This Monday was the first day of daycare for T2 and pre-k for T1. I took the kids to the front yard for a photo and had one child enamored with a balloon and another shivering from the cold. I went back inside and grabbed some jackets so we could try that again.
Much better! And I will unabashedly brag here and say that I did not ask them to hug OR smile. They hugged and smiled for both my dSLR and my iPhone, which earned them a lot of mommy brownie points. I have trained them well.
T1 is going to the same school he has been at for the past year, a school that we chose our housing location based on, and a place that we are already to anxious to enroll T2 in. We love this school so much! When the kids attend as four-year-olds they make a really big deal out of it being the pre-k year, breaking the kids off into a special corner throughout the day to focus a little less on play and a little more on letters and numbers. In the last few months I’ve seen a big change in the detail in his drawings and his desire to engage in imaginative play, and I’m looking forward to watching him progress even more through 2015. We are currently thinking that he will attend the school’s private kindergarten next year as well.
From December of last year to June of this year T2 had been spending 3 days/week with a family down the street, playing with a mom and her six home-schooled children. It was so reassuring to know that she was in an environment where she was loved and adored by so many people, and she had no problem waving goodbye to me each morning when the teenage girls came to pick her up. Unfortunately the mom’s schedule is changing this school year and she is unable to continue the arrangement. Having regularly scheduled kid-free time is really essential for my happiness and emotional well-being, and after about 3 months of no regular help for T2 I told That Husband it was time to find some daycare for her. I waded into the Craigslist postings and spotted one close to our house that has a webcam in the playroom where I can check in on her throughout the day. It’s a home-based place with about a dozen kids and 3-4 caretakers at any given time. They provide the food and offered me the option of Monday-Friday care from 8:30am-1pm, which allows me to spend some time with her in the afternoons before she goes down for her nap. When I picked her up after her first day of care she babbled all the way home in excitement, so I think it’s a good fit for her as well.
Now to wade through my mass of photos from the past year and write a few catch-up posts. Because I know everyone is dying to know what we did for Christmas in 2014 :).
Also:
They are adorable! I would just like to commend you on your honesty when you talk about schedules and kid free time. I can really tell you’ve taken the time to think about what is not only best for you but for the overall happiness and well being of your family. It takes a lot to say to other people, I value my kid free time and am willing to make it a priority. As I change careers from being a teacher to a stay at home mom, I am really wrestling with finding kid free time and not shaming myself for knowing that being away from my kids makes me a happier person and better mom. Thanks for sharing your life and stories! I’ve really enjoyed reading everything you’ve written in the past, but you opening up and sharing the changes in yourself and the struggles you are overcoming have been my favorite so far. Three cheers for honesty!
Jenna Reply:
August 26th, 2014 at 11:45 am
Lindsay thank you so much. I’m committing two “sins” by talking openly about this - I’m acknowledging that I have the means to stay home kid-free, and I’m also openly saying that I don’t want to be with my kids all the time. I wish we didn’t live in a world where women made other women feel bad about that, but there is a very vocal minority that goes out of their way to express that their is only one kind of “right” mother (this post hilariously details how to do things right, and illustrates how impossible that standard is - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lyz-lenz/how-to-be-the-perfect-mother_b_5653253.html).
I know there are other mothers like me out there. Maybe some who don’t have the luxury of kid-free time like I do, but certainly women who struggle with figuring out who they are after they have kids and who look for ways to find peace of mind that might not be what a subset of the population deems appropriate for a mother to do. I want to continue writing transparently because I think it’s important for people to know there is someone out there who is like them in some way. I know I desperately crave that.
abbyty76 Reply:
August 26th, 2014 at 11:55 am
I think it’s a given that most moms don’t want to be with their children all the time. That’s a very reasonable attitude — it’s not emotionally healthy to be with *anyone* 24/7. That said, you are very fortunate to have the means to both stay at home AND still afford ample childcare. That is a rarity in this economy, when most of us have to work to be able to afford so much childcare. I do recall that you were very intent on having children immediately after marrying TH; if you could go back in time, would you do things differently?
Jenna Reply:
August 27th, 2014 at 10:34 pm
I would absolutely have waited to have kids, several years. Those close to me know this, especially my sister! Don’t we all live vicariously through our younger friends/siblings/family sometimes?
Lila Reply:
August 28th, 2014 at 3:04 pm
I’m confused. Didn’t you say that people urges you to wait, but you really wanted to have the kids early? I looked it up because I thought I remembered that and I found this post : https://thatwifeblog.com/2009/01/20/in-which-that-wife-reveals-her-deepest-desire/
Another Lindsay piping in with support. I’ve been a full time working mom since my 1st was born in 2010 and my 2nd born in 2012. Currently on maternity leave after my 3rd was born in June.
I sent my two older kids to daycare during the first part of my maternity leave, but now the last three weeks all three kids are home with me and let me tell you: I’m struggling big time! Going from working mom to SAHM w/three kids (albeit temporary SAHM… It’s just maternity leave) is a crazy huge adjustment and I’m left feeling so overwhelmed and so bored and unstimulated for about 65% of the time but then loving it the other 35% of the time. Quite frankly, it makes me feel manic to go from yelling/scolding/refereeing (4yo and 2yo constantly fighting - hope it’s just a phase!) to cherishing a sweet moment and then back to scolding, all in the span of five minutes.
I have a crazy newfound respect for SAHMs that I couldn’t have had before I lived it. And it confirms my choice that full time SAHM is not for me. At the same time, I have the same respect for working moms, as well as moms who send their kids to daycare/preschool/etc as you do. It sounds like a win for everybody in your situation and there should be no shame (key word should) in doing what works best for your family.
Jenna Reply:
August 27th, 2014 at 10:46 pm
I love that part you talked about, how kids lead to these extreme highs surrounded by incredible lows or absolute boredom. At Happy Hollow last weekend T1 turned to me out of the blue as we were walking away from the “Mango Round” and told me “Mom, I love you so much. It’s nice to be with you.” I mean, c’mon???? But then, I have to watch him go around and around on all the rides and it is very boring. I like when other parents talk openly about that. Manic is a good way to describe it.
Things around here have been so much better. Every day husband calls to check in and I’m like a chipper little bird! Telling the little things that the kids did in the morning/afternoon/evening and all the things I was able to accomplish in my own time.
Here is what’s important: Finding what works for each of us. Here is what is not: Everyone’s opinion of the non-lethal non-abusive measures we decide on.
kim Reply:
August 28th, 2014 at 11:19 am
I get all of this, the daycare even when my work load isn’t high, my struggle with parenting a sensitive child, but I can’t believe you could be bored while watching your child be happily engaged with something! Really, bored?
For all the hard moments, the joy he can show and the enthusiasm for whatever it might be (cracking eggs last week-we wasted several, just to see how they break)-that stuff is the good part. Taking him places and doing things kids like to do is the fun part, it’s the getting socks on, food in, potty training, bathing, bedtime part that is no fun!!
I wonder if your long days of outsourced care have meant that you only get to do the hard things and rarely get to do the fun things. I still send my son daily, but somedays we go late so we can do something like get a bagel and draw with sidewalk chalk at the deli. Or I get him early so we can go to the zoo-the daycare has fed him, changed him, napped him and I get to swoop in and be awesome!
Natalie Willow Reply:
August 28th, 2014 at 12:24 pm
One of the reasons he loves you is because you take the time to stop and watch him. What is boring to you might mean the world to him. Relationships are built during the mundane moments as well as the exciting. Every moment in life can have meaning. Instead of looking at something as boring, maybe try thinking how is this helping my relationship with my child? I know this attitude helped me through many diaper changes- which turned into moments of bonding instead of a mundane chore.
Kendra Reply:
August 28th, 2014 at 5:47 pm
The boring comment startled me. Is this just a sign of the times that people feel they need to be entertained and going at all times?
They are really cute! Sending your kids off to their first day of preschool can be both scary and exciting. The best thing to do is make sure whatever preschool you choose is the best fit for you and your family.