14 Aug
A Big Bearded Thank You
On Wednesday, according to WordPress, this little blog had over 15,000 page views. The comments were coming at such a rapid fire pace that my site crashed. I haven’t even read all of the comments on the first two posts, although I intend to do so soon because so many of you wrote wonderful things that deserve to be read.
My inboxes (Facebook, Weddingbee, Gmail, Twitter) are bursting with messages, some which I can tell took a considerable amount of time and effort to write. All of them are positive, because naysayers don’t seem to want to actually take the time to “help” me, they just want to take a few moments to attempt to ruin my day and then move on with their lives. I’ve realized that those who really care about me, and know TH and/or I well, think we have a wonderful relationship and I’ve chosen to focus on them instead of those who picked 6 posts out of my archives and string them together into an attempt to describe our relationship. Can any relationship, platonic or romantic, really be described in 6 posts?
TH mentioned the site LiveJournal in his first post. By tracking my stats I can tell that a LJ community picked several of my posts* (including this one, this one, this one, and this one), labeled TH as a tyrant, and then proceeded to come over here and bash our marriage. I approved their comments because I believe very, very strongly in making this an open forum, and I want to thank those of you who took the time to post in reply to some of the more ludicrous and instulting statements.
For those who wrote, I’m not going to be able to reply to each and every one of your lovely emails. I need to step back from this whole thing (although I do have a follow up post or two in mind), give myself some space, and try to make up for lost time. I appreciate so many of you taking the time to show you care. Ti amo molto.
Now to end the week on a nice light note…
TH and his beard.
He’s never had one while we’ve known each other, but I’ve seen this picture, and it’s altogether an overwhelming amount of facial hair for my taste. You can tell from his face that he was quite proud of his manly accomplishment at the time. What do you think, should I let him grow it back for the winter?
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
I’m left feeling undecided. I suppose try it and see.
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1I can brook no facial hair either. A lot of it is probably because my father has sported a beard his whole life and Freud would have a field day.
Putting a foot down on beards is something I can get behind. And it certainly makes guys look a lot older than their time.
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Mandy Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Haha, Freud….my dad has had facial hair my whole life, too. And I think that might be part of the reason I don’t want my guy to have one either.
Plus, I agree, it totally ages a guy, and my guy is already 3 years older than me! He doesn’t need to look any older than that!
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I’m not a fan of facial hair either… but I say, let him try it before you veto it.
As long as guys keep them trimmed, they look very distinguished. 
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3Hmm, looking at it I’d say it’s a little too LITTLE facial hair for my taste. How much growth is that? Sometimes it looks better when you let it get a little longer and fuller (and clean up the Adam’s apple! No neck beards!). Nice mustache, though, TH.
Oh, and when your husband has those little spots on his chin that don’t grow hair (my husband has those too, right under his lip) it’s fun to kiss them.
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4My FI would grow his beard back out but he’s worried about it looking scruffy at work. I won’t let him do it on vacation because those first four days of stubble are murder on my sensitive skin.
I generally hate facial hair, and the FI has a habit of picking at it so it starts to look pretty scruffy after a week or two. I generally try to discourage the beard, and because of the aforementioned sensitive skin, I generally ask him to shave twice daily. In exchange, I shave my legs more than the once a month I would if left to my own devices.
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Ellie Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Oh right, but this was about you, not me :-p. Sorry.
I say it’s totally fine to ask him to not have a beard. It’s a tricky question, because men don’t realize that facial hair affects their partners. I don’t like it because its another layer between the FI and myself. Also because he already looks about 4 years older than me, and the beard pushes him into his thirties and he’s only 26 and I think it makes me look like a golddigger :-p.
So don’t ask us. It’s all about what you want. People who think a beard looks cute on TH don’t have to kiss him, they don’t have to tell him he has cheese stuck in his chin or help him keep it trimmed, so don’t listen to us. If you don’t like the beard, you don’t like the beard, and there is nothing wrong with that. Like you’ve said in the past, in a relationship, it is important to do what you can to remain attractive to your partner and if he isn’t attractive to you with the beard, he shouldn’t grow one.
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I think perhaps if you move to the wilderness, TH should grow his beard back but I think the unscruffy look is more Texas
I REALLY enjoyed reading your post, and TH’s guest posts. I feel like I understand your relationship better now - not that I need to as a stranger - and really appreciate the thought that you two put into it.
I have a couple friends going through divorce after such a short period of marriage. Makes it seem extra noteworthy to have things all out there between two people, which clearly you two do!
Thanks so much for sharing! xoxox
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6Hum….lots of talk of beards in my life this week. Both my boss of 8 years and my father shaved theirs off this week. My boss has had a beard since 1978 and is trying to relearn how to shave. He came in on Wednesday with toilet paper stuck to his face still from that morning’s attempt. As a totally unrelated sidenote: It’s hard to take your boss seriously when he’s asking you for advise on razors with toliet paper stuck to his face
I think I agree with MrsW on the neck beard needing to go if operation winter beard commences this winter. My initial thought was he would make a good wise man in a Christmas pagent with the beard.
Glad things are a bit more light-hearted in your world today. If you were in Atlanta I’d buy you Chick-fil-a…b/c it’s like good medicine, yo.
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7Gotta spread the beard love!
I’m partial to them myself - even put my foot down during wedding planning last year when my husband’s mom wanted him clean shaven and I did not. I won.
Mostly for me it’s about his comfort. He gets terrible razor burn and irritation from shaving, so he keeps a well-trimmed beard. I think someday we may be in the opposite predicament as you; him wanting to finally shave and me pleading with him to keep it
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8Beards are itchy! My fiance grew one for a month last winter, which was the deal. He liked it so much I let him keep it until the end of February (he started growing it in January). He had sooo much fun shaving it off-he shaved it into a Hulk Hogan, and then into a handlebar mustache! It was hysterical. It’s funny how manly they feel with a beard, no?
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9Sorry TH. I can’t do facial hair very much. It pokes me and scratches and makes kissing not too pleasant.
I prefer my H to be nice and smooth. I’ve let him have a little chin hair..you can see on my blog http://www.lifebylace.blogspot.com but other than that I try to beg him to shave.
(I will admit I have said if he quick shaving I would quit shaving my legs…I really wouldn’t but he doesn’t have to know that)
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10hmm, i’m a fan of the beard on my husband, but I agree with the “no neck beards” camp.
Trimming does look best, but be prepared for big black shavings to be ALL over your bathroom if he does it with an electric trimmer. My husband has red hair, so I’m constantly finding the red hairs behind the sink.
I’ve read your blog for some time, and this is my first comment. But I wanted to commend you and TH for living your life and your marriage in a way that works for both of you. That is what matters.
I did happen to read the livejournal post that you’re referencing. I thought an interesting comment that was left stated something along the lines of “if this was a BDSM people would be falling over themselves going “YAY” to show how open they are to ‘alternative lifestyles’.
I’m very liberal myself, but that I thought that it was interesting that how your and TH being Mormon and how it affects your life was treated far harsher than those that live the BDSM lifestyle (not as just a bedroom thing, but as a Dominant/submissive lifestyle). aparently being open to different lifestyles only includes the liberal ones in some peoples thinking? I thought it was an interesting point.
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11Even though your hubby can pull off a beard - I say no! Don’t “let” him…;) I think a beard can age a man…and without a beard you can really see a guy’s features.
Last November my hubby participated in something called Mo-vember. It was a fundraiser for prostate cancer. You grow a moustache for the month and raise money. Well…let’s just say November is a looooong month. And hubby is only to grow another moustache if he participates in Mo-vember again next year. It wasn’t a pretty sight! I - and others - told him it looked creepy…lol…but we were proud that he was doing it to raise money/awareness. So unless your husband is going to grow a temporary beard for a cause - I say, no, no, no! He’s much better looking without a beard!
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12YES!!! The confidence and satisfaction alone that he exudes in that photo are so worth it…. you’ll warm up to it I promise. Remember, it is better for his skin too
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13Mazel tov on all your personal and professional success! Don’t let the critics get you down…when you point the finger at someone (to criticize them), three fingers are pointing back at you…people have a right to their own opinions, but they don’t have the right to sit in judgment about people and relationships that they dont’t really know or understand…..as for the beard…I think if he neatened it up a little more (especially the neck beard part) it would look cute! — just for the winter anyway
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14haha, noooo! I like my men smooth…less friction when we kiss.
And I think TH looks better without the beard anyway 
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15Ugh, say no to the beard. They are scratchy, I think they look super unprofessional, and they look ugly.
Um, not that I have strong opinions on this issue or anything.
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16Give it a shot! After it gets past the initial scratchy phase, a beard is actually a nice soft place to nuzzle against.
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17I like beards. My bf won’t grow his out, but it’s his face, not mine!
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18I think I am in the super-minority. I love beards, but I also love scruffy, so I guess that’s just me! I think the beard looks good on the Suavacado!
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19Loved reading TH’s point of view a big THANK YOU to him
And on the facial hair note: when my guy and I started dating he had a mustache. I didn’t really mind it. After being together for a while he shaved it one day. I barely noticed (how horrible, right?!) Now that I’ve seen him with and without I can’t imagine if he ever grew back the mustache. I haven’t vetoed it perse, but he knows I think he looks much more handsome without it.
Perhaps let TH grow it out just so you can see him with it in person, but I support a wife’s choice on facial hair - we’re the ladies who kiss ‘em and love ‘em and sometimes end up with scratchy faces because of beards and mustaches!
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20You know I’m pro-facial hair, so I say: Try it. Give it some time to get past the itchy stage, make him trim that neckline (that, in my opinion, is what makes beards look funky - it’s facial hair, not neck-al hair), and see what you think.
If, after 6 weeks or so of full beardage, you just don’t like it, then at least you’ve given it a try.
Bonus: visit somewhere very cold (like Poland?) when he’s got the beard. I think an icy beard whilst wearing a heavy winter coat is just the cutest look for a guy. So huggable!
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21Not to be a hater but I vote no on the beard!
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22I do, i do!
(if he keep his neck shaved)
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23Well, you can always let him give it a try. It will look more professional without the neck beard though. For the rest you can try maybe a gotee+moustache first and see how you feel.
I let my husband do whatever he liks with it. I like both with a little preference for facial hair (he looks too young without) and like Penny I like the scruffy part. But it’s your choice as much as TH so good luck figuring it out.
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24i still vote to give the beard a shot. i would encourage guidelines like no neckbeard (it is kind of icky and doesn’t look professional, according to my engineer boss who runs a beard 365) and nix the mustache. the mustache part tends to be the most irritating part to my face. i have pretty wussy skin. what can you honestly lose by letting TH have beard for 30 days? in the span of your marriage of approximately 20,000 days (give or take a thousand), a 30 day bearded husband challenge seems reasonable.
just an idea…
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25Woo hoo for beards. I am from Montana and we love men with beards! Although I do have to agree with the previous posts that the neck should probably be cleaned up. I think a beard is a great way for a man to express some of his individuality and to let him stand out in a crowd. Besides its just facial hair its nothing a quick shave wont eliminate if you really hate it.
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26Beard yes, mustache no.
P.S. Where’s that asterisk going?
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27After dating my hubby for 3 weeks, he decided he wanted to grow a beard. I don’t mean a baby beard, I mean a ZZ top inspired beard. I said “whatever, do what you want”. He grew it for almost year, and not once did I tell him to shave it off. He knows I like him better without the full beard, but he’ll do what he wants and I do what I want. You only live once
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28I say go for it - it suits him…though I must agree about the neck beard issue.
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29I say yes to the beard although if you will be doing any air travel realize that he could definitely be profiled…I’m just saying this because my family members, brother, uncles, cousins who have similar coloring…dark hair, dark eyes… and who wear beards always seem to get “randomly” searched. I guess it doesn’t help that we are of Lebanese decent, but it’s just something to consider:)
My brother has a beard in part I believe to look older since he runs his own business and other business owners and clients in his sector are often much older than he is.
I don’t think I have ever known so much about someone I have never talked to and am having over for dinner on Sunday:) Tyler is reving up the spreadsheets:)
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30I say go for it as long as he keeps it neat!
Wouldn’t a beard still be really hot at any time of year in Texas? Mr. Bean used to have a beard and he always would complain of being so hot.
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31I’d say yes, as long as you get him to invest in a trimmer to keep the edges neat and the beard off his neck. No one likes a neckbeard!
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32Ack, no! I hate beards! I am not a fan. Good thing my husband hates them, too.
No kissies in my house if the scruffies come out to play. I get a rash on my face =(
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33I say yes to be beard. My fiance always had this cute little goatee that I called a “chin beard”. I told him I never wanted him to shave it because it looked so good on him. He also had a nice blended haircut that I love.
One day he asked if he could both buzz his hair (because he’s an avid triathlete and it’s much easier to swim with a buzzed head) and shave off his beard.
I was mortified at the thought and kept saying no. Finally, I just gave in and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. He actually started growing the “chin beard” back and I thought it looked a little strange
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He was very excited to have the freedom to do it and I think it would be quite the treat for TH.
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34Sorry TH - - I’m in the “no beard” camp. My husband grew out a moustache during the month of May a few years ago because the guys at work had a competition “Moustache May”. I like guys clean shaven, so I was happy to see it go. (except for Tom Selleck - that guy needs a moustache!) Although, I would prefer some slight scruff to an actual beard however - though that makes kissing not as fun :}
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35hehe… I’m so glad I’m not the only one that doesn’t like facial hair…
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36I’m all for cleanshaven-just feels better!
I could see a trimmed beard looking good on TH, though-try it for awhile!
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37How about a compromise and have him grow a goatee?
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38Might I carefully suggest that the beard might look different with his current haircut than with that haircut? Gently? (While tiptoeing, that’s how lightly I’m treading into this.)
Try it. You might be surprised. In fact, maybe you’ll end up amending your veto agreement to allow for one attempt before vetoing.
And btw, my hubby and I might try the veto agreement on appearance-related things. It’s a pretty cool way of avoiding the “should I cut my hair even though he likes it longer?” quandary. He’ll get stuck with a beard.
Then, of course, knowing us we’ll end up bartering the haircut for the beard, so maybe not.
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39Yeh, let him have a beard. I really dont like my fiance without a beard. We’re both 19 and he just looks so young without a beard- way too young to be getting married in April, anyway! I think TH does look young (not that thats a bad thing) so I think you should try it and see if you like it. Maybe let him start growing it while he’s on one of his business trips though, because its really spiky in the beginning.
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40Whoops, I mean I dont like him not having a beard- I still love my fiance anyway
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41Let him grow it out, but make him keep it groomed! The neck beard has got to go.
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42If you decide to let him try it, I would DEFINITELY ask him to do it when you will be apart for a while. I hate the feeling of scruff!
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43um…beard…HELL YES! He looks like smokin’ hot Diego Luna in this picture.
if you’re not familiar, look him up on IMDB, total hottie.
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44I like clean shaven TH better.
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45I think part of the reason you probably don’t like it is because it’s not very neat looking and it somewhat looks like a little boy beard…now that he’s a little older his hair will probably be thicker and look better as part of a beard. I agree with the other comments about keeping it off his neck and well trimmed. Anyway, I think you should let him try it this winter, at least for a bit and see how you feel after that. It would be a nice way to say thanks for his blog posts and comments the past few days.
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46My husband grows beards from time to time. He keeps it trimmed and neat, no neck hair - basically it is a really small way “for me” to make him very, very happy. So I’d encourage the beard and the red shoes, because they both sound like small things that give the wearer lots of happiness.
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47I think he looks great without a beard. I say nay. In the most nicest way of course!
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48Only if he lets you wear leggings.
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49I say let him grow it out and keep it groomed and see how you like it. I don’t think it looks bad. Give it a chance!
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