After some serious nudging from That Husband I finally sat down and put my birth plans together. I’m approaching the point where I could go into labor any day and he knows how important it is to me that I have him there helping to control and be a part of what is happening as much as possible. It took several hours, but after reading through a variety of birth plans from different sources around the web I was able to put together comprehensive plans for a few different scenarios we might encounter.

I think every woman should research and write out a birth plan, even if it’s just for herself to look over. Websites like this one walk mother’s through common scenarios and preferences and help you pick and choose what works best for you. If you read a term or phrase you don’t understand, look it up! It’s important to know what providers are talking about when they speak of pitocin/episiotomy/rooming-in/etc, and knowledge will only help you get the care that makes you feel the most satisfied.

Please note that these birth plans I created are not for TH and Sarah, not the hospital. I think birth plans in a hospital setting are most effective when you are working with a specific care provider the you have the ability to sit down and overview your preferences with. It wouldn’t do me any good to show up at a hospital several hours into my labor waving my sheet of paper around and declaring that anyone who approaches me should read it first. I believe that hospitals are an environment where routines are established and followed in order to maximize efficiency and effectiveness and thus not always excited about birth plans, especially from home birth mamas. The plans you see below are written out for That Husband and intended for him to read through and remember as much as possible so that he knows how to best respond in many of the common situations that happen during a birthing situation. I’ll of course be running through them with Sarah as well to make sure we are on the same page in various areas.

I’m sharing these  in hopes they help others who are attempting to write up their own plans, as I found many other personal birth plans sprinkled throughout the sites and forums I visited to be immensely helpful in ensuring I didn’t leave anything important off of the list. I’d love to have any women who’ve given birth previously comment and let me know if they think I’m leaving anything off that was important to them!

The Home Birth Plan

The Non-Emergency Hospital Transfer Plan

The Cesarean Plan

I’ve known for a really long time now that I wanted to have a photographer document my labor and birth experience, in fact, I started emailing birth photographers before I had decided on a midwife yet! Being a photographer myself I have what I like to think of “discerning taste” (really I’m just picky and opinionated), and I knew there weren’t going to be many available people in the Dallas area who do birth photography on a regular basis if I waited too long to schedule.

I came really close to working with Lynsey Stone Photography, one of the best birth photographers in the Dallas area, but she’s so good that her services were out of my price range and her packages didn’t quite fit what I was looking for. I wanted to take a moment to sing the praises of Lynsey though because she’s so incredibly nice! Even though I’m not one of her clients, she emailed back and forth with me with advice on midwives in the area, and recently sent me a message on Facebook to ask how my pregnancy was going. This is one of her birth shots, isn’t her work beautiful?

I hadn’t had much luck in finding someone else that fit the look I wanted, when my midwife mentioned Keri Duckett Photography as one of her favorites. I really loved what I saw on her site, and her package included a disc of images that I can use for blogging, something that’s really important to me as I’m brimming with excitement to share this experience in detail with all of you! I’ve spent lots of time since then browsing her site and imagining what my own photos could look like, as I always do when I hire a photographer for something (everyone else does this too, right?).

I’m hoping she captures moments like this with That Husband:

The first few seconds of life:

My first moments with baby:

and TH’s first encounter with baby:

Our first time together as a new family:

and of course a few portraits of our brand new little person!

Less than 60 days and those ladies will be ME!

Would I photograph births myself? I do love birth, and I’ve photographed one, but committing to be an official birth photographer is difficult because it means you have to be ready at any moment within a one month period to drop everything and rush off to take pictures. Although I might head that direction in the future, for now I’m not ready to structure my life that way.

I’m a member of a Yahoo group for HAND (Homebirth Association of North Dallas), which provides me with all kinds of useful information about birth photographers, pediatrician recommendations, and how people have dealt with having children present at their home birth, among other things. When I received a notice that the January meeting was happening this week, and that the topic would be on preparing for the first few weeks after baby was born, I decided to go. It was a bit hard, as I didn’t know anyone there and it’s never very fun to be in a situation where you have to put yourself out there to meet people, but I was glad I went because it was wonderful to be in a room surrounded by women who had experienced not just one, but two, three, sometimes four out-of-hospital births. There really are other people doing this!

We spent about an hour talking and eating, and then one of the members, a postpartum doula, took the floor to talk about different ways to best plan for the postpartum period. Pregnancy affords us months and months to plan for birth, a momentous event, but entirely too many women talk about getting home from the hospital (and all of the pampering that came from the nursing staff) and realizing they have no idea how to handle life with this new little person. I’m writing this rather late at night, and I have many other things I should be doing right now, so I’m just going to paste in the notes I took on my iPhone with a few comments added in parantheses for clarification. I’ll eventually be writing up a postpartum plan for myself (as well as some birth plans), and I’ll share what I came up with here on That Wife. This meeting was a great way to jump start the process!

One of the biggest things we are working to do is trying to find a way to coordinate visits from family to make sure everyone doesn’t come at once, leaving me overwhelmed at the end of two weeks because I’ve had people cooking and cleaning for me and then week 3 comes and I’m all alone. That Husband gets two weeks of paternity leave, my mom is going to come, and my sister is going to come down. Finding a way to effectively manage all of those visits has been quite a challenge! Right now I’m thinking Week 1 will be just husband and I, week 2 will be TH and mom, week 3 will be just mom, week 4 sister will come and mom will leave, and at the end of week 5 sister will leave. We’ll see if we can make it all work.

Suggestions from a postpartum doula:

-plan for post partum the way you plan for your birth (research! talk to other moms! gather resources!)
-challenges other moms in the room have faced: breastfeeding, not having food brought over, no help from family, preparing ahead of time for breastfeeding issues, relieving gas, dealing with multiple kids at a time
-line up a lactation consultant before the birth
-the doula visited HEB breastfeeding center when she was struggling
-find the right lactation consultant for you
- have contact information for lactation consultant, pediatrician, take out menus, emergency contacts, and other contact information all ready and readily available
-”lying in” is a time in other cultures when new mom doesn’t have to do everything, create your own lying in environment
-stay in and around your bed for 7 days to recover if possible
-no housework for the first 2 weeks if you can help it
-stock pantry with finger food and freezer with frozen meals
-make friends with another new mom who has recently been through the same thing, find a breastfeeding or new mom support group
-decide ahead of time what dad can do an set certain tasks that are his. Taking baby for a walk, bathing baby, 30-60 mins of alone time with baby. Give dad a “thing” to do with baby.
-let go of the idea that the house needs to be clean
-develop a post partum plan the same way you would develop a birth plan
-enjoy newborn time
-set up changing and feeding stations around the house (baskets with burp cloths, snacks, book, water, diapers, wipes, changing pad)
-get a really good breastfeeding support pillow (The Boppy is talked about a lot, but almost all lactation consultants like the My Breast Friend pillow much better)
-eat well for better breastfeeding
-write down how the laundry is done, where cleaning supplies are, where kitchen supplies are, how and when the dog is walked or fed, and other things that are part of your daily routine so that guests who come to help own’t constantly be asking you questions
-think about using paper and plastic utensils for a week right after baby is born to cut down on dishes (and the stress of a messy sink!)

And a few of the books she recommends to all her moms:

The Fussy Baby Book
Good Nights
The Happiest Baby on the Block
No Cry Sleep Solution
Bestfeeding
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers

A friend commented on Facebook with her top three suggestions:

1. Have the number and name of an IBLCE who will come to your house 2. Have your husband stay home from work (and not bring any home!) 3. Have someone cook your meals for you

Moms who have been through this before, what would you suggest moms-to-be do to get ready for those first few weeks with baby?

It should come as no surprise that the sources listed below all have a natural bent to them. No I haven’t read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, and I don’t intend on doing so.

Blogs

I subscribe to all of the natural-birth blogs I can find. Below are my favorites.

My Best Birth-Some of the writing in this sight can be a bit “meh”, but if you liked the multi-writer format of sites like Weddingbee you’ll probably enjoy the real woman perspective of this site with a variety of viewpoints. It’s created by Ricki and Abby, the producer and director of The Business of Being Born.

My OB Said What?!?-That Husband frequently has to tell me to stop reading this site because I get really worked up over the ridiculous statements. According to the site description: The purpose of this site is to capture the crazy but true comments said to birthing women by doctors, midwives, doulas, lactation consultants, and childbirth educators when they are having their babies!

Public Health Doula-A doula that’s working toward earning a master’s in public health

Reality Rounds-Written by a nurse, this is a great read for those who want to learn about the current birth culture from someone inside the medical world.

Science & Sensibility-From Lamaze International, my favorite resource for studies and other scientific info.

Stand and Deliver-I believe this writer is LDS, she writes a mix of personal and birth education posts.

The Well-Rounded Mama-A woman who writes about issues that relate specifically to women of size.

Woman to Woman Childbirth Education-Kathy’s posts are my very favorite of all the birth/pregnancy/labor blogs I read. She taught me about this Monty Python skit.

The Unnecesarean-My second favorite. A blog leader in the fight against unnecessary c-sections.

Top 100 Natural Birthing Blogs-If these blogs aren’t enough for you, browse this extensive list (I found most of my favorite birth blogs through this list).

Films

The Business of Being Born-The most popular and well made film so far that explores the culture of birth in America. Definitely biased, but I still enjoyed it.

Orgasmic Birth-Super touch-feely and lots of talk about the beauty of birth and how wonderful it can be.

Pregnant in America-I didn’t learn anything new, but if you have Netflix on Demand it’s currently available on instant so it might be worth a look.

Being Dad: Inspiration and Information for Dads-to-Be-That Husband is way behind me in terms of birth research, and I had high hopes that this DVD would be something he would be interested in sitting down to watch.

10 Minute Solution: Prenatal Pilates- Not really an educational resource but I thought I’d include it here since it’s been my favorite pregnancy workout DVD by far. I like that I can string together different 10 minute options to create something that feels personalized for the day.

Books

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth-The first book I finished in my pregnancy and I LOVED it. Really set the stage for the path I’m taking in my pregnancy.

HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method-I still haven’t finished this one, but I think I started too early in my pregnancy, when labor pain management wasn’t at the front of my mind yet.

Real Food for Mother and Baby: The Fertility Diet, Eating for Two, and Baby’s First Foods-I obviously like this one as I’ve been writing a series of posts on how I’ve introduced Nina’s philosophies on nutrition into my diet. I plan on re-reading the nursing/baby’s first foods sections in the next month or so.

The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be, Second Edition-Loaned to me by a friend, I tried to read this one when TH was around so I could yell out relevant things to him, in the hope that he would absorb some of the things I was telling him.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night-Read almost all of it in one sitting, and I plan on mixing the methods she suggests with my next read, The Happiest Baby on the Block

Your Pregnancy Week By Week-Picked this one up at a used book store for like $5 and I really like picking it up every once in awhile and reading where the baby is and the different milestones. I disagree with the things it says pretty frequently so I move on or do some research to figure out where I stand on the issue.

Obstetric Myths Versus Research Realities: A Guide to the Medical Literature-Costs as much as a few of my college textbooks but so chock full of information I could read it several times in a row without getting bored. If you really want to learn about the medical/scientific research and analyses behind birth I would recommend buying it, otherwise check it out from the library if you can find it. Of course if you’re looking for “The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy” or whatever that popular book is, this is NOT it.

Misc

Pregtastic-Though the website hasn’t been updated for a month (I even emailed them to ask if the show wasn’t being produced anymore!), the past episodes are a phenomenal resource, in my opinion. I wrote about my favorite episodes here.

Google-Research everything. Everything your doctor suggests, everything you hear. When trying to decide if you trust the information look for articles written for large news outlets, links to studies, and other credible sources. Usually forums and message boards are not the best source of factual information.

I may be openly opinionated concerning my views on birth here on That Wife but those who encounter me in the real world, such as the ladies at church or my friends and family, will find that I volunteer very few details about my pregnancy and birth unless pressed to do so.

Source

Why? Because for the most part people don’t want to hear about my plans. For most people I know birth outside the hospital is unknown territory and it scares them. I have had successful experiences in communicating my intentions and reasoning behind them with some, including my maternal grandmother who may not believe in what I am doing but does acknowledge that I don’t seem to be making this decision lightly. For others though, nothing I say is ever going to help them understand. To understand this choice it’s necessary to examine the issues on a macro level, not a micro one, but it’s impossible for most women to remove personal experiences from their analysis of what constitutes a good decision.  Most mothers seem to have one reason or another where medical intervention was absolutely necessary, be it in the form of extra ultrasounds, bleeding after birth, necessary c-sections because of poorly positioned babies, or the use of instruments (such as forceps or vacuum) to help the baby out. Statistics don’t help when experiences like that have been endured.

At the gathering of my maternal side of the family the birth came up but instead of the criticism I was expecting I found a little bit of excitement. An aunt of mine has no interest in home birth for herself, but told me she has always wanted to know someone who had one. My great-grandma wanted to know if I am planning on using a doula because she just read a novel that involved one. I was pleased with how the conversation went and hoped that it might help family members feel a bit more comfortable with my decision when baby decides to come.

I was very happy to hear from my mom that birth was being declared “off the table” at the other sides family gathering. A few of these relatives are rather opinionated and I didn’t want Christmas to turn into a birth fight (don’t we already have enough to fight about at Christmas without adding birth and babies to the mix?). I held true to the agreement, although others couldn’t seem to resist bringing it up. I tried to keep things light and did my best to move on as I that wasn’t the place or time to get into a serious conversation on the subject.

Unfortunately certain relatives weren’t ready to let things go. My mom rushed over to me with laptop in hand (I had lent it out so an aunt could look at some pictures I had taken of her daughters) and told me she thought I should take it before the following was published here on That Wife on Christmas day (never mind that I find it laughable that readers would even for a moment think my writing sounds anything like what you will find below). When I read what was written I laughed it off (remember, I was trying to be good and keep the holidays light and happy) but inside I was burning with anger, sadness, and frustration.

I have seen the light…

after a thoughtful trip home for Christmas I have decided that I’ve been foolish and crazy and I’m going to have my baby safely in a hospital…YUP you heard it here first!  I realized that the purpose of the hospital is to guarantee that my baby is going to get the best opportunity for a safe delivery and how that affects me doesn’t matter as I’m going to be a mom now and put my babys safety first.   thanks to my wonderful family for their support through this tough time for me, I’m excited to be a mom and have this addition to our family…that mom

To this relative, and to many others, my decision to birth outside the hospital reeks of immaturity, irrationality, and stupidity. They’ve had babies so they know, I haven’t so I don’t. Nevermind that I can talk for hours about topics such as epidurals, episiotomies, forceps, c-sections, pitocin, oxytocin, cytotec, gestational diabetes, pre-ecclampsia, shoulder dystocia, breech birthing techniques, VBAC, meconium in the amniotic fluid, premature rupture of membranes, and many others. Could they?

I know what all of those things are and some of the risks and advantages associated with them not because I had a baby, but because I decided to take charge of my own birthing experience. Educating myself has become a priority and I take it very seriously.The overwhelming mindset of women around me seems to be that you can’t possibly know anything about birth until you actually experience it, and are thus unequipped to make wise decisions concerning the birth of my child. My favorite response to this mindset has been expressed by many other natural birth advocates before me: If experience is necessary to make one informed on a topic, male obstetricians certainly have no place delivery babies. Childless female obstetricians as well for that matter.

Happily, we don’t choose our doctors based on who has given birth. We choose them based on their experience, and the time they have devoted to learning about their trade and increasing their skills. A first year medical student doesn’t know as much as a third year, and a recent graduate still has years to go before they know as much as the man who recently retired from practicing. But we acknowledge that because of study and time the graduate at least knows something, and we respect him because of the effort he has put forth. I will never know as much as an OB, or a midwife, or any other experienced birth attendant, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also fall into the category of a person who knows something. And I do know something. A lot more than something actually.

And so dear friends and family who criticize me because of my decision, I urge you to take the time to sit down face-to-face (or we can do it through email) and have an intelligent discussion with me. Let’s attempt to learn from each other, and find a way to foster mutual respect. Laughing at me behind my back though, only displays ignorance and fear. And it makes me cry.