I resisted going back to school for a long time. I didn’t have a life plan that included utilizing a degree, and I really disliked the online course experience. Over time my life plans changed, and finishing my degree became much more appealing. As TH started his second year of his MBA program and we had a clearer understanding of what the next year would be like, I realized that I had the perfect window to return to BYU and finish my degree in-person, instead of online. That Husband would move in with my parents and work for my dad to fund this little adventure of mine, and my parents would get to spend time like never before with their favorite grandchild.

Once we had that lined up I started into the process of figuring out what classes I would need to take in order to finish, and how the process worked. I stumbled around a lot, but got in touch with the advisors for the English majors and emailed back and forth with her several times to make sure I understood exactly what I would need to do. The process was a bit complicated because I needed to do a few petitions, including getting special permission from the English department to substitute a Statistics course instead of finding an equivalent for Italian 202 (I had worked through several Italian semesters before I got married, but couldn’t find an affordable option that met the requirements in Chicago), but it all worked out in the end.

Once I had in writing from the advisor “Everything looks correct”, meaning “Yes, the detailed plan you wrote out for me means you will graduate in August” I dove right in! My plan was to take British Literature and Statistics online between November and May, and then start courses at BYU in June. We found a babysitter for T1 and I trudged through Statistics (accompanied by lots of tears, as my math-related skills were poor when I graduated from high school and had eroded considerably in the almost-a-decade since graduating) and my Brit Lit class, finishing just in time to take one last final when I arrived on BYU’s campus. Everything was going exactly as I’d hoped!

And then I walked into the advisor’s office to check up on my graduation plans and was told that I was short a course if I wanted to walk. At BYU the max course load (without special permission) for a semester is 18 credits, and since this was a term that was half the length the max course load was 9 credits. I had already signed up for 9 credits, preferring to do as many courses in a real classroom as possible. The idea of adding on yet another class (so 12 credits total, or the equivalent of a 24 credit semester) was exhausting, but I knew I was having a baby and that this might be my last chance to finish in the way I wanted. I was very, very lucky because the last class I needed was an elective course, so even during Summer Term I had a few options. The next day I went from classroom to classroom trying to find a professor who would take me on knowing that I was signing up for a heavy course load (the first professor turned down my request for his signature immediately), but my pleas of “I’m pregnant and moving to California and this is my last chance to graduate” won over the professor for Short Story and so I made one last trip to the bookstore to buy yet another backpack full of novels and textbooks in order to graduate. I was determined to make this graduation happen, no matter what. LESSON LEARNED: Double, triple, and quadruple check your plans when making important life decisions. No one else cares about your future as much as you do.

A few days into the term, I got really sick. My first trimester with T1 was relatively easy, but this time around I was exhausted, weak, and shaking all day every day. (Oh yeah, and I ran a half-marathon during all of this. Let’s call this the summer of “I put in months of work to prepare for this and nothing is going to hold me back from achieving what I’ve been training/working toward”.) My life revolved around making it through my shower, through my breakfast, through the walk uphill to campus, through my classes, through my homework, all so I could crawl back into bed and be kept up half the night with pregnancy-induced insomnia and half-dozen trips to the bathroom each night. I can’t remember anything more miserable than those 6 weeks.

But you know what? That walk across the stage is worth it. It’s worth any and all amount of work and sacrifice. I think the only other time I’ve ever felt this proud of myself was when I birthed a baby. Months after graduation I would wake up in the morning and my first thought would be “I have a bachelors degree. I actually graduated from college!”

Since then I’d been ducking my head a bit when people congratulated me for finishing (I feel like I’m surrounded by people with master’s degrees and doctorate degrees so a bachelor’s degree felt silly), and then I saw on Wikipedia that only 30% of people in the United States have a Bachelor’s Degree. What!?!? Go me! And go everyone else who has one too. Maybe someday I’ll try to join the 8% in the US who have Master’s degrees.

Thanks to my family for coming down to support me! Shay when you graduate I promise my whole family will be there cheering you on as well!

That feels good! And now both of our children, no matter the gender, will know that graduating from college is not optional in That Household.

The following photos were taken by Aubrey of Every Little Moment Photography. She emailed me asking if I’d be interested in a photography swap and I was so excited to be able to get some family photos when all of us were together in Utah! I went to her studio and did pictures of her family, and several weeks later she showed up after I walked across the stage and did family photos for me. Outside of my family she and her assistant were one of the first people to know about my pregnancy. Thanks Aubrey!

My new favorite family picture.

You’ll see I have my hand under my belly in almost every picture. I felt like I looked huge! I wanted to make sure there was no mistaking that I was pregnant and not just a bit tubby from too many visits to the vending machines during class breaks.

This brings our total degrees in the family to four: two bachelor’s degrees and two master’s degrees. Too bad I only hold one of them .

While we finished up pictures, T1 led Nana around and let us know how how “over this” he was.

The stock photo that they take right before you walk cross the stage is soooo cheesy. I’m really glad Aubrey was there to take these.

This last one is cheesy, I know, but it does a great job describing how graduation made me feel. Even though I don’t have any immediate plans to get a job or further my education, finishing this step opens up a whole new world of possibilities that I didn’t previously have at my disposal.

Some thanks are in order.

First, to my dear husband. He encouraged me every step of the way, but gave me the space to come to this decision on my own. It means a lot to me that despite the messages embeddedMormon culture, he believes that education for women is just as important as it is for men. This is one of the many ways you’ve changed me for the better.

Second, to those of you who gently and respectfully encouraged me to consider finishing. Erin, in particular, comes to mind. And thanks to all those on Twitter who helped keep me entertained during Short Story this summer, AKA Worst-Class-Ever. Couldn’t have survived those 2.5 hour mind-numbing lectures without you.

And most importantly, to my parents. Thank you. Thank you for funding my education, for your patience as I bounced form major to major (and failed a few classes in the process), for agreeing to take on the responsibility of caring for my child so I could focus on my degree, and for driving down to Utah to cheer me across the stage as I celebrated this major accomplishment. I love you guys so much.

Listening Is The Better Part of Speaking – Sarah Kay

Sarah Kay’s Ted talk titled “If I Should Have A Daughter” was worth the 30 minutes it took for our dinosaur-age-speed internet in Chicago to load it. I also enjoyed the discussion she had with On Being’s Krista Tippet, particularly her thoughts on choosing our words with care, and the weekly exercise she does in her workshops. During this exercise she urges each of the participants to come up with a list of things that they know to be true. The example she cites in On Being for this exercise is that her name is Sarah, and that she was named for her grandfather, named Stewart. She urges each person to think of things that are not only true, but interesting and unique.

Source

This was my favorite part of the interview because as of late I have been thinking about how I’d like to improve the ways I connect with people. I am really, phenomenally good at talking about myself. Because of my tendency to over-share, you can ask me questions all day long and I will keep reflecting my answers back at you. I can think of so many instances where I have walked away from a conversation realizing that I spent so much time reflecting and pontificating, but I didn’t spend any time absorbing. The person I just spent time with knows more about me than they might ever want to know, but I can’t remember a single thing about them, sometimes not even their name.

I don’t want to make it sound like I greedily talk about myself, overpowering anyone who tries to take a moment to share. It’s more that I don’t know what questions to ask them, or I feel a bit anxious about silence and want to fill in the spaces. The problem has been exacerbated over the years with my blog, as I interact with people who know far more about me than I do about them, which provides them an opportunity to ask specific questions that strangers would never think to ask each other (or if they did it might be considered inappropriate or strange to do so). I am better at holding mutually beneficial conversations when it is with someone I know, particularly when we have an extensive shared history, but I still often feel like I did far more speaking than listening.

As with all things, the first step to fixing this character flaw is acknowledging that it is a problem for me. When making phone calls or spending time with family members and friends I can take a moment before our conversation begins and remind myself that the goal is to learn more about them than they learned about me. The area I’d like to most focus on though, is when I meet new people. I have a friend who was a pharmaceutical rep (I hear she was the best of the best) and I always in awe whenever we get together in social situations, particularly cocktail parties hosted by That Husband’s work. She is a master at conversing with everyone, from the wife of a new hire to the partner of a prestigious firm. I want to be just like her.

Unfortunately I freeze up a little bit when meeting new people. Once we get past their name (which I often forget as soon as it’s said, despite my efforts to lock it deep in my brain) I’m out of ideas. On my Just A Mom post we got into a great discussion about how some people feel frustrated that their profession is sometimes used to define them (particularly when our culture places great importance on specific professions and those in certain fields feel discredited), and so I want to get in the habit of using some alternative phrases in order to get to know people. Some of the fabulous suggestions proffered up include:

“How do you spend your time?“

“Where are you from?” (This is my contribution to the brainstorming, it’s the least risky and inventive)

“What are your hobbies?” and “What are you passionate about?” from Kayla

and my personal favorite from Janssen “What do you like to do?“

I’m writing this on June 7th, and as soon as I hit schedule I’m heading out to dinner with some people I haven’t met in real life. I’m going to make it my goal to work some of the above phrases into my conversations.

Does conversing meaningfully with strangers and acquaintances come easily for you? How do you make meaningful connections with those you don’t know well? If this wasn’t a natural skill for you, how did you develop it?

I can officially cross one of my 101 in 1001 off my list. Yesterday I ran over 1 mile without any walking breaks! 1.25 miles to be exact. It took me about 16 minutes to do it, but I wasn’t worried about speed, I just wanted to finish with no walking.

After my workout on the treadmill I did 30+ flights of stairs. I am hardcore baby!

I haven’t written about Couch to 5K yet (I’m waiting to get father into the program before I do) but believe when when I say that at the beginning of January, I struggled to run 90 seconds without stopping. If you’re joining me in That Weight Loss Challenge and your knees are up for it, give this program a try. Stick with at for at least two weeks, and I promise you’ll be amazed with the results.

Technically I was supposed to run 20 minutes straight, for Week 5 Day 2, but I psyched myself out and stopped with something like 4 minutes to go. Before I started my run I was so nervous that I almost cried. If you’ve finished the 20 minute run and have any tips I’d love to hear them!

I finally finished typing up my 101 in 1001 list, something that’s taken me several months to refine. I’ll be posting sporadically about goals I’ve finished (probably those I take pictures of). My list will always be accessible at the top of That Wife, as one of my pages. Look up right now and you’ll see it there!

View my 101 in 1001 list here.

I’m starting this with Emily, and you can join us if you’d like! Don’t worry about being a few days behind, we’d love to have you chugging along with us. I had a hard time compiling mine until Emily posted some inspiration lists from an assortment of bloggers she knows. There is also a website for the Day Zero Project, though it’s currently down. Try searching for 101 in 1001 and looking at different lists around the web to help inspire the creation of yours!

At the beginning of the year I committed to do several things.

Here’s what I accomplished:

Had a baby!

The rest of my goals? I didn’t finish them 100% like I wished I would.

A few that I accomplished partially:

I lost 25 pounds.

Then gained 5 back. So I’ve lost 20 of the 30 lbs I vowed to lose.

I shot 7 weddings for Jenna Cole.

Kimberly and Bradley

Kathryn and Eric

Natalie and Jeramy

Laura and Matt

Kate and Cormac

Lauren and Richard

Brynn and Jeff

I finished three nonfiction LDS books.

And those I didn’t even come close to accomplishing:

Finish college courses except last foreign language class. (Not currently working on this right now.)

Clean out my inbox by the end of January. Reply to Jenna Cole emails within 24 hours. Reply to personal emails within 72 hours. Reply to blog comments within one week. (I cleaned out my inbox by the end of January, but if filled right back up again.)

Dream up a “concept shoot”. Find models. Find props. Make artwork I can be proud of. (Someday this will happen, but my paying clients always have to come before my personal goals.)

Attend the temple at least once/month after the baby comes. (I’ve only been twice, once in Dallas and once in SLC.)

After baby is born, devote an entire day to myself. Get a facial/pedicure/massage, go to a museum, take pictures of whatever inspires me, do no laundry/no dishes/cook no meals. (This is one I should definitely work on in 2011!)

Cook/bake one dish from the Polish cookbook TH’s aunt gifted us. (I have the poppyseeds. Maybe for Valentines day?)

My 2009 goals, and what I accomplished.

This year I’m going to start working on 101 goals to be finished in 1001 days. I was inspired by Emily, and you’re free to join us if you’d like!