21 Dec
Santa Baby
Here we have 20+ pictures of T1 looking pretty much exactly the same (adorable) wearing nothing but a diaper and a santa hat. Soooo mommy blogger of me.
I feel like I really struggled with the color while editing these. The red screams with you and I can’t expose the skin as brightly as I would like because of the bright white in his hat.
I like these better in black and white, but you lose the red in his hat that way.
Two things for Tuesday:
1. We aren’t ever going to tell our kids that santa clause is real. Leaves no room for confusion regarding the difference between Jesus and Santa, helps kid realize that money doesn’t grow on trees and that presents come form parents who work hard to provide them, allows us to better focus on Christmas as the birth of Christ (not the time when a fat man brings you whatever your little heart desires). I’m sure there will be posts on how we handle this as he grows older, but you’ll have to wait a few years for that.
2. We aren’t giving T1 any presents this year. We’ll give him an old rag and a box to play with or something. I guarantee you that will make him just as happy as anything we can buy at the store.
Also:
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
I’m not going to criticize you for not buying T1 presents… that’s certainly your choices, and it’s not going to bother him at all.
I’m one of those moms who KNOWS that Dorothy will not care a lot about the presents we got her for her 1st Christmas. So I’m not expecting some huge reaction from her when she sees what we got her.
The shopping… for both kids… and the gifts on Christmas morning are as much for ME as it is for the kids. I can’t wait. I’m literally giddy about her first Christmas, just like I was for Jack’s.
Like I said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your decision. But since I get so much joy out of shopping for my kids, and watching them open lots of goodies on Christmas morning, I’ll admit that I feel kind of bad for you that you’re missing out on that.
Chelsea McGowan Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 9:23 am
And in regard to Santa, we realized he wasn’t “real” pretty young, but we played along because it’s fun! Just make sure your children aren’t those “mean kids” who ruin it for everyone else, or who act like they’re somehow “better” because they know the truth. It’s a difficult line, but I know I’d be furious if one of Jack’s schoolmates made him feel stupid for believing in Santa.
Megan Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:11 am
Yes! Yes! Yes! I hate those kids that ruin it for everyone else.
Hailey Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 8:43 am
I’m really interested to hear in the future about how you address the issue of teaching your young child to interact tactfully with all the other little ‘santa believers’. Personally, I haven’t thought about where santa will fit into my parenting plans yet
Mark this on your calendar to post about in December 2015!
My husband and I were just discussing if we were going to tell our daughter that Santa was real. She is only 3 months old, so we have some time to decide that still. We did buy her a few small things. I think I spent $30 on her gifts total. We don’t have any toys for her yet so I got a few things she can play with between now and her birthday.
2I went to a birthday party for a one year old over the weekend, and the birthday boy was as excited, if not *more* excited about the tissue paper that came with the gifts, than the gifts themselves. When they’re little like that, they really do make their own fun with whatever is around. So if you can’t find a box, I’d suggest some dollar store tissue paper.
3Did you grow up believing in Santa? I truthfully believed in him up until I was 9 or 10. It made Christmas so much more fun for me, really believing that Santa was going to eat the cookies, etc etc etc. I really feel like a lot of the joy of Christmas had to do with Santa. I can’t imagine not growing up with that thought, but I totally understand where you are coming from as well. I am just curious how you grew up.
Jo(ke) Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 8:59 am
Here in Belgium we don’t have Santa but Sinterklaas on the 6th of December. My parents always told my sisters and I that he wasn’t real but we still got presents every year on that day (to share between the 3 of us if I remember correctly). I never felt sad that I knew and that other kids still believed in him and every year I was just as excited about that day. When I have children I think I will do the same as my parents did. But I might change my mind. We’ll see.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:11 am
Similar to the way they do it in Poland. In Poland the Santa figure comes on the 6th and then the presents are brought by “the little babe”. Is it similar where you are from?
Jo(ke) Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 11:09 am
No. It’s Sinterklaas (basically a Santa Claus look-alike) with his helper (zwarte piet) who supposedly drop the presents down the chimney the night before the 6th. Kids leave a shoe out with a carrot and sugar cubes for Sinterklaas his horse. So you see it’s very similar to Santa. That’s nice that they have it on the 6th as well in Poland. I assume it’s a variation of the same thing all over Europe except for England.
T1 is adorable by the way.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:14 am
I did. My best friend told me the truth when I was 6. I was obviously a pretty significant moment in my life because I can remember exactly where I was and what we were doing, and I don’t have many other memories from my childhood that are that clear.
Even after I knew though, I still loved Christmas! Certainly for the wrong reasons at times (getting presents) but also because of the traditions and the spirit of the season. I’d like our kids to be able to look back on that.
Kristine Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 11:59 am
Funny you mention that because I remember vividly as well when my older brother told me that Santa wasn’t real. I was upset, but wasn’t too shocked either…I remember running upstairs to ask my mom and dad if that was true. My dad told me that “the spirit of Santa Claus is true.” I can’t believe I remember that, my memory is awful. I wouldn’t trade believing in Santa though for the world, because while it lasted, it seemed to make Christmas that much more enjoyable.
My younger brother (who is 23, haha) still likes presents to say “love Santa” on them as oppose to “love mom and dad” because he doesn’t like feeling that my parents went out of the way for him and bought him stuff. It’s easier to just believe Santa did it!
“We aren’t ever going to tell our kids that santa clause is real. Leaves no room for confusion…”
I was *so* glad to read this. If I have children, I’ll handle it in much the same manner. I’m always shocked at the reaction I get when I disclose this: “You’ll ruin it for their classmates!”, “Kids deserve something magical!”. “You’re such a realist grump!”… and so on. To each their own, and of course, I’ll teach my kids to tread gently with the subject (i.e. don’t go screaming Santa’s non-existence through the preschool), but it’s not a tradition for my home.
I remember how duped I felt as a kid when I learned that Santa wasn’t real. I’d have appreciated my presents so much more if I didn’t think they came from a man driving a sleigh through the sky, with a limitless supply of free elf labour.
Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 7:53 am
Nothing is more devastating than prematurely finding out that Santa isn’t real after years of believing he is.
T1 is so adorable! I love the last one the best!
I understand not buying anything for a tiny guy, I think wrapping a box with a rag in it is totally fine, most babies love the box better. But, I’ll probably get my kids stuff when I have them, more so they have something to open, because they like to at least play with the paper! My nephew doesn’t remember his first Christmas but he loved the heck out of those boxes and paper!
On Santa- I’m with you on it, but not, if that makes sense
I don’t know how a kid could get Santa mixed up with Jesus, but I do understand the point about the true meaning of Christmas. It makes me so frustrated that people get so caught up in the presents, that they forget that Christmas is Jesus’ birthday, not their child’s. Love does not equal money and gifts, love equals LOVE.
When we have kids, we’ll have Santa, but I Santa will leave a few things in a stocking (candy and small trinkets) and maybe one gift. We’ll be buying the “real gifts” and I told my husband that we’ll focus on things the kids will appreciate, not just their random whims (like those ridiculous “hot toys” that people go nuts over) and we’ll teach them to give from a small age (making Christmas pictures/crafts to give as gifts to others) so they grow up giving too instead of always receiving.
Anyways- I can’t wait to see how you deal with this later, might give me some ideas!!
april Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:44 am
that should have said I/Santa LOL I make so many mistakes when I’m not paying attention!
I think it’s cool that you’re not doing presents for him and about Santa. I’ve seen crumpled wrapping paper be as much of a hit as the toys themselves! Just curious, how did you come to this choice? Did both of you have Santa as a figure growing up?
Also, I hope that when I have kids they are as adorable as yours. His expressions are fabulous!
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:16 am
I actually didn’t know that parents did this until I read something online last year. I got really excited, and then when I brought it up to TH he was on board immediately!
I wholeheartedly agree with BOTH your decisions to not buy presents this year (Adaline is only getting a bear that is like mine when I was little-defintely more about me than her! I actually know a lot of parents who plan to not give their infants gifts.) and about telling T1 that Santa is not real. We plan to do the same.
8I stopped believing in Santa Claus at a really young age - maybe 3? I don’t think my parents ever told me he was or wasn’t real, but I definitely knew my mom bought me my Christmas presents the day we went to Toys R Us, I picked out things I liked, and my sister took me to the car while my mom stayed in the store - both my parents worked so it was the only option. It really didn’t make a difference at all when I realized that Santa was my mother. Christmas was still wonderful and magical and fun - and it still is for our family, even as adults! Your kiddos aren’t going to miss out on anything, regardless of what anyone says. They’ll still experience the joy and excitement of Christmas.
9Are you still going to play along with the tradition (ie: hang stockings etc.) even though he’ll know it’s only pretend or are you having none of that? Just curious. I never even considered telling my children that Santa isn’t real, but I can kind of see your point. I knew we had a little problem when my five year old recently exclaimed, “Santa is kind of like Jesus only nicer ’cause he brings us presents!” So I could see my husband and I maybe following in your footsteps… not this year though.
But even if/when we do tell them I’ll want to continue with the tradition of filling stockings and having some of the gifts be from Santa even if we all know that it’s only pretend. That was just such a fun and magical part of my childhood that I don’t want them to miss out on. I knew that Santa wasn’t real at the age of 7 and knowing did NOT lessen the magic and excitement of the season.
Kelli Nicole Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 9:39 am
This is similar to what I plan to do when I have kids. I want them to know that Santa’s not real, but we’ll still pretend. I LOVE doing stockings and I definitely don’t want to skip out on that!
I’ll also probably show my kids pictures of all the orphans I’ve volunteered with (I’ve spent time in several different countries and orphanages) and they’ll have to give away some of their toys every year to orphans.
Sarah Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Every year that my girls have been old enough, they pick out 3 or 4 presents that they receive, and we donate them to a local charity (St. Jude Children’s Hospital has been a recipient for a few years now). They get SO MUCH more out of giving those gifts to children their age who are in such different circumstances, than they ever would get out of playing with them.
lindsay Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 8:33 am
I really like these ideas of having the children donate some of their gifts - especially after birthday parties when the # of gifts is not as easily controlled by the parents. It is insane to me how many gifts children receive these days! To donate some is a great lesson for the kids and also a great way to give back to the community.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:31 am
I want to talk about the original story behind santa and how he was a man who started giving to kids who didn’t have anything, and hopefully tie that into giving away some of their own toys that aren’t as important to them. T1 is young enough that we haven’t really walked through exactly what we’ll do to incorporate santa otherwise.
Anne Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Jenna you are such a Montessori mom!
We strongly encourage our parents not to tell their children that Santa Claus is real. Children under six can’t discern between fantasy and reality, so they trustingly believe whatever you tell them. Why would you want to lie to them, especially when it comes right down to it, you’re lying to them for your own entertainment. They’ll enjoy Christmas whether they believe in Santa or not.
J and I are planning on explaining the tradition of Santa, just like you, but we’d prefer our children focus on the religious aspect of the season, not getting loads of presents they don’t need from a fictional figure.
AmyC83 Reply:
December 26th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Oh, but it is SO fun!! I get your point, as well as Jenna’s, but you guys are missing out on a whole lot of fun. My husband’s sister doesn’t do Santa with her kids (age 7 and 1) and the older one tells us that her mom doesn’t believe in Santa, but that she does. How sad! She has missed out on so much magic over the years. Of course, it is your child and you do what you want, but try to have fun with your kids as much as possible!
No comments on Santa or the gifts. I just wanted to say that my favorite pictures are: #3, #7, and #14. #7 by far! Not that it matters to you. haha! T1 is so cute!
11I laughed out loud at the rag part. My brother is 10 years younger than me and for a good portion of his childhood, a fly swatter was his favorite toy!
mrs shortcake Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:55 pm
that’s hilarious!
It’s totally your call with Santa- tons of kinds, including especially those who don’t celebrate christmas don’t believe in him and they are in no way scarred or lesser for it- and they also manage to coexist with their classmates who do believe so I don’t see that as an issue either. Most kids eventually learn from another kid that santa isn’t real, that’s part of the deal. I just have to say that for me personally I think that kids capacity to imagine and to wonder is so sharp and so incredible to watch that I wouldn’t wouldn’t want to miss out on this one facet of imaginative experience. To me it’s just another outcrop of such things storytelling, fantasy or play-acting for me. Our capacity for wonder declines as we age and there are no sharper memories for me than lying on the floor looking up at the tree (that in our house magically appeared decorated on christmas morning) and thinking about how it came down the chimney. Watching my neices and nephews stare at the window in hopes of a glimpse at santa brings me back to this age where tea parties needed no tea, where a piece of a paper was money and where a fat man in a red suit can visit every house in the world. It’s certainly your choice which fantasies/myths/stories work for your family and your values, but in general I think just like wrapping paper or a box can be the best toy- the belief in something impossible is also a fun part of childhood.
jessie-goose Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:51 am
I love this comment!! I’m a little torn between what I’ll do myself (although I’m pretty sure my husband would have a heart attack if I suggested no Santa), but I agree that it’s very magical and fantasy-like for kids and it makes them use their imagination and those are my favorite moments from childhood. Yes, there are a lot of other ways to use your imagination, but it’s still just fun! I found out from bratty kids at school in third grade, then confirmed it when “Santa’s” handwriting was the same as my mom’s. I still didn’t really care and I still am crazy about Christmas (for the right reasons now), but it was less magical. I agree that the times that it can be truly magical like that are limited. And I think that either way and no matter how hard you try, kids are going to think it’s all about the presents (but I still think you should try to teach them the real reason!).
married in chicago Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:59 am
“tons of kinds, including especially those who don’t celebrate christmas don’t believe in him and they are in no way scarred or lesser for it– and they also manage to coexist with their classmates who do believe so I don’t see that as an issue either.”
THANK YOU for saying this! I’m Jewish so obviously I didn’t grow up believing in Santa, but that doesn’t mean I went around “ruining” the illusion for others. Quite frankly, if you don’t grow up believing in Santa, you don’t spend much time thinking about him. I think someone who once believed in Santa and then found out he wasn’t real is much more likely to share the information with others.
Sophia Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Turtle-
I agree with your points about a child’s capacity to wonder, the gift of imagination, and how fun it is to see that in young kids. To me the difference between fantasy, imagination, storytelling, etc., and Santa is that Santa is not presented as “make believe” or a fun game to “pretend” with the kids. Santa is presented, by parents, as a very real person whom you can write to and get presents from and leave out food for and even visit in the mall and ask for things directly. So, to me, that is *very* different, than, say, spending an afternoon with one’s children in in the backyard pretending to be unicorns and “eating” grass and “flying”, or spending hours in a bedroom pretending to camp out in forts made of sheets. Does that make sense?
Turtle Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I understand what you’re saying, Sophia, and I think it’s a valid point, but I think that for kids that line is a lot blurrier and perhaps less necessary than it is for adults. I think culturally our notions of myth vs. fact are very rigid (post- European enlightenment and the emergence of the primacy of reason and science) but aren’t necessarily so when we’re younger. I don’t know if this makes sense, but my imaginary friends and my dollhouse games were in my ways just as real as my neighbors were, but like santa there were clear differences- my dollhouse people never talked back to me. With Santa, such contradictions abound between fact and fiction abound- how does he live forever? how does he live in a place like the North Pole?how does he get everywhere in one night? how does he eat so many cookies? Children at a young age associate this not with a very “real” person but a very “magic” person. This distinction, I think, allows them to participate in a special space of imagination that separates it from the rest of the known things parents give you as facts. I think this is why it different from intentional deception or lying and more simply vivid participation in a mythic creation. But I take your point seriously…and it is certainly something to consider critically- just like any fairy tale.
Zoe Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Aww I agree.
I was reminded of this watching a recent Glee episode, where Brittany still believed in Santa and Artie didn’t want to break the illusion for her. I realized so much of the joy and magic I remember about Christmas as a child was wrapped up in believing in Santa. My parents actually never bought me gifts (my sisters and aunts/uncles did a great job of that on their own!) and didn’t talk to me about Santa one way or the other. My stockings were really just decoration as they weren’t filled either. But just the THOUGHT of Santa made Christmas so exciting. 
I grew up not believing in Santa because of my parents’ religious convictions. I do feel like I missed out on some of the fun, but mainly I became a huge brat about telling my classmates and neighbor kids that Santa wasn’t real when I got sick of listening to them go on and on about waiting for Santa or bragging about everything Santa brought them. Maybe (hopefully!) That 1 won’t be as big of a brat as me!
My husband and I don’t have kids yet, and we’ve started talking about how we want to present Santa and Christmas to our kids in general. We haven’t yet decided what we will or won’t tell our kids (leaning pro-Santa). It’s a tough decision!
14He’ll never know or care of course if you don’t buy him anything - enjoy it because someday he will kind of expect something and for now you can save money and clutter!
I’m not too sure about the Santa thing yet - I figured it out on my own and always felt believing in him when I did didn’t conflict with my ability to remember that Christmas was about Jesus first and foremost. Though, (not to sound bragging or anything) I was a more spiritually mature kid than most and not very demanding when it came to presents anyway. I would hope that if we do keep the Santa thing going that we still do our very best to emphasize a lot more the giving, serving, and Christ-centered. I think it can be done. But you do give some compelling arguements!
15wait, Santa’s not real? hehe, actually I am Jewish and when I was in kindergarten I told my whole class that Santa wasn’t real for show-and-tell. There were some pretty upset kids (and parents). I can see why you want to do it that way, especially with the emphasis on the true meaning of Christmas. For us it’s pretty confusing dealing with kids and Hanukkah. The original meaning of Hanukkah had nothing to do with giving big presents (just coins called gelt) but now everyone wants to compete with Christmas. With our 1 year old daughter, I hope to instill in her that Hanukkah is our special holiday and is NOT our version of Christmas (which belittles both holidays, in my opinion) but it is hard to not give presents when she sees other kids getting Christmas gifts. Obviously we did not worry about it this year, but I share in your sentiment of trying to keep the holiday to its true traditional, religious meaning and not making it all about the “stuff.” I thought of trying to do family home-made gifts, where we can sit together and do fun craft projects each night of hanukkah. we’ll see…
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:35 am
Interesting, I’d never considered what it’s like for Jews or Muslims (or others) who don’t celebrate Christmas and would have to teach their kids not to tell the other kids. If all those parents can do it I’m sure I can to!
My parents still give me gifts from Santa. So I started doing the same to them. This year, they get gifts from Santa and my dog, nothing from me
I like that you’re decided against Santa. I think we might do something similar when we have kids, for similar reasons that you describe. Though I’d like to frame it as a “magical, special secret game” between adults and kids so that it still holds some fun for them.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:33 am
Yes! This is how I’d like to frame it as well. Otherwise what do you tell your kid, that all the other mommies and daddies are lying?
Christina Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 3:28 pm
My family followed a similar model. I remember coming home from school as a first grader and having a serious discussion with my mom after I realized some of my classmates thought Santa was a “Real-life Guy,” and not an “Imagination Guy.” I don’t remember how she explained the whole “magical, special, secret game” concept to us as children, but I’ll have to find out before I have my own children, because it totally worked! I don’t think I spilled the beans to any of my friends, even though that’s exactly the sort of thing my know-it-all little self would have wanted to do.
The whole family still plays along with the “idea of Santa” now, even though we’ve all left childhood far behind. We take turns putting things in each others’ stockings, and even still put out cookies and milk (and hay for the reindeer).
SANTA ISN’T REAL????????????????
AHHH.
Thanks for ruining it, Jenna!
18So glad to hear you won’t be giving T1 gifts this year - I don’t understand parents who spend (waste in my opinion) money on their infants during Christmas when it won’t matter anyway! Have a good holiday!
19Oh my gosh, what a cutie! I love #7 and all the laughing, so sweet! We are going to “do” Santa, but also already tell Claire that he isn’t real. My husband found out at 4, and thought “Does this mean I don’t have to go to church anymore?” I also have a very clear memory of finding out, and it’s not a happy one. It’s almost like someone you love dying, but he was never real so it’s very confusing and sad for a child (at least it was for me, at 9). We’re going to tell her of St Nicholas and the myth that surrounds Santa, but we’re still going to pretend with her. We want the “magic” kids feel without the deception. And I don’t see the huge deal with kids telling other kids (although we will teach her to not ruin it for them), all my friends told me Santa wasn’t real, but I still believed. We already say things to her like “Isn’t Santa a fun game?”
Oh, and we didn’t get Claire anything for her first birthday, but now I can’t resist! And we also love making her gifts!
20we are santa believers in this house…but we have been telling our 3 year old that we are celebrating jesus and his birthday and the only reason we are getting gifts is because the wise men brought Jesus gifts. and since they brought jesus 3 gifts that is how many gifts santa brings them. so we are really trying to tie it in to the true meaning of christmas. ALso we were just in Leavenworth this last weekend and we saw st. nicholas and he told the history of santa…it was pretty cool to hear! Also when my babies were that young their presents consisted of things that they needed. like onsies and binky’s in their stockings and baby food jars too! ya know nothing super exciting but at least i felt like they had something under the tree!
21I’m 28 years old and I still believe in Santa Claus.
I learned at a pretty young age who was bringing the presents to our house, but my parents framed Santa as “part of the spirit of Christmas” to us when they broke the news that the jolly fat man wasn’t putting the goodies under the tree. They used Santa as a lesson in giving to others, especially those who are less fortunate than us.
I’m a practicing Catholic, attend church on a regular basis, and know that it’s important to keep Christ in Christmas. But Santa, to me, represents that little bit of magic I feel during the holidays-that tiny push to give more, do more, help more, for others. I want my kids to learn the same lessons I did about Santa because I think the way my parents taught me truly made me less selfish during the holidays-it has definitely shaped the way I celebrate throughout my adult life.
I really respect your decision Jenna, and I think the ideas you’ve commented on here about how to frame it to T1 and your other children are great. I have a feeling you and TH will handle it just fine.
Have you read the Autobiography of Santa Claus as told to Jeff Guinn? He provides an AWESOME history of the real Saint Nicholas while also incorporating the fun parts of the legend as well. Bonus is that it has 24 chapters, so you can start reading it on December 1 and read a chapter a night for tradition. I highly recommend!
Jackie Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Agree! I’m Catholic too and so I “believe” in Santa Claus. I definitely plan on teaching my kids about the very real saint. I want them to have the wonder/magic of Christmas, as well as realize that Santa isn’t just secular/commercial but has a beautiful and religious story behind it.
I think as adults we sometimes enforce our own beliefs on our children without really stopping to think what it might mean to *them*. Since we’re seasoned in this life - Santa Claus is about consumerism. But we must remember that our children are not jaded the way we are. And if we’re careful about how we present Santa Claus - he can still be a part of their imagination until they’re old enough to realize (or be told) that he’s just a fun story that is made up about a real man that was very similar.
I respect your choice to not tell T1 about Santa, but sometimes it disheartens me because I think we want our children to be very adult these days and not believe in silliness. But silliness is what keeps them from being jaded the way we are. And trust me, with time they’ll come to know the truth about the world.
I guess I’m feeling a little sore because I recently went to a holiday party and Santa showed up and all the children ran to him and hugged him and gave him cookies and he sang songs with them. One mother didn’t let her son go to Santa and kept reminding him that he was “fake” (the little boy was 3) and he sobbed and begged her to go talk to him and watched as all the other children played and listened to him.
It was pretty much a disaster and horrifying, to be real honest. Of course I’m sure some children cry when they find out he’s not real, as well.
Eh.
Lisa Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 11:59 am
Thank you!!!!! I agree with this 150%. I am actually surprised that so many of these comments are anti-Santa. We are forcing kids to grow up too fast these days as it is. Let kids be kids!
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Have you looked into Nurtureshocks arguments against lying to kids? It’s very convincing and in large part is why we are very anti-santa.
Kalen Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I haven’t! How do they address other things children believe in? Do you tell them that the fridge box they’re playing in isn’t really a spaceship and they shouldn’t pretend that it is? Do you tell them that their imaginary friend doesn’t exist? I’m not being snarky - I’m for real wondering. There are so many things children believe in and I just don’t know when we draw the line in letting them find out for themselves (or ask us directly) or just stopping it all together. My grandma used to tell me that thunder was God at the bowling alley. It helped me not be afraid of thunder. Sure it was a lie, but I outgrew it, and I came to cherish that story (and it’s one reason I still love thunderstorms). I dunno. Imagination to me is sometimes more valuable than truth, maybe.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:52 pm
It’s not about what kids believe (ie come up with one their own using their imagination), it’s what we tell them. Children trust their parents, we teach them that they need to trust us, and it’s confusing for them when we tell them something is true, and then they find out that we lied to them.
To quote Nurtureshock- “Children don’ts tart out thinking lies are okay, and gradually realize they’re bad. The opposite is true. They start out thinking all deception, of any sort, is bad, and slowly realize that some types are okay.” and another “The other reason children lie, according to Talwar, is that they learn it from u s. Talwar challenged that parents need to really consider the importance of honesty in their own lives. Too often, she finds, parents’ own actions show kids an ad hoc appreciation of honesty. ” We don’t explicitly tell them to life, but they see us do it. The see us tell the telemarketer, “I’m just a guest here.” They see us boast and lie to smooth social relationships.”
Of course the issue is complicated, because our kids will have to learn to understand why we use tact sometimes, and why sometimes we might not have to lie, but we don’t have to say exactly what we are thinking, like if we get a gift from our grandma that we don’t really like.
Pretend play is very important, but if I’m on the floor playing with a box and we pretend that we are in a fort and it’s cold and we have to make a fire and protect ourselves from a bear, T1 can clearly see that we are NOT in a fort, and that there are no bears. He understands that we are both using our imagination to create something.
Santa is different though. When I say that santa is real, he assumes that I am telling him something I know because I’ve seen it. Maybe I’ve been to the north pole? Or maybe I’ve seen him leaving presents? Obviously I’m in communication with him in some way because he can write a letter and say what he wants and he might get it. Just like I can communicate with his grandparents and ask for something and the grandparents will provide it. Plus, I can take him to see a man in a suit at the mall and I say that this is santa and he gets to sit on his lap and ask for a toy, and then he gets the toy. This is not his imagination, this is a world that we’ve created for him, a world that turns out, in fact, to be a lie.
Kalen Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Ah, I see. Makes sense to me about the gradually learning that some deception is okay.
I challenge the idea that it erodes trust in any way, but that’s only based on personal experience so it’s more of an emotional disagreement. Personally, my parents playing along with the Santa story made my relationship with them stronger - it gave us playful scenarios to create and fun traditions to start. Once I found out he wasn’t real, I was old enough to understand that some deception is okay (as the quote from your book says) so it didn’t affect my trust because I understood why they allowed me to believe in him. I also think it was exciting for me that they created a world outside of the “real” one, because quite honestly - the real world sucks, and as children, play is our most powerful coping mechanism. Of course, that stems from my practice in play therapy (so it’s also a personal belief - though research does back it as well).
So you don’t consider yourself “playing along” with them, even though you’re doing the same thing when you act like the box is a spaceship? Just playing along. Would you be open to letting him believe in Santa if he wanted (like if he learned about him at school) and simply playing along? Or are you all together going to tell him that no, Santa isn’t real?
Either way - I think it’s an interesting discussion! I had no idea so many people were “anti-Santa”, either! Maybe it’s just the population on your blog post, but now I’m more curious!
Sophia Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Kalen, I said something similar to Turtle up above, and I agree with Jenna’s point on this thread as well about imaginative play- I do believe there is a very big difference between a child’s imagination, and fostering that imagination- my dad spent HOURS playing with us on the front porch pretending we were flying a plane in rainstorms, for example- and flat out telling a kid that Santa is a *real person*, who gives you gifts, you can write to him, you can give him cookies, etc. It’s not “make believe” to me at that point, it’s lying to kids about the existence of someone who doesn’t exist, and encouraging them to build a relationship with him through writing letters, talking about him, seeing him at the mall, feeding him, etc.
Personally, I was devastated when I found out Santa wasn’t real. I remember very clearly wondering why my parents lied to me, and I felt like I had lost someone I had, honestly, grown to love. *Because* I was a very imaginative and sensitive child, I whole heartedly believed in Santa Claus. I also found out the winter we had left California on a train for two days to move in with my mother’s friend when my parents divorced. I was 7, and I had found the stash of “Santa toys” on accident. I was crying because he wasn’t real, and my mom and her friend gave me a stern talking to not to “ruin” it for the other kids- basically, lie to them too, no “sorry we lied to you for 7 years and you just found out”.
Again, these were the same parents who reveled in imaginative games with me. I think we could have “played Santa” and had just as much fun as their going to all the trouble of convincing me a person who wasn’t real existed, and loved me, and got me presents, and came to my house.
j Reply:
December 23rd, 2010 at 10:25 am
I think the best metaphor is to imagine your kids meeting Mickey Mouse at Disney World. You play along with your kid, talking to Mickey, taking a photo = it’s all harmless fun and great for the kid’s imagination! But somewhere in that child’s mind, they understand that Mickey isn’t real. You never have to “break the news” to them that that isn’t really Mickey. Santa, on the other hand, is incredibly real to many kids. It all depends on how he is presented at your house, but if your parents weave a big enough tale, then you actually believe he is REAL. You trust your parents and after being told story after story, finding out he’s not real can be pretty heartbreaking. We will absolutely be celebrating Santa at our house and playing make-believe that he’s coming to visit!! (letters to Santa! cookies for Santa! Santa at the mall!) But we’re hoping to talk about Santa in a way that allows the kid to imagine Santa without believing he is real, the same way we talk about Mickey Mouse. All the fun without the heartbreak.
Katy Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I think parents have the power to make Santa what they want him to be - if they want the whole idea of Santa and presents to be Numero Uno, then the kids will think that is the only thing Christmas is about. I think my parents did a good job of making Christmas magical and fun with the Santa stuff, but they never went over the top with it or over-emphasized his role in the whole holiday. I think that is why when it finally dawned on me that this wasn’t all real that it was really mom and dad, I wasn’t too heartbroken. I can’t even remember what age it was because obviously it wasn’t too significant. But it was still fun to carry on the traditions, even though I knew it wasn’t real. That’s what I wish that mother at your party would have thought to herself - it’s fine to want to not pretend Santa is real, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with still particpating in some of the traditions with Santa.
Tiffany Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 3:14 pm
kalen I think you summed up my thoughts really well. I too had no idea their were so many anti santa’s out there. and I about cried when i read your story about the little kid…so so sad. I like santa…and i don’t feel like i am lying in anyway…i mean he was a real person at one time, we are just carrying on tradition. Anyway, i just have to say thanks for sharing your thoughts because I agreed with all of them.
I’ve never done Santa with my girls, for the same reasons that you aren’t. My girls have fun with the idea of Santa-we watch The Polar Express, we sit on his lap, we read books about him-but they know it’s all for pretend. My girls know that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. We spend the four weeks before Christmas reading the Bible together every night and lighting the Advent candle to help bring the focus back to where it belongs. Trust me, Christmas is VERY magical at my house!!
On the other hand, we DO participate in the belief of the Tooth Fairy. She doesn’t compete with Jesus and doesn’t cost too much to break my bank. Disney Princesses at Disney World are real, too
I don’t think my girls really believe at all, but it’s fun!
24My husband and I just had the Santa discussion the other day! We don’t have kids (probably in the next two years…), but we do have an 11 month old nephew, and prior to his existance I’d never really thought about what we would tell our kids about Santa.
My husband has STRONG aversions to they way Christmas has been commercialized and it’s loss of meaning. We still buy eachother and our family presents (and I couldn’t help buy but our nephew a present!) but when we have kids, we are not going to tell them that Santa is real. I didn’t really feel one way about it or the other, but my husband feels pretty much just like you and TH.
He also feels like one should be honest with children, and that perpetuating the “lie” that Santa is real, doesn’t foster trust between parents and children.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 12:05 pm
YES! Read the chapter on Nurtureshock about kids and lying. Your husband will love it.
Gogo Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 1:09 am
I kind of really hate when people talk about belief in Santa Claus as a lie. For several reasons, not least among them being that that directly implies having Santa Claus as a real figure in your home is wrong. You are not being a good parent if you do have Santa Claus. Another problem I have with it is that there is a lot of middle ground between insisting that Santa Claus is a real as real can be or the fake-est falsest story ever invented.
I read Nurtureshock and I just don’t see this kind of built up fantasy as a damaging lie that contributes to the erosion of a child’s sense of honesty. Because what the book also tells us, as do my own really vivid memories from the entirety of my childhood, is that children are more nuanced thinkers than we often give them credit for. And the ability to see shades of grey increases as they age. Santa Claus isn’t a lie you tell to ease your own way in the world, to get out of something, to avoid blame, or to hurt another person. I think most children can see that when they learn he is a fairytale and that probably all could depending on how their parents handle the whole thing.
All this is to say that I don’t think there is anything wrong with being clear that in your home Santa is pretend. But I also don’t think there is anything wrong with the opposite. And using a word like ‘lie,’ one that is deeply tied up with connotations of morality, isn’t a good thing to bring into the conversation.
Sophia Reply:
December 26th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Gogo, on the one hand I do see your point about it sounding like a moral judgment on parents who do Santa, but on the other, while I agree that Santa Claus isn’t, as you said, a lie that parents tell to “get out of something, to avoid blame, or to hurt another person”, it’s still not true, so for me it fits the definition of a lie.
Personally I don’t necessarily think Santa is a “bad lie”- I think it’s something some parents like to do for fun with their kids. I don’t think parents who do Santa are terrible bad people, not at all! But I do take exception to the idea that a person’s intent is what makes something a “lie” or “not a lie”. I’ve said tactful lies when I absolutely had to, and telling the truth would be more hurtful and do no good, but even though my intent was to be tactful and kind, it was still a lie because it wasn’t the truth, you know? So just because Santa Claus is a fun thing that parents love to do for their children, doesn’t make it not a lie. If the “Santa Claus is a real person” story isn’t lying, then he must be a real person. And because he doesn’t exist, the “Santa Claus is a real person” story is logically a lie as a result (in my opinion). I do believe in shades of “lying”- there is a reason we call things white lies!- and again, Santa Claus is not *at all* a lie that I have some moral objection to on the level of bank fraud. But in the end, to me, it is definitely a lie. Of course, when I tell a telemarketer I’m walking out the door when I’m not, that’s a lie too. I guess I’m saying that when I call something a “lie” I’m not judging it on the intent of the speaker/effect on the listener. I’m simply asking “is this person willfully and knowingly saying something untrue?” and if the answer is yes, then it’s a lie. I agree with you that the word “lie” has terrible negative connotations- associated with affairs or stealing, etc.- but that doesn’t change the fact that even something as inconsequential as my saying “I’m busy” when I’m not is still, by definition, a lie.
Gogo Reply:
December 27th, 2010 at 7:13 pm
That makes total sense. And I agree that it is a lie, because, well it is. Like you said, it isn’t true. But when people saying things like “I’m not going to lie to my kids like that!” about Santa Claus, it does sound unavoidably moralizing to me.
My parents never told us that Santa was real either, so we never had the devastating moment of realizing he wasn’t that other kids talked about. I won’t tell my kids he’s real either… same story on the Easter Bunny. I guess I just don’t really get why you would tell your kids they were real? It’s like Elmo or the Cookie Monster… they can be fun things without having to believe they’re real, you know?
26It’s your child, so you get to choose how to raise him.
But you’ve said in the past that *you* love receiving gifts and you make a big deal about your birthday every year. So how does this lean version of Christmas fit in with what you really enjoy? I mean, will you like the idea in principle but then not enjoy it in practice?
I grew up with Santa and I loved the magic of it. My sister and I did not get crazily spoiled, though, as my parents (who were not well off, by any means) told us that they had to pay Santa for the presents. (Parents = genius.) This explained why some friends got endless supplies of toys and why children in Africa didn’t get anything. (I am a child of the 80s and vividly remember all the images from the news of famine-starved children.)
Sophia Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 1:41 pm
I think that’s a good point- how does one explain to kids that for some reason Santa brought them an XBox, a bike, an ipod, and clothes, yet Santa didn’t bring their friend at school anything but some candy in their stocking? I like that your parents told you they had to pay Santa for the toys, because it seems that makes more sense when it comes to different incomes amongst families. Without it, it’s kind of like “why is Santa such a jerk, and skips some kids entirely”?
From about the age of 11, I had an ongoing joke with my Mom that “Santa doesn’t come to shanty town”- we were on food stamps, living in HUD housing, I got free lunch, etc. By that point we all still had stockings, but we knew who they came from and we were very appreciative that our parents, who had so little, gave us gifts.
april Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 8:12 am
phruphru- that’s what my in-laws did. They said that Santa had to pay the elves a pay check, and so the amount of toys you received was based on what your parents could send Santa for the elves… so then, the kids always asked for simple things, like a baseball mitt, or a football… if we go with Santa, that’ll be what we do.
Additionally, when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I was fine. So was the hubby. Our parents involved us in “keeping the fun going” by having us get up to help put out the presents and eat up the cookies, for our younger siblings. My mom would tell us “Now that you know, you get to play Santa with Dad and I for your brothers” it was a blast!
april Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 8:13 am
*should say both of our parents… since of course we don’t have the same ones
lindsay Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 8:40 am
Such a unique idea! I have never heard of parents saying they pay Santa for presents. Parents are so creative
We are giving our 3 month old a couple of gifts, but they are really things we’re just holding off on giving him. He didn’t have a mobile or a jumper, so this is as good a time as any for him to get them.
In our family, since my sister and I moved out, we changed how the family does stockings. It seemed ridiculous that my mom was going to the effort and expense of filling 4 stockings. Instead we all buy small gifts for everyone’s stockings now and drop the gifts in, unwrapped, on Christmas Eve or Morning. I’m thinking it might be fun with the kids to continue this, letting them make or buy small things to give anonymously. We don’t tell who put what in the stockings. Except that one year when I put silly old style pin-up girl drink coasters in stockings and everyone asked where they came from.,…
28I think part of the joy of giving gifts is knowing that the recipient will enjoy them- that whole “it’s better to give than to receive” thing is kind of true in that way. I get a lot of joy in taking the time to make something for someone, or get them something that I know they’ll love. That being said, an 8 month old really has no clue about the “expectation” or the tradition of gift giving at Christmas, and they aren’t super excited about getting a gift, you know? To him or her, it’s just another day. So I could see myself letting my child- say, one and a half or younger- open empty boxes that I had wrapped up with fun shiny paper and filled with tissue paper (this is what my friend is doing with her 6 month old). They still get the fun of opening presents- although, again, they don’t know to expect that fun in the first place- without being showered in gifts that honestly they don’t need. I’ve been to some one year old birthday parties that made my eyes pop- I counted over 30 gifts, all toys. What one year old needs over 30 gifts of toys? To me it just sets and unrealistic expectation later, when presents for older kids are much more expensive but they’re still expecting their 30 gifts
And one thing that really annoys me is that this time of year, every.single.year., people make comments like “he liked the box better than the toy!” or “we should have just gotten her boxes instead, tee hee!”. I’ve gotten to the point where I just want to say “Then DO THAT THEN. Do that, or please just stop saying it”. I dunno why that particular cliche really grates on my nerves.
29Oh, and as to Santa- I will have Santa be a fun make believe game with my kids, we can talk about Saint Nick and where the story came from, we’ll even have stockings and milk and cookies as part of the “let’s pretend” game. But I won’t convince them he is a real live person who loves them and reads their letters. To me that crosses the line between fun make believe and actually lying to a child about the existence of someone. Growing up, my maternal grandfather was estranged and I never met him until I was 19 years old. My mom let us write him letters, and every year he would send us presents at Christmas. She would tell us he loved us and loved getting our letters etc. Honestly, he may as well have been “Santa”, you know? When I found out Santa didn’t exist, I remember being very upset and pissed off at my parents (and as I commented up above, my mother handled it pretty badly). And honestly around that time I started to think that my grandfather didn’t exist either as a result, that he was just a made up story too. I know not all kids would think that, but I think it’s just easier to put Santa in the fun make believe category from the beginning. One doesn’t have to be a Grinch about it, it doesn’t have to be all or none, so for me “make believe Santa for fun”, as part of general holiday traditions like decorating a tree and caroling, is a better alternative.
phruphru Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 9:58 am
That sounds really traumatic, Sophia
Even though I asked way too many questions about Santa (“Why doesn’t Santa just bring food to Africa?”) and even though my parents were good about telling us Santa wouldn’t spoil us, etc., I will say that finding out Santa wasn’t real was an absolutely crushing experience for me. Reading your story, I realize that my Santa-isn’t-real discovery also coincided with a big period of upheaval in my life so I’m sure that made it even worse. Here’s to future non-traumatic Christmases!
Sophia Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Yes, hear hear!
I could look at picture of T1 all day long!
I think Santa is an important part of childhood. I think children need to believe in something “bigger” in the whole grand scheme of things, just like God and Jesus. But I think God and Jesus are too complex for them to understand, even just a little, when they are younger but Santa, well, that’s easy. But for the reason you aren’t going to teach him about Santa, I understand. It is important for children to know that the reason they have what they is because their parents’ worked hard (hard for the money! so hard for you honey!). With that being said, I think there’s plenty of time for kids to learn that after they’ve figured out Santa isn’t real. I had no concept of real money when I was 8, which is when I told my parents I didn’t believe in him anymore.
j Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 10:27 am
Rachie,
I think you underestimate how smart children are! I think they understand who Jesus and God are WAY more than us adults. It is so precious when a child talks about Jesus/God because you can tell they REALLY believe in it. As an adult, it’s much harder to not have doubts because our logical (and sometimes jaded) minds are always telling us it’s impossible, no matter how much we want to believe it. My favorite story is of the little boy who leaned over his baby sister’s crib and said, “Can you remind me what God looked like? I’m starting to forget.”
I don’t have any memories of believing in Santa or finding out that he wasn’t real, although Santa was very much a part of my family’s tradition when I was little. HOWEVER, some of my most precious Christmas memories come from after I stopped believing in Santa. After that, my parents let my older sister and I help with the “Santa presents” on Christmas Eve. We’d wait till the little siblings were asleep, then we’d sneak downstairs and help fill the stockings and wrap the secret presents. I can still remember my dad building my little sister’s first bike that first year that I didn’t believe in Santa.
It was SO MAGICAL for ME to help give my siblings this tiny bit of Christmas magic. It was magical to see their joy and marvel on Christmas morning. I think for this reason, I will do Santa with my (future) kids. I just feel like kids grow up so jaded these days and any bit of wonder we can provide for our children should be nourished and protected. Maybe I’m just a sentimentalist.
(For what it’s worth, I don’t believe that Santa and Jesus are mutually exclusive either. My parents always did a fantastic job teaching us the “reason for the season.” We were taught that we were celebrating Jesus’ birth and Santa was bringing us presents just like the wise men brought baby Jesus presents.)
32My husband doesn’t have many vivid memories of his childhood, but he remembers very clearly the shock of finding out about Santa. It wasn’t that he was devastated to lose Santa, he was devastated to learn that his parents had lied to his face for years for no reason at all. It was his first knowledge of a deep sense of betrayal.
My best friend grew up being told that Santa was a fun game of make-believe, and that it was important not to give away the secret to her friends at school. We’ll be doing the same when we have kids one day. Good for you, and good for you as well for not giving in to the consumerist impulse to deluge T1 with gifts he doesn’t need and won’t remember on his first Christmas.
33If we do Santa, we’ll frame it in the story of St. Nicholas. My parents sucked at keeping secrets like that (The running joke is that the Easter Bunny lived in my parent’s closet) so I’m not sure if I ever really believed or missed out.
34Haven’t had time to read any comments, so my apologies if this is a repeat. Two things:
1) SO FRIGGING ADORABLE!!! I have a little premonition that at T1′s wedding there will be a slideshow, and one of these santa hat pics might just show up there… so cute!
2) No presents makes total sense - my mom said they went overboard buying me stuff for my first Christmas and all I wanted to do was play with the wrapping paper that I shredded off gift number one!! She actually put all the rest of the gifts away, still wrapped, and used them throughout the year for my birthday or other celebrations. Why not? I say, wrap up a box or two for him to tear into, and he will be happy as a clam!
Merry Christmas to your whole adorable family!!!
35It’s your child so you should of course do whatever is right for your family. Personally, I feel that it is such a short period of time that children believe these things that I would never rob them of that magic time. My mother was careful to never tell us that Santa was real, but she allowed us to believe. If we asked her if he was real she asked us what we thought. Then if we were ready to stop believing we would and if we weren’t we’d say, “Yes, of course he’s real.”
I do agree with you on one point- parents getting more credit for Christmas gifts! My mom says now she regrets having all the good stuff come from Santa. So our plan is to have one special gift come from Santa, as well as the stockings (I think…) Then each child will get something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read from mom and dad. We’re doing that now for our daughter (who’s just a week or so older than T1) because I’m kind of annoying about traditions and doing things from the start. But let’s be honest, the gift giving is fun for me.
36We plan on having Santa present in our Christmas season when B is old enough. It’s something I loved as a child and think is a great tradition. When I discovered there was no Santa I wasn’t heart broken, I just took it in stride. Especially when it was explained to me that there is a “Santa” in everyone. You know, the spirit of giving for those who have less and so forth doesn’t have to die when a child is told there’s not fat man. Instead when that happens we’ll inform our children that they can be Santa to the people they love just like we all are.
I think a confusion between Santa and Jesus is the result of poor explanations from adults.
Gogo Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 1:16 am
That was my experience as well. It generally just faded into unbelief with a little help from some parental slips and classmates. But when my mom and I talked about it, she told me that he is real, just not in the way that we have fun believing it as children - though she kind of wished that could be true. It is possible to have both be real valuable figures in your Christmas season without losing sight of the fact that Jesus is the reason we celebrate. Santa becomes an excellent example of some Christ-like qualities.
I was never confused about Santa vs Jesus. I didn’t even know that was a thing until I read this post.
There is one thing I really don’t like about the Santa story- how parents use him as a threat for good behavior the entire month of December. I hear it in the stores a lot- “if you keep being bad maybe Santa won’t bring you that blah blah blah!”. I find it kind of lazy, and not very different than bribing children with toys for good behavior- actually, I guess that’s exactly what it is. If you’re “good” you get x toys, if you’re “bad” you might not.
Jenna Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Hear hear!
Gogo Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 1:09 am
Yeah, this aspect of it is lame. Such a bad idea.
Caitlin Boyle Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 7:42 am
Oh man. Maybe I’m going to be a lazy parent because I totally think I’ll relish November and December when I can use Santa as a threat to keep my kids in line.
Sara Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 9:00 am
I completely agree, and that Elf on The Shelf thing just takes it to another level. The threat of Santa watching isn’t enough for some.
Sophia Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Sara, I read a blog of a woman who used the “Elf on the Shelf”, and she wrote a post of how her four year old started freaking out about being “watched” all the time, and was getting anxiety about it! It was funny the way she wrote it, but honestly it *was* kind of sad to think of a 4 year old freaking out about someone spying on him all the time
Amanda Reply:
December 24th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Once my Mom told me she was going to call Santa because I was being bad. Guess what, it worked. Honestly, whatever works works.
LOVE pic #7! His eyes are lit up and that smile! Too adorable. And you can finally see TEETH!
391) On Santa - When I was young, my parents were quite poor, and looking back, they must’ve really sacrificed to be able to give us the Christmas present we wanted. I think it was good that at the time, I thought the presents had come from a jolly man with limitless resources - it kind of lifted the burden of poverty from us children. As children we could sense that money was very tight, and I think that our ‘santa’ presents came at a cost to our parents, it would have stressed out/guilted/saddened our cute little heads. So, there’s one point in Santa’s favour
I don’t know whether we’ll teach our children about Santa or not.
2) On presents for babies - good on you! He is so not going to remember his first Christmas. I think making a big deal of baby’s first Christmas is mostly just fun for the new parents, which is cool too. I predict I’ll fall somewhere in between - a small inexpensive gift to acknowledge the occasion, probably an heirloom that can be kept for years. I have two new little nephews this Christmas, and I’ve bought them an inexpensive heirloom gift each (rattles from Little Alouette - if I don’t buy them a gift this year because they’re too young, what year do I just start buying them gifts?), and so although they won’t remember receiving them, I’m hoping they’ll keep the gift for years to come.
3) YOUR BABY. SO ADORABLE. What a sweet little darling! I hope you have a lovely first Christmas with him
40Technically, we aren’t really getting gifts for our 5 month old either. My hubby bought a living x-mas tree that we are planting in our backyard to be baby’s tree. Decorating it and pictures each year beside it. When the tree is big enough it’s getting chopped down to be our tree that year. I am getting him a book. Each year I am planning on giving a new x-mas/holiday/winter themed book that we will read around the holidays, and then put away until next year. This way these books become a special tradition each year. He’ll have one book from us to unwrap. But I know since he is the first grandchild on both sides, he will be getting lots of gifts. I’m not worried. Which reminds me that we have decided that he will only ever get one or two gifts from us each year, we don’t really want to support the consumerism that is Christmas.
41the 7th picture from the top is my favorite. it looks so posed, like a senior picture, though i know it’s not. great shot jenna.
42Both of my sisters have the Elf on the Shelf thing and it’s amazing. Not because it makes the kids behave better, but because every morning the kids jump out of bed to see where Elfie has situated himself today. It’s also fun for the grown ups who get to move him around! They write their letters to Santa and give them to Elfie, who delivers them. The kids can’t touch Elfie, because he’ll lose his magic. It’s just a really fun, magical little tradition to brighten up the dead of winter. And when they write their letters, they usually ask for 2 or 3 toys. I’m not sure we give kids of today enough credit, none of the kids I know make long laundry lists of toys but ask for just a few things that they really love. My 6-year old niece was showing me her favorite toys in the American Girl catalog a few weeks ago and she pointed to a $200 sleigh and said to me, “I really like this Auntie Wee, but I don’t think you can buy it for me. It’s lots of dollars, especially for just one toy. Don’t you think it’s pretty though?” Just an example that the parents have a lot more to do with a child’s disposition than any other factors.
We always had gifts from Santa and I was never confused about the role of Santa vs. Jesus. Jesus was Lord and the baby in the manger. Santa was a jolly old man who had elves and a flying sleigh. Totally unrelated, they just happened to make their appearances on the same day every year. I do know that our family’s tradition of all the kids hiding in the bedroom on Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s house is by far, my favorite childhood memory. Santa would arrive at the door and the adults would ‘help’ him haul in the presents. The kids had to be very quiet and I have never seen such rapt attention and excitement in all my life. I look forward to that night every year just to see their faces light up.
Kids grow up so fast now. I don’t have kids yet, but when I do I really want them to have a real childhood. I personally don’t think it’s a child’s place to worry about money or the family’s financial situation. There’s a big gap between a spoiled brat and a kid who gets to be a kid but learns respect and responsibility. I feel like I’m on a defend-Santa stampede and I don’t mean to be at all. Whether or not it’s through traditions with Santa or something else, I hope that kids can just be kids. Playing and pretending and not getting ‘a valuable lesson’ out of every waking moment of the day. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about money or jobs, it comes soon enough anyway. I hope I can give my kids the same carefree childhood I had. It ends much too quickly.
Sophia Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 4:13 pm
I think making the Elf on the Shelf fun- instead of some undercover behavior spy for Santa to get kids to be good, lol :)- is a good idea. Even if a kid doesn’t believe in Santa, it sounds like it could still be a fun make believe game.
Kristine Reply:
December 22nd, 2010 at 6:49 pm
What is the elf on the shelf?!
Sophia Reply:
December 23rd, 2010 at 5:19 pm
It’s a little stuffed figure elf that you can buy- I’ve seen them in Wal-Mart and Target- and he sits on the shelf, or wherever you put him. Some parents weave this into a “be good, the elf is watching and he’s going to tell Santa if you’ve been good or bad!” game, others use it as just a fun pretend game for Christmas (almost like a traveling gnome, but in your home) with no behavior watching consequences.
I usually do not comment on most blogs but I just had to say something in reference to this. Jenna I know you are LDS as I am as well and I am concerned that people who read your blog may coorelate that with our religion which would never suggest such ideas of no santa. Now that is your opinion to tell your children that there is not Satan but what about ward Christmas parties and primary where they discuss the Savior but Santa is brought up as well. I sure hope my children don’t have to learn at an early age because some parents choose to take this approach with the holidays. Basically I just don’t want people who read this thinking that this has anything to do with our religion when it doesn’t at all. And most parents support the Santa idea. Sorry it was so long winded and thanks for a great blog : )
44As a child that was told Santa was fake, I am so happy to know that you aren’t going to tell T1. I refer to Santa as Pagan Cluas. I was always mad that I couldn’t tell anyone, still am. I see so many parents going crazy trying to fufill the dreams of their children because of santa. My aunt and Uncle prwactically kill themselves trying to do it for my cousins, such as setting up desks after midnight with no power tools, and hiding gifts everywhere and anywhere. My parents made Christmas just as magical just by themselves.
45Thank You for carrying this on to future generations…as I shall too.
I keep coming back here because everyone keeps adding such interesting comments. I wanted to add another thought: Even though I most likely will continue the Santa tradition with my children, I absolutely will not do the Easter Bunny. This is partly because I did not grow up with the Easter Bunny and partly because I get so weirded out that some kids get gifts — TONS of gifts — during what is the holiest day of the year. (I am Catholic, btw, and Easter is serious business for us.) Christmas has been over commercialized forever but can at least make Easter not about toys?
46Forgive me if this has been said already, but if you hate Santa so bad why did you post 20+ photos of him in a Santa hat?
Jenna Reply:
December 24th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
I don’t hate Santa, I hate the idea of lying to my child. He can dress up as a fictional character at Halloween, or as Santa on Christmas, as long as I’m not lying to him and saying “yes, the person you are dressing up as is real and alive right now and can see you being naughty and has elves and flying reindeer”.
I’ve heard of other people doing this with their children, but I can’t imagine ever telling my children that Santa Claus is fake. Children are so young and innocent, and I honestly think that there is nothing more beautiful than the fact that a child can believe that one man can deliver thousands of presents to children all over the world in one night. My parents did the whole Santa thing when I was little, and I can’t imagine growing up any other way.
48Statistically speaking, most Christians grew up believing in Santa Clause and never got confused with the reality of Jesus Christ. Seeing as we talk of Christ all the time (scriptures, church, and prayers) and Santa only seasonally, kids get the idea-I sure did. I’ve never in all my life heard an atheist say (and I do live in CA and did serve as a missionary in Europe) that they believed in Christ until they learned the truth about Santa, not “knowing what to believe.”
It’s a simple thing really. I think I always knew somewhere deep down inside that it was my parents. In fact, I think when I learned the truth, it made me love my parents that much more. It’s like when you find out the name of an anonymous giver and feel an increased love because of their selflessness.
Brynn and I will play the Santa game. However, don’t expect me to “bear my solemn witness, with every fiber of my being”, etc. that Santa is real. There will be a clear delineation of faith/religion and tradition.
Just my 10 cents.
49Forgive me for not caring what you tell your son about Santa (at least not enough to berate you for your choice ;-)) but I just want to say that there is no shame in appearing to be a “mommy blogger” in terms of posting pictures. They are great! You are a blogger who is also a mother, so it is perfectly fitting.
50