13 Mar
Brain Dump V
1. Just Like My Maternity Session- But With a Better Body
Janssen (a longtime reader whose blog I love, and is also pregnant herself!) sent over the link to the photos from her sister’s maternity shoot. (Her sister and I are due about the same week I believe). I’m flattered that my shoot was used as inspiration, but extremely jealous of Merric’s darling little body. This is my first time stumbling on Molly’s blog, she does beautiful work!
2. Cord Blood Banking
I receive at least 5 advertisements a week asking me if I want my baby’s blood to end up in the trash (a reference to the way it’s done in hospitals I guess?). That Husband always knows I’ve found another one in the mail pile because I scream “IT’S THE BABY’S BLOOD!” each time another one pops up. So yeah, I’m against the idea of cord blood banking unless mom and baby have to be separated for medical reasons immediately after birth, especially the idea of paying some company to bank your blood when the chances of it ever being used are almost nill. If you’re receiving those same adverts (believe me, if you ever get pregnant you will), I’d suggest reading this post. Don’t worry, it’s not written by some crazy natural birther like myself, Elizabeth is using a CNM at a hopsital, not that uncommon these days.
3. Formspring
My friend Erin doesn’t like blogging about blogging. I’m beginning to think blogging about Formspring should be added to my dislike list (and yet I keep doing it!). As I’ve found I don’t have the time to attempt to run a photo blog, a personal blog, participate in Twitter, and answer all of the questions that come in on Formspring, I’ve decided to start answering questions that come in with names attached to them first, and get to the others later. So if you have a burning question and would like it to be answered in less than, I don’t know, three months time, I’d suggest signing up for an account or attaching a name you use to comment here on That Wife when you submit something.
For those who were following the “TH and taxes and patriotism and callousness” craziness, wasn’t it fun to see him speaking up a little bit? He got pretty worked up about it though and I think he’s going to hold off on answering things for awhile. The benefit of him gaining my account information? He’s starting deleting the rude questions before I can see them so I don’t get sad. I love him.
4. Baby Deal Sites
I’ve been collecting diapers and slings and other goodies slowly over time, mostly from the following sites:
http://www.greenbabybargains.com
http://babyhalfoff.com/blog/
http://www.bumpbargains.com/
https://www.theminisocial.com and https://www.btrendie.com and http://www.totsy.com/ (Invite only, email me and I’ll send one your way!)
Please don’t buy all the good stuff from these sites before I can get there.
5. Blessingway
Recently I used the term “blessingway” on my blog, and I had someone on Formspring point out that there are Native American tribes that find the use of this term offensive. This sent me off into a spiral of research and googling, and I’ll be honest, I’m still not sure where I stand on the issue. This thread on mothering.com hashes the issue out pretty well, and I’m wondering if anyone else has any insight for me? I’m having a tough time with the idea that a group can “claim” a word, forbidding others from using it, especially when that word is a translation of the original term. As a member of a group with many sacred rituals I tried to place myself in their position. An example of an LDS ritual that is considered very sacred (and that we are very saddened to see mocked) is the endowment ceremony. If a group of people heard about the endowment ceremony, read that it has been described as an ordinance ”designed to give ‘a comprehensive view of our condition and true relation to God’ (TPJS, p. 324), ‘to prepare the disciples for their missions in the world’ (p. 274), to prevent being ‘overcome by evils’ (p. 259), to enable them to ‘secure the fulness of those blessings which have been prepared for the Church of the Firstborn’”, and then this group of people in question decided to design their own endowment in the spirit of the purpose of the ordinance and called it “endowment” just as we do, I’m not sure I would be offended. They aren’t mocking or even trying to impersonate, they are trying to re-create an experience for themselves in the same spirit as the original event, or with elements of the original event. It does not lessen or demean my own experience personally, or even the experience of the LDS members, to think that others would like to capture some of that spirit for themselves.
Also, I’m not convinced that the term blessingway belongs to the Navajo in the first place. It sounds like something many Native American tribes have incorporated into their rituals throughout time, and what rite does a specific sect have to say that a word belongs to them? What if the Catholic Church came forward and claimed the word “sacrament” as their own, forbidding everyone outside of the Christian religion to use the term?
Maybe I’m not interpreting the situation correctly. Thoughts?
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
If it is offensive to someone else then I wouldn’t use the term, I would do what the woman on the post asked, call it blessing the way. I think it is the same thing as the endowment, I think it’s a good way to foster mutual respect. Although, I wouldn’t put too much thought in it.
Reply
1I guess in some things I’m the “avoid controversy” type. Might as well call it something that’s, assumed to be, uncontroversial if you know one of it’s names IS. (If that makes sense.)
I actually emailed you something related to this… My friend’s gathering was called a Birth Circl-but that was more true to the common name, wherein discussions were simply related to birth-the specific night they did a blessingway/blessing the way/etc., they called it a mothers blessing. Especially appropriate considering all the women present were mothers wishing the soon to be new mom well.
Reply
2Diné issues are pretty important to me, so my perspective on the last point might be a little different than some.
First, to respond to some specific things you brought up:
I think that it’s alright to “claim” a word as meaning something significant if the word was something originally used by your people to mean that significant event. After all, we wouldn’t call baths baptisms and we wouldn’t eat crackers and wine for dinner and call it communion. If we did, there would definitely be some who would take offense. Plus, just because you wouldn’t be offended by someone using an endowment in a different way doesn’t mean other members of your religion wouldn’t be.
Furthermore, I think it’s unfair to claim that sense the word is a translation that it no longer is specific to Diné (Navajo) blessingways. The Diné people were historically sent to “indian” schools and forced to abandon their language. This is why there are less Navajo speakers today, and this is why those people would be forced to use an English term for their sacred tradition.
Blessingway is pretty clearly used mostly by the Diné, and there are groups of Diné women who have expressed that they wish non-Diné women would not use the term for their baby showers.
I think it makes perfect sense why some women would want to abandon the traditional baby shower. If I ever become pregnant, I wouldn’t go the gender-specific baby games route either. I get that. I just think that the word is already so specific to the Diné and their culture and faith that it makes more sense to adopt a different word, especially since the majority of the “blessingways” held by white women have claimed to be inspired by Native tradition yet also do things completely unrelated to Natives (like henna on the belly). Calling it a baby blessing, a mother blessing, or a blessing-the-way shows your appreciation for some of the ideas of other cultures without completely appropriating what they find sacred.
All in all, I think that cultural sensitivity is important, especially with groups whose culture has been all but stamped out. Since there are groups who are clearly upset by how the word blessingway has been used lately, it shows a lot of understanding and respect for their beliefs to just use a different word. It doesn’t change how meaningful and special your (general your, not specific to you, Jenna
) baby celebration is to call it anything else!
Reply
Paige Reply:
March 13th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
What a thoughtful reply Aubree, I completely agree.
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Thanks so much Aubree! This comment was very well written and really helped me have a better perspective on the issue. I should have made it clearer that I wasn’t sure where I stood on the idea of a culture claiming a word, but I wasn’t opposed to eliminating it from my own vocabulary. Sometimes I write a post and think it’s great and then later realize it didn’t say exactly what I thought it did.
Reply
What’s wrong with having a baby shower? I am curious why you wouldn’t want one. I know it’s not because you don’t like the attention (which is why some of my shy friends don’t have them). Gals like you & I love attention and gifts!
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Yep, I do love attention! I had written previously about how I was a bit nervous about having a baby shower because of comments and criticism I’ve received due to my choice to birth at home. Then I realized that the women in my life here are really accepting and wonderful and accepted one of the offers that was provided by a friend who wanted to host. Now I’m very excited!
Reply
Thanks a bunch for the shout out, Jenna.
Reply
5I can understand why they would want it called something else, and I think I would just call it a Mother’s Circle or something of the sort.
One dynamic that is important to note, as Aubree did eloquently, is that there is a historical inequality of power and privilege that plays into this too. Our history in nation building on top of the bodies of the original people here has left wounds that are still felt very strongly today- my mother’s friend knew an entire family of Native Americans who wouldn’t carry $20 bills because of the atrocities committed by Andrew Jackson against their tribe and others. It can feel very much like once more the majority horning in on their world and taking and desecrating their customs. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t mean you meant to do it to be hurtful, it just means that’s the way some people from the culture from which this tradition was taken feel about it.
As a side note, I can see where this gets tricky, because where is the line drawn between appreciating another’s culture and co-opting it and possibly desecrating it? I had this experience in Japan, where the temples were often treated as tourist photo ops, and people would clap three times, wash their hands, leave stuff on the altar, some reverent, some not, but all of it made me uncomfortable, because they didn’t *get* it, even if they genuinely thought it was cool or beautiful or serene to be there.
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
I think you bring up a good point, that often people attempt to “appreciate” a culture in some way but end up turning the ritual into a bit of a farce. There are many stories of groups that have incorporated “Native American” elements into their blessingway/mother’s blessing, which in my opinion is where things are taken a bit too far. Take the idea of a ritual and create something that fits your own place in life, but don’t try to re-enact a sacred event that has meaning to someone else if you have no idea what you are doing.
Reply
Hmmmm. Innerstin’.
I should start off that I am Dene, a member of the Denesuline from Northern Saskatchewan, and the Navajo people are my relations. We share the same language and stories. It’s pretty cool.
Now that I’m “authenticated,” (ha) I think while it is lovely that you want another more personal and spiritual way of bringing and referring to your baby shower, I don’t think “blessingway”, and it’s connection to the Navajo nation, is the right word.
Because unless you are going to the Dine Nation, getting the Elders to perform the ceremony and following the traditions and customs that is involved in an actual blessingway… you aren’t “having” an actual blessingway.
That being said, call it what you want. You know some First Nations people know it’s offensive. You have to take that into consideration and decide if that matters to you or not. It’s a personal choice.
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Thanks for your insight also Tenille. I appreciate that you and Aubree both took the time to leave your thoughts.
Reply
I completely agree with Aubee, Sophia and Tenille. I think it s a matter of cultural sensitivity. As someone from a minority cultural group, I know it annoys me when people misappropriate terms and practices and use them out of cultural context, with little thought to what it might mean to my people.
Disclaimer: What I say ahead is just my opinion and a way of explaining that I understand terms specific to my culture being misappropriated as part of a trend.
For example, I find frustrating is when people call the canopies they use as decoration for their wedding ceremonies a Chuppah. I don’t care if you have one, and call it a canopy, but don’t call it a Chuppah. It’s not a Chuppah unless you are Jewish and participating in a Jewish wedding ceremony.
Same goes for people who wear the red Kabbalah bracelets because they think it is spiritual or something. Kabbalah is a really sacred element of Judaism, that can’t be learned via the payment of big bucks for some classes at a centre with some nutcase as its ‘rabbi’.
I wouldn’t, if I were you, personally continue use the term blessingway for what you are proposing for your shower once the cultural significance was understood. But as Tenille said, it is a personal choice.
Reply
Sophia Reply:
March 14th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
YES. The Chuppah Co-opt. Two of my friends are Jewish, and I would never dream of calling a random canopy over my ceremony a Chuppah.
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Ahhh, I also wrinkle my nose a bit when I hear people use Chuppah when they aren’t having a Jewish ceremony and I for some reason didn’t think of this example when mulling things over.
Reply
*Michelle Reply:
March 20th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Great example! Especially since some people feel very strongly one way, and others tend towards another. We had a canopy-ish thing at our christian ceremony… which I kept calling a “canopy-ish thing” until one of my jewish friends said “its a chuppah! Just call it a chuppah already!” She wanted me to call it a chuppah… as long as I pronounced it right.
Reply
you know you can donate your baby’s cord blood to a public bank for free… they will store it and use it if someone needs a ‘bone marrow transplant’ and your baby ends up being a match. if your own baby or another child ends up needing it, and the cord is still available, they will give it back.
Reply
9Glad you liked those pictures! I thought they turned out marvelously. Bethany Jackman (whom we had over for dinner a week or so ago) suggested I send them on to you.
Reply
10Thanks for the shout out:) I think you helped to double my page hits in the last 24 hours (and you posted it on my birthday:) Best birthday present this year!)
I loved your maternity photos, and really, no one can look as cute as Merrick when they are pregnant. She’s just so little! I’m loving this blog!
Reply
11You just wrote a post about how we should call it a ‘due month’ so as to not make pregnant women feel bad when the time has come and gone….and then referenced the woman above as ‘due the same week I am.’ I’m not trying to be obnoxious….just wondered if you changed your mind about the phraseology behind when a baby is due.
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 15th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
I really don’t get this comment. Just because I don’t think we should walk around interrogating women when their baby is coming, doesn’t mean that women don’t have the same “40 week” indicators. CJane and I are both 40 weeks at the same time. We conceived the same week in July. That’s what I meant.
Reply
I was sort of surprised to see how against cord blood banking you seem to be. Everyday that procedure saves lives. My brother had leukemia for ten years and had their been cord blood banking more readily available when he was born it could have saved him years of turmoil. You can also donate the cord blood to a public bank for free and potentially save someone’s life who needs a bone marrow transplant like my brother did. We will be blood banking our baby’s blood.
Reply
Sophia Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 11:39 am
I think- though I’m not sure- that the reason Jenna won’t be blood banking the cord blood is because there won’t be any cord blood left. She’s mentioned several times about how she wants to wait to cut the cord until it stops pulsing, indicating that all of the blood that was “in transit” in the cord was safely deposited back in baby (where it belongs, hence her reference to shouting “It’s the baby’s blood!”). She clarified on another post, but a significant amount of oxygenated blood is in the cord, and when it is cut early the baby loses out on 40% of it *if I remember her stats correctly*.
I’m unsure if there would even be any cord blood left to donate in a scenario where the cord isn’t cut until it stops pulsing, but I could be wrong.
You bring up a good point about donating blood in general- for example, recent developments have made it possible to be a bone marrow donor simply by donating *blood*, without having the hip drill. So anyone who wishes to could register with a service, and then you get called randomly and you go in and you’re there for a few hours and it’s as painless as donating blood, but you’re actually donating bone marrow. Pretty cool
Reply
Jenna Reply:
March 17th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
I feel like we built the technology on a faulty practice. The cord blood belongs to the baby and can help prevent anemia in infants. Although this may seem trivial compared to helping those who are suffering from leukemia and such, I still think the cord blood *belongs* to the infant at birth, and was meant to be given to him/her. The medical community was just throwing it away because they got in the habit of cutting the cord immediately and separating mother and infant, thus this new technology was developed. Though the harm may be small, I believe the practice of denying the infant the opportunity to have all of its blood shouldn’t be treated lightly.
I think one interesting question to ask would be how peoples opinion of cord banking might change if the percentage changed. I believe the amount of blood retained in the cord/placenta that belongs with the infant is something like 40%. What if it was 50%? or 60%? 75%? If the percentage goes up would peoples perception of how good the practice of banking is, change?
Reply
I had never heard of a blessingway before you mentioned it. I think you are going about it the right way by being conscious of the conflict about it, but doing what is best for you and your family, regardless of name etymology. I did a quick google search and one of the “activities” for a blessingway is to have all teh women attending bring a bead that was picked out with you in mind - then to put those all on a cord you have have with you during labor to remind you of all the support you have and well wishes headed your way. I think thats just great, regardless of history or authenticity.
Reply
14