My mom has told me several times that she thinks years 5-7 are the hardest in a marriage, and I always took that to mean it would be the years when we, as a couple, have to work the hardest to like each other. I used to be a Marilyn Monroe fangirl and thought it would be a seven year itch type situation with one of us questioning exactly why we chose the other as a life partner.

But that isn’t it at all, at least not for us. If anything my attachment to TH has deepened over the years, and the more time goes by the I wonder how I was able to get it so right when I was as immature as I was. However, I would rate these years as the hardest yet because of the circumstances of our life right now. I picture our situation like that of a garden, filled with flowers and weeds. Some things we love, and want to keep, and that means we have less time together because we need to tend to other responsibilities. Other things are noxious, uninvited and unwanted, but need to be taken care if we want to clear the path between us.

The new job is not quite what we thought it was going to be. Not bad, just different. Certainly more working hours than we anticipated. As I think about moving through year seven I’m working to set realistic expectations and thinking about how we can nurture our relationship even if we can’t physically be together as much as we would like. We’ll be in the same plot, sifting through the dirt and the worms. And even if we aren’t doing it side-by-side we’ll still be working at it together. What we’ve grown together is pretty freaking magical if you ask me.

I still choose you, Favorite.

The 1st Anniversary
The 2nd Anniversary
The 3rd Anniversary
The 4th Anniversary
The 5th Anniversary

When I wrote my post about hair and youth I tried to work through the responses before I posted, in order to anticipate anything I might want to avoid. There were two that I missed that I wanted to circle back to in a second pass.

First, the discussion of my unwanted desire to be considered attractive, specifically by men, should not be read as a broadcast that I’m actively looking for something, nor that I want to be objectified by any human person. Have you seen the Jessica Williams piece about how the sidewalk is not a catwalk? I can give a big amen to that. Down with the cat-calling and the misogyny! I’m not advocating for men to toss sleazy “compliments” in my direction, or in the direction of any woman. But I do think a lot of women, myself included, grow up viewing their looks as a commodity to be leveraged in the marketplace of life. Growing older and having children complicates all of this and leaves me feeling confused about where my worth is as I attempt to redefine some of my longest-held beliefs.

Second, a few people expressed shock that I, a married woman, would dare to talk publicly about my individual sexuality. I have a husband after all. Read more →

This picture by my SIL, taken on a golf course in Royal City while we visited for a week this summer, and is the best I could find to convey the way I’m feeling right now because… Read more →

The 5th year saw dramatic changes. We’re settling in a new place, literally and figuratively. I’m discovering new sides of him, he’s becoming acquainted with new sides of me (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse). If I’m being completely honest, I will admit that I struggled to find a wedding picture to share. I’m having a hard time separating our wedding day from our Mormonism, and there are a lot of feelings to sort through in that area. One thing I do know - I would never wish away a path that led me to him. Whatever forever means, I’m so glad we are sharing it with each other.

The 1st Anniversary
The 2nd Anniversary
The 3rd Anniversary
The 4th Anniversary

Marrying him was, without a doubt, the best decision I’ve ever made. This year we’re keeping our celebration low-key. A movie on our new couch in our new home with our new baby kicking away in my belly.

We are entirely different people than we were 4 years ago, but we’re still choosing each other every day. I love our life together.

You’ll always be my favorite.

The 1st Anniversary
The 2nd Anniversary
The 3rd Anniversary