04 Nov
Election Day Begone
I am tired of elections. My church has been attacked over and over, and I feel like I have to hide in a corner and not say what I really think because I feel like I am in the minority. Well I am not going to hide anymore.
I am not voting. Not because I don’t want to, but because I let the wedding take over my life and didn’t think about things like absentee ballots (or bills actually, I have two late fees on one of my credit cards from the wedding planning period). I don’t like McCain but I wouldn’t vote for Obama so I am not sure what I would have done. I feel irritated when I think about how I am missing the opportunity to make a difference, and I don’t plan on letting it happen again.
I’ll be watching the Proposition 8 developments very closely all day. I hope my cousins can forgive me for putting their written statement on my own blog, but it so clearly expresses my own views on the subject I couldn’t have written it any better.
For months we have been struggling with the social and legal complexities of this issue. Please don’t misunderstand, there was never any question in our minds about which way we would vote. But we struggled with how to talk about it with friends who don’t share our convictions. We’ve gone over the arguments for and against keeping the original meaning of the word marriage many times with family and friends. We have watched people polarize on this issue. Even people who we greatly respect vehemently oppose Proposition 8. We’ve seen our beliefs and religion criticized. We’ve worried deeply about what friends might be thinking about our stance or how they might respond to our vote.
There are many friends and colleagues?some whom we hold dear?who we know will completely disagree with our decision. We hope our relationship can remain unharmed despite our differences.
When it comes down to it, there is no reconciling our personal knowledge with the social arguments. So, we base our vote on the following statements of principle and belief, in [husbands] words, which are mine as well:
I know there is a God. It is a fact to me. I know that He is our father, and that He loves all of us. I know that He justly holds us accountable for our level of understanding of Him and his laws. I know that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). Therefore, I stand accountable to God to live by this principle; no matter how much the collective intellect of society, including my most trusted and respected friends, disagrees.
Now you know how I feel (again, big thanks to my cousins for writing things down so clearly). I believe that it is important to stand up for what you believe in. I can’t make this belief feel right to a lot of you, but it is what I believe. I believe in my marriage, and our ability as children of a loving Father in heaven to become something greater after this life.
I hope that by reading this blog over time you will see that my church, and its members, are not evil. We are good people, striving to make a positive difference. I hope that we can all have open minds and understanding hearts once this is all over. I hope that we can all remain friends.
Feel free to leave your true thoughts in the comments. I will only be moderating if hateful sentiments and anti-mormon links are included.
Tomorrow, thank goodness, it’s back to bills, cooking, laundry, and those burdensome thank-you notes.
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
I admire your courage. Thank you for sharing this.
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1I greatly respect and appreciate your invitation to your readers to leave their true thoughts in the comments. I hope your readers - or in fact everyone voting or not in American today and everyone else watching all over the world - will remain compassionate. It’s easy to forget sometimes that everyone is just trying to do what they think is right and will give them the life they want.
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2I disagree with your final decision on Prop 8. But, I do understand the issues with discrimination against both sides. It’s an emotional decision because both sides have made it so. I think that the biggest problem with your deduction is the mixing of legal marriage and spiritual marriage. I believe that God shouldn’t come into the mix when discussing marriage in the legal sense. Why is it that the two are grouped together? I feel like marriage in this sense is a homonym… sounds the same, but means something totally different.
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3One of the beauties of living in a democratic nation is that whether or not I agree with anything that you say, we can still be friends. As a very issue aware Christian, I know what it feels like to be pushed (more like shoved) in both directions. I have many co-workers and friends that feel like the vote should be based on “X” principles, and I have friends and family members who are adamant that only “Y” principles matter. The reality is that there are things that come out of both candidates’ mouths that I agree with and there are also comments from both sides that have me wonder what planet they’re living on! At the end of the day, I’m the one going into the booth, and I know that I have certain beliefs that will help me to decide who to choose.
I’m proud of you for being so honest in your post. The truth is that you have every right and reason to have foundational beliefs based on your faith system, and nobody has a right to tell you that you’re wrong for that.
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4I think LDS still has be in the forefront in order for everyone to understand what’s going on - positive and negative so I really can’t say I’m for or against it (because I don’t know). Most of my experience with LDS members have been really positive and I feel really engaged because on some bacic level, we believe in the fundamentals. So I think LDS should really get out there and educate people about it (my husband and I would really to know and we’re devout Catholics - we just want to understand other’s views and respect them too). Religion in many respects is part of one’s identity so I totally understand how you feel.
I don’t really understand prop 8 and personally don’t want to delve into either.
But I kinda feel bad about you not voting. I’m not gonna harp on whose side you should take but the fact that you should exercise your right. We’re women and not that long ago, we didn’t have that right. I’m an African American woman so it was in recent memory that my grandmother, aunts and mother could vote in the south - woo hoo represent Alabama! One election could change the whole perspective of many things. I used to work in immigration so I understand how many people who become citizens feel as they are able to vote freely, in many cases they were not able in their own countries.
Politics is a sensitive issue but at the same time an issue we should feel we can express without fear of reproach. I have a friend who is SOOO Pro Bush - I wore a pro Kerry button, she wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t change and I didn’t stop being her friend despite the insult so where does that leave us.
So shake it off, get back to your bills (I totally understand).
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5Everyone is always entitled to their own opinion, but part of being responsible with your opinion is having respect for others with differing opinions, provided they are presented in a rational, calm, respectful manner. Can you imagine how boring life would be if we all agreed on absolutely everything, 100% of the time? But this is where tolerance needs to come into play. I am so sorry you [the collective group you, more-so than the individual you, though I am especially sorry if people have been targeting you individually] have been the subject of so much hate. Discrimination works both ways.
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6For the moment I’m somewhat glad that this was not on the PA ballot. I struggle with this issue. I am sure it will eventually come to my state and I’ll be forced to choose a side. I greatly value my marriage and am a firm believer in the need to uphold the sanctity of the institution. But I’m conflicted by what Jesus would do; a man who surrounded himself with the undesirable and socially outcast.
I wonder how much Prop 8, and others like it, are an effort to eradicate homosexuality. Silly notion. But let’s think about this. By making homosexual marriage illegal isn’t going to stop homosexuality. Making abortions illegal, isn’t going to stop abortions. In fact it will most likely make them more dangerous.
I truly believe that these changes can only be brought about by a re-moralization of the mind and spirit. If we strengthened and supported the familial unit, and recognized it as a foundation, second only to our faith, I believe we would raise up people who value life; be it at 40 weeks or 40 hours. If every child was raise with a father and a mother I think they would seek out similar relationships. It all starts in the home.
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7Can I ask you a question? (Ok, that’s rhetorical because I’m not going to wait for your response, I just wanted to be clear I won’t think anything bad about it if you choose not to answer.)
You said in this post “I don’t like McCain but I wouldn’t vote for Obama” and I interpreted that that you might go back and forth on McCain before deciding if you liked him, but with Obama you just wouldn’t go there. Did I understand that correctly? And if so, can I ask why?
Even as I write this I’m very aware of the title of this post and that you might not want to get into it. Please don’t feel drawn in if you don’t want to, I’m just intrigued.
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8Hey! It’s one of your LDS friends from Weddingbee! I had to unsubscribe from Weddingbee in my google reader because every single weddingbee post had No on 8 ads following me around…. but I was very quick to subscribe to your personal blogs because I wanted to keep up with you.
I feel so fortunate to live in California, to have had the opportunity to be involved in this election process and getting the word out about the importance of protecting traditional marriage. It’s been so hurtful having to deal with being called a bigot or intolerant or told that I am a “gay-hater” and a “homophobe” when I know none of those things are remotely the case.
Anyways I just wanted to show my support to you for making your voice heard. I know how uncomfortable it can feel to be vulnerable to personal attack. But I also know that there are a LOT of people who agree with you, not just members of our faith.
Take care! Congrats on the wedding! Everything looks amazing.
Happt Election Day!
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9I agree with what Julie (EthidiumBromide) said, especially about how discrimination works both ways. Myself, like yourself, believes in upholding the traditional definition of marriage where “…a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’.
So they are no longer two, but one.” (Matthew 19 5b - 6a) I realize that I might be ostracized for believing this, but that’s okay. I guess one could say I agree with Voltaire’s quote: “I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”
This makes me think of a conversation I heard outside my door at work yesterday: “The only one who knows the truth is God. But I’m not him.”
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10thank you for posting this in a respectful and calm manner. in this post, you are showing your freedom to exercise your beliefs, which is the greatest right that we have in this country, and it is why i choose to vote for those that expand our rights rather than restrict them.
i have two wonderful LDS girls who i am proud to call my friends, although our beliefs don’t align and that’s OK. it shows that we have the ability to respect each other’s opinion and that is what matters.
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11Thank you for sharing this, it is truly brave. I’ve experienced much of the same disharmony from people very close to me. It can hurt vey much. I find it so wonderful that you are willing to stand up for your beliefs. I ,too, hope your cousins don’t mind you copying that because it really put a huge jumble of my thoughts into order! Tomorrow is the end of this, and I think you agree when I say “It’s almost over!!!!!!!
”. You did a great job clearly and calmly explaining yourself, and that is very respectable!
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12Awesome post Jenna! I love it, you have an ablility that I do not: to show your point of view calmly and respectfully! I get too worked up. I voted this morning and I felt so empowered. I didn’t vote in the last election because I was living in Switzerland and never got an absentee ballot so I totally understand your situation.
Thanks for your post!
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13While I am not LDS- I so feel your pain. As a Christian myself and especially as a minister’s wife there is extreme pressure to feel one way and then in the outside world there is extreme pressure to feel the opposite. And I too am sick to death of talking about. I like the way your cousins expressed themselves, it was very respectful while making their point known.
Just think, tomorrow it will be all over and we can go back to normal life. Thank you for having the guts to post how you feel. I myself have just been avoiding discussing any of it. And I sort of feel like a coward, I just don’t want to get yelled at for my beliefs. Ya know?
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14I have to say that I agree with Amber in the sense that the law should be viewed seperately from the view of “marriage” in the sense of the church. (Church and State are seperate entities, no?) To truly keep these two things seperate, I wish we could use the term “marriage” as a term to describe the union of two people in the eye’s of God, and that a “civil union” between two people (be they heterosexual or homosexual) would be law-binding.
For the record, although I respect your opinions, I am hopeful that Prop 8 will be voted down today.
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15Hi, I followed you over here from WB. I understand where you are coming from, but I would like to respectfully disagree.
Marriage can be religious, but it does not have to be; one can be just as married at the courthouse as in the Temple or Mass. In my experience, churches will not peform some marriages now, such as marriage between members of different religions. So I am not sure why gay marriage would be different. Just because it is legally allowed does not mean that churches would be mandated to honor that.
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16Although I truly respect your beliefs, I ask that you too respect the beliefs of others. No one should be permitted to decide who should get married and who shouldn’t. Marriage is such a personal decision between two people, that only those two people should be part of the decision. Church and State were meant to be separated under the laws of this great Nation, and should remain that way regardless of what Church is involved.
At the end of life, it is only you that has to answer to your God for the personal life decisions that you made. You will not be asked to answer for the decisions that others made in the way the conducted their lives. That is for them to deal with with their own God when the time comes.
Because I do not believe I should get to vote on who gets married and who doesn’t, I too hope that Prop 8 does not pass today!
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17I second Guilty Secret - sometimes it’s hard to remember that people are passionate about different issues because they care, and they’re trying to do right.
My dad’s side of the family is descended from some of the Mormons who made the original trip with Brigham Young - my dad’s dad (who passed away when my dad was 9) was raised in the LDS church. It’s always been a little interesting to me - and what’s always stood out to me about your church is just how loving and devoted to God you all are. And I think that’s a wonderful thing.
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18And by the way…. how exactly do you have so much time to read and keep up with all the blogs, meanwhile write 2 yourself????
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19I agree with many of the others about the separation of church and state — I hope that Prop. 8 doesn’t just go down, but that it’s shot out of the sky “shock and awe” style by Californians.
In the end, Prop. 8 isn’t about what any of us BELIEVE — it’s about whether or not we’re willing to impose those beliefs on others. I’m personally conservative on the abortion issue, for example, but I’m politically pro choice. I don’t believe that my personal belief should be legally imposed on others, especially because my belief is rooted in religious conviction.
Actually, there are some parallels between the LDS and homosexual communities — even though they seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum, both are minority groups, often misunderstood and judged by the majority. Just as the LDS community should be free to BE, so should the homosexual community. We need to realize that, at the end of the day, it doesn’t affect any of us (except the parties involved) if two women or two men marry one another. Let’s choose our battles wisely.
Church and state are separate for a reason, and nearly all opposition to civil unions is rooted in religious conviction. We need to be careful not to forcibly impose our religious convictions (whatever they are) on each other. If you think about it, we’re all part of some group that others don’t understand or agree with — maybe we’re conservative, or liberal, or Christian, or agnostic, or atheist, or fat, or thin, or black, or white, or male, or female. Whatever it is, we need to realize that tolerance is the only way to go.
Thanks for opening up this respectful discussion! I love your blog and think you’re brave for wearing your religious/political heart on your sleeve.
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20No one will ever come to know the love of Jesus Christ if they are judged by man and withheld from equal legal rights.
I am a heterosexual and a Christian and a sinner. And I embrace every single one of my GLBT friends with the love of Jesus Christ. In all of my human sinfulness, I answer only to Jesus Christ and so do they.
But this is about the USA, a country which acknowledges that all people are created as equals. This is a country which calls for the separation of Church and State, an idea echoed by the big JC who proclaimed: Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s! We are entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wonder, could you ever really be happy in life without your spouse? I don’t think I could.
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21Guilty-I wouldn’t want people to do anything less than leave their real reactions. I do appreciate hearing what people really think. I do not appreciate being attacked, but so far that has not happened.
To answer your question: I know that this response will make many classify me as a one-issue voter, but it stands as the reason behind my voting nonetheless. I don’t believe in abortion, unless under the most extreme circumstances, and would never vote for a candidate that does. I believe that life begins at conception and so terminating a fetus at any age is murder. It’s a human life. If both the democratic and the republican candidates supported abortion? Well, I guess I might just have to write in then
Melothryan-I also acknowledge that I should be able to vote based on my belief system. I do see how people have such a hard time with my view on proposition 8 however, since it denies other people the right to practice what they believe.
Skywalker-The not voting won’t happen again. I feel so left out of the process right now!
Julie-I do find it interesting that the group accusing us for so long of being “bigots” are now acting that very same way.
Kristin-I agree that making gay marriage won’t eliminate it or eliminate the desire, just as making aborition illegal won’t eliminate it or eliminate the desire. This, however, does not give me freedom of conscious from the fact that I believe a certain way to be right. I believe that both homosexuality and abortion go against God’s plan for his children, and the whims of society are not going to change the will of God.
I agree that things need to start in the home, but I believe that the best kind of home is a traditional home with both a mother and father present. I believe that the souls of females and males inherently possess different strengths and weaknesses meant to complement one another.
shaver2b-I have been praying nightly that those supporting the proposition cause will not turn to hate and attacks like those of the no side seem to be doing in many ways. What a wonderful opportunity to really make a difference. I hope that I won’t have that opportunity in my home state of Washington anytime soon!
Bean-It’s nice to hear that there are other people that feel the same way I do. It really feels like I am the only person sometimes.
Ami-It makes me tear up a little that we can remain friends despite our differing views on such important ideas. Thank you.
kay-I wouldn’t have been able to explain myself so well without this statement by my cousins. They really did the work, but I couldn’t possibly believe in it any more than I already do.
Allison-I remain calm because doing anything else will result in being attacked (as I have learned many times)
Mrs.S.-If it is any help, this has actually been a wonderful experience. I felt supported, even by some of the people that don’t agree.
Rachel-I definitely do NOT have time for it. I am not working and I am not going to school. I need to work on being a good little wife soon, not just a good little blogger.
Rksquard, Chrissie, Karin, Sara, and e-At one point, I agreed with you, even though my church was very quietly encouraging something different. I thought for a long time that if it was ever an issue to vote on I would vote to give people their rights. Then a friend explained things really well to me, the reason why I wouldn’t vote no against proposition 8:
“Our ability to exclude homosexuals on the basis of their sexual orientation (and acts) will be challenged in court. The idea that homosexual behavior is sinful could be considered hate speech. Then people will begin to sue the church about it. They could demand that homosexuals be allowed to married inside of the temple. The Church could lose its tax-exempt status and tithing would not be tax deductible. Finally, if society agrees that we pander hate vandalism and hatred will increase against the church.”
It’s all very hypothetical, but can you see what the worry is? Granting “rights” to whoever asks for them could potentially deny me of mine someday.
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22Although many have expressed concern that churches could lose their funding, in reality this isn’t an issue. All churches are allowed to set their own requirements for marriage within their church. This is seen most predominately through requirements that both members be of the same religion. My understanding of the LDS faith is very limited, but I imagine that a non member would not be allowed to marry in the temple. This is no different then the LDS church prohibiting homosexuals to marry within the temple.
The fear that one’s rights could someday be taken away is exactly the reason to vote no on Prop 8. My guess is you wouldn’t want the majority of people deciding what rights you get and what ones you don’t get. The same applies here. If homosexuals aren’t allowed to get married, which rights will the majority go after next? Just things to consider for the future!
I’m happy to see that everyone has been able to have a civilized debate on the issue, and hope that one day, everyone will truly be able to respect everyone else - and show that very respect by allowing everyone to make their own decisions in marriage!
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23Thanks for answering my question.
It seems so weird to me that my supposedly religious country makes its laws on issues such as abortion based on science (in this example when a foetus is viable outside the womb), but in your supposedly secular country so many people vote according to their religious convictions. It’s funny how our Church of England monarchy can have much greater separation of church and state than your secular republic. Consequently, my feelings about issues such as religion, abortion and marriage don’t effect my politics at all and it seems strange to me when others’ do. It’s easy to forget just how different our cultures can be sometimes.
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24Thanks for writing about this.
I do not like writing about religion or politics on my blog, because: 1. it gives me a headache; and 2. I’m too chicken.
I, like you, have been attacked many times this year for my religious beliefs and their influence on my political stances. It was especially difficult to live in a state like NY filled with left-leaners, and with so many of my friends and blogs I read being liberal.
I have felt the hate coming from the other side too, and I couldn’t understand how people could call me “close-minded” or a “bigot” when they were being equally hateful towards me and my beliefs.
I was torn between Obama vs McCain because I was equally divided between the two candidates when comparing their major issues and platforms. In the end, I decided to go with another candidate altogether because his platform seemed the best in tune with my beliefs. Do I feel like my vote didn’t matter? A bit, yes. But I’m happy and confident with my decision.
However, I am happy for Obama’s win because I wholeheartedly think that this was part of God’s plan.
P.S. - I changed the link on my blog…thanks for pointing that out to me!
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25i just love you. you are amazing. you have such brilliant commentators! i’m so impressed by the ability that everyone has had in keeping the conversation civil, respectful, and dignified.
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26Guilty-We speak (sort of) the same language, but there are so many things that are so very different.
Geek in Heels-I am also happy about Obama’s win, but just because, for right now, it seems that people have been able to put aside their differences, and I haven’t heard that happen for a long time. I don’t know what will happen. Odds are that I won’t be living in the United States to feel the effects of it anymore once it does.
amanda-I was surprised by the response. It’s been a good thing overall. It’s encouraging to think that I may be able to open up discussion on matters more serious than what pair of shoes I should pay for the new dress I bought without being attacked for my point of view
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27Thanks for posting how you feel! Although I may disagree with you, I really enjoy learning about other people’s perspectives. I think it’s important to have friends who have different beliefs, because that’s how we grow as people!
I haven’t been around many LDS people, so thanks for teaching me more about what you stand for!
I look forward to reading about your life…post-wedding!
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28I really respect that you’ve posted about your beliefs on this topic, and its so cool that there is a respectful discussion going on here about Prop 8. I live in California, in the San Francisco Bay Area. It’s been a big topic, in some ways, bigger than the Presidential Election itself.
Like others, I voted no on Prop 8 because it takes away civil liberties that have already been granted to a named demographic of people. In my opinion, it is up to each individual to decide if they want to enter into a marriage, whether that be to a man or to a woman. I don’t feel that the government should limit who marries who, or what rights a person is granted because of that decision.
My stance on abortion is similar. I would not choose to have one. I don’t feel its the government’s place to put limitations on a person’s choices.
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29“I believe that both homosexuality and abortion go against God’s plan for his children, and the whims of society are not going to change the will of God.”
And you have every right to believe this. Just like I have every right to think this makes you a bigot.
It’s sad. I really enjoyed this blog, but I can no longer read it.
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30Yeah, I’m sorry, you lost me too. I think that you’re a good writer and very creative person. But, after reading this and your angry reply on a WB thread on a similar issue, I can’t support this.
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31Jenna,
I’m touched that you found our words helpful. I don’t mind at all that you shared them here. You are a good person. I know you are only upholding what you believe is sacred. I’ve realized these last few weeks that doing just that will sometimes cause me to stand alone. However, staying true to my convictions, while still having compassion, ultimately has brought me peace.
Love,
Jeannie
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32Heidi and Paula-I am happy that you can have tolerance for people who believe differently than you do, especially about such a touchy issue. It’s something which is completely lacking lately.
Asia and Anne-Thank you for leaving dissenting opinions and farewell notes that weren’t attacked. I’m always sad to lose readers, as they are the life blood of a blog I think, but thank you for not attacking me for what I said.
Jeannie-Thank you for being okay with my reposting of it. You guys really said things so well. I’m glad that amidst all of the turmoil you must be experiencing, you have found some peace.
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33I beg to differ-the “attacks” on the church are VERY different from the LDS attacks on gay marriage. The criticism of the LDS church is very much DESERVED. Every action gets a reaction. What did gay people ever do to you? They are VERY much the victims in this situation, and I really resent the implication that you or your church are suffering in any meaningful way from this situation. If you are, maybe you should have thought about that before you did everything in your power to deny people their fundamental rights. People have every reason to be angry at a group that picks on the little guy.
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34Anonymous-I don’t want to fight with you, but if I traveled to Jerusalem and defaced the holy sites of the Jews, or traveled to Rome and wrote hateful things in the room of the Sistine Chapel, would it not be considered a hate crime attack?
You can be angry without being hateful. We can agree to disagree.
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