Are we shiny? I tend to overexpose my photos because I like bright skin, which might explain any shininess you see. Are we happy? Most definitely, we have a very nice life. Are we hip? I do have bangs now, so I think I’m getting closer.

You’ve read the Salon article, right? The one where a young, feminist atheist confesses to being mildly infatuated with Mormon housewife blogs? As you might imagine, Mormon bloggers are all over this topic. I admit the part of me that wants to see a huge increase in traffic, and thus become much, much more appealing to advertisers (I’m very close to selling out to BlogHer if you must know), that part of me thought it would be nice to be featured on Salon. Then I saw the way Nat had been torn apart in the comment section and I changed my mind. If my blog were linked to in that article, I guarantee you I would have read and anguished over every single negative comment. It’s just in my nature.

I forgot about the whole Salon thing until Abbie mentioned it in a recent post, and she planted this seed of worry in my head that I inspire destructive thoughts in women’s heads when they read my blog. That thought makes me sad! I commented as such on Abbie’s post and the sweet girl emailed me back right away to let me know she wasn’t talking about me, and I knew that because we are friends, but I worry about it nonetheless. The post Abbie linked to was this one, which talks about unsubscribing to blogs that feature women who seem to be, quote:

prettier, skinnier, more stylish/clever/crafty/famous/witty AND better at photography than me.

I recommend scrolling down and reading the comment under Abbie White in the comment section, it’s a good one. Happily I am not more stylish/clever/crafty/famous/witty than pretty much anyone (I may be mediocre at a few of those things, but that’s where things drop off). The photography thing came with lots of practice, if that’s something you want you’ll get there eventually. I recommend shopping for an apartment overflowing with light, like mine.

I’ve had my own love affairs with bloggers in the past. I followed Nie Nie through part of her recovery, but snippet style posts without punctuation aren’t my thing. CJane, as Abbie put it, has become a career blogger. My obsession with Naomi was a bit freaky to TH (and I can’t say anything bad about her, I wrote her once asking for advice when I visited NYC and she responded with a really wonderful email full of tips that I put to good use), but I stopped reading her completely as jealousy took control and I felt frustrated that she makes getting traffic and building an audience look so incredibly effortless. There were a few days of reading The Daybook a whole lot, but again, jealousy regarding posts-about-date-night-that-receive-100-comments made me not like myself when I did so. Just this week I stumbled on the blog of this lovely lady, who has had 8 kids and looks better than I ever have. Cue me realizing that this was not a good blog for me to read.

Abbie is right, none of us should be wasting our time with blogs that make us feel that way. I spend 1-2 hours each week browsing blogs in my Google Reader, and I always head straight for the same folders, “Family”, “Hometown friends”, “BYU Friends”, “Coppell Friends” and “Bee Friends”, as well as a handful of favorite bloggers I’ve developed a relationship with over time. Most of the writing is just okay (lots of moms who don’t want to devote hours and hours to their blogging like I do) and the photos aren’t well composed, but I’ve found that I like using blogs to keep up with my friends, instead of using them as source material for a whole lot of “woe is me, why aren’t I as skinny/pretty/wealthy as they are?” moments.

I hope you’ll keep reading what I write, but don’t do it if you find yourself thinking nasty mean thoughts like that.

A few things that have been said to me as accusations in the past that I admit I feel a bit defensive about because I don’t like the thought that I’m making others sad:

1. Clean House. I have a neat house, but certainly not a clean one. Yesterday we killed two spiders (T1 tried to eat one of them) because we have to keep opening the windows because the oven is so dirty that whenever I use it we get smoked out. I clean the bathroom once a month, if that. I only vacuum once a week because T1 eats my hairballs if I don’t, which is just nasty. I don’t like clutter, but I seem to be able to gloss right over dust, dirt, and mold without blinking an eye.

2. Perfect marriage. Well maybe no one thinks I have a perfect marriage since I admitted that TH has told me he would find me sexier if I lose weight (which I actually agreed with, both because I’d find myself sexier if I lost weight, and because if he got fat I’d find him a whole lot sexier if he lost the poundage he packed on) and that seems to really annoy people on Formspring. But if you do think we don’t fight, we do. When I became That Wife though, I made a promise never to talk about our disagreements with anyone. Why? Because here is what happens. Let’s play the situation out with my mom as my confidant:

Jenna: TH and I fought about this and he’s such a jerk!

Mom: Oh, that sounds awful. I can’t believe he did that.

Jenna later makes up with TH. Jenna calls her mom a few days later.

Mom: So how are things regarding the rude thing your jerk husband did to you?

Jenna: Oh, I had forgotten about it…

Now Jenna is mad about the thing all over again.

Slightly dramatized for the sake of this blog post.

Our dirty laundry as a couple remains between us.

3. Not writing about hard things. Well I think I’ve opened up plenty, just in the past year. I don’t write about a lot of things because I never get around to them. Then time passes, the memory is dulled, and it just doesn’t seem important anymore. If it’s something I think is really important for me to remember and look back on, I’m sure I”ll write about it eventually. Unfortunately a lot of the things I don’t write about come from not wanting to deal with anonymous criticism. Those dang trolls ruin it for everyone, you know?

I don’t write this post to have a whole bunch of people say they really like me and don’t think I’m Shiny Happy Hip and that I’m real and they love me and all of the other things that I secretly and not-so-secretly want. I wrote this because I wanted you to know that I think this problem exists. That blogs are a carefully curated compendium of a person’s life, and things can be made to look as picture perfect or painfully realistic as the author wishes them to be. That Wife has become a strange blend of posts written for me and for my readers. For me because I want to remember my life and what I was like in my twenties (and beyond!) and for you because I think you enjoy getting a glimpse into the life of someone who is so different/similar to you. I don’t take pictures that have clutter in them because it’s extremely unappealing to me. When I take self-portraits of my outfits I take approximately 50 pictures and then show you three that I think make me look good. That’s just the way I do things.

I feel like I’ve always been very honest, but I’m starting to think that being perceived as “real” can be something completely different. I can’t control what you feel or think after reading my content, but I do hope you know that it’s written with the intent that if we met on the street and talked for a few moments that you could walk away thinking to yourself “She is exactly like I thought she would be.”

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