Pentax 645, Portra 800, theFINDlab

Next week is his last at the preschool we’ve loved so much. The preschool that saved my sanity by helping me navigate through years 2-4 of parenting, a stage of development that felt like it was never going to end. But it has ended, and suddenly our four-year-old who would meltdown at the drop of a hat has transformed into a five-year-old who tells stories and asks for hugs and regularly surprises with his conscientiousness and desire to fill people’s buckets.

We haven’t talked yet about how he isn’t going to be going to the same school as his best friend anymore. We’re packing up the house right now, and where we live next won’t be that much farther from his best friend’s house in driving distance, but these two have an incredibly deep bond that won’t ever be the same after they start into different school systems for kindergarten. T1 has never napped well at school, and last week he shared that it’s because he’s worried he will be too groggy to get a seat next to his best friend when they get up from their mats and move to snack time. So he rests on his mat for two full hours, forcing himself to stay away for what comes next. That’s love right there.

I like using my birthday as a chance to reflect on my life. My 26th and 27th years must have been particularly good, if the Amazingly Awesome lists I put together are any indication. For my 30th I’m thinking less about how AMAZING everything is and more about the remarkable experiences and states-of-being that pushed me to where I am today.

This post started out as a fun little trip down memory lane, but after I finished the list I noticed some patterns that reveal what’s most important to me, and where I should be focusing the majority of my time and effort. I was surprised to see that work came to my mind. I hold no fondness for the uniforms, or the long days on my feet, or the hot-hot heat as I drove tractor through the cherries. It’s the relationships formed with my coworkers and the satisfaction found in being assigned tasks and accomplishing them that I enjoyed so much. This is one of the primary reasons why I want to get a job working for someone else within the next year.

Many of the things I wrote down only made the list because of the people I was with. I need to make it more of a priority in my life to put time and effort into those connections. And travel too, travel needs to always be a priority in our budget and lives.

Quite a few of the experiences reveal nostalgia for the way I grew up. We had the opportunity to provide that same life for our children, but we turned it down in favor of a life that will keep us away from my hometown in the thick of the hustle and bustle. There will always be a part of me that romances the pastoral, and I’m glad my parents still live there so the kids can continue to have those experiences in the summer. The suburbs are very bland (San Francisco city proper has my heart though!).

Thinking about my own childhood of course means I’m going to think about the childhood I’m giving to my kids and what I want them to remember. I have zero memories of my mom sitting on the floor playing with me. What I do remember is the stuff that I now realize would have taken hours and days to prep for. Going boating at Mardon, spending a week at the county fair, the trips we took, the pool we had in our backyard which my parents rarely swam in but probably spent a lot of time maintaining. I’m going to be guilt-free about saying “I’m busy right now, go play” in our daily life, but take more time to go to the beach or San Francisco or Lake Tahoe or a road trip along the coast.

You know I didn’t make the list at all? Stuff. No mention of any of the toys I got as a kid, or the items I saved up for when I was independent, or talk about how well appointed the furnishings are in our home. Less stuff more experiences has been something we’ve been working toward over the last year, but assembling this list has made me want to double down and make it our new religion. We are moving to Redwood City this summer, and I’m going to use it as a test to see how much we can simplify and downgrade. Our home won’t be Pinterest-worthy, but we will get to know our neighbors.

When I’m 40 I’d like to make another list detailing the highlights from now until then. I want it to be filled with experiences over stuff, food, adventures we squeezed into our daily life, trips to places far and near, and stories about the ways I strengthened my connections with the people who matter most to me. I think I have enough information now to see what’s going to bring me the most joy.

30 Things I Loved About the Last 30 Years

(in no particular order)

1. Growing up on a farm

Here I am, somewhere around five years old, sitting on a horse in my front yard. Behind me is a ditch where we would swim. I’m smiling in the direction of the single-wide trailer where we lived until I was eight years old. It was a life full of simple things, and I never knew how poor we were. I’m very lucky to have parents who worked so hard to give me a great childhood. My kids will never know a Christmas where we spend Christmas Eve with dad’s side of the family watching rodeo clips, wake up the next morning and open presents before eating waffles, and then head over to the dairy to spend Christmas with my mom’s side of the family. They’ll have other things, new traditions and experiences but I’ll always miss what we had.

2. Pretending to be a model in Rome

I’m far better behind the camera than I am in front of it, but my mom worked it and we came away with some once-in-a-lifetime shots. Marching in front of the crowd at Trevi Fountain and getting up the courage to act like there weren’t hundreds of eyes on me was exhilarating. Maybe I’ll make my sister do the same thing in Greece this June.

3. First sunset in Hawaii

The entire trip was extraordinary, but the portion that makes me happiest to look back on is from our first night, right after we got checked into our hotel. My sister and I decided we were going to race the sunset to the beach, and we ran around frantically trying to get everyone into suits before the sun disappeared completely. We speed walked the block to the beach and were treated to the best sunset of the trip. As good as the sunset was, the part that makes my chest feel a bit constricted with happiness was holding T1 in my arms in the ocean as he said over and over “This is the best ever!” and threw his head back in some of the purest joy I’ve ever seen on his face. I want more moments like that with him, 1000x over.

Read more →

I’m on a plane with T1 and T2, flying up to Washington for Spring Break. It’s just me and the kids, but I’m able to write thanks to the power of Peek-A-Boo Barn and whatever app T1 is using on the Kindle Fire. Some woman at the airport told me, in a somewhat haughty tone, that when her kids were young they used to use books to entertain their children. I say good for her, and also thank goodness I had kids after the word app became a household term.

Last time I checked in here it was to touch base on Hackbright. I didn’t get in for Spring 2015, but I’m working my way toward the Fall class. I’m doing Learn Python the Hard Way, and then How to Think Like a Computer Scientist, and a few courses on one of the many self-study coding websites available now. I’m moving slowly, and feeling very anxious that I don’t get in again, but it helps to talk about it publicly because it stokes my drive to learn so I won’t have to endure another round of telling people that I didn’t get in.

We’re spending the next week with my family, and last night we booked our tickets for Poland! I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to get the kids there this year, with TH’s workload the way it is he won’t be able to go, but my sister is able to come along as my travel companion this year and I’m really looking forward to showing her some of my favorite things about Poland. Plus we’ll be working in a kid-free trip to Greece… Read more →

On this beach trip we learned that it’s best to change into swimsuits and do sunscreen at home. The two of them ran straight for the water as soon as we stepped on the sand.

Tri-X 400. Voigtlander Bessamatic.

Want to know the status of my Hackbright application? Get the scoop via the latest episode of the Woman Evolving podcast, Failure v. Feedback.

Unrelated image from a darn good day.

Superia X-TRA 400 on the Voigtlander Bessamatic