13 Jun
Kids Then Career
Generally, the women I know fall into three separate camps. The woman who never marries and builds up a career in her chose field. The woman who has children young and stays at home with her kids, filling her time later on with volunteer work or supplementing the efforts of her husband. And then there is the woman who starts working at a career first and has children later on. (I acknowledge that I am generalizing, of course there are plenty of women who don’t fit neatly into any of these boxes.)
I’m definitely not one of those “work with your children” type of mom’s. I did a free shoot once with T1 tagging along and it was tough!
It was only after a friend sent me this article, Bottles Before Boardroom, that I realized there is another category I have tumbled into headfirst but had never though much about. Women who have children first, and then build up a career as they raise their family. The media spends a lot of time focusing on women who wait to have children and establish a career first, and there is lots of talk about women who stay home with their children, but what about the women who marry young and have children right away and then decide to launch a career with little foundation previously established? Who are the role models for that life path? How do they manage building a career with caring for children? How do they deal with the large gaps in their resume? Is the key to success grunt work or networking or giving up sleep? Maybe a combination of those three?
I’ve started making a list of women in my own life who faced this situation, and I’d love to hear about the women you know of who made kids-then-career work. I’d love to hear about both the women you know personally, and any suggestions you might have for famous and notable women I can research and learn more about. I think learning about other women who have done this will help me get started on my own journey.
Also:
I'm a farm-raised almost-crunchy stroller-pushing picture-taking lifestyle-blog-writing gastronomy-obsessed divine-seeking thrift-store-combing cheese-inhaling pavement-pounding laughter-sprinkling lover of individuality and taking chances.
I suppose my mom did this. She got married at 18, had me at 21 and was done having children by 25. I remember my mom doing lots of different jobs-ish while I was growing up (personal trainer, scrapbooking, sewing… she kind of dove into her projects hard core) -reflecting back now I realize she was trying to figure out who she was since she married and etc so young. She eventually went back to college when I was in high school and we graduated from high school and college at the same time. She’s worked ever since and I see her as being very fulfilled and happy with her life. I don’t think she’d change a thing, but she definitely experienced a big learning curve going into the workforce for the first time really when she was in her late 30′s.
Maddie Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 7:08 am
As an addition, my mom was very focused on making sure I felt that I could do whatever I wanted I think because she didn’t feel freedom to choose when she was younger. I remember wanting to “just be a mommy” when I was little and that was always my dream, but I made educational/career plans based on the idea that I would never obtain that. Now that I have a baby of my own, I’m grateful that I can go back to work part time as a therapist because working a little bit will make me feel more fulfilled and a better mother.
This was my grandmother’s situation a long time ago. She was married at 19 and had 4 children within 10 years. After they were all out of diapers, she went to school at night to get her Bachelor’s. She had another child, who ended up having very special needs, so she put her degree in early childhood ed to use and started an out-of-home daycare so that she could watch after her son while bringing in income. The daycare eventually moved out of her house and into a building around the time that I was born in 1983. Within two years, she and my grandfather also had custody of me.
My grandfather got a really great job offer in another state, so she gave up the center and took over another in FL. Then she decided to translate her work experience to the private sector and went to work in child care management for the state. While I was in school, she did night school again to get her Master’s Degree, and used that to move up at her job - eventually becoming one of the head’s of the Juvenile Welfare Board. I graduated high school, she retired, and then decided to run for the School Board. And she became the first African-American ever elected to the school board in our county. She served two terms and decided to take a well-deserved rest. She’s now 76, retired twice over, and heavily involved in community service and volunteer projects. She’s my inspiration.
lifeonmulberry Reply:
June 16th, 2013 at 2:58 pm
This is so so cool. What an amazing woman!
I think I fit into the category of raising kids while building up a career. I married young and have a one year old son at the age of 27. But, I’m also in graduate school pursuing my PhD. Honestly, I couldn’t do it without our full time nanny. For example, this morning I was sitting in my bedroom studying for my qualifying exams while she rocked him to sleep for his morning nap. It is hard. And there is a lot of guilt. But I just try and remember that I’m doing my best.
3It’s never too late to start a career. I got a BA, but worked in unrelated fields that weren’t especially fulfilling. Married at 23, I had 3 kids by 31. Im a stay-at-home-mom for now, but back in school for nursing. I’m very excited to go back to work when all 3 are in school full days. I think it’s a great example to your kids to continue education/reinvent yourself. It shows them they don’t have to peak in high school or even college for that matter.
4I am doing this. Graduated 2008 with a Civil Engineering degree. Full time career in Construction Management right out of school. Married to a fellow engineer at 23, Son born when I was 25. We both work full time, have a great daycare, and a house that is a complete mess most of the time, but we love it. I think it helps that we are complete homebodies who enjoy nothing more then BBQing with the neighbors and playing with our son in the backyard. It takes a good amount of energy and the ability to realize that something is always going to have to give.
5Personally, I have a career, which I continue to build, WHILE having & raising a child. I am also the breadwinner in the family. I went to college straight out of high school. I did marry right out of college but our goal was to establish our careers before having children. By the time our daughter was born I was 3 years into my career. My husband, despite being 4 years older than me, is not as solidly developed with his career goals as I am. I do not understand why so many people feel women must give up or settle career wise when they have children. I want to be able to provide the best I can for my daughter. It is empowering to be able to show her one can be self-sufficient AND find enjoyment in a career.
I love the fact that she is in daycare. She learns SO much, both socially & education wise. My personality is reassured knowing there are formal standards the school must adhere to. I love the structured environment. Honestly, they do so much more for her than I could if I stayed home with her. It is easy to give yourself slack & fall into bad routines at home.
As for adding a second kid to the mix….well I want to wait until the year before our daughter goes into Kindergarten. Biggest reason being I want to set a good foundation during her early years. Second being cost wise….daycare is EXPENSIVE! That being said, if I had a second child in the next year I would still work, even if I broke even on my pay/daycare expenses. Today’s job market is majorly tough. I think leaving the workforce would be a colossal mistake.
6I have a friend who has two children and has been taking online courses through a state college for many years. She is in no rush to have a career right now since her kids are not yet in school but she plans to become a teacher in the future. She takes 2 classes a semester and figures that by the time her youngest is in kindergarten in 2 years, she will be ready to start her credential program.
She hasn’t held a job outside of the home since 2007 but she isn’t too concerned about the gaps in her employment since she did work very steady jobs from high school graduation until she had her first child. I so admire her for her ability to balance caring for two high energy boys while caring for a house (often alone as her husband works long shifts) and still taking demanding classes each semester.
7I suppose my mom did a version of this. She actually had me and my little brother much later in life and had work her way up in the post office in Palo Alto (!). After she had me she decided to be a stay at home mom and our family moved to Oregon. Once my little brother and I were both in school, she helped out in our classrooms and ultimately got a part time CSA job at another elementary school. She realized that she wanted to go back to work full time so she went to a local community college for night classes to get her AA in Accounting. I’m sure it was difficult for her to get that first accounting job, truthfully I don’t remember how long it took.
8My mom built both career and family at the same time. Mom and Dad got married, then went to law school together. My sister was born the summer after their first year, and my brother was born just after they passed the bar exam (I now work at a law school and can attest that this is COMPLETELY NUTS). They moved to the town I was born in because Mom got an offer to be a magistrate, which was a part time gig. I was born shortly after the move. Mom became a (still part time) judge a few months after I was born and she and Dad started a small law firm together. For most of my childhood, that was basically the setup: part-time attorney, part-time judge, full-time mom. When I was in college, Mom got elected to a different judicial position, very full time. Mom’s planning to retire in a couple years. She’s still the only female judge in our rural county, but she’s also the most senior judge in the county, so the good ol’ boys listen to her whether they want to or not.
Growing up, I always thought it was neat that my folks both had careers they found challenging and fulfilling, and that performed public service. Now that I’m a parent myself I can appreciate it even more - it was a great model to have.
AshleyHami Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 3:23 pm
I love this. What an inspiration your parents were/are.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 9:19 pm
Agreed! It’s so cool to hear how your parents worked together so they both could achieve their goals. TH has always talked about how his mom worked, and how much he loved that, and how much he would want his wife to work, but I couldn’t figure out a way to reconcile it with my Mormonism. Now I’m overwhelmed by possibilities (in a good way) and paralyzed by the obstacles (in a bad way) so I’m working to sort that all out and figure out which direction to go.
I guess I sort of fit into the category. I’m 25 and have a 6 month old. I went back to work full-time when she was three months old. I’m about 4 years into my working life after graduating college, and don’t really have plans to stop. I love working. I also absolutely love being a mom. I’m currently in the legal field but am searching for my next career path. I may get more certifications for my current profession or pursue something else. I’m not entirely sure. But I will be ready for a change within the next 5 years. I also plan to have more children in that time frame.
It is hard, but I enjoy doing it concurrently. I wanted a child more than anything, but I also love working. So I’m doing both!
10This is what I’ve done. I had Jack when I was 17. My entire working life has been with a kid (now two). I was a successful journalist, and am now a very successful photographer. McGowan Images is the sole support of our family of four, and every bit of that has been built around the needs of our family. I see photographers fall off the map left & right when they have kids, because the systems they’ve put in place don’t work for the needs of children… but ours do, because we’ve never done it any other way.
11Yes I think you over generalized quite a bit. I do not take this personally but I think there arenway too many ways to look at this.
First. I pursued my own goals before kids. Began working for 6 yrs in my intended field and then have taken a break to raise my young children. I will go back to work as soon as it it manageable for my family for me to be both a parent and a working mom because my field would require a chunk of my attention (weekends, holidays) and i need to rely on family or nanny to help us pick the kids up/drop em off, attend their functions.
So my field is Nursing. I am an RN/PNP/CNS.
Many many RN’s work part time or per diem. Either because they want the little but of money to supplment personal expenses, are balancing motherhood/family and work. But what has happened in this field- and likely others as well such as teaching or (___) fill in the blank, many spouses lost their jobs during the economic downturn/recession. Women went back to work or nurses increased their work hours or found a 2nd job. Many women also returned to school (or many people fo in order to become more marketable in order to provide for their families.
So while many women opt to stay home or pause their professional aspirations. It might also be influenced to return to work or scho for other factors.
Now my professors in graduate scho. Many took a step back from working when they had you g families and then threw themselves full force back into the work field after the kids were older. It’s quite common.
12I got married at 20, am now 23 and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. We have moved three times already due to my husbands graduate school and training programs that ultimately landed him the job he has now. Moving combined with pregnancy and then because I wanted to stay home with our daughter the first year, I was worried about gaps in my resume. Any time I wasn’t working I made sure I was volunteering, even something that was once a week gave me something to fill that gap. For me it’s easier because I’m a human rights activist, so volunteer opportunities are common and a legitimate source of experience. For other fields that’s not the case. In my limited experience, employers don’t mind if you’ve taken a break they are more concerned that you’ve been out of touch during that time and are not on top of the changes that have occurred in the field during your absence. Any experience that shows you’ve been involved can limit the effects of your ‘off years’.
13Sometimes it’s an awkward balance. My stay at home mom friends are well into their second and third children. My single friends are getting promotions and going to medical school. For me, everything is going to take twice as long because I’m doing two things at once. That being said, I’m happy so far that I’ve been able to develop myself professionally and also be the kind of mom I want to be. I might never have a corner office, but who knows. By the time I’m ready to join the workforce full time everyone else my age will be leaving to have kids, so this might just work out
My mom did this - she went back to school after I was born, and had a degree and a job by the time I was 10. She worked until 2 years ago, when she retired with a pension - although she had a lot of support from her parents and my dad. I have a masters degree, and was able to drop to part time to offset some daycare costs/be home with baby boy. It’s not a perfect plan - we’ve had some major cogs in our wheels, but it works for us and at the end of the day, baby, mommy, and daddy are happy.
Unsolicited advice: if you want to work, get a job, anywhere. As a secretary, at a coffeeshop, at a daycare. Get something in your résumé, and you will be taken more seriously. And of course, your photography business does offer you a flexible schedule.
14My husband and I are doing this. I married young (age 20,) got my Masters Degree by age 22, and have been working full time until last year when I had my first child and switched to part-time for a year. I will resume full-time work in the fall, (I’m a teacher, FYI)and we plan to have our second child in the next two years or so. My job has an on-site daycare which is wonderful and completely worth the cost (I second what another poster said about loving having a child in daycare.)
Here’s the thing: you have to want it. No one is going to hand it to you, and no one (potential education programs, employers, etc.) care about whatever “excuses” you have for not giving 100% commitment to whatever you decide to do. I’m not saying work/life balance is impossible, but you have to be very dedicated and organized, and manage your time well.For someone who seems to take pride in being “Ms. Can’t do Most of it” this is going to require a significant paradigm shift. I’m not saying that to be mean, I’m just giving you really honest feedback. Working and raising a family simultaneously means you get REALLY good at “doing it all.” Obviously, that “all” entails outside help in the form of childcare. But if you are struggling with just half of that equation, you need to develop your time management skills before entering the work-force.
For instance, in my experience, a boss or professor will expect you to have your child care situation worked-out well in advance. Good bosses will be understanding of emergencies, but will be very critical of some one missing work because they failed to plan ahead for their child. This goes for both male and female employees. Likewise, my daycare charges a totally insane fee for every minute a parent is late picking up a child. So if you really want to make this thing work you need to make solid plans, not just wait around hoping some opportunity will arise and magically work out. I would think really hard about if it is actually a career you want (and it honestly isn’t a bad thing if you don’t, just own it and be good and whatever you do instead,) because it is challenging.
The good news is, preparing and developing the skills for a career really teach you how to manage time. You already learned this when you went back to school and finished multiple classes in a short period of time. Take that determination, and realize that is what you are going to need for the rest of your working life if you are going to be successful. This isn’t a life path for lazy people.
While I’m on my soapbox :), after you decide you really want to do the career-and-kids-thing, you have to find something you are really passionate about. I sort of rolled my eyes about all your “STEM” skills talk, and using a graphic from the WSJ to determine that you “couldn’t” work. One article from the WSJ should not your career plan make. In my experience, (and my spouse’s, and my my parent’s,) people who work hard and are passionate (and are also lucky and often privileged, which you are,)find ways to make their passions profitable, and being happy at your job makes all the hard work worth it. I got a degree in History and a minor in English. My Masters is in teaching. But my Masters allowed me a significant pay raise in my district, which off-sets the cost of child-care significantly. It was worth the extra time, and yes, the student loans, to earn a decent income later. I do not make a considerable income, but my benefits are great, and that off-sets a lot of costs. More importantly, I am so happy with my work.
My Spouse is self-employed. While he does work in a more STEM-friendly job, being self-employed is also a sacrifice. He built his business from the ground-up, and it took years of hard work before we started seeing a major profit.
Lastly, financial compensation shouldn’t be the sole determining factor in a career. Obviously, it is very important, and your work should be fairly compensated, but many people live happily (even in expensive areas like PA,) on a lot less that what it sounds like TH makes already.
This comment probably falls into the “too long, didn’t read” category. Summary? You have to want to work, be passionate about your work, and be willing to invest the time and energy in order to successfully work and raise a family. Money isn’t everything. Sometimes financial sacrifices are necessary. It may take you a few years before you figure it all out, and that is okay. 28 is not too old to start a career-path, especially if the path leads you to a happy and fulfilled place as both a person and a parent. I look at what a place of privilege you start from, and I think of how much easier it will be for you to make a career work if you are willing to work. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but look how lucky you are! Your husband already has a viable career which affords you many opportunities to explore options. You already have child-care resources that work well for your family. You have everything you need to be successful. Now go DO something!
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 11:39 am
Not too long, I definitely read it.
Hopefully sometime I can respond a bit more, but my computer time is almost over and I’ve got to go pick up my son and there are other things to work at. Which was the point of your post, right? Set goals and accomplish them.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 11:45 am
One more thing though, because I thought of it and won’t remember it again.
You bring up another significant hurdle for women like myself. My husband not only works these insane hours, he works most of them out of town. We are new to the area and don’t really have a circle of friends we can depend on when we’re in a jam. So if I get a job and then my kids get sick, I don’t have a lot of flexibility regarding how I would manage both things at once. Or days when the daycares are closed but I don’t have work off.
Families make it work, I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s not really difficult to figure out and manage.
Stephanie Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 12:16 pm
That is a completely valid point. Hopefully you will be able to find a job with some flex-time, and as you settle in at your new place, a good network of people who you can sitter-swap with. I totally recognize that my Mom and sister have been a total godsend on days when C got sick the night before and couldn’t go to daycare. Totally and advantage lots of people do not have.
I am really passionate about work-life balance for both partners (if that is what they want, not knocking the SAH parent community.) So I tend to be a little drill- Sargent/teacher-voice about my opinions: YOU CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT.
Ha, just re-read, and I guess I’m not quite the demographic you described. But I still think all my only-partially solicited advice applies.
16I suppose I fall into this category too. At the beginning of this year I had to put off university as I got married and then became quickly pregnant with my first child. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and planning on going back to education to pursue a career once the little one is 1 - 2 years old.
I think in a lot of ways it can be more challenging to do things this way round but I think it will be more fulfilling. There should be more said in the media about women that manage to pursue a career with children in tow to help encourage other women that they can do it too.
17I actually know a lot of women who followed this path mostly because getting a PhD takes so darn long that they had children early in their doctoral education. Their children were school age by the time they got a professional job and “started their careers”. Being that I’m on a different track (education, job, and now kids), I wish I had considered children a bit earlier.
Neveah Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
If you are doing an academic PhD at a good institution your career starts the day classes start.
Nellie Reply:
June 15th, 2013 at 2:00 pm
True, but life is so different in grad school than out as a professor.
My (mom’s) quick story: My mom had my sister at 17, and me 9 years later when she was 28. FWIW, she was raised by an LDS mother and ex-Catholic father. Anyway, she was primarily a SAHM with my sister (except a year or two where she worked a p/t job, and she babysat a neighbor’s baby regularly), and with me. When I went to Kindergarten, my mom started volunteering at the school, although never in my class. A few months after she started volunteering the school hired her on to be an instructional aide (similar to a teachers aide, but more one-one-one) in the Special Education classes. She still works with Special Ed./Autistic children at a near-by public school (although not the one I went to) and still loves it.
I started building a career in Real Estate before having my boys, then switched to being a SAHM, so although my situation is different from yours (I also have no formal education), I will have to decide what to do/where to go with my career now. I could go back to school, or pick up where my career left off (although, California Real Estate is…frustrating to get in to and STAY in to) or try something different altogether.
I look forward to following you along on your journey.
19I got pregnant my junior year of college, so I gave birth when I was just 22. I dropped out of college to be a stay at home mom. My mom was a SAHM, so I wanted to be able to do this with my kids. I had my second child 2.5 years later. I came to realize being a stay at home mom wasn’t for me. Prior to having children, I was doing poorly at school, and didn’t know what I wanted to do once I graduated. While giving birth to my first, I had a phenomenal nurse, and decided that that is what I wanted to do with my life. When my youngest was about 1.5 years old, I went back to school, took nursing prereqs and finished my BS in Kinesiology. I just graduated this May (at the age of 28). I am now starting a post-baccalaureate, accelerated BS nursing program in August (one year in length).
During school, I had the help of my in-laws, who live only a few minutes away, to watch my kids, free of charge. They both also did a preschool program 3 days a week in the morning. My husband would get home from work, we’d eat supper together, and then I would leave to go study until bedtime. He’s an accountant who works 70 hours per week January-April, so I had to rely more heavily on my in-laws during those months. I was able to achieve a 4.0 for 38 credits. Prior to dropping out, my GPA was a 2.75. My priorities changed and with the help of my in-laws, parents, and husband, I made it work.
For the next year, I will be busy about 60 hours of week with class and clinicals. My daughter is starting kindergarten. My youngest (T1′s age) will be doing a combination of preschool, grandma/grandpa, and daycare. We are also lucky enough for my in-laws to give us a loan to pay for my schooling, interest free. When I do start working next September, my daughter will be in first grade and my son will be starting 4K. I also have a long-term goal of returning to school one more time to obtain a Doctor of Nursing Practice.
Financially, we have had the privilege of free daycare and my in-laws paid my tuition so I was able to finish my BS. They are now giving us an interest-free loan for nursing school. We will work to repay them quickly once I get my job. Without them, we most definitely would have been in mounds of debt. We still barely get by right now, but the light is at the end of the rainbow.
Not too long ago, my daughter always said she just wanted to be a mommy when she grows up. Now that she knows that I’m going to be an RN, she tells me she wants to be both a mommy and a kid eye doctor (she sees an ophthalmologist for lazy eye issues). I hope I can be a great inspiration to her. Being a SAHM wasn’t for me, and now I find myself happier, get less upset with my kids, and get along with my husband better. Don’t be afraid to go back to school to obtain a second bachelors degree, especially with all of the online options now.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 1:19 pm
Wow Chantal, thank you so much for sharing! Thank you for sharing so many details that are hard to figure out ( finances, childcare, etc) and how you made it work. It sounds like you set goals and attack them and that is really inspiring to me. I liked the part about your daughter the most - I don’t care what she wants to do, as long as she doesn’t feel limited in her choices.
I finished my degree in elementary education a few months after I got married. A few weeks before graduation, I got pregnant with our first child and took that opportunity to stay home for a few years. Even on graduation day, I knew that I wasn’t cut out to be a teacher. I was just finishing the degree so that I could say I had completed college. I never changed majors because I didn’t have any idea what I would change it to. I was 26 and really had no idea what I wanted to be when I “grew up” except a mom. I knew I wanted a career eventually but had not the first clue what I wanted it that career to be. I was fortunate to be able to stay home for a few years. While I was at home with my daughter, I started thinking seriously about what I wanted to do for work. I knew I wanted part-time work when she was around 3 and would attend preschool, but most jobs weren’t flexible enough to allow me to be home with the kids in the afternoons. My friends were becoming preschool teachers and Pampered Chef reps and such. All good things, but not something that I was suited for.
Finally, I started thinking about things that would be fun to Just *try* in the interim, while I was figuring out the whole career thing. I had always thought working for a newspaper would be fun, and I had decent writing skills. I called them up and asked the editor if I could freelance for free. If I’m no good, I told him, you’re not losing anything. I’m free! Thankfully, I discovered I was pretty good at it. The editor was very kind and didn’t mind teaching me some of the ropes. I worked for free for four works. After that, he deemed me good enough to get the regular freelance rate. Within three months, they had offered me a part-time job, working largely from home. I’ve been there for seven years and honestly can not express how much I love this job. It’s perfect for my skill set, my personality, and my family. It’s incredibly flexible and much of my work is home-based.
So, that’s my story. I didn’t know this was my career until I gave it a shot. And I’m so glad I did. I always say that I never knew what I wanted to be when I “grew up” until my late 20′s. Sometimes it just takes time to figure it out!
Jenny Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 1:15 pm
Oh Lord. I’m so sorry for the length.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 1:25 pm
Don’t apologize for the length, I loved it! I feel like this is along the lines of what I will be saying a decade from now and it’s great to hear how someone else made it work. I didn’t get an English degree because I saw a career on the other end or really liked it (though I did have some great classes) I chose it because I didn’t like math or science as wanted to avoid it as much as possible. So now I feel a bit lost.
And we have the financial flexibility for me to volunteer or work for free like you did, which I know is rare and I’m grateful for.
Jenny Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
Glad it was helpful. The very, very best of luck to you!
My mom had me at 23 (I was an oops, she wasn’t married, she got married (to my father) at 25 and then had my brother at 27). She worked various part time jobs when I was young-school bus driver for a relative’s bus company, baked goods for a local farm stand-but mostly was a SAHM until I was in middle school. Then, she decided to go back to school to finish her degree and started her career (teaching) when I was a junior in high school, at age 40. She’s now in her early 50s. It can be done but I think there were a lot of times when she was surviving on only a few hours of sleep a night (both while in school and in the early years of teaching-less back ups in the form of already planned lessons and tests prepped, etc). She didn’t do anything until my brother (the youngest) was in elementary school in a full day though and I think with such young kids, it’ll be harder. She also had a support system in the form of my grandparents (my dad’s parents) living 5 minutes away to help with us when necessary.
Good luck! I imagine that the prospect of navigating this is daunting. I hope you figure something that works best for you and your family.
22My parents got married when Dad was 20, and Mom was 19. She worked as a waitress for the early part of their marriage, and had me at age 24. My brother followed at age 26, and she started taking night classes. She earned her A.A. first, then her bachelor’s (social work), and finally a master’s (social work). She finally finished the same year I graduated from the 5th grade. It wasn’t always easy, and there were times that we went to class with her, or played on McDonald’s playground while she studied for a few hours, but she made it happen and has been working and enjoying her career ever since. She did this without nearby grandparents to help out and a husband who worked full-time and took side jobs often to supplement the family’s income. It can be done if it’s really what you want to do!
23Good for you Jenna!
I’m a relatively young Mama, especially in my area where most don’t tie the knot until they are into their 30s. I married my husband in 2008 when I was 23 and had my daughter in 2010 when I was just 25 years old. I graduated from university in 2006 and gained employment with my provincial government right away. When my daughter was born I took a year and a half maternity/parental leave and returned to work full-time.
One tip I would offer you, would be to try to focus on future earning potential/future career path vs what I’m earning now and paying for childcare. So many times I hear women talk about how their pay cheque “hardly makes it worth it to go back to work” after baby is born. But they are forgetting about future earning potential and benefits (both health and retirement).
So that Exec Admin job might not be your dream job, and might barely leave much left over after child care. But it is likely a 9-5, M-F type job, which has been ideal for me. If you are lucky enough to get employed by a company that does work that greatly interests you, you may be able to be trained from within vs paying more money for schooling.
Good luck to you! Being a working Mama is challenging at times, but it can be so rewarding as well. I can’t wait to see how things go for you.
lifeonmulberry Reply:
June 16th, 2013 at 3:38 pm
I like this point about possibly taking a lower paying job somewhere thats interesting because there is longer term potential and on the job training available.
For example - the hospital where i work contibutes $12k annually towards nursing classes (undergrad or grad) or $3k annually for any other education. We also get $$ each year towards a pension-type program. Plus, lots of real world healthcare learning happening, even for admins and very entry level staff.
Have you considered pursuing education/degree in nutrition or dietetics? You are really passionate about food choices and it seems to be those kinds of books are the ones you dive right into and read through quickly. For me, I’ve always tried to follow what I was able to do well, quickly, without trying. It’s a sign that it’s something you have a passion and a natural skill for.
25My best friend’s mom got married and had 10 kids before finding out that her husband had been cheating on her for years. She then left her husband, went back to school and got her social worker degree. Now she’s the head of the department for the ministry in my home town. I think the youngest child was about 3 or 4 and the eldest had just gotten married when all of this was happening.
Even though I’m a half work out of the home mom, I won’t be starting my career for another 10 years realistically because we aren’t done having children and I’ll need to return to school to finish my degree.
26Funny how no one ever asks men these questions?
Most people I know are parents with jobs, be they male or female. They just do it!
This might get long but here goes:
My mom stayed home with us for years, then worked part-time as a secretary when my sister and I started school. When we hit high school, she worked full time until her retirement. She passed away fifteen years ago, sadly, but she was a great role model.
She did everything for us-with NO help. She had a great food system ( same thing every weeknight; Monday was leftovers; Tuesday was meatloaf, Wednesday was spaghetti/meatballs, etc. ) She played Poker every Friday night and bowled on Wednesdays and Sundays.
She was a voracious reader and never watched much TV. She was a master gardener, and a wonderful writer. When she learned to sew, she started making her work clothes, as well as stuff or us. She was very organized-as am I . It’s a genetic thing in our family, I suspect
I was married at a young-ish age (21) but didn’t choose to have kids for ten years.
I was in retail management and loved, loved, loved it.
I then had twins and stayed home for three years, without giving a flip about working.
Because retail has awful hours, I chose not to go back into it when I wanted to interact with adults again, lol. I went to work in a bank, part-time, and it was fine…but it wasn’t enough.
When my kids went to school, I started volunteering in their classrooms-and voila, a career was born. My then-husband and I divorced ( lots of reasons), I worked as a teacher’s aide, and I finished college as a single mom on a full scholarship, and I became a teacher ( SpEd, writing, Master reading endorsements on top of my basic Interdisciplinary Studies degree). I would cook food on Sundays for the week, and do homework with my then-high school aged kids. I worked full time as an aide for the benefits, and went to school full time at night/weekends. I graduated magna cum laude and got hired as soon as I graduated by the district I was working for as an aide.
Yes it was hard, and I wouldn;t have done it that way on purpose, but I made it all work.
Teaching is more than just my career-it’s my calling.
I remarried, and life was great. Then my husband, all of 42 years old, died suddenly and unexpectedly. Life insurance helped, but if I didn’t have a career/degree that could support the remaining three of us, that would have added insult to injury.
My kids are adults now, on their own career paths. I’m going to continue-I have 9 credits of Master’s work finished, and my ultimate goal is a PhD in Education, with a minor in technology. I may be 100 by the time I finish, but hey-they time goes by anyway, and in ten years I could be older WITH a PhD or just ten years older!
So yeah, long story short-identify a degree path/career that you would like to put some work into. You can take a class at at a time, but you should have a time frame in which to finish, or else it all gets put on the back burner. You can take aptitude tests at any college and those can help pinpoint what you could/should be doing with your “one and only precious life.” ( See Mary Oliver poetry).
No matter which path you chose, all I ask is that you NEVER again say that you took English b/c you didn’t want to take much math/science. That insults everyone-the geeks who ? math/science and understand that those laws make it easier to understand our universe, and those of us semi-geekish types who like science and math but who love English and the study of Language Arts. When we diminish ourselves-” I’m not smart enough to do math/science”-we diminish everyone’s choices. Don’t fall for that anymore-if you are not learning disabled/dyslexic/etc, then you CAN learn anything you put your mind too. Now, go make a spreadsheet and get to it!
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 9:07 pm
“in ten years I could be older WITH a PhD or just ten years older!”
I love this! An amazing attitude to have about life.
I sadly, did not believe I could be good at math/science. Now I believe that I didn’t have a good foundation and that’s why it was so confusing, and that if I really decide to solve that, there is nothing holding me back. So that is a choice I made back then, but it something I would never do again. I would choose the major that met my goals and do it! (Also I realize I can still get more education, that statement is not meant to be limiting)
And wow, your mom is so impressive. My husband has been urging me for years to get into a food routine.
Neveah Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Does anyone commenting here know that a PhD is a real commitment? In a good program at a reputable institution it takes 4-10 yrs to complete. You get *paid* to do it (you receive a stipend from the school), teach undergrads, and are under immense pressure to publish.
It isn’t an evenings and weekends thing, and nor is it a vanity degree.
stacey Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 2:50 pm
A PhD in education (teaching K-12 focused) is a bit different. It is more of a nights/weekends thing. Many principals/teachers in my district get it while working for the district as admin/teachers. They are paying for their degree and take classes at night/on weekends, they are not paid to do it, don’t publish research, and don’t teach classes.
SJS Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 10:38 pm
Yes, actually, I do know the commitment required to obtain a PhD-I have two friends who have done it, and a third in her last year at Cornell (I KNOW!), as well as seeing my BFF’s oldest daughter get hers this year in audiology/cochlear implant work.
It takes hard work, organization, and dedication to your chosen field. My point is that time goes by anyway-and one can work productively in that time frame, or one can just sort of pinball along.
It’s not something impossible to achieve. I grew up in a family where no one went to college-I was the first. Before I turned 50, I was divorced, and buried a child, my parents, and my second spouse. A PhD? Bring it on
lifeonmulberry Reply:
June 16th, 2013 at 3:43 pm
Not saying this is what the original poster was implying - but even online programs have PhD offerings. Just like a masters or bachelors, there are different caliber programs.
GW Reply:
June 18th, 2013 at 6:26 am
Meh. I’m getting a PhD right now. I worked way harder in the workforce. Just depends on your personality.
I love that you brought this up; I meant to point this out after your last point but wasn’t able to (gotta love the limited computer time).
My situation isn’t exactly the same as yours, but as a military wife my husband is gone a lot too, so if I wanted to pursue a career the whole childcare thing would be an issue (like it is with you). Since I’m not interested in having the bulk of my paycheck pay for childcare I stay at home with my kids. And it is my job. Like most moms I’m not always completely fulfilled; there are hard days, lots of times where I feel like my brain is turning to mush, and plenty of jealous moments when I hear about my friends’ careers. But this isn’t forever. I think our society is so focused on youth that we forget at 30 (barring any tragedy) we still (probably) haven’t reached the halfway point of our life. So right now I stay at home with my kids, but when my husband retires it is MY time to have MY career. Luckily for us we only have another 10-ish years before he retires from the military, but with TH as he climbs the ladder in his field he’ll be able to call the shots a little more (right?) and hopefully be able to work around your dreams and desires for your career too. At that point we will move where we need to for me to go to grad school, and then from there we’ll plan things around my career. But in the meantime, when I say being a SAHM is my job I mean it! (I’m not joking. I take it seriously. When my husband is around he helps as much as he can and needs to [he is the dad after all], but since he’s gone so much I basically run our lives) I’ve always been a little headstrong, but my job as a wife and mother has always had a place on my resume. Some potential employers may stick their nose up at that and not like it, but I’ve always had a great response to it when having a resume review. (granted, with a degree in Interior Architecture there’s probably a little more wiggle room than a strictly corporate job) And for those places that don’t like that fact, they’re the ones who need to change the way they view things. As a SAHM I work with deadlines, budgets, late nights (and all-nighters), creativity, flexibility, teamwork, dedication, and just plain hard work. It’s time for the workplace to recognize that “just staying home” is not a lapse in experience or a “hole” on your resume, but rather a valid role. In addition to all of that I also keep my design skills sharp by just doing what I love. Design has never been something separate from my everyday life, but is woven throughout it. If you find something you love I think that’s the way it works for everyone. I’m constantly using my degree (which I pushed through and finished despite getting married at 19 and having my first baby at 21) and doing things that I can add to my portfolio. Volunteer work is another area that is great to keep you “working” and have something for your resume; right now I serve as my husband’s unit’s FRG Leader (kind of similar to a Relief Society President) and I’m sure I will have plenty more opportunities to volunteer through the years. Everything I do adds to who I am a person, and gives me experience. And honestly, I think makes me a more well-rounded person than working a random part time job. It’s time for society to stop putting so much emphasis on the paycheck.
Also, I think Julia Child is my favorite example of a woman who started a fabulous career later in life. (even if she didn’t have any children) It may feel like forever, but the time when your kids are small goes by SO fast, so before you know it you will have empty days while they’re at school that you will be able to fill with YOUR dream.
Lastly, being a SAHM is not unique to the LDS faith. So just because you no longer believe that that is your “calling” in life, you are not alone in being one. There are plenty of non-religious SAHM’s who do it because it makes sense for their family situation. So if that’s what works for you right now there’s no shame or judgement! Everyone does it for different reasons. And I think since you’re still trying to figure out exactly what you want to do staying home will give you the time you need to figure things out.
Oh, and random thought; Am I ever glad I had kids first! Pregnancy is SO tough on the body and I was really amazed the difference between being pregnant at 21 and 27. It was so much harder a mere 6 years later that I do not know how women do it later in life. Hugs and fist pump to all you older moms!! You’re amazing! (and I know every woman is different, I’m just saying in general it’s easier to give birth when you’re younger. I’m not saying anything about the raising of the baby, just the carrying and giving birth part) I’m looking forward to having adult children before I’m 50. (and fingers crossed they’re all out-of-the-house adult children…)
Anyway, long story short is my life plan is to stay home with my kids while they’re young, then start my career once they’re older. It’s what makes the most sense for us (especially since I have a hard time juggling both work and children) and I’m excited for it! I feel like I get the best of both worlds. Life does’t end when we’re 40, it’s really just the halfway point.
Jenna Reply:
June 13th, 2013 at 9:04 pm
High five for this comment! Today I was listening to “What the Dog Saw”, which is a compilation of articles by Malcolm Gladwell. I love him, so I liked it, and the chapter I’m on right now is about how we often vaildate genius/talent when it is manifest when someone is young, and it has me thinking about how I really do have so much time left to do great things. Plus, if you believe in Singularity (like my husband) technology is going to advance to a point where we live MUCH longer than we do today. I’ve probably lost out on the chance to be Marissa Mayers or Sheryl Sandberg, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have plenty of time to make significant contributions in life!
If you came into an interview and spoke this way, I would totally hire you. I’m going to remember that.
Jenna,
What a great privilege to be able to take time and choose what possible career path you could take. I think what you really have to think about, ultimately, is what path would make YOU happy. Do you want to look for a career for your own sake, or just to make TH happy?
Photography seems to be your great draw, so focus on that. Also, I agree with the above commenter that a career in nutrition might be something you would find fulfilling.
Although my life trajectory was completely different - I was urged to get a career first and then a family second, I thoroughly agree that families should be raised first and then careers can always come later. As a mom I’m definitely sharper, a more critical thinker, and better at multi-tasking than when I was single.
29I finished my undergrad in 2009, a liberal arts degree in English and Drama. I worked theatre contracts for a while, and also was a nannie. In 2010 I was married (age 24), moved to a new city, did a bachelor of education…and then my husband and I decided to go ahead and have a baby. The job market for new teachers is very tight in Ontario, amd it can take years to move from the supply list to a longer jobs to a full-time position. Our daughter was born at the end of 2011. Since then I have been a full-time SAHM, and for the past year I have been a part time SAHM as I work for an after-school program, primarily for newcomers to Canada and at-risk kids. My job doesn’t pay much, but I love it and it’s excellent training for the classroom. I also volunteer here and there, while pursuing additional training as I go (Special Education, ESL, etc). Is it frustrating that I’m not in the classroom? Absolutely. Would I change my path? No way. My husband and I make it work. It’s not always easy, but I know we’re making the right choices for our family. I get to be at home with my toddler, and by the time she’s in junior kindergarten I should be in the classroom.
A quick word of caution: don’t get bogged down by “research”. I have a friend who could run some excellent small businesses, but he always gets stuck in his research phase. By the time he’s done his research he no longer likes the idea, moves on to something else, and then complains that he never gets anything accomplished. Research is great, but going out there there and doing it (whatever it may be) is even better. Follow your passions. Don’t be afraid to try, fail, learn from the experience, and try again.
30Hey Jenna,
I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but Career Centers at most colleges are set up to serve alumni as well as current students. It also sounds to me like you could benefit from talking to a career counselor, or possibly a life coach. Life coaches are great for helping you make specific goals and figure out what steps you need to follow to reach those goals. STEM degrees are not the only ones that lead to satisfying work. Many people (myself included) find very fulfilling work with English degrees. The possibilities are much broader than teaching/writing! It’s wonderful that you’re exploring the possibilites for yourself (happy mommy=happier family!). Good luck!
Jenna Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 11:49 am
Excellent idea! A career center might help me broaden my understanding of what English majors do after college (I went into it thinking the only options were to be an editor or lawyer
)
Jess Reply:
June 16th, 2013 at 1:45 pm
I know that the Bay Area is full of people who excel in STEM fields but all of those companies need lots of other staff. There’s HR, sales, admin support, marketing, community management, social media specialist…plenty of those could applicable to an English major.
Or, there’s always publishing or teaching, more traditional English major careers but it doesn’t sound like you’re super interested in either of those.
I am in that last category - work and kids, all at the same time. Married at 21, BA at 22, teaching credential and first teaching job at 24, first kid at 25. I’m now 26, with a 10 month old and just finished my second year of teaching. In another year or two, we hope to have kid #2. (Although how we’ll pay for that, I have no idea. Cross that bridge when we come to it.)
It is tough. There are few role models. I am the only person I know (in real life, I have a few internet friends in the same situation) who has a career job and has kids. Everyone else has chosen one or the other. A few SAHM friends work, but it’s something part-time/flexible like Pampered Chef or tutoring, etc. I’m often really frustrated - I’d love to have more flexibility, but at the moment it’s not possible. I love my job - I teach special ed math and it’s AWESOME. And we need my job financially. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t kill me some days.
32My oldest sister got married at 20, had her first kid at 21, and had 7… yes 7 kids by 31. She’s been a vibrant mother and stayed at home with her kids as a full time mom for 21 years. She went back to college at age 42 with the desire to be a teacher. She only has 2 semesters left at this point, but she ended up completely running a montessori school through a series of unusual events. She now has the desire to be an administrator because she loves the management aspect of education even more than teaching. So she’s going to finish her BS and then work towards a masters and PhD so she can one day be a principle or start her own private school. She is a vivacious, hard working, intelligent woman, and an example to every woman that I know. Her youngest is 10 years old, 2 teenagers still at home, 3 married, and one just out of HS. Even starting at age 42 she’s been able to set goals and succeed with hard work and a great support system.
Jenna Reply:
June 14th, 2013 at 9:47 pm
I love how many of these stories enforce that awesome opportunities that we never would have planned for end up coming our way. It’s all about seizing the opportunities and making it happen.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! The fact that you’ve built multiple successful blogs, you’ve maintained a strong social media following, and run your own photography business while raising a family is nothing to sneeze at. You have far more marketable skills than you realize.
For all the fuss about STEM degrees, the writing and communications skills you learn in your English studies are immensely valuable. The more we push children into math and sciences, the fewer communicators we will have out there. I firmly believe our technological advances will be useless if we have no one who can facilitate discussion or advance these achievements in the global community through the written word. If you’re open to exploring your options, there’s a lot more you can do with English than editing/law school/teaching.
You may not have a STEM degree, but have you thought about using the skills you do have to advance STEM fields? Since you live in the Silicon Valley area, there are probably lots of start ups and other tech companies who would love having someone with great communications skills who can help promote their company, run their social media, develop media or community relations, or build internal communications programs.
I graduated with a degree in English as well and I fell into the tech industry by accident. I also thought you could only be an editor with an English degree, but I discovered I was mainly being invited to interview for marketing at tech firms. Although I didn’t have any marketing training in college, my writing skills gave me a competitive advantage. Marketing requires a nice mix of communications and business skills. If you can master the field, it is desperately needed in the tech industry. I recently transitioned from marketing to business development and I’m loving it. Business development in the tech industry is still very much a boy’s club, but I know that makes me all the more valuable in the field. The more real examples we have out there, the more other women will follow suit.
As for role models for working with kids, my mother and sister in law are my inspiration. My mother didn’t go to college at the usual age since she had my older brother when she was very young. She started off as a receptionist at a non-profit social services agency and eventually ran their refugee program. By the time I came around, she realized that she couldn’t tell me I had to go to college if she never went. So when I was 11, she left that job and went to business school. We used to do our homework together and we even attended the same tutoring center for math. I was very proud when she graduated four years later with a BA in Business Administration. It really showed me that setting tangible goals for yourself is the only way to make your dreams happen and how important it is to surround yourself with a community and resources to support you along the way.
My sister in law had a decent career as a buyer for a large corporation, but it was the birth of my niece that inspired her to take the leap into launching her own business from home. Now she has a very successful interior design studio; last year my designer sister in law earned more than my software engineer brother. Go figure!
Thanks for starting this topic; I love reading everyone’s responses.
34Jenna, I’m 56 years young & kind of saddened to see you at age 28 thinking you’ve somehow missed a chance to develop a career of “contribute something important” For starters, you’ve produced two bright, healthy children and that sure is important! Secondly, everyone I know as reinvented their careers at least once, gone are the days where you stay at one position or even in one field throughout your entire career.
You have very young children, you might wish to begin by simply deciding to get a job, the position doesn’t need to be something you’ll love or do forever but it should be something with children friendly hours, close to your childcare. Just doing it, taking the plunge, getting into the routine of getting up & out the door every morning, being accustomed to the demands of a boss, dealing with work peers, all of these things are an excellent foundation for building a career. Also, most of us get leads, make new contacts and get new positions once we are actually out there working. Obviously nobody wants to work for free but even if your first job only pays your childcare bill you will be building a resume and gaining skills that benefit you for years to come.
I’ve worked in warehouses, in retail & waited tables while my kids were young, as they grew older I grew into a full-time professional position and I’ve also developed a healthy second income via the marketing opportunities offered by social media. If I can do this at 56, I just know that a healthy, young college educated woman with a supportive husband certainly can too.
Just do it Jenna.. Just take a job, any job, you’ll be amazed at the good it will do for you and how you feel about yourself and your abilities.
35Me!
I’m long-time reader, but this is my first comment. We’ve got a lot in common - I was raised VERY conservative religious (but not LDS). I finished my degree in humanities and married at 22, and had a son at 23.
The SAHM life wasn’t for me, it just wasn’t. We were solidly middle class on DH’s income alone, but I wanted more, so I created a 5-year plan and found a job.
I’m now 25, and working in a mid-level position in a semi-technical field. I’ll be attending grad school in a STEM field in the fall. It’s been difficult acquiring the certifications and skills I have so far. I work long hours, study at night, and I don’t sleep much. I weigh more than I’d like to, and my house is typically a mess.
It’s possible, but it’s not easy. My “lucky break” of getting a technical position with a humanities background was when I focused my energies on searching for jobs in the startup world (which of course comes with startup pay and long hours).
Best of luck. You’re not alone.
36I fall into this category! My husband and I married when I was 19, and we were both in college. I graduated in 2002 with a BS in psychology and we moved for me to pursue my MSW. I ended up having a baby during that second semester, took time off, and before I knew it, I had two kids and my master’s credits had expired! I decided to go into nursing, and graduated in 2009 with my BSN (my girls were 4 & 6). I’ve worked for four years and am now almost halfway through my master’s in nursing—and we’ve adopted another little child! Our 13 year anniversary is next month and I’ve been in school on and off for many of those years, but it’s been so worth it! I love that my girls will be old enough to remember me being in school and that it’s hard work, but anything that’s worth doing is worth working for! I’ll finish my MSN in 2015, and then I’m DONE!
Jenna Reply:
June 18th, 2013 at 7:24 pm
You sound so positive about all of this. If some of my schooling expired I would be so angry! How did you get past that?
I’m slooooowly trying to do this. I had my daughter 18 months ago, and in the meantime have been partially working on my writing career. Writing is HARD with a kid. Hard hard hard.
38I am one of these women. I got married at 20 and my son was born when I was 21. When he was three, I joined the Air Force. My daughter was born at my first duty station in Japan. I am now less than 30 credits from my Bachelor’s degree and when I get it, I plan to go enlisted-to-officer. My husband is a stay-at-home dad while he goes to school part-time for Automotive Engineering. Anyone who says you can’t have a well-paid, fulfilling career AND a family is lying to you. It’s a lot of work and it’s not easy, but it is possible, and definitely worth the effort if you want both.
39Hey Jenna! greetings from happy valley. i just had fun catching up a bit with your blog. love that you are going in the lifestyle direction with your photography! check out my friend yanphoto.com. im guessing you will love her style. her photos of me and my kids are decorating my entire house, love her. so heres a few disjointed midnight ramblings of mine on the career/motherhood topic…
I have had the six figure job and the husband with the six figure job and what I have learned about myself is that above all, I like to have control over my own schedule. I have also learned that although I can kiss butt with the best of them, I really prefer not to. So, what to do? I have started making decisions based upon the every day lifestyle I want to lead now, and later. I want to work out in the mornings without getting up at 5. I want to take my kids to school and be there when they get back. I want to be proud of the work I do. I want to like the work I do. I want to make at least $50/hour. I want to plan my vacations without clearing it with my supervisor. So I have decided to focus my photo business on photographing dentist and dr offices during the week because that fits all of my criteria. I’m fortunate enough to receive adequate alimony and child support to cover the basics so I’m building up my career for when alimony ends or when I want to work more. I have also learned that I personally prefer one big project over 10 small projects so I decided several months ago that I want to do wedding photography. It also works great for my personal schedule because my kids are with Tyler most Saturdays. I also think that my desire for control over my schedule will continue to increase as I get older, I have lots of interests I want to persue, so I have ZERO desire for a corporate or academic career which for my personality and skill set, just seems limiting. I have been there, done that, and it’s not what I want.
Also, I must beg to differ on your view of Mormonism and the roles of women. While I am hyper aware of the way many people think within the Mormon community about the roles of women, it’s just not my personal experience that Mormonism sends a limiting message to women! I am surrounded by women in my family and neighborhood who lead fulfilling lives while working and raising children.
xo
R
Jenna Reply:
July 28th, 2013 at 11:37 am
You introduced me to Yan awhile ago - love her film work but I LOVE seeing what she can do with her iPhone. It’s magical.
I think your ability to market yourself must be stellar because Utah is a tough market - it’s over saturated with women who bought dslrs and launched businesses (like me and you!) so rates are very low compared to everywhere else. If you can average $50/hour for wedding stuff there that would be amazing!
It sounds like you weren’t treated any differently than your male counterparts growing up, and that you aren’t seeing any difference between the ways your children are treated. In my hometown girls were to be mothers and wives, as boys were to have careers (the boys were never taught to be fathers, they were busy doing scout stuff and learning life skills). I don’t want my kids to feel they are limited in what they can do because of their gender, and I still see that attitude throughout the church (at least the parts I interact with). So I’m happier out than in.
This really gave me inspiration. Marrying at the age of 18 was a life changer. Still in college now at 19, we plan to have a baby next year. I’ve been debating on whether or not I want a career first or a baby. ( I graduate next year) Seeing now that it is possible to have a family and then pursue a career I feel more clear in what I should do.
41