Last week I ended up writing a rather scathing post about people who offer unsolicited advice about my sex life (for if you tell me to wait to have a baby aren’t you essentially implying I should be managing my private affairs a certain way?)

I didn’t sit down with the intent to write a post like that, but as I took the time to explore my feelings and experiences in relation to the situation the angrier I became. Now I suspect many of you are wondering what’s keeping me from holding that sweet little baby in my arms?

I’m happy to say it isn’t the dreaded “I” word: Infertility, as we haven’t yet moved to the stage where we would know.

It isn’t That Husband either. When we were dating he said kids in 3-5 years, and I said 1-2. Then we got married and I said “Now” and he said “Why?” and I said “Because I believe my purpose in life is to be a mother.” And he said “Okay, we will do this together.” I love my husband.

The stumbling bock in my road to motherhood? Me. Yes, I’m the only thing standing between my own desires. How ridiculous is that? I feel stupid typing it out, because once you hear what it would take for me to become impregnated you will shake your head and think to yourself “That Wife is an idiot. I only suspected it until now. Now she has confirmed it.”

To have a child, all I have to do is prove to That Husband that I will finish school. I don’t even have to finish. I just have to prove that I will finish. I will admit that the terms we agreed upon are a little abstract, but this open ended agreement means I could have a baby in my belly by March if I wanted. And I do want to, except apparently not enough to actually STUDY. What is wrong with me?

I’m such an idiot. I’ve tried all kinds of systems to motivate myself, but these last 19 credits are haunting me. I hate them, and avoiding them is currently my method of choice. I did agree to let my friend Christiana hound me about my daily study habits, but I discovered today that all I need to do to avoid her is turn off Gchat. Christiana don’t be mad!

All of this means every morning I wake up and do the thing I hate most. I take the Pink Pill of Death. Why the Grim Reaper title? Because every morning I wake up with dreams of my imaginary baby. Sometimes it’s a boy, sometimes it’s a girl, always it has dark hair and light eyes (I realize how rare this is, but imaginary babies can look however you want them to). I check my phone, say my prayers, pee, and open the medicine cabinet to kill anew my baby dreams for the day.

It’s a vicious cycle, and sometimes it makes me want to crawl right back into bed again, but I know what everyone would say, “You are doing this to yourself.”

Goodbye January 29, 2009 baby. I would have called you Harvey.

I think it’s no secret that I am into photography. Like really into it. But I lack a dSLR. And subjects.

The dSLR I still don’t have (How annoying would advertising be on here if it was all in the name of a dSLR for That Wife? Just kidding. Sort of.), but I did finally find a subject. The kind of subject that never says “Don’t take my picture I look awful!” Also the kind of subject that never stays still.

The day ended up being cloudy and grey, the kind of weather that’s great for shoots outside because of the lack of direct sunlight, but bad for inside shoots with a baby because (as I learned) you need lots of light to keep from having to turn to a slow shutter speed.

Here are the passable photos I came up with. Unfortunately I find myself resorting to the amateurish tactic of turning photos black and white to compensate for lack of light and their grainy appearance. Someday I will move past this.

The camera kept focusing on the red and white stripes in his shirt. Is this why photogs like to take pictures of naked babies? I assume it would prevent this. Using manual focus was almost impossible with all the wiggling he was doing.

Closeup shots of little baby body parts are always cute right? Nope, not true in this case. He actually has very cute little hands, but I somehow managed to turn his into THE CLAW. Remember, the claw from Liar Liar? That is what I think of when I see this picture. I think I’ll try a shot of his cute little toes next time.

Sweet sleeping baby, please let me come back again on a sunny day to give this another try.

Don’t worry honey, it’s over.

Glad to have my first photo shoot ever out of the way. I expect (hope! pray! plead!) that they will only get better from here.

That Husband is gone Monday-Friday this week. Sometimes it’s Monday-Thursday. Sometimes it’s Tuesday-Thursday. Almost always it’s “gone from wife for an extended period of time.”

Snuggling up in our king size bed reading scriptures together is the best. Second best? Tele Scripture Study.

When we have kids Tele Scripture Study will be eliminated in favor of Family Scripture Study (with our without That Daddy). For now though, I revel in these times where we strengthen and share our mutual faith with one another over the phone, because this is our life right now.

We aim for 30 minutes/day. We don’t always make it that long (and sometimes longer), but I always feel happy, peaceful, and safe when it’s over. There really is no better way to end the night.

See that blog header? It’s ugly isn’t it. That’s because out of the many skills I posses graphic design is nowhere to be found. I design like those American Idol auditionees sing. Except I think you know I think my little wig girl is kind of pretty.

But YOU guys have those skills! Or at least some of you do.

So I’ve decided to have a contest to see which reader can design the best header. (International readers, please email me before entering so we can calculate what shipping would be for the prize. I’m a poor newlywed you know?)

What DESIGNERS have to do:

1. Design me a new header featuring the current text and the wig icon (feel free to design a new wig icon, but there must be a similar wig icon present).

2. Send me the finished file as either a PSD file with all the layers, or an AI vector file. I want to be able to isolate the elements for things like my favicon, etc.

3. Be willing to let me own the file. I’ll always credit you for the design, but I will own it.

4. Email me to receive the wig file, specifying if you want it as a PSD (smart object) or a completely editable AI file.

5. Use your fantastic design skills to choose fonts, colors (there are subtle touches of green throughout the current theme my blog has and I really like it), and additional design elements that fit That Wife’s personality.

What WE ALL will do:

1. Vote for a winner! I’ll write a post with all of the options (creators will be anonymous to prevent voters from voting based on who is their friend or favorite blogger!) and everyone will vote on their favorite.

2. That Husband will have the final decision over the winner. He has agreed to take the vote into consideration in his choice. (This is a failsafe to prevent someone from voting multiple times on their own design so they automatically win.)

What the WINNING DESIGNER will get:

1. A gift basket containing but not limited to: a household item I use and love to keep an organized look in our bedroom, homemade treats, and a few other miscellaneous (read: surprise!) items.

2. A banner photo (this can be your blog header, etc) in the top corner of the left sidebar that will run for one month. Above the banner will be text announcing who you are and encouragement for visitors to click over and visit your site.

3. A profile post, highlighting who you are, what you do, and a few other random questions I come up with. This last one is completely optional, but I figured that other bloggers like me, or anyone who happens to run an online store might be interested in a little extra publicity.

Contest Deadline: February 2nd, 2009, 11:59 pm.

Please feel free to spread the word to those you know with graphic design skills who might be able to win.

Email me at that wife @ gmail dot com with any additional questions.

If you are interested in my blog stats (in case you are wondering if this contest will be worth your time), please email me for details.

I’ve been to the aparments of other newlyweds and I’ve seen what can be done with white walls and small spaces. So what am I missing? I just can’t seem to make it happen for myself.

While That Husband was out of town one day I went crazy and decided to get things off the floor and on the walls.

I started with the bedroom. The print of the bridge is by Kelli Nicole; she has this wonderful of tradition of giving me gifts whenever she goes out of the country. I plan on filling the huge gap to the right of the picture with a custom vinyl decal with this text:

“”My wife, my life. Oh! We will walk this world,
Yoked in all exercise of noble end,
And so through those dark gates across the wild
That no man knows. My hopes and thine are one;
Accomplish thou my manhood, and thyself
Lay thy sweet hands in mine and trust to me.”

St. Elmo, by Augusta J. Evans

I used our wedding invitation, my favorite photo of That Husband holding a mushroom while mushroom hunting as a child in Poland, a quote that cousin Aubree gave us as a gift, the pearls That Husband gave me for the wedding, and the purse my grandma made for the wedding. See how I subtly infused the wedding into our home decor without hanging up a single wedding photo?

It took me three tries to hang the clock because I picked a spot with a stud. I would pick a spot with a stud. I actually hate that clock, but it was $30 at the Linen N’ Things sale and the $70 clock we ordered from JCPenney arrived broken. But I love the lamp. Isn’t it the classiest $10 lamp (with shade!) you have ever seen?

I should have been patient and waited for TH to come home and help me hang the heavier things, but I was so sick of having them sitting on the floor nagging me every time I walked by. The clock by the door is hanging crooked now but I don’t think it looks crooked in the photo. See That Husband? I told you it was straight at one point!

The mail and my keys look so pretty sitting inside. I think I’ll mount a mirror on the inside of the door for quick touch-ups as I walk out the door.

This mirror from Linen N’ Things (for $30!) was so heavy, I failed on my first attempt to hang it. I tried to wait, but it was the only thing keeping me from a 100% success hanging rate that day. So I stood on a chair and balanced it on my knee and succeeded in simultaneously scraping a large portion of this wall black and hanging it slightly crooked.

The problem is that now I am out of ideas (not like those were really “ideas” in the first place). I go over to other apartments and I think “Oh this is so nice and cozy” and then I come home and see our apartment and I think STERILE.

I’m reading decor8, Apartment Therapy, and a lot of the other design blogs but it doesn’t seem to be helping. That Husband won’t let me paint, because we will really only be here for about 18 more months, and I don’t really have money for anything other than thrift store or craigslist finds. I have several blank walls where I could do something creative, if I had any creative ideas.

So I’m asking you. What’s the most creative inexpensive thing you have seen done with an apartment or have done with your own apartment?

Editors Note: Update with today’s answers! Miss Meatball is ahead today for the first time in a few weeks! Wow, I don’t know if it was you guys, but thank you for voting if it was!

My friend Miss Meatball could really use your help in winning a free honeymoon to Costa Rica! Have you ever been in a contest where you were SOOOOO close to winning and you just barely came in second? Wasn’t that feeling miserable? I want you to really think about how you wanted to cry, and how it was hard to get up the next morning, and how you didn’t put on makeup for a few days. You wouldn’t ever wish that feeling on anyone else (unless you are competing with them).

Let’s make sure my meaty friend doesn’t feel that way! Oh, and not to guilt trip you extra or anything, but due to the failing economy this is the only chance at a honeymoon that Dana and Hunter have. They want to see some monkeys people!

All you have to do is go here: http://www.treesinstead.com/Green_Wedding_Contest.html

And enter in the appropriate information when prompted. Here are the answers to today’s questions. I’ve highlighted in bold what you need to copy and paste.

Names: Hunter Stiebel and Dana LaRue
Date: May 24 2009
Title of the Baptism Page?: A Tree to Honor a Baptism
How much is the value of the amex gift card on the Love story giveaway?: $250
Where are trees planted for a Bar / Bat Mitzvah?: Moshav Nehalim, Israel
Complete this based on title on our memorial trees page “Complete this based on title on our memorial trees page”THE FAMILY RECEIVES AN ELEGANT……CONDOLENCE”: Tree

You can vote once a day for the next four days. Thanks you guys!

On Sunday night That Husband was preparing to go out of town at 5 AM the next morning for a Monday-Friday work trip, when the missionaries called and asked if he would be willing to go visit a new member of our ward with them (she is a single mother and missionaries aren’t allowed to visit single women alone).

I felt so bad for my poor husband, he really needed to get some sleep! So to cheer him up on his return to the house I decided to make him a treat. I chose Stef’s Whoopie Pies without knowing that he doesn’t really like peanut butter. Oh no! I’m really looking forward to the day when I understand his palate a little bit better.

My changes from the original recipe are italicized.

Stef’s Whoopie Pies with Peanut Butter Frosting

(Adapted by That Wife to be Peanut Butter Cream Cheese Frosting)

INGREDIENTS

* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
* 1/2 cup hot water
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 cup white sugar
* 1 cup butter
* 1 egg
* 1 tablespoon butter
* 1 3/4 cups confectioners’ sugar
* 1/3 cup peanut butter
* 1/2 cup milk
* 5 oz cream cheese (I used fat free)

DIRECTIONS

1. Cream together 1 cup of the butter or margarine and the egg. Add 1 cup white sugar, vanilla and hot water. Stir in the flour, cocoa, and baking soda and mix well.
2. Form small flat rounds on cookie sheets and bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 8 minutes.
3. To Make Peanut Butter Frosting: Beat butter and peanut butter together, add cream cheese. Stir in confectioners’ sugar and add enough milk to make frosting soft enough to spread. Spread between the flat sides of two cookies and sandwich together.

The cookies were much better once I cooked them less and made them smaller. I just polished off the last of the frosting by spreading it on graham crackers. The cookies weren’t that fantastic, but the frosting was. I think I’ll need to develop a better cookie recipe to match.

Today he would have been 16 years old. Isn’t he beautiful?

I don’t feel sad about his death. I feel hopeful that I know I can be with him again one day. I know this, and I’m happy because of it.

Every year it’s a family tradition to go out to dinner for his birthday. I did it with my mom, dad, and sister growing up, with my roomates when I left home, and with my sister when she joined me at BYU. Now I will carry on the tradition with my husband this Saturday.

How do you honor your loved ones who have passed?

So I think I’ve beat the theme of this month into your brain by now. What else would I choose for the photo challenge? Love means so many things to so many different people. I urge you to think outside the box a little bit with this one, find a way to show us love in a new or interesting light.

To me this photo could mean the person loves coffee. Or it could mean that they love the time they spend drinking coffee. Or it could mean they love the person who made them coffee. Either way it’s sweet, simple and pure. Hey, wasn’t that the criteria we started with from the food challenge this month?

Criteria for this month:

1. Show me love

To sign up all you have to do is comment below. Remember, you have to sign up for each challenge separately by commenting on the appropriate post. I will add you to a weekly reminder email list, unless you specificy otherwise in your comment. The last week of the month I ask that you email me your photos (and maybe a description) to share with everyone else.

Don’t you roll your eyes at me missy (or mister, are there any misters reading?). I know you are sick of the consumerism, the materialism, the completely fake sentiments attached to Valentines day, and all the other complaints we repeat on a yearly basis.

So I say don’t buy into the hype. Fight it by embracing nice, simple, pure, love. The challenges this month are all about love, and doing things for others. I know I could use a little more of that in my own life.

Both the Greeks and the Hebrews of ancient times considered red to be a symbol of love and sacrifice, and so I figure we can as well.

This month, the goal is to bake/cook something red or pink. I didn’t want to box you in and choose a sweet/fattening/sugary dessert two months in a row, and so this month you have lots of freedom. You can choose to do a dessert, and most of you probably will (I am!), but you don’t have to.

The criteria for this month:

1. The final product must be red or pink in some way.
2. The entire product must be cooked from scratch. This is to discourage people from cooking red velvet cake from a box. I’ll let you decide exactly what “baking from scratch” means to you.
3. You must give what you make away. You can have some for yourself, but you must give at least some of it away.

The goal this month is to make something red or pink and then give it to someone to show them how much you love them. Kind of like a grown up valentine.

To sign up all you have to do is comment below. Remember, you have to sign up for each challenge separately by commenting on the appropriate post. I will add you to a weekly reminder email list, unless you specificy otherwise in your comment. The last week of the month I ask that you email me your photo and recipe to share with everyone else.