24 Apr
House Envy
I am generally not a jealous person. Over the year which That Husband and I spent long distance dating I can’t ever recall feeling worried that he might be spending time with other girls, or developing an interest in someone else. I’m relatively happy with how I look, the clothes I wear, my overall general lifestyle.
Except there is a little green monster growing inside of me, and I can’t seem to evict him from my mind. It’s the nasty goobery kind that burrows in right in between your eyes and attempts to keep you from feeling happy for the accomplishments of others.
When we were first married, it was easy to get excited about living together in our new apartment, buying laundry baskets, shower curtains, and hanging photos on the walls. The delight is beginning to wear off now, and I crave light. I want to live somewhere with light coming in all sides. Light in the kitchen, light in the bathroom, light in the bedroom, light in the living room. All light from the sun, nothing artificial.
Back when we were dating That Husband warned me it would probably be several years before a house would even be a possibility. We don’t plan on settling down somewhere for a very long time, and purchasing a property we only plan on living on for two years just isn’t practical (and believe me, this is a marriage which thrives on practicality and logic). Of course, back when we were dating, I was still living at college, only reading wedding blogs, with only a few friends married off and living the dream. With more married friends, and a long list of newlywed blogs that I read, it’s starting to feel like everyone is buying a house. Everyone but me that is.
I’ve been whining about it a lot more to TH since my friend (who was married on the same day we were), announced they would be purchasing very soon. It was previously easy to ignore my house hunger by telling myself “We have only been married 6 months, no one buys a house within 6 months.” Now I know that isn’t true. She’s getting a house, I want one too!
I’m not asking for much, even if this sweet little yellow one would do.
When things get really bad (because post after post in my reader seems to be about people complaining about escrow*, mortgages, and the difficulty finding the perfect fit, which I would love to be experiencing any day), I think about my parents. My wonderful parents (organic farmer father and photographer mother) have lived in a trailer for their entire marriage. First it was a singlewide, and then a doublewide, and now they have a quadruplewide (two separate doublewides were attached together when I was in high school giving me my own bedroom at last). In fact, it wasn’t until I got to college that I realized we didn’t live in a “house” like most people. I had heard the jokes about people who lived in trailer parks, and had probably made a few of them myself, not realizing that it wouldn’t take too much work to load up our house on wheels and move it into the park right along with them!
Can my parents afford a house? Definitely. Their are variety of factors holding them back from building/purchasing their dream home, and I believe they deserve credit for their frugality in a society consumed with a mindset of entitlement. Their is no worries about “keeping up with the Jones’” for them, as they will do whatever they deem best no matter what their neighbors do. I want to be just like them.
I hope we get that home sooner than later, but even if our last child leaves the nest before we do, I’ll feel content knowing that it’s the loving environment inside that matters, not the structure itself.
Although porticos, gables, winding staircases, and floor to ceiling windows can’t hurt, right?
*Actually I don’t know if anyone really complains about escrow, I only know about the term from Friends. 
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
I know what you mean - before I was engaged a lot of my old friends got married and I was desperate to join them.
But at this moment I am so so glad we do not own a house. Renting means we have somewhere to live but we have options. So you can’t paint without permission or whatever, but any major issues are someone else’s problem and the most loss you would ever make is a years rent.
I have friends who bought properties at the peak of the property boom and who are now coming to the end of fixed term mortgages and who can’t afford their payments. Whose properties have slipped into negative equity. Who cannot achieve more than the market rent, which doesn’t pay their mortgage. Who can’t go on holiday and can’t even go out, as every spare penny has to go on paying their mortgage. At times like this I am so glad that we are only renting our beautiful flat.
In Europe, people rent all their lives. Yet in the UK there is somehow this desire to own the property - yet you never really do, you just rent it for longer (all property passes back to the crown if it is not passed to someone by will - so you just ‘own’ the house for a lifetime).
Sorry for the long comment - I understand your jealous feeling but not the subject of it. xxx
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1I completely understand your desire for a house. I think most women in their 20′s have a desire to nest and for most that means wanting a house. The boy and I are one of those couples that was able to take advantage of the lower interest rates and get into a house, and now I am trying to reign myself in from going crazy and spending money to have it look “perfect”. I remind myself that for the first year my parents were married they lived in a house that my dad had spent his weekends building with no flooring, no kitchen cabinets etc. I have a roof over my head and warm water and heat - I don’t NEED to make sure everything matches.
Not yet anyway.
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2My fiance and I just assumed that buying a house wasn’t something we could afford. We were resigned to the fact that once we get married, we will rent for a few years, and that was that. But then both of our parents planted a little seed in our minds, talking about how great the market is right now and how interest rates are unbelievable… so we did some research. And we were actually VERY surprised to find out that we could prequalify for an amount that not only would be affordable to us, but would buy a house that would very much meet our needs. In a few years, we may decide we want something different, and we’d probably be able to afford more, but the odds are that in a few years, it won’t be nearly as hard to sell a home as it is now. Basically, what I’m saying is that maybe it doesn’t HAVE to be completely off the table… you can always talk to a lender to find out what you can afford/get approved for, then if you decide not to go for it, you’re under no obligation. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that our mortgage payment, including taxes/insurance will only be $100 more than just MY rent payment (we do not live together, so he’s paying rent too right now… so buying this house together when we’re married will actually SAVE us money!). Good luck!
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3We just bought a house. It was 3 days after our 4 month anniversary. We’ve been together 5+ years and living together for 3+, so how long we’ve been married didn’t play a factor into our decision to buy.
However, we weren’t expecting to buy anything until November or so of this year. We were only going to see a house as a way for us to learn from the agent what we should be looking for. We had no idea the hosue we were going to see would be “the house”. That night at 11:15pm, we were approved house owners.
I find it amazing how much my day-to-day thinking has changed. 6 months ago I was ALL wedding, but now it’s about how eco-friendly can we make our new home. My daily reads now include thisyounghouse.com and fellow newlyweds such as yourself. I still read the wedding blogs (for my side biz) but the real excitement comes from house blogs.
I understand the envy, and it’s normal. Having that place that is YOURS. Treating your place with that much more love, ’cause if it breaks, it’s your dime, not the landloards.
You have you sights set far, and that’s very cool. Do the travel thing!! The house will come
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4My parents made similar decisions regarding housing as yours. It wasn’t until high school when my parents had our “house” aka doublewide moved to a new location that I realized our “house” was different. They are now in their 60′s and almost finished building their first “house”. I’m really excited for them! Honestly, there are days I miss apartment life. One thing I’ve realized is while living in an apartment I kept things very simple. I didn’t save alot of “stuff” I suppose. When I sold my house last year to buy a larger house with the boy it was UNREAL the amount of “stuff” I had. Stuff in boxes I hadn’t used/seen in years. Oh…and the other thing I miss about apartment life….the maintenance man! Trying to have a new shower installed b/c your old one cracked in half while you are mid-wedding planning….not so fun! I think there are pro’s and con’s to home ownership. The one thing I’d recommend to curb the “house bug” is let your next rental be a condo or house. You can typically decorate a bit more, have natural light….and still have a maintenance man to call!
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5i think we (you & TH and me & mr. gilmore) were married about the same time, maybe even the same day. mr gilmore has a serious itch to man-nest, i.e. use power tools, paint, break stuff, fix stuff, etc. at his bequest, mr and i started looking for a house late last summer. we looked at 37 before we found the one we bought, our realtor kept track. it was tough, we lost one that i fell in love with (stained glass windows and butcher block countertop?) and saw many that were unbelievably horrible (like dirty and dilapidated). but we found THE house. our house, our home. we closed on it the week after we got married and spent the next 6 months (to the day) working on it. every weekend. every spare hour during the week. it became a massive time and money sink.
we didn’t have a honeymoon (or a minimoon), we got a house. or, more accurately, the house got us and all our time. time that would have been nice to spend together, being newlyweds. we finally finished enough of the house projects to move in, only two weeks ago.
yep. my point (i have one, i promise) is that a house is a ton of work. even if it is deemed “move in ready”, it won’t be, i promise. we are way past being burned out, but we still aren’t finished.
we probably won’t ever be finished. i think there will always be something, a deck, my dream vegetable garden, a new kitchen floor, etc.
it.never.end.
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6have you thought about finding a house to lease? that way, you get all of the fun stuff without the commitment
i found a sweet little house that is amazingly affordable. my landlord is super-lenient with my crazy paint colors and the new light fixtures i’ve put in. just an idea 
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7I agree with Mrs. Gilmore. Being a homeowner is a TON of work. Sometimes there are fun projects (can you call painting fun?) but usually there are annoying things like fixing the leak underneath of the tub. Things that cost a small fortune. There is a nice sense of satisfaction we get from improving our house though. It’s nice to look back and think about all of the projects we have done to make it “ours.” I think you guys are smart to wait if you won’t be able to stay for more than 2 years!
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mrsgilmore Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 9:17 am
painting is not fun. it is even less fun when you have to paint all the ceilings, all the walls and the trim. our house is old and has (in my father-in-law’s words) miles of trim. just when you think you are done you find another spot to touch up.
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mrsgilmore Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 9:19 am
okay, but i concur, the feeling of accomplishment is nice, even when you are exhausted from doing the work.
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As a fellow couple nomad I feel you, and I’m glad you posted this. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
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9You read my mind! The battle I fight every day is the feeling that I’m due more than my friends b/c I’ve been married longer. I feel like everyone should get married, rent, then buy, then have babies…..in that order. Not for any specific reason other than when you get married you generally don’t have a lot of money and it takes time to save. And perhaps I feel that way b/c my husband and I got married young (we were both 23). When people do them out of order I feel left behind. I’m happy for them of course. I just don’t feel as satisfied with me own situation.
At this phase in our lives (similar to you and TH) we don’t know where we will end up. And while prices are good now, I am cautious to buy and then find out we’re moving.
While your parents home may not be new and sparkly, the great thing about it is the ownership. I personally am tired of dealing with landlords. Even if it’s small I would like our own place. A place where I can paint the walls….you know and actually show people I can decorate.
All in all, we could spend every minute of our day thinking up things we didn’t have. What we have may not be ideal, it may not be what everyone else has, and envy will steal a few moments of our day, but God has blessed us so much!! I try to think on those things.
)
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10The worst for me is watching House Hunters on HGTV….especially when the people can’t seem to find any house they like, and I’m thinking, I’d take any one of those, thank you!
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11“Escrow isn’t even on the map!”
We are hoping to buy a home within the next year… although I often enjoy the freedom and lack of responsibility that comes with renting, and we are extremely lucky to have an amazing apartment with windows on 3 sides, no neighbors, and great rent, I am 28 and my husband is 30 and we’re just ready for something that is OURS. We know it’s going to be a lot of work, but it will be something to be proud of. (And fortunately he’s in the home construction industry, so I have my own personal handyman/renovator!) I hear you on the home envy… most of our friends at this point have homes (and kids!) but we try not to get too caught up in it. Hopefully the right home will come along at the right time for us and we’ll go at our own pace.
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12I had the opposite feeling for most of my life. Sure, I’d periodically wish that I owned my house so that I wouldn’t have to deal with pet limits or the inability to rip out ugly things, but the freedom to move more than outweighed everything else. Up until this house, which we bought before we were engaged (and was a much scarier commitment to me than the prospect of marrying him), I moved pretty often, sometimes to pay less in rent, but mostly for a change of pace.
I have to remind myself that it’s great that the things we’re doing now (and paying for, ouch) will benefit us for years to come, and that my kids will get to play in our wooded backyard wonderland, and that nobody can tell me that seven animals is too many… because the things that we have to pay for and don’t even get to see (drainage, tree pruning, plumbing, electrical upgrades) is overwhelming and depressing.
While “be careful what you wish for” kind of responses don’t make anyone feel better, I’d suggest that you remind yourself how you have the freedom to move as your whims move you, and that you’re probably saving money, and that if you want more light, that possibility exists (unlike if you owned a home that needed more light).
You can always come visit and help paint! Painting sucks. The finished product is nice, and the sense of accomplishment is okay, but the actual act of painting is not fun. Though I am starting to enjoy the thinking time, which is not a good sign.
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Jenna Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 10:21 am
I remember painting the ceiling at my parents house. It’s one of the most awful experiences ever. I do love looking at the finished product though.
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Do you ever feel like your longing for a house is putting a lot of pressure on TH? I’m not sure if your blog/photo business is making money yet, but it seems like he is the only one going out and earning money and houses cost lots of money! I am a grad student (in year 4 out of 6) and while I get paid to get my degree (it’s a PhD program and I have my own grant) my salary is way too small to contribute meaningfully to a down payment or mortgage. So I sometimes feel guilty, because though my husband and I both talk about wanting a house, I know he feels like the pressure is all on him. I also sometimes feel guilty because I know how hard my husband works and I think that if I worked as hard as him, I’d finish my program a year early. Of course my husband insists my guilt is unnecessary and he wants to be able to provide the house with or without me pulling a real salary… Just wondering if you feel that way about finishing your classes, not contributing financially, getting to watch a movie at 11am on Tuesday while he’s at work, etc.
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Jenna Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I definitely think that my husband would prefer to trade places with me, although opening up the photography business has had me running full speed and feeling quite stressed, I’m not sure if he would want to take that over. I do feel guilty whenever I sleep in while he gets up and goes to work, but we’ve tried to offset that by agreeing that he has absolutely no responsibilities at home. He never cooks, doesn’t touch the laundry, I take out the trash, etc. It’s not exactly the same, but we can do for now.
At this point I don’t ever plan on going to work outside the home.
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Sophia Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Even when all the babies are grown up and in school? I’m interested in this aspect of being a stay at home mom- when/if I have kids I definitely would love to be able to stay at home to breastfeed comfortably, teach them a second language, and get in all that bonding from birth to 4 or 5, but once my youngest is in school, especially once the youngest was like 8-9 or so, it would be difficult for me to justify not working outside the home- of course by then your photography business will probably be a full time job in itself, so maybe this is a moot point… and maybe this would be another post, haha, I guess I’m just saying I’m interested in the ideas behind never planning on working outside the home.
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Jenna Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I guess I’ve never really considered a one working parent household as anythign out of the ordinary, as the majority of families in my hometown are set up in a similar fashion. My mom worked when we were very young, before we started school, because my parents had absolutely no money, but she spent more time at home the older we got.
It’s both a farming town thing, and a Mormon thing I think.
We also plan on having several children, which means it will be a very long time until all of them are all in school at the same time.
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Emily Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Sometimes i get overwhelmed with the idea of being a working mom (I’m not married yet, or a mom, but) when I think of everything I have to do around the house for just us, to add kids and a full time job (artist/restaurant employee now..) it makes me exhausted just to think about it. I think that’s the problem when there are news articles on the actual monetary value of the work stay at home moms and working moms do at home…. makes me not want to ever work full time while there are kids at home… to much work
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Erin Reply:
April 28th, 2009 at 1:57 am
I’m really rooting for a series of Mormon culture posts - this can be added to the list. So far we’ve got: 1.) marrying young, 2.) short engagements now, 3.) SOH mom/wife, and let’s add 4.) lots of kids (that was a comment on today’s post I think). I’d really like a Mormon culture series - not all of these in one post. And can we add blogging - I feel like lots of young Mormon women/moms are blogging?
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Jenna Reply:
April 28th, 2009 at 2:37 am
Great idea! I’ve added it to my post queue.
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Katy Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Sometimes I think that I’d go back to work part-time - -something for a little extra play money (not really to live on) and only something I loved doing - - and when my youngest was in school full time. Maybe, maybe not.
On the one hand, you do have the bulk of time during the day to yourself to work or what not, but on the other hand…just think of all that time to clean and shop and get things sane before the whole family is at home at night! It seems really nice to have all the errands ran and busy work done during the day when you are alone so that you can really enjoy and relax with your family in the p.m. with less stress (if mother’s ever truly relax..HA!)
Another change in my plans is having a child with special needs - he’s the oldest, but even when him and all the kids are in school, maybe he’ll still require a level of services that requires that I not work to make sure he gets what he needs. So who knows what the future holds! I’m just glad that thanks to my husband’s hard work and support, we’ll have options.
So speaking of being home…I should get off this darn computer and go play with my son!:)
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Alison Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I’m the primary breadwinner in my marriage. It’s me who has the mortgage, me who has the title of the house, me who’s RRSP (your 401k) we’re tapping into for our first time home buyer’s plan and me who pays for our car. It’s also me who just got a 5% pay cut (company wise) and me who’s company is temp. stopping all contribution to my RRSP.
Now, all that said, I don’t feel pressure paying for all of this. I’m in a situation where I can do this, and my husband can continue full-filling his dream as a professional musician. It’s what you do for your marriage.
Jenna, continue to be proud of doing your thing!!
Erin, listen to your husband. He’s OK with this (as I am in my situation). He’s got the woman he loves. Let him provide how he does, and you how you do.
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we bought a condo about a year ago before we were married, but I know what you mean. I never wanted to settle or own property, and then all of a sudden the nesting urge hit. It was bizarre. For what its worth, now is a good and practical time to consider buying something, even if you only have it for a couple years. you could always rent it out. but if its not an option, maybe you can paint your rental, or buy a new rug, or re-arrange the furniture? something to make you feel like its yours and you can do what you want with it.
I think its wonderful that your parents have lived, and continue to live a frugal and simple life. i want to be like them too. I am incredibly (and perhaps unfairly) anti big homes. They are incredibly wasteful, and a symbol (to me) of a lot of what’s wrong with america. We live in a 900 square foot condo and I know that will be fine for several years, even if we have a child.
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15Oh Jenna, I feel your pain, times 1000, because Husband and I won’t even be living together for years 2 - ?? of our marriage! Our friends from college and from my graduate program are living in D.C. where a real HOUSE house is far too expensive (townhouses in my neighborhood START at $1.5 million for a 3 bedroom, so what mid-20 year old can afford that??) but our friends we have made through Husband’s medical school/intern year are now preparing to move away for residency to cheaper parts of the country, and are coming back on weekends with tales of their great new townhouses and actual real stand-alone houses! And it rips my heart to shreds to hear them discuss all their new home plans, and decorating plans, all while I am starting to pack up my husband’s things so he can prepare to move out and move away! All we want is a nice 2-bedroom (that second bedroom would be AMAZING) condo in which we can live TOGETHER in the same city!
But, as long as we ultimately wind up in the same place, that is all that matters. While my parents do have a house, it is not at all the house they imagined they would wind up staying in permanently. It was the first house they purchased, 5 or so years after their marriage, intended as a “starter house”, only 3 bedrooms. But after they realized they would never be able to have a second child, they realized they didn’t need the upgrade right away, and they kept pushing it back, and back… and then they realized they were just going to wind up living there until they downsize someday when they are too old to be homeowners. They have partially always resented not having their dream house, but they, like you have now realized, now that the four walls and a roof have nothing to do with the quality of a home, but rather the love inside, and in that aspect, my parents’ house is 100% PERFECT!
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16I have gone so back and forth about my desire to have a house over the last 3 1/2 years. The first six months we were married I was looking at houses online every day, crunching numbers, imagining our little dog playing in the back yard. I have three older siblings, all who had a house seemingly days after they got married, and have had multiple homes since. Then I’d snap out of it and realize it was not logical at that time (we were both in school, what was I thinking?). When we found out we were moving to Texas and Dave was going to have a “real job”, I was 100% sure we were buying a house. Again, online every day, mapquesting commutes to the office from this house or that house. When we found out that other people in his same position rented down here, I just didn’t understand why! Who would rent when houses are so affordable here? Again, logic set in, we’re not going to be here that long, it makes more sense to rent. Anyway, I’m ranting, I wish we had a house too, but eventually I accept it again that we won’t for a long time, at least not until after business school. Sometimes it depresses me that we’ll have been married 8 years when we get our first home, when like you said there are people married 8 months buying. I guess this comment isn’t going anywhere…but I feel for you
.
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17I would love to have something that is truly ours, but there are a lot of caveats to that. There’s a lot of the work involved in home ownership that I don’t want.
We’ve got a great mix of autonomy in our current situation. We’ve got a great landlord who trusts us, so I have a garden. We’re putting in a deck this weekend so the backyard is more usable, and I’m sure we could paint if we really wanted to. I’m quite happy with our little cottage. Having a roof separate from others helps a lot.
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18In my case, the boy is the one with house-envy (which has developed into full blown houselust.) I’m still finishing school, and I have to finish school before we can buy a house. We probably will buy a house either while we are engaged, or right after we are married, but we will be 25/27 and have been living together for three years, together for seven. The thing is, I don’t know if I want a house just yet. I have to find a clerkship, and then a real job, and nonprofit turnover is so fast that I don’t know how long I’ll keep that job for, and I’m not really ready to be stuck in one place. So when he nags me about when we can buy a house, I freak out, because I have no idea where I will want to live and practice and work for a long period of time. I don’t want to buy a house in a bad neighborhood for our kids to grow up, but I feel like I’m too young to leave the city, because once we move out to the suburbs, there’s no coming back! The only reason I want a house at all is because I want to be able to paint and I want a dog.
All of his friends have houses and he’s incredibly jealous, but since none of my friends have houses, or the ones that do are incredibly unhappy with them, it doesn’t bug me.
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19Ah, I can’t wait until I can move up to house envy. My husband and I have been married for nine months, and live in DC in a teeny, tiny studio. At first it was kind of cute, and somewhat sweet to always be in the same room together. By now it just seems horribly cramped, and I’m realizing just how limited any nesting options are. It’s so small that moving things around or adding things just doesn’t really work.
And then getting online and seeing the adorable places friends live, oh its so hard some days. I have to remind myself that most of them live in areas where they can get an apartment twice the size of ours for half as much (we live in crazy spendy DC).
I guess that’s just what it comes down to, people may be in the same spot in life by some measures (like how long they’ve been married) but finances, lifestyle, location, future plans and a million other things are just so different that a straight comparison really isn’t fair. I hate this apartment, but when we start paying back our student loans that are supporting us, I’ll be glad to not have to pay so much extra in interest and everything just for a slightly nicer apartment. I’m sure you’ll be just as glad when your frugality pays off.
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20I get house envy too - especially when people I know move into these newly built homes that they got to specify the carpet, cabinentry, etc. We live in base housing (which is FREE!) so that usually cures my house envy fairly quick, even though the homes aren’t always what I would have picked out. Besides I know someday in the future we’ll get a house and it will be almost exactly what I want.
One thing to cherish about your renting / non-homeowning years is how relatively easy it is to have things repaired and you have no maintence issues. When you own, you repair everything yourself or pay to have it repaired. People just think about monthly payments and get all excited when they qualify for a home, but forget about insurance, taxes, maintence costs…all those little things add up. I’m glad that you and your husband are so logical - that is something we people in our 20′s (and 30′s!) often sorely lack! We want what our parents and grandparents worked YEARS for right.now. The house, the stuff, the cars. And that gets many people in trouble - as is obvious right now.
So until that fun, scary, exciting day of homeownership - - I’ll dream about paint colors, have house envy with you, but sleep peacefully knowing we are aren’t extended beyond our means.
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21I have house envy too! This post really hit home and I feel the same way! We won’t have a house for a while either and it really sucks! But, like you, we are not settling for a while either. I feel ya and let me know if you figure out a way around this envy!
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22Prior to getting married, my husband and I had lived in three different places together - two different two bed duplexes, and one tiny one bedroom condo after the more spacious multi-level duplex. They were all rentals. We really craved a house, a home to call our own, and since purchasing isn’t in the cards for us we’ve rented a house! We had to move to another state to be able to do so, but now we have 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, hardwood floors, open floor plan and tons of light! We’re so happy with it. Could you see yourselves renting a house in the Dallas area? I would highly recommend it!
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23First of all, after spending time in the South, there is a HUGE difference between a trailer and a double wide much less two double wides put together! Don’t call your parents’ house a trailer.
Second, reading blogs is fun (hey, look at me, I’m doing it right now) but I think there comes a point when you can hit too much of a good thing. When you’re not engaged and reading wedding blogs, you’re dying to be engaged. When you’re married and reading “nesting” blogs, you’re dying to buy a house. When you have a house and are reading baby blogs, you’re dying to have a baby. There’s a LOT to be said about enjoying the here and now. By “you,” I mean the general you, of course, and I have to say that I include myself — I often have to remind myself that even though a lot of my pals got married before me and are now having babies, it is not the right time for me.
Enjoy your time as a newlywed. This is the point in your life that you look back on years from now and say “remember when we lived in that small apartment with no natural light?” For the next apartment/rented home you live in, make light and space a top priority. Everything will be fine, chica!
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Emmie Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I think that your comment really applies to me. I had to stop reading wedding blogs because it made me really sad about not being engaged, and then it put extra pressures on my relationship and that’s not fun for anyone!
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Katy Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
You may not listen to country music, but there’s a song by Trace Adkins (i think…) “You’re Going to Miss This” - what you said is pretty much the content of that song!
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Oh, Jenna. I am SO with you. Hubby and I have been renting for over three years now, and it’s killing me that we can’t paint or put up shelves or anything like that. And I haven’t made lovely curtains because I keep thinking “But when we move they might not fit the new windows. I should wait.” So we’re stuck in a kind of limbo of not really feeling like this space is OURS. And I want my own home, but we can’t afford it. Especially with me essentially bringing in no money at the moment. Sigh.
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25Heh, I work at a mortgage company, and believe me, people complain about escrow. When it comes up for analysis it is a nasty time to be answering the phones here.
I feel you on the natural lighting thing — my husband works nights, so our house has blackout temporary shades in the bedroom for him, and because of my stupidity, navy blue curtains elsewhere (our couch is navy, I thought it would work… it doesn’t!!). I figure as long as I am not home during the day, it doesn’t matter, but once the baby comes I am changing those drapes!
We rent a house right now, which in some ways is nice (space, minimal noise issues), in other ways is not so nice. For example, knowing the neighborhood we’re in, the way mortgage rates are right now, and what our house is probably worth, I know that if we bought it we would probably be paying half of what we currently pay in rent. However, the house is a major fixer-upper (it was a government repo), and we don’t know how long we’re going to be here — the plan was to leave this city in August, but now it could be January 2010, August 2010, later than either of those, earlier than either of those -we have no idea!
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26I long to own a home too. Homeownership is aways off for us while we clean up our debt and get our ducks in a row. But I spend lots of time looking at houses on the internet. I like the ones I can’t afford
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27I hear you, sistah. I deal with it by not reading any more Apartment Therapy and skipping friends’ posts about redecorating. And remembering happily that my time will come as will yours.
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28I can sympathize with wanting a home, but I’m in the exact opposite place right now
I’m busily paring down my belongings to the essentials- my photos, my books, and my clothes- as I get ready to leave the country for a two year world trip of backpacking, volunteering, and teaching English. My lease is up in August on my apartment and I’ll be renting a room in a downtown historical home for $400 a month all bills paid no lease, and just saving saving saving to leave the country come February 2010. But as I type this my cousin, the same age as me (26) is swooning over her dream home that she found with her realtor, and she and her husband and baby will be moving in August, the same month I ditch all my home furnishings and move into The Room 
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29I love your post it almost made me cry! There is so much truth in this post….Simply Beautiful
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30I feel like this is my life. I want a house so bad I can’t stand it. Sean and I are both in school though and the bill for our combined school is close to $400,000. So we have a mortgage to pay off, but no house. We live in Los Angeles, and so it would be impossible to have a house payment and our school debt payment when are starting out. I was looking for homes the other day and I couldn’t find anything that was livable for under 400 K. Sean says that he doesn’t want to bring a baby home to an apartment, so I feel I won’t see home or baby until I am 35. I knew all of this getting into it, but sometimes it really stinks when everyone else has a house and a baby!
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31Am I the only one who is wishing I could live in your parents’ quadruplewide in the country? Because that sounds so much nicer than our teeny 1-bedroom 6th floor apartment in the city… all that space!
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Sophia Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Me too mhb! But I want a 30 foot diameter sustainable yurt with a composting toilet and a wood burning stove on my friend’s farm in Canada, so maybe that explains it
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mhb Reply:
April 24th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Oooh… that sounds even nicer.
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I would love a house too. The want has gotten a lot stronger lately. We have a small downpayment fund that rapidly got huger this January from an inheritance, so we could technically buy now. But we will wait a little longer…
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33We are very luck in that when we moved from Dallas to down here in september Mr. FF bought me a house as a surprise. I knew we were buying a house. I flew down and looked at home it was small cute starter home. But then when I drove down with our belongings he surprised me with a beautiful house that I had loved when we were looking at houses. It was the best surprise ever. So we have been very blessed in this area. We have a different envy. Baby envy. We are unable to have children so it will be very costly and a long difficult road for us to have a baby. So it isn’t the same thing, but I understand the envy and longing. Hang in there and it will come in time. You could always buy now as an investment live in it, and when you move make it a rental or flip it when you are living in it.
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34I have serious home envy and I’m not even dating anyone, let alone married. But I take this time to learn from what everyone else is doing so I know how to do things “right” when it’s my turn. And I can focus on making sure I’m ready when the time comes - paying off my student loan, for example. Maybe you could start a little savings account and put tiny bits of money in whenever you can and then you will feel like you are working on the house situation.
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35I had house envy for a long time too. I am not married yet though. Eventually I got sick of wanting a house, and waiting to get married, so I just bought a house by myself. I don’t regret it, as it’s a fabulous place, but wow, the work sure adds up. It is expensive and there is ALWAYS a project. Sometimes I really just want to say screw it, and rent again!!! Grass is always greener type of thing….
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36Dear Jenna, it is so normal to be feeling the way you are, really. Don’t feel bad. We all do this from time to time. Feel bad for ourselves, seeing that the grass on the other side is greener.
I love that you are so open in your blog and I get to know you more and more. Who would have thought that you were a pageant girl, living in a trailer and that your photography comes from your mom (what a dear gift.)
I will pray for you though, that you will continue to see your blessings and give thanks for it. That your eyes will be open to them, cause I know they are there.
And to give something back to you, I will open up a bit too: I LONG to be married so much. And I would loved to own my own home and make it just the way I want to. I am 35 with quite a past behind me. I want to settle down sooooo much, yet I still gotta “find” that man. And everyone around me is with H and kids. It’s hard sometimes. Can’t wait to make my own Wedding blog.
ps. And yes, we do rent our entire lives. My mom has never ever owned a home, neither did any of my grandparents or great grandparent. But than again, we are allowed to paint and change the floors etc.
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37jenna, i’m sorry to have awakened this beast within you!
i actually feel guilty sometimes that we’re going to be homeowners so early in our marriage. but it’s the right thing for us. we hadn’t planned on staying in utah, but with the job market the way it is, brandon’s current job is awesome. if we’re going to be here for 6,7,8…years, we figured we’d rather invest our money in a home instead of paying rent.
and i’m not going to lie…it’s hard finding a house you ADORE and having ripped out from under you. i didn’t realize i was that attached to it.
but what you said is true…it’s not the house or apartment or trailer that really matters. it’s the home and family and love inside.
on the other hand, it seems like everyone i know is announcing her pregnancy. green. with. envy.
so…i guess if it’s not one thing, it’s another!
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38I TOTALLY know what you mean. I’ve had “house fever” here lately. Lots of my friends own their own homes. And the biggest thing for me is paying the same amount in rent that I know we could use to pay a mortgage. Feels like we are just wasting money. But we really don’t have the means or credit to buy a home right now. So I just have to be patient.
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39Oh I want I house too! We, however, don’t want to buy an old house. We’d rather buy one that we don’t have to work on because we wouldn’t have the money to fix it up. Unfortunately, we don’t have the money due to school loans and won’t be able to buy a house for at least 8 years. It is nice, however, to have a child because we are putting our tax return (a ton more when you have a dependent child) in savings for a down payment on a house which will be nice because it would equal lower payments.
In other words, I feel your pain!
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40Ohhhhh I didn’t know i was living in a trailer but to me it is an awesome house! Yes don’t live like others live your own life. and once you have a house you will never go far away..i think if you are young you can still pay some rent in exchange for some freedom. at least i want to do that..although it’s a good time to buy a house now. or you can start to take mortgage and rent it out in a place you think you will settle down, doesn’t have to be in TX
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41I am intrigued by all the renters that can’t or won’t paint. Check your city’s rental codes… Landlords are legally required to paint every X years, so they may have to paint when you move out anyway. Example- in New York City, it’s three years. If the people before us were here for one year and we’re here for two, landlord is legally obliged to repaint our place upon vacating it, out of his own pocket. Just a thought! We also put down a new laminate flooring over ugly tile. It cost about 400, but it was better than nothing. We think it’s an upgrade, but it’s super easy to tear up if landlord disagrees upon move out.
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42Mmmm, I do know what you mean. All of our friends bought homes at about the 1.5 year mark. We just had out 2 year anniversary and are still renting. My brother, who will have been married for only 1 year this August, is already house-searching.
We are currently looking for a house, however. But only because our rent is going through the roof as of June 1, and we realized that if we can buy a cheap fixer-upper (we love to fix things!), then we’ll be paying less for a house than we would for an apartment. For us, it’s been a money issue- I am in grad school, husband is going back to school to get a degree in a completely different field. So it’s tough.
It’s hard not to get jealous. I’ve noticed I’m not happy for people if I’m jealous, so I just pray and ask God to give me patience; I know that He has a plan for us, and I know that it is AMAZING. I know that things will work out. And I know that right now, house-less as we are, we are more blessed than many people.
Everyday that I wake up next to my husband I find myself thankful for having him beside me. So, as much as I “need,” or want a house; I would sooner pick a lifetime with this man over any dream house.
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43I was an officer’s wife at the beginning of my marriage, and an older (senior officers wife) gave me some good advice; 1. have people over right away and often, even if you sit on crates and eat off boxes, people come to see you not your place or your things, and 2. always set up your home likes it’s forever…paint make curtains, you can always paint it back. We used starched sheets on the walls like wallpaper hehehe.when we lived on post, we had to pass inspection before signing out, so if i can get everything back to biege, you can too. You don’t want to wait for the perfect time and place to make a house a home.. cause there is no such time…as we moved from post to post, our curtain box was the biggest box ever, but that was way before ebay, now you can sell them when you move on. You are an artist and paint is the cheapest thing you can do, so paint away…..
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Katy Reply:
April 26th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
My husband’s a captain in the Air Force - and your advice hits home. I want to paint so bad, but keep saying “I’m only going to be here for another 2 years at this point…I don’t want to paint it back after only 2 years…blah,blah,blah”. I love that advice your friend gave - I might just have to take the plunge and remember, especially for the next move, to dive in and really make it what I want, even if I have to leave it soon (within reason, I suppose:)
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Great post, Jenna. I like when you write about your feelings.
We’re having trouble getting a mortgage at the moment (Nate has been self-employed for the last two years, and you need 3 years to be considered a low risk, so most lenders want 25% deposit, which we just don’t have), so I totally feel your pain. Ah well, like you say, it will work out right in the end.
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45As soon as I start feeling like you, envious of everyone else’s house, something major breaks, like the AC or hotwater heater, and all I have to do is open the door for the repair guys, and I’m thankful.
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