going from meeting-dating-engagement-marriage in a matter of weeks, and it’s not good
- Surprise, our sex lives are probably different [better] than what most people would expect for a group of mostly-conservatives
An aside prompted by the article:
So often in Mormon circles women will say “It’s a huge problem for so many females in the church to be told sex is bad one day, then you get married, and it’s okay the next.” This is why sex is an issue for my Mormon girlfriends.
But something Lambert said made me realize I don’t really think that’s the problem. I think our actual problem is differences regarding what is okay and what is not okay between husband and wife. The LDS Church position today is that couples should decide what is appropriate for their own relationship, and it is none of the leadership’s business, but several decades ago this was not the case. Couples were being asked very personal questions about their intimate life by their church leaders, and opinions were given regarding what should be eliminated from the bedroom. I feel like I can’t stress enough that we don’t live in that kind of time anymore, but I think that the culture hasn’t yet shifted to fully accepting that it’s between the couple and shouldn’t be determined by past statements from leaders. This is where a lot of marital troubles can arise, specifically when women do something with their husband that makes them feel “unholy”, and they don’t talk it out with their spouse. The solution here is better communication during marriage, but also before. If you think X is okay, but your spouse thinks XXX is okay, you’re in for some rough surprises if you don’t have sex until marriage. To my single friends: talk about this before the wedding night.
Back to my favorite points:
- Unrealistic expectations about how dreamy and easy marriage will be [prince riding in on a white horse and taking his princess to a castle in a fairyland] make a difficult thing ever more difficult
- Gender roles and living in a patriarchal society
- Judging our spouse if they don’t “choose the right”, based on what we think is right [he gives the example of a husband watching an R rated movie, and the wife struggling to deal with his choice]
- Dealing with change as our spouse becomes a different person than they were when you got married. What they believe might change, and that is hard to accept in a culture that stresses that a family must all stay together in order to sit down for family dinner every night in the Celestial Kingdom.
And the article titled “Thou Shalt Not Coerce They Spouse” is a must read. I’ve read it several times over the past few days and every time I like it more. Particularly this line:
Everybody changes, even if it’s just to become even more insecure and inflexible and dogmatic about their original beliefs. Assuming that everything else in the relationship is cool, it’s the height of irony to divorce someone over God, particularly since faith in him is supposed to be all about patience, forgiveness, and love. Frankly, who better deserves this kind of treatment than the person you vowed to love forever?
This post is all over the place. I wanted to share it with the Mormons who read, because I think it can make our culture/marriages stronger to talk about these things. I wanted to share it with those who aren’t Mormon because if you come from a religious conservative background some of these things will probably apply. And I know there are many of you who don’t fit into the former two categories, but have an abiding interest in these sort of things and will have interesting opinions to share below.
I’m so glad we still laugh together like this. We’re going to need it, as I expect life has some hard times ahead for us. With you, I know I can do anything.
Yet another year of choosing each other.
It’s a big day for you, and you won’t let me bake you cake or buy you something shiny and new, and so I dedicate this post as an homage to you, the man I love so much.
Thank you for being so kind, coming to fix my computer for the second time after doing it the year previous. Thank you for breaking the honor code to spend time with me sometimes. Thank you for massaging my calf while we studied. Thank you for agreeing to go to ward prom with me. Thank you for being so naive and not realizing how many girls were interested in you.
Thank you for encouraging me in my weight loss efforts from the time we started dating, and now into our marriage. Thank you for hiking the Y and giving me a kiss whenever I said I was tired and wanted to stop. Thank you for putting up with my desire to take pictures of everything.
Thank you for being someone my family could support me being married to (I think they like you better than they like me).
Thank you for placating my desire for a meaningful engagement story.
And for letting me plan my dream wedding.
Thank you for your hotness.
Thank you for deluxe date night. Thank you for the ways you’ve changed and grown with me as I develop a passion for real food and issues surrounding diet and nutrition. Thank you for your flexibility. Thank you for listening to my arguments when we disagree. Thank you for putting me in my place when I am wrong.
Thank you for agreeing to move forward with babies and parenthood, even though we had no idea what to expect or how to prepare.
Thank you for my home birth, an experience that changed my life. Thank you for those hours you spent in the birthing tub filled with urine-tainted water. Thank you for holding my hand, for telling me a thousand times that I could do it and how proud you were of me.
Thank you for trying really, really hard to be a good dad. Thank you for all the diapers you’ve changed, bottles you’ve prepared, smiles and laughter you’ve elicited, hugs you’ve doled out, trips up and down from the car with a baby in your arms, and a million other things that relate to parenthood. Thank you for being a united front with me in our parenting attempts. Thank you for the many mornings you’ve left our warm bed to care for the baby so I could sleep in. Thank you for being the kind of man I hope our son grows up to be.
Thank you for taking me to Poland and Europe. Thank you for making me more logical and rational, for expanding my world view. Thank you for working so hard to support our family so I can stay home. Thank you for supporting me during times when I’m stressed, even though most of those times are because of Jenna Cole or That Wife, two things I devote a ridiculous amount of time to for no profit (yet).
Thank you for the things that are far too private to share with the world. Thank you for your hotness (it needs to be said twice).
Thank you for joining the Church over 10 years ago. Thank you for the hard work you do in your callings and for honoring your priesthood. Thank you for the times when you force me to realize that what I want for our future is far more important than what I want right now. Thank you for being my sounding board when things get crazy online. Thank you for the late nights where we can’t seem to get to sleep because we have so much to talk about. Thank you for holding me close and letting me sob into your chest when things get hard. Thank you for being the kind of man I wouldn’t want to live a single day without.
I’ll keep my promise, but it will be a miserable existence without you.
Happy Birthday EC