28 May
Oh, The Possibilities!
A common thread of discussion that I noticed in my post about having a nanny and not trying to “do it all” was the suggestion that I am unhappy in my current position and confusion as to why I don’t try to remedy that. First, I am not unhappy. I have a great life, I recognize that on a daily basis, and I’m lucky to be where I am. I think I would be unhappy with a husband who works out of town and on weekends, no family or close friends in the area (that is slowly changing, but we’ve still been living in this area for less than a year and real friendships take time!), and two young children if I didn’t have help, but I do have help and so I am able to balance everything in a way that feels good for me/us.
The last time I worked at something other than being a mom, wife, or blogger. I miss this.
My paradigm shift of the last year has released me from any outside influences telling me to stay home and have children and now the question I ask myself on a regular basis is “What do I want to do with my life?” I recognize that pursuing a career is a good fit for me, but unlike most other 28-year-old women in America I did not spent the last decade working toward one. I stopped advancing in math courses after my sophmore year of high school and haven’t made much progress since. I chose a path through college that avoided math or science classes as much as possible because I assumed I would do nothing more than stay at home nurturing my kids while my husband worked. Now I have an English degree (not the most marketable choice) and the inability to do little more with an Excel spreadsheet than bold and highlight the cells with pretty colors. I set no foundation for a career, and that makes things difficult.
The two greatest deterrents leading me away from working right this moment are the cost of childcare and life/house management. Currently I manage everything to do with the house, finances, and children on my own. When That Husband is home and the children are awake he shoulders 50% of the parenting responsibilities with me, but there is still a lot to be done. This 1950s style model of marriage is what works best for us with his current job, and he knows that if he were ever to switch to a 9-5 style position that many of the things I take on would shift over to him. However, If I start working outside the home it would mean taking all of the things I do right now between 9-5 and doing them in the mornings, evenings, and on the weekends. Plenty of people do this (I have immense respect for households with two working parents, it sounds very stressful to me and I’m always awed by how productive Julia is according to her Day In The Life posts) but we have the financial freedom to avoid this and so I am choosing to do that at this time. Also, I’m about to get on a plane and go spend 5 weeks living with my parents, something I wouldn’t be able to do working for someone else.
I am lucky though, because unlike a lot of others I have the flexibility and opportunity to do almost anything I want with my life. I live in the age of Khan Academy and Udacity. I can pick any subject in the world and become an expert in it, often for free. When it comes to developing new skills, the only thing holding me back is the way I choose to spend my time.
When I think about the possibilities for my future a few options come to mind. As of right now, operating on the assumption that my husband’s career will continue in a similar vein, I can consider choices that might not be an option to me if me working to supplement the family income was a necessity. I feel that I can’t emphasize strongly enough that I understand how fortunate I am to be able to approach life in this way.
I could pursue blogging and writing full-time. I am fully aware though, that it’s almost impossible to make the time invested worth the compensation and many bloggers before me have thrown in the towel and said they no longer want to deal with the pressure. But it would be doing something I enjoy, with almost limitless flexibility.
I could build up Jenna Cole. I feel pangs of jealousy whenever my photographer friends talk about the weddings and sessions they are working on, and I think that after a year of hard work I could make enough money to offset the cost of childcare. Unfortunately, sessions are best done in the early morning/evenings and if those are done on weekdays I need to hire someone in an area where childcare averages between $15-$20/hour. If I shoot on the weekends I cut into the already small amounts of time that we have as a couple and a family.
I could look for clerical positions, such as an Executive Assistant. There are plenty of firms in the area offering good money for these positions, and I think my personality and skill set would help me excel in a position like this, though taking a basic Excel course would be essential. Or I could keep an eye out for job postings that would allow me to capitalize on the event management experience I built up during college. This is the land of startups, and so there may be other positions that would be a good fit for me that I haven’t considered before. I would need my work to be located in a specific region of the Bay Area so I can drop the kids off at their respective care facilities, and these options also offer little flexibility and mean working outside the home with traveling working-on-the-weekends husband and young children. I would be lucky to make enough to cover the cost of putting T2 in daycare (T1′s preschool likely would still have to be covered by husband’s salary).
Or I could go back to school. This option is risky though because we currently have no debt, and we would not only have to take out a loan to make this happen, but my inability to relocate for a job* means there is a chance I might not find a position that can pay back the investment. I feel happy when I think of this option though because it would lead me to a place where I can have a career that is rewarding and fulfilling.
I wanted to write this post because your comments communicated a perception that I might be wallowing. I felt your words were saying that I was so busy mourning what could have been that I couldn’t see the bright prospects in my future. As it is difficult to convey tone on a blog, I did want to clarify that I am not wallowing, I am pondering and considering. There are so many areas of my life where I have not previously made decisions for myself and I want to take some time and do this right. I also think that we live in a society that is hostile to working mothers (and often working fathers as well). Only a small amount of time-off allowed after having a baby, workday schedules that don’t match up with school schedules, corporate climates that don’t encourage an agreeable work-life balance. If I can altogether avoid those types of stresses, maybe I will be happiest doing so.
Right now my children are very young, but within the next 5 years I’ll be in an entirely different situation. I’m standing at a junction and it is difficult to not feel overwhelmed by choices I previously prevented myself from considering. Happily that overwhelmed feeling is tempered by a buzz of excitement, because from here on out I can shape myself into everything I want to be.
*I have a friend with a fantastic career, about to marry a man with a fantastic career. I love hearing how they compromise and make decisions, deciding whether they should live in her city so she can build up her practice, or in his city so he can pursue an MBA. In our marriage though, TH’s career path/potential means I’m happy to move wherever the best job for him resides and configure my plans from there.
Also:
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
This is so interesting to hear, thank you for it.
I am in a different but similar situation, I have a career I love but it will never take precedence over my husbands. In short he makes more but truthfully I don’t want to be that person, I want to have my career and still be able to volunteer for my future children’s classroom and be home when they need me and right now I have that, I make less but I am more fulfilled this way.
1Thank you for sharing, Jenna. I am a SAHM with a 10 month old son and we are TTC our second. I know the next few years will be basically dedicated to my babies since my husband works night and I EBF. But like you I know that in time they will be grown a bit and there will be an opportunity to “branch out”. While my husband and I don’t want me to work full time, I am interested to dip my toe in the water and see what’s out there.
And its great just that you HAVE a degree, any degree. Although I know right now its difficult to find a job even with a degree that’s marketable. Good luck in whatever you choose.
2I love this! There’s such a hostile culture these days of {name your issue} IS THE RIGHT way and really, no camp is right. I think for some, having a career & a family works. For others, just a family. And for some, just a career. Its so great to hear you processing out loud. It sounds like for the moment, you and TH have found your balance! I hope that you can continue to find yourself and things that excite you- and that they fit really well into the balance you guys have already made. There’s nothing wrong with being fully content where you are but still processing who you hope to one day be
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 9:46 am
Thank you for writing something that says it’s okay not to do it all.
I am a housewife. Without kids. Sure, I am working on rebuilding my photography business after our big international move but at the moment, in truth, I am a housewife. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It works for us. Do I waste time on FB? Sure. Am I stupidly privileged that I get to spend a weekday by the pool if I’ve finished editing sessions and I’m done with the laundry? You bet I am. Do I do the volunteer work that I can without a car? You betcha. But overall, we’re happy with the 1950s model, for us.
If you desire to be in the workforce then I applaud you pursuing it but please don’t let all the people who have made you feel terrible for struggling with motherhood with a newborn and another under three, with no family around to help, make you think that you are ‘less than’ because you’re not in paid employment. Different floats for different boats, as they say.
Also, don’t make yourself feel bad for not having vocational skills from University. In my experience most degrees offer little in the way of skills that actually apply in the workplace (medicine/law aside) and that included Marketing units for me.
Jenna, you are such a talented photographer. You can make good money in it with the right model and if you love it, and have the good fortune to be able to pursue it given TH’s earning capacity, then I’d go for it, personally!
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 9:47 am
Also, I feel you on the real friendships. We’ve been here six months and I have made one friend. It’s even harder with no kids
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Once I’m back and we’re moved in a bit I promise we will come hang out with you (swim at your place?)! You’ll have one adult friend and two mini friends
Hannah Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 9:27 am
Sounds fantastic! I love mini friends, too
I like that you are figuring out what works for you. One thing I learned in the wonderful Hyde Park Ward from a dear sister there is that everyone of us makes decisions for her life that are right for her, often under inspiration or direction from the Holy Ghost, and when other people decide things that you wouldn’t you can assume they’re doing exactly the same thing.
Judgement and even social pressures in Mormon culture are a problem, to be sure, but it should not be because it is not in accordance with the gospel and teachings of Jesus Christ.
4I’d think very hard about going forward with photography. You are good at it and it will give you flexibility-no need to nix visits with your family and you can cut back or go forward as much as you want.
While your childcare situation might change in a few years, I believe your kids (and this applies to all kids) will still need you as much or more than they do now.
I say this as a mom with a husband who is on a very demanding path right now (med school, then residency, and I don’t really expect it to get much better when he is done). Working full time with 1 is hard. It works, but it is draining, especially during the times you have no help. I’ve come to the conclusion that when we have 2, I will have to go part time. Luckily, I think I have that option, but it isn’t one you find often in the typical 8-5 world, and I’ve spent a few years working towards it.
Also, unless you have recently decided you really like math, don’t feel like that is your only option. I hated it all through college. I did it and made it through Calc 2, but I still hate it now. Learning it doesn’t necessarily mean you will like it. I do it when I have to, but it is possible to find a job in business that doesn’t require intense math skills on a daily basis.
5I’ve been thinking a lot about my comment on your last post about getting a job and how insensitive it might have been. If I offended you, I’m sorry. My husband travels a lot for work and I’m quite stressed out trying to manage everything and I don’t even have kids, so I can understand your reluctance to go headfirst into building a big career or something, particularly when you don’t “need” the money. I think, based on everything you’ve explained, you get to take the next few years building your skill set, getting involved in a way that works for you and gives you marketable skills for your future, and trying to decide on your next step. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities out there that might fit your needs and have some perks you would enjoy (like volunteering at a nature center or farm that the kids like to go to) but don’t require a long term commitment or only require a few days a month instead of something more demanding. It can be a great way to build an on-ramp.
Don’t be too hard on yourself about being an English major - knowing how to think critically and write well are two very marketable and important skills. I will also say that last year, I started attending continuing ed classes at my local community college. The price was reasonable and it’s helped me expand my skill set at a pace that works for me - it might be a good way for you to brush up on your excel and other computer skills and start building yourself an on-ramp.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 6:50 pm
No offense taken! I didn’t read it that way.
There is an organization down in Santa Cruz that takes kids and put them out on farms and helps them sell the produce they grow. It’s so cool and I wish we lived closer to it! Of course volunteering is really difficult because I either have to give up husband/family time so he can watch them on the weekends, or pay someone to watch my kids which is $$$$. It’s hard not to feel guilty when I think “I’ll just volunteer in a few years when the kids are older” you know?
Ellie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 7:49 pm
I can understand that. I’ve spent a lot of money on parking, gas mileage, etc. while I wasn’t getting paid as a volunteer. But I also know that over the years that I’ve spent volunteering, it’s definitely something that you can do with kids in tow - you should definitely check to see if there is anything that might either let you bring the kids, or provide childcare while you do volunteer work. I know I’ve seen opportunities such as photographing local streams/hiking trails for publicity or documentation purposes come up around here - so it might fit in with stuff you are already doing. There are also a lot of organizations that do things like provide photography for low-income families or animal shelters or families where somebody is experiencing a terminal illness - and volunteers get to do things more on their own schedules, with their own terms, like bringing their kids along. I’ve done some volunteer work for a local charity thrift shop where I go in and photograph their wares and then give them the images to use on their website and in emails to their customers. It takes less than an hour, helps me build my portfolio, and helps me make connections that are useful to me as I build my career. I had a friend who would go to new restaurants and take photos of food to be used on the website/menu. I’m not sure what she got out of it, but I assume tasty food. I know VolunteerMatch is a great resource for stuff like this, so it might be worth checking out. Of course, what you are saying might also be true - that things will be so much easier in just a few years, and of course it’s likely that after T1 starts school, you’ll have plenty of volunteer opportunities there, and that people will be understanding that you have another child as well. Anyway, don’t feel guilty - you’ll figure it out.
I wouldn’t be so sure that most 28 year old women have been working toward a career for 10 years. I think my friends and I are pretty typical in this regard, and plenty of us got humanities degrees (and how many people work in the field of their college degree?), spent some time doing a couple “starter jobs” that really weren’t the best fits for us, maybe went back for masters degrees or switched careers, taught English abroad or did temp work for a while. I think late 20s is a pretty typical age for narrowing in on what you really want to do. And even that’s not permanent…most people change careers several times. All this to say, I think you’re right on track. Good luck!
Marissa C Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 9:18 am
Actually, that is pretty true. Out of the majority of my friends, I am one of the few that has been working full time in a “big girl job” for a few years at 25.
Sheila Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 11:29 am
I have to totally agree with this comment, Angela.
Cristina W Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 12:20 pm
Yeah but everything you described IS contributing to building a resume. My friend group sounds pretty similar to yours in terms of career paths, but temp work, volunteering, and grad school all lead to new skills and connections. Just because they haven’t been on an upward or straight path does not mean they’re in the same position as someone with no post-college work experience. I’ve been involved in the hiring process and I can guarantee you an applicant with any type of employment in the last few years would be favored over one with just a degree and catering experience 8 years ago. Not saying I don’t think there’s a place in the workforce for Jenna, but she’ll definitely have some unique challenges finding that first job.
Stephanie C Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
Agreed. I did the same. Graduated at 22, didn’t know if I wanted to go to grad school so mucked around in other jobs that had either little or nothing to do with my field. At age 25 I went back to Grad school and am only now about to start my journey towards a career… I am 28! I wish I could have figured this out earlier, but I’ve found in the LA area, it’s not that rare.
Jenna, have you thought about looking into part-time positions? I stayed home with my daughter until she was 3, and once she started going to preschool I went back to work part time. It has been the most positive thing I could have done for myself as a mother. Our situation sounds similar to yours - we can get by on one salary. However, we use my earnings for “fun” stuff - trips, dinners out, my personal splurges like getting my nails done. My self esteem has soared,and I feel like a better mom and wife because of it. I recognize in myself that I wasn’t made to be at home with kids 100% of the time, and I didn’t want to work outside of the home full time,either. It sounds like it would be a good fit for you as well.
8I just wrote a long post and then it got eaten, so I’m going to shorten this up.
If you want a job, get one. It’s complete crap to say that lack of STEM courses are going to hold you back and your English major only prepares you for clerical work. I have an English degree (as does my best friend) and I’ve never worked outside my field. We both work as editors. I work on magazines in print and digital platforms, as well as social media and web content. I am the breadwinner of my family and my STEM-studying husband’s degree will cost us twice what mine did, while I’ll retire with more money in my 401k than him. I also bought a home when I was 23 and I found a position in the field of editing a year after graduating. It is NOT a worthless degree and you are most definitely qualified to work and not as a secretary. I am not an outlier either, I know dozens of English majors and while some went on to work in the theater or others to law school, most are employed in the field like I am. NONE went on to graduate school in science or engineering because they weren’t able to find fulfilling work.
Given the amount of content you create annually and your knowledge of social media and photography, you’re more than suited to work, at the very least, as a freelance writer. Start networking. Look at LinkedIn and beef up your resume. Anything you’ve written, managed, created should be on there. Find some trade publications and websites in the field of photography and write some articles. Look into publishing organizations in your area for networking events. They happen all the time. We have quarterly events in my area so writers and editors can meet and exchange information.
If you want to work, you can and you should. If not, that’s fine. Whatever you choose, don’t blame your major. It’s a fine major and it’s offensive to many of us who share it to hear how unmarketable it makes someone who chose that as their education path. My salary is not six figures but it would more than cover the expensive of full-time child care.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 9:47 am
This is an excellent tool to use to see median income for various majors. If my first job payed me at the median for an English major, after taxes I would have just enough to cover the cost of T2′s daycare but nothing else.
http://graphicsweb.wsj.com/documents/NILF1111/#term=
a Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 10:07 am
Okay, let’s assume that the median, $48,000 is what you make. And let’s say you pay a full 30% tax rate, leaving your take-home pay at $34,000. That’s about $2800/month or $700/week. That may not pay for a private nanny or a large day care center, but it would certainly cover in-home care. Moreover, you wouldn’t make that amount forever. I certainly make more than I did eight years ago when I started out. You’d be building a career and likely making a more each year that you build it.
You should also keep in mind that day care costs go down as kids get older, and T1 will be in school full time in what, two years? Meanwhile, your income potential would continue to elevate.
Even if you only broke even for the next two years, if it’s something you want to do and are passionate it about doing, then you should. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a career and having your children in day care. You might only break even this year. But in ten years, the salary you’re bringing in may be able to pay for private schools, colleges, vacations, a house, etc. And the main point, you’d be doing something you love.
Start out with the freelancing if you want. Freelancers, on average, make around $35/hour where I am and that’s likely less than you would get because I live in fly-over country and the cost of living is pretty low. It doesn’t have to be 9-5, M-F. For what it’s worth, one of our magazine editors is a freelance/contractor specifically because she wanted to stay home with her kids but still work. We only see her once a month, if that.
My point is, don’t try to find a job that will pay six figures in a math/science background if you don’t like it. It won’t make you happy and isn’t that the point of this? You don’t have to work if you don’t want to, so why work at something you don’t like? You really do have a unique opportunity in that you can find work doing something you’re truly passionate about because the salary isn’t absolutely vital to your survival. Very few people get the opportunity.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 10:48 am
I wish our tax rate was 30%! It’s closer to 50 :(. And in-home care is about $20/hour here. Daycare in a decent facility is going to be between $2000-$2500/month. I wonder how things will change if we move to an area with a lower cost of living.
Katie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 11:35 am
Hey Jenna,
Great post! I just want to chime in on the extremely high cost of daycare/preschool/nannies in the Bay Area. I think it may be hard for people in other parts of the country to believe because it’s so much higher than many places. We lived in Mountain View, CA for a year, and our options for daycare that was within a reasonable driving distance of 25 minutes, started at about $1,800/mo. That was not what I’d call a “nice daycare,” just the starting point. And nannies started at $15/hour, but $20/hour for someone with decent experience was not uncommon. We wound up moving back to New Mexico where daycare is about $600-800 per month, and nannies charge $10-$13/hour. While in Mountain View, we wound up getting a nanny who charged a little less than Bay Area average because she wanted to bring her daughter along, and that worked out for us. Anyway, I bring all this up because I totally agree that the cost of childcare in the Bay Area, and a few other big cities in the US, make it very difficult to start a career with small children at home. Unfortunately, this would be much more feasible in different parts of the country. I think it would be very hard to start an entry-level position if it simply covered the cost of daycare. I guess one argument would be to get in the door and work your way up so that down the line, you make more than you spend on daycare, but I think it would be so tough to leave a baby in a daycare knowing that you are simply working all day to pay for that daycare. I know several women in the Bay Area who faced the same decision. I very much enjoyed this post, and from what I know about the topic, you’re thinking about all the right things!
Sarah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 11:52 am
50% seems extremely high. Obviously I know nothing about your finances, and I know CA is an expensive state but still — if you are truly losing 50% of your family’s gross income to taxes, it may be worth a second look at your return since there are likely deductions or credits you are not taking advantage of.
Carrie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 3:50 pm
It’s actually not that hard to get close to 50% in NYC or CA. Based on what I know about consulting salaries, if TH had his old job, their marginal tax rate would be ~42% (33% federal and 9% state). Deductions are phased out at higher incomes so these are additive.
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:15 pm
My husband pays about 43% as the sole income earner between federal and state - I’d guess TH is in the same bracket as my husband attracts a similar salary and bonus package as a consultant does. I have to make a lot of money for it to be worth it because currently he pays a bit less tax as a head of household and me earning the wrong amount can make things worse rather than better for us. There are also many deductions that we can’t get in his tax bracket, too.
Carrie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:36 pm
“Me earning the wrong amount can make things worse rather than better for us.” I’m so glad I’m not the only one pulling my hair out over this! The other day I learned that I could keep $5000 more per year if we got divorced. Our tax system is so infuriating.
Hannah Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 9:29 am
Yeah, it’s kind of ridiculous. We just moved to Australia and the much lower cost of living is fantastic but the actual tax rate hasn’t changed much and individual tax rates aren’t impacted by your spouse’s earnings - just your deductions, medicare levies and what benefits you can get. It’s bizarre-o - we are literally worse off if I work unless I am bringing in either under x or over x.
Hannah Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 9:30 am
From Australia, rather. The cost of living in the US, even in the Bay Area, is SO much lower than Sydney!
Paula Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 11:15 am
Hi Jenna - specifically on the lower cost of living … we are paying less than half of what we paid for a full day care center in the East Bay. It amounted to roughly $1000 LESS a month. I’m happy to chat about options and what I’ve come across in email or in person.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 11:42 am
We found a place that we are really excited about! It’s actually the reason why we are moving to Fremont. We found his preschool first, and then found a housing that would work based on that. My husband calls the director “The Crusader” and a lot of her ideas about childhood education align with our own. And yes, even though we are paying more than we have before, he’ll be in care M-F full days now and it is significantly less at a significantly higher quality than it would have been in PA.
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 9:56 am
I don’t think Jenna meant to be harsh by saying this. That being said, I agree with you. Most people I know don’t even work in fields related to their study.
My husband is a VP of Marketing and he studied to be a lawyer with a masters in International Studies (Until 5 years ago, Australia’s system was different, you could go straight into law from school and his university let him do a masters concurrently as he’s a freak of nature on the brains front). He started from scratch in advertising at 28 after realising that law made him utterly miserable. With hard work, he’s back to the same income or more than he’d earn as a lawyer *shrug*. My point is that doing a degree in one discipline is hardly a guarantee of working in that field and it’s amazing what you can learn on the job. I know I learned more on the job than I ever, ever did at University.
a Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 10:12 am
I don’t disagree that a degree is guarantee of working in a specific field. But I definitely don’t think the career path or type of degree should be written off as, “I’ll never find viable work in that field!” Especially when a position has yet to be pursued. Also, your husband chose to switch fields, which is totally fine but it was because his passion lay elsewhere. Not because he was unable to find work in his field. That’s totally different than saying you can’t get a job because of your degree.
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:22 pm
I’m not an idiot. I understand that my husband was in a specific situation and he could have found work as a lawyer if he wished. However, he went and found work in a industry where doors were closed for him as he had the wrong skills and few contacts. He may as well have had an English degree for all the advertising industry cared. Also, I was agreeing with you - the type of education you have doesn’t prevent you from getting work in most industries. It might be harder but the right attitude and a willingness to work and learn goes a long way.
Monique Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 1:26 pm
a, Where do you live? I have an English major in a flyover state and the local market for editors seems bleak. I’m a transplant, so I have few connections. I worked as an English teacher right out of college and then transitioned into marketing. I would far prefer to work within my major, and my current job would allow me the flexibility to make that move while maintaining my current income level. I just don’t hear much about editing jobs where I am.
This is the second post in which you’ve harped on your apparent lack of STEM skills, and I’d like to invite you to shift your thinking. My undergraduate degree is in Classical Studies, with a minor in Philosophy, because I thought that stuff was neat (and it is!). There wasn’t a lot of deep career thinking that went in to those choices. My current position is supervising a small staff at a nonprofit and managing their budgets. So, yeah, probably a third of my job is money stuff and I’ve had to learn my way around an Excel spreadsheet, but my employer offers plenty of good on-the-job training modules and my supervisor is very supportive of me going to the occasional training to bone up on skills.
One of my older cousins, currently VP of a medium-sized company, told me that earning a bachelor’s degree means you know HOW to learn. To add to that, I would say that earning a master’s degree means you know how to do extended research. Then you keep on learning and researching for the rest of your life. That’s the thing they don’t always tell you in college.
But on one note, you are correct: our society is hostile to working mothers. I work in a super family-friendly office and my spouse is a stay-at-home dad. As far as working moms go, I have an exceptionally sweet deal. And even I have been so frustrated at how shitty the US is to working moms that I’ve had to have a good cry about it.
10I totally understand how you feel about photography. Due to the demands of raising my special needs son without much help, it’s just something I have to put on the backburner for the moment. I feel those pangs, too, and I just keep hopeful that at some point things will change. My goal is to be able to hire a sitter to watch him in those crucial golden hours.
Like I’ve mentioned in another post, I can see you as a teacher of some sort - perhaps working with moms who are going to do natural births? Or, as a long-term goal, as a teacher in a community college?
Ellie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 1:06 pm
At most community colleges, teachers need at least a Masters degree- especially in places like Palo Alto where the community is relatively educated-many have a PhD. One does not show up and say “Hi, I have a BA in English, and I llloovveee teaching.”
For the record- I have a humanities degree and MA. I had no trouble finding a good job. I just tried a little.
Another idea for Jenna Cole that could be done on weekdays, after school: high school senior portrait sessions.
Sheila Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 11:24 am
Also, don’t feel bad about the English major - at my university (UC Davis) it was known as the degree used to get into law school.
Hannah Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:24 pm
Yup, I’m pursuing Seniors because we want to have a baby next year and I want something where I can hire a babysitter rather than a nanny to cover those hours and where I won’t spend my weekends missing out on family time. I also think you’d rock at them, Jenna
I’m a little confused about why you focus on your lack of STEM skills. I know STEM is the buzzword lately, but there are plenty of job options that don’t require extensive STEM skills, as I’m sure you’re aware. And your example of not being able to use Excel is not really STEM anyway. You use computers every day for blogging and photography — I’m totally confident you would be able to handle 90% of spreadsheets without any problem once you got the hang of it, and learning the basics wouldn’t take long at all. The same applies for a lot of jobs — you learn as you go.
The specifics of what you learn in school are less important that the fact that you went there, did the work, and earned the degree. I’m an engineer and work as an engineer, but the stuff I do on a day-to-day basis now has absolutely nothing to do with what I learned in school. But in earning the degree, I showed that I can solve problems, handle an engineering workload, communicate technical ideas, etc.
13Don’t count your English degree out before sniffing around for opportunities. I have been employed for 6 years as a proposal writer and editor for an engineering firm and then later as a grant writer for a non-profit. Most of the people who work in development (fundraising) with me have humanities degrees, and with this career path, you can work for any number of organization that interest you- community aid organizations, universities, hospitals, museums, government agencies, foundations, arts organizations, etc. I only say this to suggest that there are options with your humanities degrees; I’m sure some of your other readers will be able to chime in with other possible paths you might be able to pursue now.
14I’m 36 years old, with a degree in Agriculture. I do nothing related to my degree. I don’t have kids either. What I do have is an awesome boss and an amazing team at work. Work is just what I do in order to pay for my REAL life, that falls around the 8 AM to 5 PM, M- F time slot.
15Have I always felt this way? Nope. But I learned in my late 20s that the ‘rat race’ of trying to climb that corporate ladder was not for me. I don’t want to be a manager, or have the corner office, or be too important to take vacations. I have no career aspirations beyond getting a paycheck at the end of the work week. That was a tough conclusion to make, since our society is always preaching to us what we *should* be doing. No kids? I *should* have some wonderful, ladder climbing, high profile career, etc.
What I’m trying to say is that most of us never know what our life passions are. Most of us won’t be exactly where we thought we’d be at age 28 - 38 - 48 etc. Do what makes you happy, above all else. If that pays the bills, great. Choose work wisely, and it doesn’t have to be your life passion…it could just be what you do in order to pursue your REAL life.
I know that because your husband works in a STEM type field and all the news is about LA degrees who are unemployed it might seem that you *need* those skills to get a job. Sure it’s a smart career choice for a young college student to make as it is a growing field. But it’s not where your skill set lies, and you *have* already developed a skill set (even if you haven’t cashed in on it yet). The world wouldn’t be able to function if everyone only did STEM!
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 2:09 pm
The world functions using all sorts of skill sets, but it compensates the STEM workers best :). So far I haven’t heard of any jobs enticing enough to take a loss in order to do them.
Andie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
It does not compensate STEM workers the best! I hate this idea that the rest of society has! So I’m going to go on a rant here and correct you. Young adults are continuing to go into STEM fields because they think it pays well and there are many jobs. It isn’t that way in every STEM field. This country is training too many PhDs and there are not enough jobs for all of us. There are tons of articles on this issue right now on Nature, Chronicle of Higher Ed, Science, etc. Biologists are way underpaid and overworked. I’m so tired of it. Do you know what the national salary is for scientists who just got their PhD and are working 60 - 80 hours per week in the lab? 39K/year. Yes that is right, we get paid that little after slaving away in school and a research lab for 10+ years after high school. That is the salary that the NIH says postdoctoral researchers should get. And we are supposed to continue getting paid that little for the next 5 to 8 years of our life while we do a post-doctoral fellowship. This is during the prime of our lives when we should be starting families and buying a home/settling down. Tell me how we can do that with that little amount of compensation and those working hours? The government needs to stop telling the average person that STEM pays well and stop saying that there are not enough scientists. The truth is there are too many of us. The US should also stop bringing in all of these scientists from India and China that are bringing down our wages. Institutions need to step up and start training PhD scientists for careers outside of research as well. There is some money there. But unfortunately you have to go through 10 to 15 years of very little compensation to get there. It isn’t worth it in the end.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 3:32 pm
The data regarding which jobs pay best is easy to find - the WSJ link I gave is a good place to start. That’s where we will tell our children to look when they are trying to figure out what to do.
Steph Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 5:53 pm
While STEM-degree holders are higher paid on average, I agree that it is important for job-seekers to look into the specifics of each prospective field. It is true that some STEM positions are not very well paid. Compare a post-doc in any STEM field ($20-30k) with an engineer at a private company ($60k+) … academia is rough! A lot of teachers and professors cheer-lead for STEM fields without getting into the particulars… and the particulars are important.
Lindsay Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 8:43 am
So you’ll automatically point your children in the direction of jobs that tend to earn the most money? What about just waiting to see what they find themselves passionate about and encouraging them to pursue those endeavors, as long as they are able to support themselves?
Sarah Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 7:58 am
I think there’s definitely a distinction between S T E and M. The sciences — like the examples you gave — aren’t always very well compensated, especially in academia where you have to toil away for years as a post doc or junior professor before advancing. I would advise most students to think twice about pursing a Ph.D. in certain fields because the gain is often not worth the time and money investment.
However, the T and the E are excellent places to be these days. I may be somewhat biased because I’m an engineer, and I can only speak from my own experience, but there are TONS of jobs to be had if you have the proper technology or engineering background. My industry sadly has had fairly sizeable layoffs over the past 2-3 years — but almost every single former coworker who was laid off found a new job in another engineering field within 6 months.
Anyway, obviously Jenna is probably not going to go get an engineering degree, but I just wanted to respond to your thoughts about STEM. I love talking about this stuff.
I thought you (and other moms) would appreciate this about the boredom in motherhood but sacred work that it is from Momastery (love that blog!)
17http://momastery.com/blog/2013/05/28/on-momotony-and-sacred-work/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=on-momotony-and-sacred-work
Have you considered something like retail management (not now, but in the future maybe)? It can be easy to work your way up in some companies. I work at adidas as a store manager now but I started as a sales associate, and at adidas you just need a bachelors in, well, anything (and for assistant manger and below positions you don’t need a degree at all). I know you weren’t really asking for suggestions, but I thought I would throw that out there.
We’ve emailed each other before. Our situations are very similar (raised Mormon , now atheist, married young, had a child young, etc). Email anytime if you want to chat, we’ve gone through similar things <3
18And just to continue my unsolicited advice… I can absolutely see you working in visual merchandising management (so dressing the mannequins, organizing the clothes/shoes/accessories in the store so they are visually appealing, + management duties).
19Have you thought about perhaps selling your blogging/writing skills to others? Either as a writer-for-hire on another website, or a social media consultant, or a virtual assistant? I have a SAHM friend who does social media consulting for a few different companies (she maintains their FB and Twitter accounts), and also does math and science tutoring, and I think also works in a mom’s morning out program where she gets to bring her 3 year old while her 6 year old is in school. It doesn’t make a whole lot, but every bit counts for her and her doctoral candidate husband.
I’ve thought about doing things like this, but I have a lot going on in my personal life right now (cancer sucks) and while I used to do some freelance writing work, I did it while I had live-in help in the form of my MIL and SIL and I think if I tried to do it now my mothering would suffer.
I hope you have fun figuring out what you want to do, and enjoy the fact that your husband’s job gives you the freedom to make these decisions based on your personal fulfillment.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 3:33 pm
Oh no, are you ill? I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.
MrsW Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:57 pm
oh no, sorry! I was unclear. My MIL’s cancer has recurred and my mom is on hospice care for pancreatic cancer. Husband, kids and I are all fine.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 4:59 pm
Well I’m happy it’s not you because I know you are a mother and you need years and years more with your children. Still, that would be very hard to go through.
The calculator you posted is the national median- since you live in a very high cost of living area, I’d imagine the pay you’d find for an entry-level job in your field would be a good deal higher. I live in Chicago, which is higher than average in cost of living, although not nearly as expensive as California, and my first job paid a good 25% more than the median listed on the website you linked to (and my starting salary was on par with friends working for different employers in the same area, so my job was certainly not an outlier!).
Katie Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
And one other thing-
Push STEM out of your mind. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you let that hold you back from what you actually want to do. There are many people living (and even thriving!) off their liberal arts degrees (myself included). You don’t have a math or science background, and that’s fine. You won’t be earning the salary your husband does, and that’s also fine. Life is about balance, not perfection. Nobody gets everything they want. You might find a job that’s meaningful, but doesn’t pay much. Or the other way around. Or somewhere in between. It seems true that your husband has sacrificed a good deal for his career- you’ll end up doing the same, if it’s what you really want. Life is like this for everyone, no matter their path.
I say stick with your photography business. You have the luxury of being able to ramp up or down business at a pace that works better for your family, you have the skills in place, and have already made an investment in the equipment.
Just do it if you really want it.
Kate Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 7:56 pm
I think this is the best comment on this entry. Just because STEM is trendy right now doesn’t mean you need to push yourself towards a career that may be a) unattainable (because you don’t have the background or the skill set -as you mentioned before math is not your strong point) b) undesirable for a number of reasons such as debt, time to get a degree, time away from family, etc. My husband makes twice as much as I do and I have two liberal arts degrees whereas he has a STEM type degree. Does that matter? No, because as Katie said above, it’s about balance. And I totally get *wanting* to be good at something — I desperately wanted to be a doctor for a very long time but I did not have the skill set. So I found where my talents were and excelled in that.
Don’t let a lack of STEM skills hold you back; similarly, don’t use it as an excuse to be stagnant if you want to do something else with your path in life. Figure out what you are good at and make that work. Find some time to volunteer somewhere that interests you and go from there if you’re not finding anything that is exactly what you want. Network where you can. Very few people shoot to the top of the pay scale/corporate ladder on their first try.
I also think that you should stay with the photography business. It’s flexible hours and you’re good at it. It doesn’t require hours of math classes. And it clearly makes you happy. It’s a win all around.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 10:15 pm
This is such a good reminder Kate, that happiness and fulfillment doesn’t come from trying to force ourselves into a mold.
FYI, Khan academy and Udacity do not make you an expert in a subject area. A PhD does that. But if you like those type of courses and want to explore different subjects, generally at introductory levels, then I would also recommend EdX. A popular “Science of Cooking” course from Harvard is going to be on EdX this fall. I’m excited to take it.
Also, Excel is relatively easy once you know a few formulas. Enter all of your numbers in the cells. Then type these formulas in other cells for basic calculations:
=AVERAGE(_,_)
=STDEV(_,_)
=SUM(_:_)
The blanks _ are where you select whatever cells have your numbers that you want to do calculations for. You can select just two cells and it will look like _,_ or select several cells by clicking and dragging your cursor over them and it will look like _:_.
Your local community center probably offers courses in Excel or Microsoft office. You’ll be with a lot of old people I imagine, but you should give them a try. Very intuitive and simple.
22Hi Jenna,
I can’t possibly give you advice since I have no clue how things work in CA. I just want to let you know that I have no clue what a “STEM” skill is and I have never had any trouble finding work….ever LOL. I’ve been a SAHM for years now, I am an exception I guess that I love it and feel kind of sad (ok realllllly sad!!!) that I only have 15 more months left before my last is in full time school. I would like you to know that many moms I know were able to find jobs that fit into the school schedule. You have to network, put the word out there, but really, there are people out there that do respect that you are a mom and want to be there for your kids.
From experience even when kids are in school full time, it’s not all free time. A school day is less that 7 hours a day here and there are field trips, assemblies, sick days, holidays, . I think it’s important to realize that you will be just as busy with school kids, it’s just a different busy so having a job that is flexible is important too.
Best of luck mulling this all over. You are experiencing what so many SAHM’s do. Even ones I know that worked on their careers for years and were very successful pre-kids found that once they had kids, those careers weren’t doable anymore because it took too much time away from the kids, house, and husband. I used to work with a girl who said, “I can do it all, just not all at the same time” I was thinking today that I think part of the reason I love staying home is that I treat it like my job. Today I mowed the lawn, I fixed a broken gate, did some painting, gardening, exercised by running while my little one rode her scooter etc. I am exhausted but it is so nice that stuff got done because I did it. I have a bit fat to-do list tomorrow too.
Good luck, it will be interesting to see where life takes you.
Good luck.
23I appreciate this post a lot. I have a BA and MS and I’m also in the position of trying to decide which path to follow. What I’m most qualified for - science education - is not what I’m interested in pursuing at the moment. I just got married and the question is: kids? career? both? part-time work? volunteering?
So it happens to many of us that when we arrive to the end of our degrees, the path looks quite different from when we set out! On that point, I don’t think you are really “behind” - while you may be at a disadvantage in certain fields, you have gained some very valuable skills from your blog and photography business - that’s for sure.
I think there’s this kind of insidious voice in our culture that tells us it’s possible to have it all, and there’s something wrong with *us* if we don’t achieve that. It’s really not possible for everyone, as Anne-Marie Slaughter eloquently discusses here: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020 . I think the important point is striking a balance, and redefining “all” (which it seems you and TH have done well!)
Anyway, it sounds like life is treating you well and you are considering your professional future from all angles! Very exciting!
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 6:32 pm
I love that Atlantic article. It’s so fantastic. I think I like it so much because it’s not prescriptive. She’s not trying to tell us how she did it and how we can all do it too.
This is only my 2nd comment on your blog, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about your recent “awakening” about your role as a SAHM and all the backlash about the nanny and pending career exploration. I don’t really understand why your readers jump on everything you say and brand it as stone-cold-fact. It’s as if your current SAHM status means you aren’t allowed to say you desire a career because you aren’t rushing out the door to put your kids in daycare and get a job tomorrow. If I were in your position, I would be left feeling very defensive because they won’t let you express new desires about working while simultaneously saying you don’t intend to work right NOW.
Aside from the over-all nastiness of the comments (wow, I mean WOW), this whole deal has made me see even clearer that women are making this work vs. mothering thing hard on themselves. What I saw was SAHM’s crucify you for hiring help because they don’t need it (so why should you?) and working moms complaining that you aren’t trying hard enough and should stop blaming the church. Everyone is so busy defending their OWN corner (ie. choices) they can’t comprehend someone being between the two. If you hire help, you better be out working. But if you’re not out working, you better be typing up your resume. Chill out people! While I’m very happy for you that you are realizing a dream to have a career, this realization doesn’t automatically mean being a SAHM for now isn’t just as awesome. It’s fantastic that you and TH have decided it’s best for your family to stay home right now. I can’t wait to see how your career unfolds e.v.e.n.t.u.a.l.l.y. Until then, I will take each post for what it is…. just one piece of the evolution.
*Small side note, I’ve been wondering how much of TH’s ethnicity has contributed to your embracing of hired help. European cultures have it right with laid-back parenting, resisting jam-packed schedules, lots of community help around, and oodles of time off for mammas to nurture new babies. Our addiction to busy-ness isn’t doing us any favors. All the moms who put you down because they work/cook/carpool/exercise/craft/read/save-the-world kinda sound like they need a vacation. Perhaps to Poland? I hear it’s lovely there.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 7:48 pm
This is my favorite comment in a long time
Bethany Reply:
June 4th, 2013 at 4:07 pm
Jenna,
I think you read C Jane, but if not you must check out her post from today. I thought of you the moment I finished reading it. Especially the very last sentence:
“Trust the process you write for, not necessarily the people who read it. And I think you’ll be ok.”
This is what I was trying to convey when I said each post is part of an evolution for you. It seemed like your nanny post angered the 99%, but from the 1% I say, Thank you… and keep writing.
Jenna Reply:
June 4th, 2013 at 4:19 pm
Reading this was a nice break from packing
“So, I guess what I am saying is that I choose to write pearls that are ready to be put on necklaces and worn about the internet.
Certainly I have written many posts from cold, dry spots-those are the essays I hate, but I don’t regret. If writing is the record of my existence, I need to have an arch in my character or my posterity will be bored and suspicious. So, sometimes I cast my swine before my pearls just to prove there was swine in me. Because there will be swine in them too. We’re all sometimes the swine.”
I think about this sometimes when I’m thinking about how many people don’t like me, and I want to try to erase all of the things I regret in order to whitewash my past. But I don’t want to go around trying to convince anyone I was perfect, and how can I show how I’ve grown if I don’t show how I am often the swine?
There is a post swimming around in my head about the agony I feel regarding how incredibly imperfect I am as a mother and the many ways I am flat-out going to screw my children up. It is a horrible weight, terrible pressure to feel on a daily basis, and I know it’s a weight shared by many women who are honest with themselves about their own imperfections. Writing it though, would bring down a whole lot of wrath upon me. Women who act like they are perfect are criticized for being fake. But women like me who don’t even try to pretend like they are doing most of it right are attacked for displaying their imperfections.
But you’re right. I want to write for the 1%.
Jenna Reply:
May 28th, 2013 at 7:50 pm
And I’m sorry my reply to it has to be so pithy, but I’ve got to kiddos who need to be put to bed. After that point I’m always ready to check out and be done for the day!
Bethany Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 10:09 am
I understand, after all isn’t that the point? You’re busy right now with two little ones. And it’s great! We lead very different lives but I think we have similar world views. Hope you are enjoying your babies today!
Hannah Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 9:32 am
This is an amazing comment. You took the words right out of my mouth.
Steph Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 6:59 pm
Agreed!
Anna Reply:
May 30th, 2013 at 7:15 am
Bethany, what part of Europe are you from?
Bethany Reply:
May 30th, 2013 at 1:54 pm
I’m actually not from Europe, just a laid-back American drawn to minimalism and a slower pace of life. My husband and I have considered moving over seas… the lifestyle seems to fit us much more
Jenna, if you ever want to talk about finding a job with virtually no experience, let me know. I ran my business for 6 years and had virtually nothing to show for it, but I was able to find a job in a field I had NO experience in. It’s all in how you sell yourself.
That being said, I have been sometimes nauseated (in a good way) by how much raw talent you have as a photographer, and I think it would be shame to see you not pursue it. If it’s not in your heart, though, it’s not. You’ll figure it out.
26Many people have chimed in that you don’t need STEM skills to pursue a hireable career, which is true, but I’ll note the other argument as well: twenty-eight is definitely not too late to start learning tech skills. True, science careers are kind of in a nose-dive right now, but the same is not true for computer and tech jobs. Everyone I know who does anything to do with computer programming or software project management is loving their career, has fantastic career stability, and obscene pay compared to others at their age bracket. Maybe take a few coding courses and see if you think it’s fun, fulfilling, and rewarding. Who knows, in a couple years, you could find yourself applying to be a project manager at Google - you’ve already got the right location!
Stephanie C Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 6:53 pm
As the wife of a software engineer I have to chime in.. I’m not sure your background in the field, but my husband is very knowledgeable in his field, knows various languages (you have to have the foundational knowledge of computing languages, plus be up to date on all the various ones coming out all the time to be marketable, and becoming an expert in these languages takes a lot of time), but he has been doing this for almost 20 years. He definitely has job stability, but with the outsourcing to India, pay has taken a cut all around compared to about 5-10 years ago. My husband always says it takes 10 years to become an expert at something, and I agree.
Just wanted to throw my two cents in - it’s not an easy field! Not meant to be a downer, but I know how hard he has worked to become good at his field.
OnceAndAgain Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 7:52 pm
Jenna is starting a career totally from scratch no matter which way she chooses to go. It’s a bit of an absurd premise to use the “it takes 10 years to become an expert at something” factoid to discourage her from pursuing something challenging. She’s 28 years old - she’s got many decades of work ahead of her, no reason to rule out a career that has a steeper learning curve than some others do.
A couple points according to my husband who is a software developer at a fairly elite employer:
1) One of my husband’s coworkers didn’t begin learning to code until he was 32. That guy is now a senior principal developer.
2) You can learn to code (i.e. those “various languages”) in about two dedicated years of study. It’ll take longer if you’re studying part time, but many people find learning to code to be fun. After that, yes, there’s a ton of work involved to get good at it, but that’s true of many fields, and again - what’s wrong with a challenge?
3) If your husband has taken a pay cut relative to 10 years ago, that could be related to the fact that the tech industry was in a huge bubble at that time. People were getting paid insane piles of cash to do nothing. We have around a dozen friends who work at 4-5 different tech employers and they are all doing great in their careers.
My husband has also worked very hard to become good at his field, but he also finds it really rewarding, and I really would hate to see Jenna (or anyone!) limit themselves from getting started in tech because of the incorrect belief that it’s ever too late to start learning.
Stephanie C Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 8:06 pm
By no means did I mean to discourage that - I myself have a long road ahead of me. I just graduated with my MA and don’t consider myself an expert - I have many years ahead of me. My point was only that I was getting a “few years” type of vibe from the original comment. And you’re right - project management takes less time/knowledge. I know of a few people who have a basic knowledge of computer programming and can do an effective job. My apologies if I misunderstood your original comment.
Jenna Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 8:19 pm
Speaking of decades of work - if you believe in Singularity or the ways technology could potentially affect lifespan in the very near future I shouldn’t even be assuming I will retire on 40 years!
OnceAndAgain Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 7:56 pm
One important thing I forgot! You don’t even have to be a developer to have a career in tech. As I’d suggested in my original comment, Jenna could be a project manager. Of the friends I know who are project managers at Google, Microsoft, Amazon, and Facebook, almost none of them have a college degree in computer science or even took college courses in coding. Most of them have achieved certifications in project management and then decided to apply that knowledge to the tech field.
You have a lot of interesting possibilities in front of you and that is really exciting.
As you think about your next steps, I encourage you not to let money be the main thing that goes into your cost benefit analysis of whether to work. Making money to contribute to the family is nice, so is not having to rely on you husband for things you want. But money is not the only thing.
I work as a journalist, covering national and international poverty for a daily newspaper. I love my work. I spend the day reading and writing and talking to really interesting people. The industry is such a mess right now though and it is really really hard to make ends meet based on what I earn.
Luckily my husband makes enough to cover our family expenses so we are making it work. My salary covers the cost of work clothes, a car payment, insurance, gas and extra food for work lunches. At the end of the month I might have a hundred dollars to squirrel away in savings.
If we looked at things from a purely financial standpoint I probably wouldn’t work-a lot of time away for home and stress for a few hundred dollars in savings isn’t really compelling. But I do work because I think the things I do are important. I’m participating in conversations about poverty. I am sharing ideas. It gives my life a lot of meaning. Not everyone gets to say that about their work.
If you can find a job you think would be meaningful to you I encourage you to take it, even if your salary will only cover the additional cost of child care ( which shouldn’t be too hard considering wages in your area). Work is really such a blessing. I am a better,happier, more interesting person for it (even if I don’t contribute much to our family’s bottom line).
One other thing. Don’t devalue that English degree! There’s been this trend in the media lately of portraying stem degrees as the be-all end all of education and work in America. There is reason to be skeptical of that narrative, however. My labour economist friend suggested I read this article from the Columbia Journalism Review about the oversupply of stem workers. While I’m not sure what I think one way or another, I think it is good to recognize that there is a very well informed opinion on the other side of this question.
http://www.cjr.org/reports/what_scientist_shortage.php?page=all&print=true
You can do some really interesting things with the education you have….like journalism! As an industry in transition, there are some neat opportunities to get your foot in the door.
Best of luck to you as you make your way through the decisions that are ahead.
Jenna Reply:
May 29th, 2013 at 8:18 pm
These are great points. Thanks! I like the idea of focusing on what I would get out of working. I’m not the stereotypical ” selfless mother” in a lot of ways, but I admit I was falling into the trap of feeling like my going back to work should only be about everyone else (what does it contribute to the family resources?) but you’ve caused me to think about careers that would be personally fulfilling to me. My ultimate dream is to strike it really really rich and become Melinda Gates - she is my hero. But that probably won’t happen, so I could spend my time making a small difference being a teacher or a journalist or something. Nothing wrong with either of those!
Ah, so THAT’s why my stats had a huge jump last week;) Thanks for the shout out, girl. Please do NOT feel that I’m trying to be super mom from my DiTL posts. I am totally Type A, driven by the To Do list…almost to a fault at times. I plow through my days a lot of the times, crossing things off left and right and really do need to learn to relax a bit more. I am basically becoming my mother in that regard!
Do what is right for you—-and have fun figuring it out;)
Jenna Reply:
June 4th, 2013 at 9:44 pm
I hope my words didn’t come across as me suggesting that you are pretending for the internets! That’s why I like you, because I can tell there isn’t an ounce of fake in your persona.
I am to-do list driven as well, but throw in a huge dash of procrastination and avoidance tendencies and *voila* — you get Jenna. Instead of crossing things off and feeling good, I waste time and then feel stressed about how much is left on my to-do list. I’m working on it.
Personally, I had a family of five before returning to school as a pre-med. I am now a medical student as of next month. It has been a huge amount of adjustment, but it is definitely possible. You have one thing most housewives with young children don’t have: money. Honestly, with a nanny and a cleaning service, it is hard to see what your barrier might be.
It is fine if you decide to be a stay-at-home mom because the other options are not worth it. But call it what it is: your own decision, chosen from the huge amount of opportunities available to you.
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