I’m on a plane with T1 and T2, flying up to Washington for Spring Break. It’s just me and the kids, but I’m able to write thanks to the power of Peek-A-Boo Barn and whatever app T1 is using on the Kindle Fire. Some woman at the airport told me, in a somewhat haughty tone, that when her kids were young they used to use books to entertain their children. I say good for her, and also thank goodness I had kids after the word app became a household term.
Last time I checked in here it was to touch base on Hackbright. I didn’t get in for Spring 2015, but I’m working my way toward the Fall class. I’m doing Learn Python the Hard Way, and then How to Think Like a Computer Scientist, and a few courses on one of the many self-study coding websites available now. I’m moving slowly, and feeling very anxious that I don’t get in again, but it helps to talk about it publicly because it stokes my drive to learn so I won’t have to endure another round of telling people that I didn’t get in.
We’re spending the next week with my family, and last night we booked our tickets for Poland! I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to get the kids there this year, with TH’s workload the way it is he won’t be able to go, but my sister is able to come along as my travel companion this year and I’m really looking forward to showing her some of my favorite things about Poland. Plus we’ll be working in a kid-free trip to Greece…
After we get back from Europe the kids will do summer school, and I’ll finish up my coding bootcamp applications, and in August we’ll move closer to the first-year-in-operation Redwood City charter school we are hedging our bets on as a k-8 home for both kids. Could we really stay in one place for so long? I hope we do.
I’m still struggling to accept my body as-is, less than a fortnight before my 30th birthday. I wanted to beat the odds, to shape myself physically the way I feel like I’ve shaped myself mentally and spiritually over the past few years. I am seeing progress with my self-acceptance after joining a Crossfit gym. I haven’t pushed myself this hard physically since high school, and I love how it feels to be so spent you can hardly stand or breathe. I ate way too much sugar last Thursday and when my 6:00pm class rolled around I was struggling function at even 50%. The next day I made nutrition choices based not on how I looked, but on how I wanted to fuel my body for my workout. That’s progress for me and I hope to continue developing that mindset.
Over the past few months I’ve unsubscribed from the Mormon-related podcasts and blog and Facebook groups. I still tell amusing tidbits to TH when I come across them, but otherwise I’m tired of getting worked up over something that I now see as fiction. Having family members who believe will always keep me tethered in some way, but I don’t have to spend any more time than necessary on the stuff. It is general conference weekend though, and like an addict I find myself thinking about the recaps/summaries people will be writing and I feel the urge to stop by for a peek. Maybe in part because I like reminding myself how good it is to be out.
My love for film photography grows by the day, and I’m grateful for the people I’ve met online who get what I’m talking about when I bring up Scan Day. From now until stated otherwise the ideal gift for me is film, or a gift certificate to theFINDlab so I can develop my film. I had to put myself on a film budget, and I’m constantly checking my notes to see how many I have left for the month before I’m in the red. My travel budget for Europe will account for food, lodging, and film. I’ve also recently fallen hard for archery and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Parenting is not getting any easier for me, but it’s helped that I’ve stopped trying to force a square peg into a round hole and accepted my mental and emotional limitations. I’m glad I got to start out with little babies who love unconditionally and are very generous when it comes to forgiving my mistakes. I wish I had set myself up with a sustainable career before I had them, because I think I would have done a lot better had a not stayed home for so long, but I’m working to change that with Hackbright and a move into the 9-5 workforce. The Dowager Countess of Grantham once told Lady Mary “There’s more than one type of good mother.” I think that moment might be my favorite of the series because it was what I so badly needed to hear at the time.
If you follow me on Instagram you have seen me mention my enduring love affair with California more than once. I love this place so much and want to squeeze everything I can out of living here. I feel very lucky, this is 10x the life
I was imagining for myself as a kid. The one thing that would make it better? More time with my best friend. Every time it gets hard we work through it. He is the best thing about my life, and has been since 2007.
I was raised to think that following a script brought me happiness. It’s been hard to rewire those thought patterns and figure out how I personally define happiness, and the path I want to take to get there. Is this what most people do in their twenties? Or is this a normal part of approaching the middle-of-life mark? I like the way that Emily Debrayda Phillips put it in her self-penned obituary: “Follow your arrow, and make something amazing out of your life.” My intro to archery class has helped me see the importance of focusing intently on where I want my arrows to land. All the rest of everything? That’s just fluff. I don’t want to blink and feel like my life has passed me by. This is all I’ve got and I’m okay with that. I’m getting closer to figuring out what I want now.
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