A few weeks ago I wrote about T1′s delays in a rather, shall we say, anguished state. I’ve had lots of positive feedback, and more support than I could have hoped for. Thank you. I’m feeling much more at peace, and really don’t feel any worries. This is in part because the more I talked to women around me (physically around me, not just on the internet) the more I realized how common this is. In fact, every single highly-educated-household family at our church with a toddler, that has had a son tested, has their boy in therapy. Isn’t that insane? And these are mothers who stay at home with their children, so it can’t be blamed on crappy daycare. For some this is their first child, others their second or third, but all of them are boys and all have been diagnosed with a variety of delays.

Could it be the problem isn’t the boys, but the standard? Food for thought indeed. I’d have to see some pretty solid double-blind studies to convince me otherwise.


This is why I’m no longer worried. And why we are now treating his therapy as an opportunity to learn how to more effectively work and play with him.

To back up to my last post. He was diagnosed toward the beginning of October, and I had no idea how much everything was going to cost. When I asked the representative at Child and Family Connections she couldn’t really give me an answer (understandable, insurance is a mess). We were told he needed two therapists, two times per week, for an hour each. We knew it would cost us $30/month to be a part of the program, but what about the cost of the therapy sessions? $100 each? $200 each? More? To put it simply, spending thousands and thousands of dollars a year on therapy for our toddler didn’t seem necessary.

Yes, I said it. I was willing to take the bet that his lack of speech at 18 months wouldn’t determine whether he gets into Harvard*. “Speech delays” in toddlers (I’m not sure I’m even willing to call them that anymore), especially toddler boys, are just too common for me to think it’s a problem we need to be potentially sinking $5,000 or more into.

So I called my insurance to find out more about coverage. I was told (somewhat apologetically by the nice agent) that our insurance has no benefits for learning disabilities or developmental delays. Good thing I was no longer freaking out at this point because that is some pretty crappy coverage. I was annoyed, and left wondering how much we would be quoted for the therapy fees. I called the Child and Family Connections rep and she told me that it would be free. WHAT?!?! Yes, free. Apparently the state covers the cost of therapy when your insurance company won’t. This is the first clue that the state does NOT agree with my theories about delays and the sum cost of not doing therapy.

It took a few weeks to work out everything with our insurance (some forms were filled out incorrectly at first) but a month after my initial post T1 had his first speech therapy session. Somehow, we won the speech therapist lottery. This therapist is awesome and the perfect fit for us! She’s organized, worked out a plan with me at the first meeting, quickly found a set time that works for both of us, and asks me each week areas where he has made progress and the things we have worked on. At the end of each session, she gives me goals for the week.

She’s great, and I love the time with her, albeit maybe not for the reason you might think. Though T1 has started using more language, I’m not so sure I would say that three sessions with her is the reason he can now correctly use:

bubbles
bye-bye
shoes
choo-choo
mama (well, he’s close here, sometimes he points to himself and says mama, or points to TH)
nay-neh (naked)
ball
beh-beh (baby)

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Seems like a pitiful list for a 19 month old I know, but compared to a month ago I’m feeling like I’ve got a braniac on my hands. My child can tell me things like “neh neh“, which means “Take all my clothes off and put me in the bathtub so I can poop and cause you to freak out again and say icky icky icky. That’s one of my favorite moves.”

Anyway, I have no idea of knowing whether he would have picked those things up anyway. The only one we’ve worked on during our time with the speech therapist is choo-choo (I totally give her credit for that one). The rest seem to be things he has started using because of the repetition of daily life.

What I love about the therapy is that she has given me some key strategies for working with him on my own time. Using a puzzle and holding the pieces up to my mouth as I say the name of the animal, only giving him one block at a time and forcing him to say please/more (in sign language) if he wants another one, a whole new way to read a book with him (just asking him to point at specific characters/things in the book, not worrying about the words on the page). Each week I look forward to seeing what new toys she brings, and how she uses them. It’s been a fantastic experience.

Unfortunately working with the developmental therapist has not been quite as good for us. She’s older, lives really far out of town, and has been nearly impossible to pin down in regards to choosing a set date and time. I have a flexible schedule, but this doesn’t mean I like getting a phone call the morning of to ask if she can come. When she comes and spends an hour with us, it looks like little more than what any normal person does when playing with a toddler. Throwing a ball back and forth, playing with one of these, putting toys into a shape sorter, reading a book. The shape sorter is an example of an area where I really disagree with the way she does things, allowing him to control what shapes he uses and placating his oncoming tantrum by giving in when he lets her know he wants to do the circle instead of the triangle. Her personality and style weren’t a good fit for us, and I didn’t feel convinced that this was worth further draining of state resources. So I called the coordinator at Child and Family Connections and let her know we were done working with the developmental therapist at this time, and would reevaluate his progress at a later date if necessary. I just hope I don’t have to be the one to personally call the developmental therapist and tell her we don’t want her to come back, as that sort of thing makes me anxious.

I worry that I haven’t been clear in what I’m trying to say here (as so often happens). First, I’m suspect of the timeline that has been established for when certain milestones need to be met, specifically for boys. Also, we don’t like the specific developmental therapist that was assigned us, and have no desire to continue working with one at this time.

The speech therapist though? She is a gem. I would pay a lot of money to spend time watching her work with T1, not because I think he wouldn’t get into Harvard without her, but because she is showing me all these interesting and useful techniques for interacting with my son. I see new ways to focus his attention when working on a puzzle, how to turn it into a learning experience instead of me passively sitting by and clapping when he gets it right. Now I pick up the pieces, say the name of the animal, make the sound of the animal, hold it next to my face when I say it so he sees my lips move, make him say “please” before I give him the piece, and use lots of positive reinforcement when he chooses to put it in the correct spot. All of my children will benefit from my time spent with her.

A lot of people are going to strongly disagree with our approach to this. Maybe even members of our own family. I guess we’ll have to wait and see where he is in 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years. As I’ve already come to realize during my short time as a parent, a lot of this journey is doing your research, discovering there is conflicting information, hedging your bets, and keeping your fingers crossed it works out in the end.

*I’m not specifically shooting to get T1 into Harvard. This is a phrase I use to communicate the idea that my goals for him are long term.

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