Yesterday evening That Husband came home from work just long enough to pack up his bags and leave me again. Although we both know that I not-so-secretly enjoy the time alone, it doesn’t mean that having a suitcase permanently in view doesn’t bum me out sometimes.

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Some time ago a commenter asked:

Hi Jenna, this has nothing to do with your food intake (great job with the diet btw) but I was wondering if you would write a more in depth post about that husband’s travels and how that affects your relationship or your life during the week. I’m sure you miss him to some extent but does that every get really bad and if so what do you do to combat those feelings? How do you guys see TH’s career affecting family life down the line? Thanks so much!

The romantic part of me wishes I could tell you about love notes tucked in his suitcase to be discovered upon arrival at the hotel (after the 4 hour drive he makes down to Houston), or late night phone conversations filled with exclamations of sadness and longing due to being forced apart by the evil employer once again.

This, however, is not the case. In all honesty, I thrive on the ability to set my schedule completely based on my own desires and whims. I eat when I want, sleep when I want, work when I want. Of course the luxury to 100% determine my daily schedule should be attributed to my self-employment rather than my traveling husband, but even if I were working outside the home I would still have the hours in the evening all to myself (and no worries about coming home from work with the pressure to hurry to have dinner on the table). It does seem silly to admit that part of me enjoys having a husband who travels for work because I don’t have to cook him dinner, especially because I freely admit to enjoying my time in the kitchen, but it does seem to play a large part in my ability to associate his absence with freedom rather than loneliness.

Predictably, I miss him most at night. Sometimes because I freak myself out imagining I forgot to lock the door, convinced I hear the sound of someone in the house, too afraid to get out from under the covers and verify that the door is indeed bolted. Always I miss snuggling up close under his arm while we read scriptures together at the end of each day. And the way he attacks me with kisses and pulls me in close (in a manner that would have been quite inappropriate before we were married). Those pangs of loneliness never last long though, because there are always dishes in the sink, photos to edit, emails to answer, and schoolwork to stress over. When you stay busy, there isn’t much room left in your schedule for pining.

All of this will change however, once we have a baby. If he is still traveling as much as he is now, I’ll have no freedom and no husband. Our already too short phone conversations will be cut even shorter with a crying baby in the background, and he will return home each week to crayons on the wall, toys on the floor, and wife begging for a respite from a husband who wants the same thing. When our children get older, I expect to deal with little ones crying for daddy and bigger ones complaining “If dad were here he would let me do it.” I know I used that one on my own mother several times over the years during harvest season when my farmer father was out the door at 5 am and not back in again until long after my sister and I were tucked in bed.

I knew I would have a traveling husband when I married him, just like I know there is a 99% chance we will live overseas someday. These are things I can’t change, and I wouldn’t want to. I could have gone a different direction and married someone else, but this is the life I mentally prepared myself to live before we tied the knot. In return for all of this traveling we get a steady paycheck with high expectations that the paycheck will continue uninterrupted for the next few years. I’ll take a few lonely nights over an unemployed husband any day.

If you’re having trouble dealing with a significant other who frequently goes out of town, ask them to start bringing home the travel sized lotion, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash containers placed in their room each day. I would imagine the amount of money saved in personal care could bring a smile to just about anyones face.

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That Husband, if you’re reading this…

come home.

P.S.-Just wanted to clarify that this post title in no way implies that having a husband who travels for business is the same as having a husband who works in the military. Obviously I had the Dixie Chicks song stuck in my head while composing it. All of the women and men out there who wait patiently for their military spouses to return deserve our deepest respect!

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