I may be openly opinionated concerning my views on birth here on That Wife but those who encounter me in the real world, such as the ladies at church or my friends and family, will find that I volunteer very few details about my pregnancy and birth unless pressed to do so.

Source

Why? Because for the most part people don’t want to hear about my plans. For most people I know birth outside the hospital is unknown territory and it scares them. I have had successful experiences in communicating my intentions and reasoning behind them with some, including my maternal grandmother who may not believe in what I am doing but does acknowledge that I don’t seem to be making this decision lightly. For others though, nothing I say is ever going to help them understand. To understand this choice it’s necessary to examine the issues on a macro level, not a micro one, but it’s impossible for most women to remove personal experiences from their analysis of what constitutes a good decision.  Most mothers seem to have one reason or another where medical intervention was absolutely necessary, be it in the form of extra ultrasounds, bleeding after birth, necessary c-sections because of poorly positioned babies, or the use of instruments (such as forceps or vacuum) to help the baby out. Statistics don’t help when experiences like that have been endured.

At the gathering of my maternal side of the family the birth came up but instead of the criticism I was expecting I found a little bit of excitement. An aunt of mine has no interest in home birth for herself, but told me she has always wanted to know someone who had one. My great-grandma wanted to know if I am planning on using a doula because she just read a novel that involved one. I was pleased with how the conversation went and hoped that it might help family members feel a bit more comfortable with my decision when baby decides to come.

I was very happy to hear from my mom that birth was being declared “off the table” at the other sides family gathering. A few of these relatives are rather opinionated and I didn’t want Christmas to turn into a birth fight (don’t we already have enough to fight about at Christmas without adding birth and babies to the mix?). I held true to the agreement, although others couldn’t seem to resist bringing it up. I tried to keep things light and did my best to move on as I that wasn’t the place or time to get into a serious conversation on the subject.

Unfortunately certain relatives weren’t ready to let things go. My mom rushed over to me with laptop in hand (I had lent it out so an aunt could look at some pictures I had taken of her daughters) and told me she thought I should take it before the following was published here on That Wife on Christmas day (never mind that I find it laughable that readers would even for a moment think my writing sounds anything like what you will find below). When I read what was written I laughed it off (remember, I was trying to be good and keep the holidays light and happy) but inside I was burning with anger, sadness, and frustration.

I have seen the light…

after a thoughtful trip home for Christmas I have decided that I’ve been foolish and crazy and I’m going to have my baby safely in a hospital…YUP you heard it here first!  I realized that the purpose of the hospital is to guarantee that my baby is going to get the best opportunity for a safe delivery and how that affects me doesn’t matter as I’m going to be a mom now and put my babys safety first.   thanks to my wonderful family for their support through this tough time for me, I’m excited to be a mom and have this addition to our family…that mom

To this relative, and to many others, my decision to birth outside the hospital reeks of immaturity, irrationality, and stupidity. They’ve had babies so they know, I haven’t so I don’t. Nevermind that I can talk for hours about topics such as epidurals, episiotomies, forceps, c-sections, pitocin, oxytocin, cytotec, gestational diabetes, pre-ecclampsia, shoulder dystocia, breech birthing techniques, VBAC, meconium in the amniotic fluid, premature rupture of membranes, and many others. Could they?

I know what all of those things are and some of the risks and advantages associated with them not because I had a baby, but because I decided to take charge of my own birthing experience. Educating myself has become a priority and I take it very seriously.The overwhelming mindset of women around me seems to be that you can’t possibly know anything about birth until you actually experience it, and are thus unequipped to make wise decisions concerning the birth of my child. My favorite response to this mindset has been expressed by many other natural birth advocates before me: If experience is necessary to make one informed on a topic, male obstetricians certainly have no place delivery babies. Childless female obstetricians as well for that matter.

Happily, we don’t choose our doctors based on who has given birth. We choose them based on their experience, and the time they have devoted to learning about their trade and increasing their skills. A first year medical student doesn’t know as much as a third year, and a recent graduate still has years to go before they know as much as the man who recently retired from practicing. But we acknowledge that because of study and time the graduate at least knows something, and we respect him because of the effort he has put forth. I will never know as much as an OB, or a midwife, or any other experienced birth attendant, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also fall into the category of a person who knows something. And I do know something. A lot more than something actually.

And so dear friends and family who criticize me because of my decision, I urge you to take the time to sit down face-to-face (or we can do it through email) and have an intelligent discussion with me. Let’s attempt to learn from each other, and find a way to foster mutual respect. Laughing at me behind my back though, only displays ignorance and fear. And it makes me cry.

A quick recap of our Christmas experience in 2009.

Christmas Eve began with brunch at the house of these two adorable munchkins.

We presented their family with a copy of “You Are Special“. It’s a must-read, must-own in my opinion.

We made prepared an enormous brunch spread, with waffles (gluten-full and gluten-free), sausage, eggs, and Magleby’s/Kneaders syrup. I put myself in charge of getting the frame of the gingerbread house up while we ate breakfast.

That Husband and I had some minor disagreements about the syrup but it all worked out in the end.

After breakfast, all I wanted was a nap.

The promise of little candies in pastel colored bowls lured me away from the couch though.

Apparently I did a lot of this while decorating?

Martha would likely scoff at our efforts, but I’m feeling quite proud. Notice the “snow” falling in the top left photo?

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When we got home it was time to give That Husband his Christmas present. I wasn’t really planning on giving him anything but a few days before he came up I realized I could give him one of the things he talks most about wanting.

Was it a puppy, like That Sister said it was?

Nope, no puppy. Cake! Strawberry white chocolate from Simply Desserts, the bakery where we bought our wedding cakes from.

I think he likes his surprise.

I cut the cake up into sections, saran wrapped them (twice), wrapped them in foil (twice), and flew it all home to Texas with us to enjoy over the next few weeks.

Christmas Eve evening my dad’s side of the family came over for dinner and gift opening.

What did we have for dinner that night? Tacos. KISS was the motto for christmas this year.

And we couldn’t forget the green goop! It’s a must-have for this side of the family.

Time for presents!

I let Keestan know I did not approve of her mismatched socks. Tanaya presented several of us with the sweetest little scrapbook all about her. I loved it!

TH received his first gift from grandma A (this is definitely something you want to have happen), and baby got a  gift as well!

One of my aunts makes jewelry and it’s always a treat to see what she’s giving us each year.

I think the best gift of the night were these frames of an image from my grandparent’s ranch, stamped with their brand.

The Andersen brand is everywhere in our family!

I gave two of my cousins a photo shoot as their gift, and That Sister rocked the latest in Utah fashion.

After all of the gifts were opened it was time for my favorite tradition of all — the Christmas sock! Reach your hand into one of grandpa’s tube socks and pull out as much change as you can.

Somehow I was able to dip my hand into the sock twice this year! Once for myself and once for the baby. Baby now has $7.49 in his/her piggy bank.

My first video with the new camera! As you can tell I need some practice with the focus.

2009 Christmas Sock from Jenna on Vimeo.

The next morning we woke up nice and late to open presents with my immediate family, the same way we’ve always done things. It looks like we ahve a ridiculous amount of gifts because my mom likes wrapping things individually so there is more to open. One of my gifts was a spatula wrapped in a box big enough to fit two pairs of shoes.

That Sister crafted 5 adorable onesies for baby.

I told her it was a gift worth $100 since the same type of onesies are sold on etsy for $15-$20 each.

We opened up one box and found a can of beans inside…

along with a check to cover the cost of a Beaba Babycook!

That Sister and her husband drove up which meant no suitcases to pack. They were more than happy to pack this home with them.

Not sure why I am making this face but as you can tell I was ridiculously excited about the robe my parents gave me from Nordstrom. It’s like going to the spa every time you get out of the shower.

That Sister is taking this coat back because it doesn’t fit right. Sad, huh?

And then we learned about the jeans.

My brother-in-law is such a good sport for showing off these jeans for you.

That Sister got a shootsac! She’s going to love it (I absolutely adore mine).

Dad got new luggage.

But when we used the new luggage scale we got we learned the bag weighed 12 lbs so I think this gift is getting returned too.

The last gift of the morning? A plane ticket from Th & I to That Sister so she can visit baby next Spring.

Christmas day ended with a family portrait session out in front of our house (photos coming soon!) and a night spent out at my maternal grandparent’s house (no pictures from that because by this point I was exhausted. We look forward to having the same experience two years from now!

I stepped off the plane in Washington last Wednesday and the next day life started moving at a million miles an hour. Both sets of grandparents live within an hour of each other (and my parents live in the middle), so when I come home I get a lot of family time in.

My mom’s parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this December so we spent a few days last week celebrating with that side of the family, a bit of Christmas before Christmas if you will.

My two days of family time started with a trip to my former elementary school to watch a few cousins sing. It was all exactly the way I remembered it. The same lady is still leading the music!

This little photographer wanna-be cracked me up. He snuck up to the front for every number and held the camera high over his head to take some pictures. I wonder if any of those pictures turned out? I hope my kids are this enthusiastic  about taking pictures.

You can spot one cousin grinning at me in the left photo, third from the left on the back row, and the other wearing a blue shirt completely dedicated to the song in the middle of the frame.

Later that evening 6 of my greandparents 7 children, their spouses, and a few grown-up grandchildren (like myself) got together for dinner at Applebees and a night with Manheim Steamroller.

Grandpa.

My funny mom.

Grandma and Grandpa were presented with a triptych of photos my mom took. They loved it.

I snuck a few photos at the concert. The graphics were cheesy but the band definitely knew how to rock out. The woman who played the recorder was my favorite.

My great-grandma. Isn’t she darling?

Is it weird to take a picture of your uncle’s bum because you like his wallet?

Harvest is over but the packing shed is still running full-time so my dad is still working crazy hard. I won’t tell whether he made it through the entire concert with his eyes open.

My grandparents and their kids (minus one brother). I’m not sure what that peace sign is all about.

The sisters. Our family gatherings are pretty crazy, as you can probably guess from a photo like this.

When you own the camera you don’t get your picture taken very often. I look so different in photos than what I see in the mirror!

My parents. Love them!

The happy couple,  still smiling after 50 years. I hope TH and I are just as smiley 49 years from now.

This family gathering we went a little fancier than usual with gouda, brie, and blue cheese, along with our usual snack of cheddar.

My aunt and her family are selling potatoes (they started selling them out of Target parking lots) so baked potatoes were the main dish that night. I took this picture after everyone had already eaten!

Because these grandparents are dairy farmers they always get gift boxes of cheese/meat/crackers which they share with all of us.

That darling great-grandma you saw pictured above makes the best cookies. The chocolate chip are my favorite.

The adults gathered around the dining room table.

While the teenage boys took over the video game consoles. The teenage girls? They tucked themselves away into different nooks and crannies throughout the house for some girl time.

The youngest kids? They took over the racquetball court (yes, my aunt’s house is the coolest ever) to play a game called “butt ball”. To play you throw the ball at the wall, and then you (or someone else) tries to catch it when it bounces back. If the ball bounces off you in any way you have to run toward the wall before someone else picks it up and throws it (at the same wall you are currently running toward, I found it a bit scary).  If the ball reaches the wall before you do you get a b, then u, then t, etc etc. I liked it!

I joined in for a few rounds to try to burn off some of the chocolate chip cookies I ate, with strict warnings that my belly was off limits and no craziness around me would be tolerated.

When I stepped off the plane two days earlier I told my mom “I still don’t feel like I look pregnant”. What the heck was I thinking?

I handed over my camera to a responsible cousin while I played and asked her to take pictures for me. The portraits that resulted crack me up.

I snuck home with my dad shortly after this and collapsed into bed after two full days of family fun. Don’t mind the water spot on my chest, as my belly grows so does my chest, and I’m a bit clumsy in my new body. The little kids definitely got a kick out of it.

Now that Christmas is almost here I think I’m ready to do it all over again.

I didn’t think I could write this post with my limited mobility, but I just love these photos and couldn’t wait to share. I’m a pretty fast typer normally so typing with 7 fingers doesn’t slow me down much. I just got a new camera (post on that coming soon!), so I’m constantly looking for excuses to take pictures and play with the new features. It will take me forever to work it off, but I adore it and I think it was a good move for me. We’ll see.

My parents flew in on Saturday and they leave Tuesday morning (I think I have to take them to the airport at 4:30 am, ick) so we’re making the most of our time while they are here. I had to get my car serviced on Saturday afternoon right after they flew in (have I already mentioned how I bartered with a wedding client, my photos for service on my car?) so we headed out to Fort Worth to drop my car off for a few hours and then spent some time in the historic district. I thought that the area would be a little bit boring for my parents, as they are from the country, and I have grandparents with a ranch that we have spent a lot of time on, but all three of us really enjoyed ourselves!

We started out at Love Shack, and aside from a slightly stale bun I thought it was one of the best burger places I’ve ever visited.

My dad has a newfound obsession with root beer.

The burger was delish but it was the fries that really did me in. They were cut thin and flat , so the salt and oil touches a greater amount of the potato strips. I think they’re the best fries I’ve ever had.

We visited the historic district of Ft. Worth on a Saturday so it was relatively crowded with lots to see. The street is filled with all kinds of spectacles that you can pay to have your picture taken with, like this docile longhorn or the (fake?) indian and his little ponies.

My dad and I played it cheap and decided to pose with the longhorn in the background. Probably not quite the same as what the girl behind us got, right?

As country folk that attended 2 county fairs a year for almost a decade we thought we had seen it all… until we found the chicken lasso pen. I’m hoping they start this up in my hometown soon.

I was giddy over the baby pigs. Did you know I raised pigs for 6 years and took them to the fair for 4H and FFA?

sweet boots cowgirl.

Aren’t my parents the cutest?I wish this photo didn’t have that ugly sign in the background so I think I’ll try to convince them to let me take another one today.

In the original stockyard area, where they have feed boxes and other original elements that are almost 100 years old.

The church my grandma would want to attend if she wasn’t a Mormon.

People rave all about mexi coke but I’m not a coca-cola fan so I’ve never been interested in trying it. I know my mom loves Dr. pepper though, so we ducked into this store advertising Dr. Pepper made with cane sugar to see if we could taste the difference between high-fructose corn syrup and cane sugar. There was a definite difference, but I would have loved it not matter what because of the bottle opener we got to use at the register!

How nifty is that? I’m not a soda drinker, but if I lived next to a store that sold glass bottled drinks you could open at the counter I’d start splurging on sugary drinks.

My dad bought a root beer (of course) and my mom bought two DPs, one diet with corn syrup and one throwback with cane sugar. She regretted the diet bottle and highly recommends the cane sugar version to anyone who might have the chance to try it.

Baby boots!

Dad “wearing” the giant spur.

“Mom, where are you?”

I love being in front of the camera, and having a momtog who comes up with great angles and proper exposure is the best.

ARMADILLO RACES!

My dad bought a knife in this long skinny boring store, boring only because the only items it housed were sharp. Mom and I realized that a knife is to a man, as a purse is to a woman. All of those knives looked exactly the same to me but I think my dad spent almost half and hour trying to pick the perfect one.

My car was finished right before the parade started so this is all we saw, although I think all of us were cold and done by that point. We had a great time though, and if TH’s parents ever come visit from Poland I think we’ll be bringing them here as well.

Today (Monday) will be spent visiting family and friends around Dallas before my parents head out of town. Think I should warn them I’ll be bringing my camera along?

I should write about all of the hotel rooms being reserved for the wrong days, and finding out about this the day before we left. Or how one of the photographers connections was delayed and it looked like she was going to have to miss half the wedding day. Or the dress that almost didn’t lace up because of a poor alterations job.

Instead I’m going to send you over to Jenna Cole to look at some pretty pictures I took that day. Maybe I’ll recap the wedding once Kelli Nicole gives her back the disc of pro-pics. Ever seen a wedding recap done by the MOH?