Day 5 of NaBloPoMo2014: Married to Amazement
The Happiness Project. Happiness Hypothesis. Happify.
What was I trying to find with these resources? Happiness, as their titles so plainly suggest.
::shocking revelation::
I didn’t find what I was looking for. Probably because the “constant unending flow of happiness” I was seeking doesn’t actually exist. Sometimes I’m happy, but most of the time I’m not. Life is far too complicated for that. Seeking after happy was seriously bumming me out, and so I’ve stopped.
Joy is great delight, and that sort of delight is a rare thing. I can be happy, sad, frustrated, angry, impatient, confused, jealous, morose, relaxed, cheerful, doubtful, blue, and ecstatic all in the same day and call it a good one. For me, seeking joy is about looking for pockets of depth and complexity that uplift me and help me appreciate all that I have.
Like tonight, when T1 told me that he was going to wear his heart pants to bed because he loves me so much and wants to show me. No matter how far I might be from happy in that moment, I can reach out and revel in the joy. Ten minutes later the kids are squabbling and I’m taking deep breaths to calm down, and that’s okay too. I’m seeking joy, not perfection.
Also:
“I’m seeking joy, not perfection.” AMEN to that sister!
This is a great reminder. “I’m seeking joy not perfection.”
I think this is a great message - and allows you to run a healthy gamut of emotions. People DON’T feel happy 24/7 - we are lost, confused, ecstatic, loving, peaceful. But ending each day contented and joyful in your circumstance is I think a very lovely goal to try to attain.
Most of the time you aren’t happy? I definitely agree that expecting constant happiness is setting yourself up for disappointment, but if you aren’t happy most of the time I think you need to make a change. I’d say almost everyone I know is happy most of the time. What would a mostly happy day look like for you? Really? Can you picture it? What steps can you make to be closer to that?
Have you tried practicing writing three gratitude each day, and/or providing three acts of kindness each day?
I was privileged to be part of a beautiful photo project called “Defining Happiness” when women from all walks of life were asked to talk about what made them happy. The women who were most happy were the ones were invested in making others happy; they talked about the rewarding aspects of their jobs, their pleasure in watching their children grow up and ways they felt they “made a small difference”. One of these women had walked away years ago from an unhappy marriage, and then still was unhappy with her life. Then she started using JFK’s line, “Ask not…” for her motto and her quality of life improved once she started focusing on how she could make others happy doing things that she felt good at. The least happy women had a very conditional view of happiness and the responsibility was on their family/ friends to “make” them happy, or even just “look” happy.
I’d be interested to hear your views!
Joy: I am a joyful person. I went through 2010 with HUGE amounts of changes and pain and after 10 months told someone that I’m so tired of not being happy. It was an effort to live in this state for me! I wasn’t and couldn’t be. (too much to go into here on your space) I realized that I used to cry -every single day- before 2010 and was much happier. While crying in that year it was pure grief and fear tears, a constant heavy heart… no joy tears. I’m healing and realized I even had a thought at the beginning of this year one day that was “oh, I’m happy today”. Its coming back!! Joy for me is just a natural state.
I often wonder at people who are miserable as their natural state and how heavy they must feel all the time.